Disclaimer: Any of the Trigun characters featured in this story are not
mine.
***Hello, people! Thank you so much for the reviews! I am ever so grateful! This story will end very soon(the next chapter). I have had a lot of fun writing these and I have enjoyed getting such kind reviews! To all of you I thank you! Anyways.so what`s in store for Meryl? Read and find out!
Chapter 10: Heart`s Decision
I allow Vash lead me into the house. A couple of minutes pass. I wonder why Vash is just standing here.
`I guess that he`s waiting to see if Knives will follow us.`
I didn`t really care if he did or not though I suppose that would cause a confrontation I really did not want to see right now.
`I just want to go lay down and sleep for.`
"Meryl?" I hear Vash say softly. He pushes me out in front of him. It pains me to see him so shaken and so unhappy that I can`t help it. I embrace him. I feel his hands pat me on the back softly.
"I am so sorry that this had to happen." I whisper "If I could have changed that I would have."
"It wasn`t your fault at all. I realized a long time ago that he would come out of it. I thought that anyways. I didn`t really expect him to have his memory come back so suddenly and out in front of all of those people."
"You don`t suppose that he would hurt anybody right now.do you?"
"I`m not sure but my gut tells me that he`s just really confused right now. If it will make you feel better than I will go check to make sure."
I lean my head into his chest. I nod slowly.
"Yes. Please do that for me."
He lets go of me. The blond haired gunman gives me one last reassuring smile as he leaves the house. I walk over to the window in the living room. Dust kicks up around him as he runs towards town in a dead sprint. A smile crosses my face.
`Always willing to do something for me. Well.at least ever since he started to actually have feelings for me.`
I can`t help but smile when I think about that.
`Up until now I wasn`t sure but maybe Vash is the right choi.`
A mental image of Knives crosses my mind. I shake my head back and forth. My hands clutch at my skull and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears.
`Everytime that I think about Vash I see Knives and everytime that think about Knives I see Vash! Why can`t I make a decision?!......If I think about this logically the only one that I could have is Vash...right?! I mean..Knives is back to his old self! If I told him that I loved him he would either kill me or degrade me thoroughly for being a human...or both!`
The tears are running down my arms now.
`...But what if Knives somehow finds it in his black heart to dig up that affection that he held for me when he didn`t remember anything? If I tell Vash Knives would be crushed..but if I tell Knives Vash would be hurt...damn it! There`s not one way I can rid myself of this situation with either choice...unless I don`t tell any of them. Maybe I should just...no! No! That won`t work! I`d hurt both of them.and I love them both despite the current situation! `
I feel my heart beating faster and faster. My breathing becomes irregular.
`I can`t have both of them at once! One of them would get jealous of the other then they would fight over me again! I can`t stand this! I can`t stand this!`
My hand clutches my chest. Pain radiates from underneath it. My eyes bulge.
`What`s..what`s happening?! I`m freaking out! I`m..`
My body loses all feeling and I plunge into complete darkness.
-------------------------------------
White light pours into my eyes as they slowly open. At first I`m disoriented. The world is blurry. Images all appear as black and white burs.
"Where...where am I?" I ask aloud. I didn`t really expect anyone to answer me.
"In your room, of course. Where else would you be, you foolish spider?"
`Knives.`
"Who brought me in here?"
I hear his shoes clap against the floorboards. I can`t tell where his voice is coming from so I remain completely still.
"My idiot brother came into town where I was merely informing all of those pathetic spiders that I will eventually end their pathetic little existences. He dragged me back here and we found you unconscious. I told him just to leave yo there but he wanted to make you comfortable."
My vision is beginning to clear as he speaks. I see him standing directly in front of me. His cold blue eyes glare down at me. I feel so insignificant under them. My eyes avert from his.
"So Vash brought me in here."
"That is what I said, spider."
"Don`t call me that." I whisper as my eyes glare up at him then turn away again. He laughs. His laugh is so chilling. I can`t help but flinch at the sound of it.
"But that is what you are! An insect!"
"Why don`t you go away? I don`t need to be criticized right now or ever, Knives. Why did you come in here anyways? If it was only to insult me I want you to leave."
The smirk along his face fades into a frown. He looks like he`s contemplating something and I can`t put my finger on what it could be.
`Maybe he`s here to kill me...no...he wouldn`t do that, would he? He would if it benefitted..I`m dead.`
"I came in here because.." he begins. I sit up a little bit. My back straightens as I lean up to hear him better. His eyes lock with mine. He lets out a bout of nervous laughter.
`Nervous..Knives?`
He leans over the bed until his face is only an inch from mine at the most.
"I feel..I feel strange around you, spider. I feel that heart that all beings have tighten within my chest. I try to ignore it but it keeps pounding. I want to leave on my mission but you hold me back. I thought about killing you. That only made me feel empty."
I listen carefully to everything. I don`t know if I can believe everything but I take it all in anyways. My own heart begins to pound.
`What is he saying? Does he actually...`
"I came here to ask you a question." he continues as he edges his face away.
"What question?"
"This one: Will you come with me?"
My eyes grow wide.
"Come with you? What do you mean? I don`t understand exactly what you`re asking here, Knives. Where are you going?"
He laughs once again. His right hand extends towards her.
"On my quest to defeat all spiders. I still intend to do so. However...I have no intention of killing you. Perhaps if you agree I shall spare your spider friends as a sort of gesture for coming with me."
I rub my eyes.
`I must be dreaming. Knives is asking me of all beings to go with him...to conquer humans?`
He seems to get a little impatient.
"Well?"
"You`re asking me to leave my friends behind to go with you and help you destroy humanity? You are out of your mind, Knives. I won`t go with you."
His eyes narrow.
"How dare you?! I give you this and you deny it?!"
He reaches back his hands. I brace myself for the impact of his hand but it does not come. My eyes open. His hand is directly beside my face. It is a few inches from my check. Two cold ice blue eyes glare. The pupils shake. His hand drops away and he growls in frustration.
"Despite my anger I cannot hurt you. I would hurt myself before I did that. You just think about what I said. I will await your response. When you are ready come and find me."
He leans over slightly. I blink. He remains an inch away then kisses me. It isn`t the greatest kiss that I`ve ever had. It only lasts for a few seconds but it still manages to make my heart skip a beat. He leaves without another word or glance in my direction. I am left to my thoughts.
`..Knives...`
I hear a knock at my door. I look up. Vash is standing there. Instead of a big goofy grin his smile is determined.
`What is he up to? Maybe this is about..`
"Meryl, I have to ask you something."
"What is it, Vash?"
He walks in and carefully sits down beside me. The smile on his face broadens. I can`t help but smile back.
"Again I apologize for the whole proposal thing." he blurts out. His head turns away from my gaze. I feel my heart go out to him.
`He`s still upset about that. I should have tried to fix this a long time ago.`
I embrace him as I did before he went after Knives. He past my arms reassuringly.
"No. I should be the one that`s sorry. I should have sat down with you and solve this all out in an easier manner."
"Well..we`re sitting down now and I think that we pretty much solved it."
His voice appears ten times happier than before. I can`t help but notice the hint of nervousness in his voice that I noticed in his brother`s. I release Vash from my embrace. He turns to face me. His cheeks are red.
"Why are you so nervous? You aren`t going to try and propose again, are you? This would be really awkward and all right now. Your br.."
"No. I`m not going to propose again. I learn from my mistakes. It was the wrong time and you were confused with so much happening. No. I want to ask you if you would come with me."
The irony with this situation is uncanny. Not but a few minutes ago Knives had asked me the same question. I force myself to continue smiling at Vash while my insides twist about.
"Where to, Vash?"
"Well I was hoping that we could go to July. I know that I have some bad memories there and all but I want to bury that. Maybe we can help the people there. They still are rebuilding. After that we can go see Lina. I`ll bet that she`s dying to see me!"
My lips curl into a smile.
`Dear Vash..always wanting to help others.`
As I consider what he is saying he keeps going and going with all kinds of travel plans. I`m surpised at how much he says.
`He really does care about me. He went to all this trouble just for...`
He leans towards me. I make no move to push him away. He presses his lips against mine while he cups my face in his hands. I can only sit there and do nothing. I don`t know what to do. I know that I`ve wanted this for a long time.
`He`s kissing me! Ever since I met him I`ve dreamed of this...yet...this isn`t exactly the moment that I wanted...no..this is still good..but not when I`m so confused.`
He ends the kiss. He smiles at me. I smile back.
"Well? What do you think?"
"About the kiss?"
"No. About going with me to July. I promise that I will never let Knives hurt you like that again. I love you too much to allow that."
`He`s admitting that he loves me. Knives never did that.`
"He will never lay a finger on you. I`ll always be there for you. I`ll protect you for as long as we live."
`As long as we live...even if I choose they will both outlive me.`
He frowns.
"I`m sorry about that thing on as long as we.."
"It`s alright, Vash. I knew what you meant. It will happen. I will die before you or Knives ever do. It will be many years before either of you die. I have already thought about that a long time ago."
Vash nods. My head lowers.
"That`s another reason why I can`t say yes just yet."
He lets out a defeated sigh. I can`t help but feel like a fool. My eyes water.
"I`m sorry Vash but...I still need a bit more time."
"....I understand. Take as much time as you need. If you say yes then I will keep to my word. I would never lie to you."
"I know...I know. Could you leave me be for now? I need to think long and hard about this."
Vash stands. He stretches a bit then walks across the room to the door. The knob turns and he is in the doorway. I look up. He smiles warmly then disappears after closing the door. I look around the room. My hands shake. I stare down at them.
`Why? I wanted Vash then..and I still want Vash but...Knives...despite his attitude..somewhere deep inside I care for him a great deal as well. I have to make sure that I make the right decision. Whatever decision I make will end up hurting someone in some way. I don`t know if I can take that.`
-------------------------------------------
The sun is rising. My bloodshot eyes gaze out the window at the beautiful golds and reds on the horizon. I smile despite my heart aching.
`I know who I must choose. It will hurt the other so much..and I hope that he can have it in his heart to forgive me. I have to tell him how I feel! I have to!`
I stand up. Rummaging through my drawers I pick out various items of clothing. I quickly pull them on and fix myself up. I wipe away my tears as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I smile. For the first time in weeks it is of determination and confidence.
`He must know how I feel!`
I quickly leave the room in search of the one that my heart most yearns for.
****How`s that for a cliffhanger?!?! o.O OH!!!! THE ANGST!!!! SO POWERFUL!!! WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?!?! Will it be Vash or Knives? Who will be the one to call Meryl their own?!?! WHO!??!?!?!?!? The next chapter willl decide it all..or will it?!?! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***Hello, people! Thank you so much for the reviews! I am ever so grateful! This story will end very soon(the next chapter). I have had a lot of fun writing these and I have enjoyed getting such kind reviews! To all of you I thank you! Anyways.so what`s in store for Meryl? Read and find out!
Chapter 10: Heart`s Decision
I allow Vash lead me into the house. A couple of minutes pass. I wonder why Vash is just standing here.
`I guess that he`s waiting to see if Knives will follow us.`
I didn`t really care if he did or not though I suppose that would cause a confrontation I really did not want to see right now.
`I just want to go lay down and sleep for.`
"Meryl?" I hear Vash say softly. He pushes me out in front of him. It pains me to see him so shaken and so unhappy that I can`t help it. I embrace him. I feel his hands pat me on the back softly.
"I am so sorry that this had to happen." I whisper "If I could have changed that I would have."
"It wasn`t your fault at all. I realized a long time ago that he would come out of it. I thought that anyways. I didn`t really expect him to have his memory come back so suddenly and out in front of all of those people."
"You don`t suppose that he would hurt anybody right now.do you?"
"I`m not sure but my gut tells me that he`s just really confused right now. If it will make you feel better than I will go check to make sure."
I lean my head into his chest. I nod slowly.
"Yes. Please do that for me."
He lets go of me. The blond haired gunman gives me one last reassuring smile as he leaves the house. I walk over to the window in the living room. Dust kicks up around him as he runs towards town in a dead sprint. A smile crosses my face.
`Always willing to do something for me. Well.at least ever since he started to actually have feelings for me.`
I can`t help but smile when I think about that.
`Up until now I wasn`t sure but maybe Vash is the right choi.`
A mental image of Knives crosses my mind. I shake my head back and forth. My hands clutch at my skull and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears.
`Everytime that I think about Vash I see Knives and everytime that think about Knives I see Vash! Why can`t I make a decision?!......If I think about this logically the only one that I could have is Vash...right?! I mean..Knives is back to his old self! If I told him that I loved him he would either kill me or degrade me thoroughly for being a human...or both!`
The tears are running down my arms now.
`...But what if Knives somehow finds it in his black heart to dig up that affection that he held for me when he didn`t remember anything? If I tell Vash Knives would be crushed..but if I tell Knives Vash would be hurt...damn it! There`s not one way I can rid myself of this situation with either choice...unless I don`t tell any of them. Maybe I should just...no! No! That won`t work! I`d hurt both of them.and I love them both despite the current situation! `
I feel my heart beating faster and faster. My breathing becomes irregular.
`I can`t have both of them at once! One of them would get jealous of the other then they would fight over me again! I can`t stand this! I can`t stand this!`
My hand clutches my chest. Pain radiates from underneath it. My eyes bulge.
`What`s..what`s happening?! I`m freaking out! I`m..`
My body loses all feeling and I plunge into complete darkness.
-------------------------------------
White light pours into my eyes as they slowly open. At first I`m disoriented. The world is blurry. Images all appear as black and white burs.
"Where...where am I?" I ask aloud. I didn`t really expect anyone to answer me.
"In your room, of course. Where else would you be, you foolish spider?"
`Knives.`
"Who brought me in here?"
I hear his shoes clap against the floorboards. I can`t tell where his voice is coming from so I remain completely still.
"My idiot brother came into town where I was merely informing all of those pathetic spiders that I will eventually end their pathetic little existences. He dragged me back here and we found you unconscious. I told him just to leave yo there but he wanted to make you comfortable."
My vision is beginning to clear as he speaks. I see him standing directly in front of me. His cold blue eyes glare down at me. I feel so insignificant under them. My eyes avert from his.
"So Vash brought me in here."
"That is what I said, spider."
"Don`t call me that." I whisper as my eyes glare up at him then turn away again. He laughs. His laugh is so chilling. I can`t help but flinch at the sound of it.
"But that is what you are! An insect!"
"Why don`t you go away? I don`t need to be criticized right now or ever, Knives. Why did you come in here anyways? If it was only to insult me I want you to leave."
The smirk along his face fades into a frown. He looks like he`s contemplating something and I can`t put my finger on what it could be.
`Maybe he`s here to kill me...no...he wouldn`t do that, would he? He would if it benefitted..I`m dead.`
"I came in here because.." he begins. I sit up a little bit. My back straightens as I lean up to hear him better. His eyes lock with mine. He lets out a bout of nervous laughter.
`Nervous..Knives?`
He leans over the bed until his face is only an inch from mine at the most.
"I feel..I feel strange around you, spider. I feel that heart that all beings have tighten within my chest. I try to ignore it but it keeps pounding. I want to leave on my mission but you hold me back. I thought about killing you. That only made me feel empty."
I listen carefully to everything. I don`t know if I can believe everything but I take it all in anyways. My own heart begins to pound.
`What is he saying? Does he actually...`
"I came here to ask you a question." he continues as he edges his face away.
"What question?"
"This one: Will you come with me?"
My eyes grow wide.
"Come with you? What do you mean? I don`t understand exactly what you`re asking here, Knives. Where are you going?"
He laughs once again. His right hand extends towards her.
"On my quest to defeat all spiders. I still intend to do so. However...I have no intention of killing you. Perhaps if you agree I shall spare your spider friends as a sort of gesture for coming with me."
I rub my eyes.
`I must be dreaming. Knives is asking me of all beings to go with him...to conquer humans?`
He seems to get a little impatient.
"Well?"
"You`re asking me to leave my friends behind to go with you and help you destroy humanity? You are out of your mind, Knives. I won`t go with you."
His eyes narrow.
"How dare you?! I give you this and you deny it?!"
He reaches back his hands. I brace myself for the impact of his hand but it does not come. My eyes open. His hand is directly beside my face. It is a few inches from my check. Two cold ice blue eyes glare. The pupils shake. His hand drops away and he growls in frustration.
"Despite my anger I cannot hurt you. I would hurt myself before I did that. You just think about what I said. I will await your response. When you are ready come and find me."
He leans over slightly. I blink. He remains an inch away then kisses me. It isn`t the greatest kiss that I`ve ever had. It only lasts for a few seconds but it still manages to make my heart skip a beat. He leaves without another word or glance in my direction. I am left to my thoughts.
`..Knives...`
I hear a knock at my door. I look up. Vash is standing there. Instead of a big goofy grin his smile is determined.
`What is he up to? Maybe this is about..`
"Meryl, I have to ask you something."
"What is it, Vash?"
He walks in and carefully sits down beside me. The smile on his face broadens. I can`t help but smile back.
"Again I apologize for the whole proposal thing." he blurts out. His head turns away from my gaze. I feel my heart go out to him.
`He`s still upset about that. I should have tried to fix this a long time ago.`
I embrace him as I did before he went after Knives. He past my arms reassuringly.
"No. I should be the one that`s sorry. I should have sat down with you and solve this all out in an easier manner."
"Well..we`re sitting down now and I think that we pretty much solved it."
His voice appears ten times happier than before. I can`t help but notice the hint of nervousness in his voice that I noticed in his brother`s. I release Vash from my embrace. He turns to face me. His cheeks are red.
"Why are you so nervous? You aren`t going to try and propose again, are you? This would be really awkward and all right now. Your br.."
"No. I`m not going to propose again. I learn from my mistakes. It was the wrong time and you were confused with so much happening. No. I want to ask you if you would come with me."
The irony with this situation is uncanny. Not but a few minutes ago Knives had asked me the same question. I force myself to continue smiling at Vash while my insides twist about.
"Where to, Vash?"
"Well I was hoping that we could go to July. I know that I have some bad memories there and all but I want to bury that. Maybe we can help the people there. They still are rebuilding. After that we can go see Lina. I`ll bet that she`s dying to see me!"
My lips curl into a smile.
`Dear Vash..always wanting to help others.`
As I consider what he is saying he keeps going and going with all kinds of travel plans. I`m surpised at how much he says.
`He really does care about me. He went to all this trouble just for...`
He leans towards me. I make no move to push him away. He presses his lips against mine while he cups my face in his hands. I can only sit there and do nothing. I don`t know what to do. I know that I`ve wanted this for a long time.
`He`s kissing me! Ever since I met him I`ve dreamed of this...yet...this isn`t exactly the moment that I wanted...no..this is still good..but not when I`m so confused.`
He ends the kiss. He smiles at me. I smile back.
"Well? What do you think?"
"About the kiss?"
"No. About going with me to July. I promise that I will never let Knives hurt you like that again. I love you too much to allow that."
`He`s admitting that he loves me. Knives never did that.`
"He will never lay a finger on you. I`ll always be there for you. I`ll protect you for as long as we live."
`As long as we live...even if I choose they will both outlive me.`
He frowns.
"I`m sorry about that thing on as long as we.."
"It`s alright, Vash. I knew what you meant. It will happen. I will die before you or Knives ever do. It will be many years before either of you die. I have already thought about that a long time ago."
Vash nods. My head lowers.
"That`s another reason why I can`t say yes just yet."
He lets out a defeated sigh. I can`t help but feel like a fool. My eyes water.
"I`m sorry Vash but...I still need a bit more time."
"....I understand. Take as much time as you need. If you say yes then I will keep to my word. I would never lie to you."
"I know...I know. Could you leave me be for now? I need to think long and hard about this."
Vash stands. He stretches a bit then walks across the room to the door. The knob turns and he is in the doorway. I look up. He smiles warmly then disappears after closing the door. I look around the room. My hands shake. I stare down at them.
`Why? I wanted Vash then..and I still want Vash but...Knives...despite his attitude..somewhere deep inside I care for him a great deal as well. I have to make sure that I make the right decision. Whatever decision I make will end up hurting someone in some way. I don`t know if I can take that.`
-------------------------------------------
The sun is rising. My bloodshot eyes gaze out the window at the beautiful golds and reds on the horizon. I smile despite my heart aching.
`I know who I must choose. It will hurt the other so much..and I hope that he can have it in his heart to forgive me. I have to tell him how I feel! I have to!`
I stand up. Rummaging through my drawers I pick out various items of clothing. I quickly pull them on and fix myself up. I wipe away my tears as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I smile. For the first time in weeks it is of determination and confidence.
`He must know how I feel!`
I quickly leave the room in search of the one that my heart most yearns for.
****How`s that for a cliffhanger?!?! o.O OH!!!! THE ANGST!!!! SO POWERFUL!!! WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?!?! Will it be Vash or Knives? Who will be the one to call Meryl their own?!?! WHO!??!?!?!?!? The next chapter willl decide it all..or will it?!?! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!