Chapter 30
Ok, Hermione, if you're going to flame, at least be a) constructive, and b) accurate. It's not an R? Have you actually read Chapter 4? And you're saying that that's not R?! Christ! Anyway, that's my little ranting session. . . Thanks to Blonde Ditz, aka Clara (Everyone go and read "Dreams Can Come True"!) And Naomi (back? Now go and read "Fresh Air", and sequel!! YAY!)
Thanks to reviewers. . .Ruby Rose Edwards (no stress, I like your reviews!), Pervert Bitch, Gillian, Blonde Ditz, EVERYONE!! I am so glad to be back from my Aunt's! Alysun, not quite believing that she's written 48 pages, 30 chapters. . .
I Love Him
Dumbledore felt so incredibly, wonderfully, gloriously . .free?. . . now Severus said that he would tell him everything. . . If only he hadn't done so before! He tingled with anticipation; he was not naturally a gossip, or indeed, overly concerned about other people's business, but Severus! Severus of whom he knew nothing! After he had sent Draco down to the hospital wing (feeling slightly guilty for making him go alone) he sat down heavily in his chair, and watched Severus as he sat opposite. He seemed almost worryingly calm. As ever, he showed no emotion; a particular talent of his that caused Dumbledore much speculation. He had never met someone whose mind, intentions and thoughts he couldn't read with unerring accuracy before he met Snape. It was almost uncanny. His long face was set, determined to tell his story, but unsure how to begin. Dumbledore suspected that he would be the first and probably the last to hear it. "Now, then," started Dumbledore, to get Snape started. "You say you'll tell me everything?" Snape nodded slowly. "Everything," he said, staring somewhere to the left of Dumbledore's head.
He paused. Where does one start?
Snape sighed, and dragged his eyes back to Dumbledore's waiting face. "In your own time, Severus," he said, supportively. Snape gave a thin lipped smile, offering no humour. He started. "Everything. . .the beginning is hard to place, but I would imagine it to be when I was fifteen. . ." he spoke as though reading off an inner screen, an analytical essay of his life. Dumbledore watched, fascinated. This was a side of Severus he had never imagined. It was clear it was things that had tortured him, but had never found the time or situation to put it to words. . . "I found out that I was gay. At first, I didn't believe it, thinking myself to be delusional. . . I quickly realised that I was not, and that I was truly. . .homosexual," he spat the word like poison, "It was mad. . . I had a crush on Lucius, my best friend for heavens sake. . . he had no idea. I learnt to hide my feelings there and then, not wanting to lose my friends and respectability," another word that he doesn't like, mused Dumbledore as he watched Snape's upper lip curl into a distasteful snarl. "I kept it to myself. . .until I got to know Madeline . . ." It clicked. Madeline! The only girlfriend Severus had ever had! So that was her name, thought Dumbledore, remembering her at last. "She was. . .nice. I suppose. Nice eyes, I seem to remember. She eventually found out what I was and gave me advice. . . she told me about Mike. . . my first boyfriend," Snape gave an amused, twisted smile at the term, before continuing, "Of course, I made the fool mistake of inviting home over the summer. I hadn't told my parents; I knew, even then, what their reaction would be. . . But they found out. . . walked in on us. . .Mike had been sent home, immediately, and I. . ." Snape closed his eyes on the memory. He could see his mother's horrified face, hear his father's damning sentences even now. . . "I experienced with the Cruciatus Curse what felt like a thousand times. Threatened, bullied, degraded by my father, screamed at by my mother, beaten, cursed, hexed till kingdom come. I could barely walk by the end of it. But still, I denied nothing, stubborn fool that I was. And am. So my parents laid down the law. I was to bring no-one to the house, male or female, tell no-one of my sexuality, and do nothing that suggested that I was of that genre . . . and then I was disinherited, cast out of the family. I was allowed to keep the name, stay until the end of my years at Hogwarts, but was told that of that moment onwards I had no parents, and they had no son. The part of the estate that was to be left to me was bought off me - at a handsome sum, but nowhere near as much as it was worth. It destroyed me. If it hadn't played to the life my parents had written out for me, I would have killed myself there and then. But I didn't. They banned me from telling anyone of this 'agreement'. So I threw myself into school work. What did I have left? Potions and the Dark Arts became my fortes. . .and have remained so. I became fascinated by the ancient dark wizards. When I left here, I did some deep research into the subject, finding out more than you could ever imagine. . . and so with the Dark Lord, I was intrigued, and joined the Death Eaters." Had he shuddered when he said Death Eaters? Dumbledore wondered. He said nothing, and kept listening, transfixed, absorbed in Snape's life. ". . .Nothing happened then until one of the earliest Death Eater meetings. . .I was standing in the circle, watching, watching my fellows, wondering on their identities. To my surprise, I found Lucius. . .we had lost touch when we left Hogwarts; I hadn't told him that my parents had thrown me out. Any letter he may have sent would have been burned, I imagine." Snape stopped. The glazed, inward look that he had acquired whilst talking had not moved from his face. He looked tormented, as though what he was going to say next would cost him his life.
It could, easily, but Dumbledore didn't know that. Yet.
He opened his mouth to take up his narrative again, but stopped, and looked down. He was frowning at himself, arguing with his sense, his reason. This wasn't right! Why should Dumbledore want to know? . . .but he had said everything. He sighed and stared out of the window at the cheerful blue sky, hating it for being so. He became aware of Dumbledore's innocent expectancy. He couldn't bare this! He stood up, and went over to the window, to avoid Dumbledore's laser glare. Snape didn't think he could stand to see Dumbledore's face when he realised what he was telling him. He tried again. Dumbledore watched Severus stand, and wondered fleetingly whether he was going to leave. He watched as he drifted to the window and stared out. What was he thinking? What was going through his mind? Snape started talking again, adapting the distant voice of one talking out loud to themselves. "I stopped Lucius in the corridor. . .after the meeting broke up. . .we went back to the Manor and talked late into the night. . . I ended up staying over there," he drew to a halt, unsure what to say next, unsure of how to phrase the events of that night. He could see it so clearly. . . but to put it into words?! "And?" coaxed Dumbledore, dreading the answer. . .Lucius and Severus? And then Draco?! Surely not. . .not Severus. . . Snape cleared his throat nervously. "And Lucius visited me in the middle of the night. . . don't know how he got passed Narcissa, but he managed it. . . and he. . .he. . ." Snape hung his head. No going back now. "He kissed me. He offered me the night, and I took it." Dumbledore became slightly confused. ". . .offered you the night?" he asked. Snape flinched. "Asked me to fuck him. And I did, with undue amounts of pleasure. Clear enough?" he snapped irritably. He didn't WANT to do this. . . "Thank you," answered Dumbledore, taking the bad temper in his stride. He didn't know how hard this was for Severus, but took a shrewd guess. Snape took a deep breath before continuing. "And so, we started a long term relationship. Sometimes, he would come over to the school, sometimes I would go to the Manor. No-one ever found us." Was there a trace of smugness there? Dumbledore didn't know. His head was close to spinning. Severus and Lucius? This meant that. . .oh, lord. . . Every brain cell in his head was stretched, agonising, trying to comprehend what had been said. ". . . for how long. . .?" he asked weakly. This was not happening! Right under his nose, and he had noticed nothing! Nothing at all! If Fudge ever got hold of this. . . "From that night? About. . . fifteen, maybe sixteen years. We only stopped seeing each other because of Draco. . ." " Sixteen years?" "Sixteen years," confirmed Snape, still not turned from the window, though his tone now sharper, clearer, than before. Sixteen years, and he had never noticed a thing!! Dumbledore felt ill at the very thought. "What next?" he asked, apprehension filling him at the thought of the possible answers. Snape shook his head. "Not next. Something else happened then. . . with the Dark Lord," he said quietly. He had said everything. He had meant everything. Without meaning to, Dumbledore gave a sharp withdrawal of breath. He was going to tell him! "Voldemort?" he asked. "Mmmm," replied Snape. There was a long, awkward pause that both seemed reluctant to brake. Eventually Dumbledore steeled himself, and asked. ". . .what. . .?" Snape hung his head. " It was after one of the Death Eater meets," his voice so low that Dumbledore had to strain to hear, "I noticed that the Dark Lord had been taking particular notice in me, but never. . ." his voice broke. He couldn't do this! Shame washed over him, followed by memories, ripping his sanity to pieces. "Severus?" asked Dumbledore gently. Snape shook his head. He still hadn't turned, but could imagine the face that Dumbledore would be wearing; kind and concerned. He couldn't deal with sensitivity from anyone at that moment. It was killing him . . . "He raped me," he said harshly, more harsh then he had intended, but not caring. He didn't give a damn what Dumbledore would think. There was no gasp of horror from Dumbledore, no mark of surprise, Severus noted. That either meant he had guessed, or had heard rumours. Rumours from where and from whom, Severus didn't know. He didn't care. Really, he didn't. If he gripped the window sill much harder he'd leave permanent grooves in the stone, but he didn't care. Not at all. He moved on, not wanting to linger on the subject. "I never told Lucius, but he found out, unsurprisingly. As you now know, Lucius was a Death Eater also. When I turned spy, we made a deal. I wouldn't rat on him, and he wouldn't rat on me. We helped each other. . . and no-one from either side found out about the arrangement. When the Dark Lord's power finally broke, I covered for him them, too. " Snape paused again. He was still thinking of the Dark Lord. . .he wanted to tell someone about it, get it out of his head, but couldn't get the right words. Words had never been some thing he had been good at. He had been pretty much monosyllabic as a child, and though he had grown better at the art of conversation, had never mastered Small Talk or Heart to Heart Talks. . . he had never needed to. Until now. "We split up a couple of years before Draco came to Hogwarts; when he was eleven. It wasn't safe any more. . .he wrote twice, I wrote once. . . and that's where Narcissa finds out and murders Lucius. . ." Snapes lucid, clear tone drifted into a wistful lament. "What?" exclaimed Dumbledore. He had not expected that. "Narcissa murdered Lucius. . .because of me. . ." Snape whispered. Dumbledore stared. What the. . .? Ridiculous! She wouldn't have murdered her own husband, surely. . ? Dumbledore did a brief run down on all the things he knew about Narcissa. Not much. . . Snape sighed. "You don't believe me, do you? I didn't think you would. . ." ". . .I. . . not as. . . look, Severus, explain yourself," instructed Dumbledore, through his confusion. Snape hung his head. "Sorry. . .I'm working on assumptions, mainly. But. . .listen. A couple of years ago, I received a letter from Lucius. . .which I replied to. He wrote back to me, and that was it. Earlier this year, I got another letter. . .apparently from Lucius. It was contradictory. . . Very contradictory, of his prior letters. . . he claimed that he wanted to go straight with Narcissa. . .something that I know would never happen with Lucius. . .never, ever. . ." He broke off again, before continuing, "I got another letter the night Lucius was murdered. Why? I was no longer seen as an important figure in Lucius's life, so why should anyone want to send be something like that to me? Stupid! It was signed from Narcissa. . .she had sent it. It combusted, much in the same way as howlers do. There is no evidence of my ever receiving the letter. Then, at the funeral, Lucius left me two books. . .each with reasons of their own, explaining what had happened. . . He must have known, or at least suspected that Narcissa knew about us. The first of these books was Clarkes Notes. Its clue was cryptic to say the least; I eventually deciphered it to involve Clarkes life. I searched through the library to find out about him, successfully. He had been murdered by his wife. The second book was Dillemand of Atlantis; not too hard to understand, if you're familiar with the plot," He finally turned from the window to look at Dumbledore. The emotions he had shown earlier had vanished from his face; the cold anti- emotion barriers were back up in his eyes. He was, once again, unreadable. His greasy black hair framed his face, his black eyes glinting icily from behind the strands that fell stray in front of them. He stood tall, radiating defiance, defiance to the point of anger. There was an aura surrounded him, making him unapproachable, as untouchable as he had ever been. Dumbledore looked back up at him from his chair. His unassuming gaze was met by Snape's cold glare. Dumbledore chose to say nothing, to let Severus's rage diminish. After a while, Severus sighed, and returned to his chair. "Sorry," he said, quietly. Two apologies in one day, Dumbledore marvelled. Severus has feelings! This was a revelation. "So Narcissa murdered Lucius because she found out about your relationship with her husband? Is that what you're saying? I that case, why? Why did she not kill you instead?" Severus nodded, approvingly. Dumbledore's logic was, indeed, infallible. But there was a definite answer. . . "For three reasons. One, she knew that Lucius would always have 'feelings' for me, what ever she did, two, she couldn't get at me as easily here as she could Lucius at home, and three, she was homophobic, and hated Lucius for being gay. Oh, and four, this way, she gets to see me get sent to Azakaban and watch me rot in hell." He said the last point quite casually, Dumbledore noticed, but there was a sinister undertone. Then again there always was with Severus. He nodded. He believed him. Problem was, no-one else would. And Narcissa had told Fudge she had seen Severus there that night. . . oh dear lord. . .this did Not look good. . . One question left. . . "How do you feel about Draco? He does look very like his father. . ." hinted Dumbledore. Snape flinched. Ow! he thought. Tact! "I. . .I don't know. . ." he said uncertainty Dumbledore . . . watched him battle with himself. "Yes, you do. Admit it to yourself Severus," he said quietly. Snape hung his head. "Very well. . .I. . .love him," he said it softly, almost sensitively. In a twisted way, Dumbledore was touched. Severus had spelled himself a life sentence in Azakaban, but had done it with his usual drama. . . Severus's head was spinning.
I love him. . .
Ok, Hermione, if you're going to flame, at least be a) constructive, and b) accurate. It's not an R? Have you actually read Chapter 4? And you're saying that that's not R?! Christ! Anyway, that's my little ranting session. . . Thanks to Blonde Ditz, aka Clara (Everyone go and read "Dreams Can Come True"!) And Naomi (back? Now go and read "Fresh Air", and sequel!! YAY!)
Thanks to reviewers. . .Ruby Rose Edwards (no stress, I like your reviews!), Pervert Bitch, Gillian, Blonde Ditz, EVERYONE!! I am so glad to be back from my Aunt's! Alysun, not quite believing that she's written 48 pages, 30 chapters. . .
I Love Him
Dumbledore felt so incredibly, wonderfully, gloriously . .free?. . . now Severus said that he would tell him everything. . . If only he hadn't done so before! He tingled with anticipation; he was not naturally a gossip, or indeed, overly concerned about other people's business, but Severus! Severus of whom he knew nothing! After he had sent Draco down to the hospital wing (feeling slightly guilty for making him go alone) he sat down heavily in his chair, and watched Severus as he sat opposite. He seemed almost worryingly calm. As ever, he showed no emotion; a particular talent of his that caused Dumbledore much speculation. He had never met someone whose mind, intentions and thoughts he couldn't read with unerring accuracy before he met Snape. It was almost uncanny. His long face was set, determined to tell his story, but unsure how to begin. Dumbledore suspected that he would be the first and probably the last to hear it. "Now, then," started Dumbledore, to get Snape started. "You say you'll tell me everything?" Snape nodded slowly. "Everything," he said, staring somewhere to the left of Dumbledore's head.
He paused. Where does one start?
Snape sighed, and dragged his eyes back to Dumbledore's waiting face. "In your own time, Severus," he said, supportively. Snape gave a thin lipped smile, offering no humour. He started. "Everything. . .the beginning is hard to place, but I would imagine it to be when I was fifteen. . ." he spoke as though reading off an inner screen, an analytical essay of his life. Dumbledore watched, fascinated. This was a side of Severus he had never imagined. It was clear it was things that had tortured him, but had never found the time or situation to put it to words. . . "I found out that I was gay. At first, I didn't believe it, thinking myself to be delusional. . . I quickly realised that I was not, and that I was truly. . .homosexual," he spat the word like poison, "It was mad. . . I had a crush on Lucius, my best friend for heavens sake. . . he had no idea. I learnt to hide my feelings there and then, not wanting to lose my friends and respectability," another word that he doesn't like, mused Dumbledore as he watched Snape's upper lip curl into a distasteful snarl. "I kept it to myself. . .until I got to know Madeline . . ." It clicked. Madeline! The only girlfriend Severus had ever had! So that was her name, thought Dumbledore, remembering her at last. "She was. . .nice. I suppose. Nice eyes, I seem to remember. She eventually found out what I was and gave me advice. . . she told me about Mike. . . my first boyfriend," Snape gave an amused, twisted smile at the term, before continuing, "Of course, I made the fool mistake of inviting home over the summer. I hadn't told my parents; I knew, even then, what their reaction would be. . . But they found out. . . walked in on us. . .Mike had been sent home, immediately, and I. . ." Snape closed his eyes on the memory. He could see his mother's horrified face, hear his father's damning sentences even now. . . "I experienced with the Cruciatus Curse what felt like a thousand times. Threatened, bullied, degraded by my father, screamed at by my mother, beaten, cursed, hexed till kingdom come. I could barely walk by the end of it. But still, I denied nothing, stubborn fool that I was. And am. So my parents laid down the law. I was to bring no-one to the house, male or female, tell no-one of my sexuality, and do nothing that suggested that I was of that genre . . . and then I was disinherited, cast out of the family. I was allowed to keep the name, stay until the end of my years at Hogwarts, but was told that of that moment onwards I had no parents, and they had no son. The part of the estate that was to be left to me was bought off me - at a handsome sum, but nowhere near as much as it was worth. It destroyed me. If it hadn't played to the life my parents had written out for me, I would have killed myself there and then. But I didn't. They banned me from telling anyone of this 'agreement'. So I threw myself into school work. What did I have left? Potions and the Dark Arts became my fortes. . .and have remained so. I became fascinated by the ancient dark wizards. When I left here, I did some deep research into the subject, finding out more than you could ever imagine. . . and so with the Dark Lord, I was intrigued, and joined the Death Eaters." Had he shuddered when he said Death Eaters? Dumbledore wondered. He said nothing, and kept listening, transfixed, absorbed in Snape's life. ". . .Nothing happened then until one of the earliest Death Eater meetings. . .I was standing in the circle, watching, watching my fellows, wondering on their identities. To my surprise, I found Lucius. . .we had lost touch when we left Hogwarts; I hadn't told him that my parents had thrown me out. Any letter he may have sent would have been burned, I imagine." Snape stopped. The glazed, inward look that he had acquired whilst talking had not moved from his face. He looked tormented, as though what he was going to say next would cost him his life.
It could, easily, but Dumbledore didn't know that. Yet.
He opened his mouth to take up his narrative again, but stopped, and looked down. He was frowning at himself, arguing with his sense, his reason. This wasn't right! Why should Dumbledore want to know? . . .but he had said everything. He sighed and stared out of the window at the cheerful blue sky, hating it for being so. He became aware of Dumbledore's innocent expectancy. He couldn't bare this! He stood up, and went over to the window, to avoid Dumbledore's laser glare. Snape didn't think he could stand to see Dumbledore's face when he realised what he was telling him. He tried again. Dumbledore watched Severus stand, and wondered fleetingly whether he was going to leave. He watched as he drifted to the window and stared out. What was he thinking? What was going through his mind? Snape started talking again, adapting the distant voice of one talking out loud to themselves. "I stopped Lucius in the corridor. . .after the meeting broke up. . .we went back to the Manor and talked late into the night. . . I ended up staying over there," he drew to a halt, unsure what to say next, unsure of how to phrase the events of that night. He could see it so clearly. . . but to put it into words?! "And?" coaxed Dumbledore, dreading the answer. . .Lucius and Severus? And then Draco?! Surely not. . .not Severus. . . Snape cleared his throat nervously. "And Lucius visited me in the middle of the night. . . don't know how he got passed Narcissa, but he managed it. . . and he. . .he. . ." Snape hung his head. No going back now. "He kissed me. He offered me the night, and I took it." Dumbledore became slightly confused. ". . .offered you the night?" he asked. Snape flinched. "Asked me to fuck him. And I did, with undue amounts of pleasure. Clear enough?" he snapped irritably. He didn't WANT to do this. . . "Thank you," answered Dumbledore, taking the bad temper in his stride. He didn't know how hard this was for Severus, but took a shrewd guess. Snape took a deep breath before continuing. "And so, we started a long term relationship. Sometimes, he would come over to the school, sometimes I would go to the Manor. No-one ever found us." Was there a trace of smugness there? Dumbledore didn't know. His head was close to spinning. Severus and Lucius? This meant that. . .oh, lord. . . Every brain cell in his head was stretched, agonising, trying to comprehend what had been said. ". . . for how long. . .?" he asked weakly. This was not happening! Right under his nose, and he had noticed nothing! Nothing at all! If Fudge ever got hold of this. . . "From that night? About. . . fifteen, maybe sixteen years. We only stopped seeing each other because of Draco. . ." " Sixteen years?" "Sixteen years," confirmed Snape, still not turned from the window, though his tone now sharper, clearer, than before. Sixteen years, and he had never noticed a thing!! Dumbledore felt ill at the very thought. "What next?" he asked, apprehension filling him at the thought of the possible answers. Snape shook his head. "Not next. Something else happened then. . . with the Dark Lord," he said quietly. He had said everything. He had meant everything. Without meaning to, Dumbledore gave a sharp withdrawal of breath. He was going to tell him! "Voldemort?" he asked. "Mmmm," replied Snape. There was a long, awkward pause that both seemed reluctant to brake. Eventually Dumbledore steeled himself, and asked. ". . .what. . .?" Snape hung his head. " It was after one of the Death Eater meets," his voice so low that Dumbledore had to strain to hear, "I noticed that the Dark Lord had been taking particular notice in me, but never. . ." his voice broke. He couldn't do this! Shame washed over him, followed by memories, ripping his sanity to pieces. "Severus?" asked Dumbledore gently. Snape shook his head. He still hadn't turned, but could imagine the face that Dumbledore would be wearing; kind and concerned. He couldn't deal with sensitivity from anyone at that moment. It was killing him . . . "He raped me," he said harshly, more harsh then he had intended, but not caring. He didn't give a damn what Dumbledore would think. There was no gasp of horror from Dumbledore, no mark of surprise, Severus noted. That either meant he had guessed, or had heard rumours. Rumours from where and from whom, Severus didn't know. He didn't care. Really, he didn't. If he gripped the window sill much harder he'd leave permanent grooves in the stone, but he didn't care. Not at all. He moved on, not wanting to linger on the subject. "I never told Lucius, but he found out, unsurprisingly. As you now know, Lucius was a Death Eater also. When I turned spy, we made a deal. I wouldn't rat on him, and he wouldn't rat on me. We helped each other. . . and no-one from either side found out about the arrangement. When the Dark Lord's power finally broke, I covered for him them, too. " Snape paused again. He was still thinking of the Dark Lord. . .he wanted to tell someone about it, get it out of his head, but couldn't get the right words. Words had never been some thing he had been good at. He had been pretty much monosyllabic as a child, and though he had grown better at the art of conversation, had never mastered Small Talk or Heart to Heart Talks. . . he had never needed to. Until now. "We split up a couple of years before Draco came to Hogwarts; when he was eleven. It wasn't safe any more. . .he wrote twice, I wrote once. . . and that's where Narcissa finds out and murders Lucius. . ." Snapes lucid, clear tone drifted into a wistful lament. "What?" exclaimed Dumbledore. He had not expected that. "Narcissa murdered Lucius. . .because of me. . ." Snape whispered. Dumbledore stared. What the. . .? Ridiculous! She wouldn't have murdered her own husband, surely. . ? Dumbledore did a brief run down on all the things he knew about Narcissa. Not much. . . Snape sighed. "You don't believe me, do you? I didn't think you would. . ." ". . .I. . . not as. . . look, Severus, explain yourself," instructed Dumbledore, through his confusion. Snape hung his head. "Sorry. . .I'm working on assumptions, mainly. But. . .listen. A couple of years ago, I received a letter from Lucius. . .which I replied to. He wrote back to me, and that was it. Earlier this year, I got another letter. . .apparently from Lucius. It was contradictory. . . Very contradictory, of his prior letters. . . he claimed that he wanted to go straight with Narcissa. . .something that I know would never happen with Lucius. . .never, ever. . ." He broke off again, before continuing, "I got another letter the night Lucius was murdered. Why? I was no longer seen as an important figure in Lucius's life, so why should anyone want to send be something like that to me? Stupid! It was signed from Narcissa. . .she had sent it. It combusted, much in the same way as howlers do. There is no evidence of my ever receiving the letter. Then, at the funeral, Lucius left me two books. . .each with reasons of their own, explaining what had happened. . . He must have known, or at least suspected that Narcissa knew about us. The first of these books was Clarkes Notes. Its clue was cryptic to say the least; I eventually deciphered it to involve Clarkes life. I searched through the library to find out about him, successfully. He had been murdered by his wife. The second book was Dillemand of Atlantis; not too hard to understand, if you're familiar with the plot," He finally turned from the window to look at Dumbledore. The emotions he had shown earlier had vanished from his face; the cold anti- emotion barriers were back up in his eyes. He was, once again, unreadable. His greasy black hair framed his face, his black eyes glinting icily from behind the strands that fell stray in front of them. He stood tall, radiating defiance, defiance to the point of anger. There was an aura surrounded him, making him unapproachable, as untouchable as he had ever been. Dumbledore looked back up at him from his chair. His unassuming gaze was met by Snape's cold glare. Dumbledore chose to say nothing, to let Severus's rage diminish. After a while, Severus sighed, and returned to his chair. "Sorry," he said, quietly. Two apologies in one day, Dumbledore marvelled. Severus has feelings! This was a revelation. "So Narcissa murdered Lucius because she found out about your relationship with her husband? Is that what you're saying? I that case, why? Why did she not kill you instead?" Severus nodded, approvingly. Dumbledore's logic was, indeed, infallible. But there was a definite answer. . . "For three reasons. One, she knew that Lucius would always have 'feelings' for me, what ever she did, two, she couldn't get at me as easily here as she could Lucius at home, and three, she was homophobic, and hated Lucius for being gay. Oh, and four, this way, she gets to see me get sent to Azakaban and watch me rot in hell." He said the last point quite casually, Dumbledore noticed, but there was a sinister undertone. Then again there always was with Severus. He nodded. He believed him. Problem was, no-one else would. And Narcissa had told Fudge she had seen Severus there that night. . . oh dear lord. . .this did Not look good. . . One question left. . . "How do you feel about Draco? He does look very like his father. . ." hinted Dumbledore. Snape flinched. Ow! he thought. Tact! "I. . .I don't know. . ." he said uncertainty Dumbledore . . . watched him battle with himself. "Yes, you do. Admit it to yourself Severus," he said quietly. Snape hung his head. "Very well. . .I. . .love him," he said it softly, almost sensitively. In a twisted way, Dumbledore was touched. Severus had spelled himself a life sentence in Azakaban, but had done it with his usual drama. . . Severus's head was spinning.
I love him. . .