A/N: This is being written because of a promise. A promise is a promise so
I'm fulfilling it. This one's for you Rei! I KNOW you're reading this! I
just don't know when. Also, please don't hurt me! I'm insane! We know this!
We need not hurt the crazy writer! *waves hand*
Rating: PG-13 because of language. I have a very foul mouth, but I won't be that bad.
Disclaimer: You all know the drill. . .Don't own 'em, never will, yadda, yadda, yadda. Rei belongs to herself and Aluna belongs to herself. I belong to myself. *NOTE: Rei and Aluna's names have been changed: They asked NOT to have their real names used, and gave me these instead. Don't ask me where they got them. I don't know. I don't WANT to know.
NOTE: This is a Mary Sue fic or an AU fic or whatever the hell you people call 'em. Meaning this is MY way, with some suggestions made by Rei that I have fulfilled. If you aren't into the sort of thing where anything can happen, I warn you, GO BACK NOW!!!
Okay, the people in this story are:
Rei: Black hair, halfway down her back, about 5'2", almost pitch dark eyes with little hints of amethyst in them. She's the one who'll always get up in people's faces to protect her friends from physical and verbal assaults alike. She is very protective of those she cares about.
Aluna: Brown hair a little past her shoulders with chocolate brown eyes, very pretty. 5'5". She's quick witted and quick to retort if someone's dissing someone else, even if she doesn't like the person who is being dissed. Usually looks for different ways to solve a problem, though.
Lessa: Blonde hair about to her shoulders, with blue eyes. 5'6". Known as the 'smart guy' of the group. The other two go to her for homework help and a study date. She's very energetic.
Three girls walked down a street in good old, Los Angeles, California. (Don't ask me why I chose L.A. I just did.) They had just come from school and they fully intended to have a good time tonight. They'd been best friends for years. So they were very close and knew each other very well. Anyway, moving right along. . .
Where was I? Oh, yes.
Anyway, these three girls, Aluna, Rei, and Lessa, were walking down some street or other in the beautiful *COUGH*NOT*COUGH city of Los Angeles. They'd just gotten out of school and wanted to spend the day watching movies and obsessing about the hot guys in them. Their latest obsession was Star Wars: Episode II. Lessa was all for Obi-Wan and Aluna and Rei were all over Anakin. Their previous obsessions had included Lord of the Rings and Black Hawk Down. They were currently having a two vs. one argument over who was hotter. Fortunately, they were pretty evenly matched. This argument went on until. . .
"Is it just me, or is the light getting brighter?" asked Aluna.
"Yup, it's getting brighter!" replied Rei.
"What the hell is going on?" growled Lessa, ever the foul mouthed freak that she is.
Suddenly, the light flashed to great brightness, temporarily blinding the girls. Poor girls! Lessa's got contacts! Her sight's bad enough! And Rei and Aluna both have reading glasses! POOR PEOPLE!!!!
Anyway. . .
Finally, the girls' vision went back to normal. Lessa started cursing and Rei and Aluna kind of stared. Finally, they got Lessa to shut up and pointed at the seven people getting up from where they had fallen. "Holy shit," all three said together.
"Is that. . .?" Rei began.
"Can it be. . .?" Aluna started.
"Oh for crying out loud, it's a bunch of freaks dressed up like Lord of the Rings characters!" Lessa said. "Look, see, this guy looks like Frodo," squeals from Aluna, "That one looks like Legolas," shouts from Rei, "that one's Sam, there's Merry and Pippin, that's. . .Holy crap, Elrond and Arwen. . . That's new. And, oh, yeah. Ranger-Boy." Giggles from the other two. They BOTH knew their friend had a crush on Aragorn, even if she didn't. Know that is. Anyway.
One of the 'freaks dressed up like characters from Lord of the Rings' looked up. "What the. . . Um. . . Where, exactly, are we?" This was Sam.
Another one of them shrieked. "LOOK AT THOSE BUILDINGS!!! THEY'RE BIGGER THAN THE ONES IN MINAS TIRITH!!! Sorry Strider, but true." This one being Merry.
"I must say, I agree with you," replied a somewhat dumbfounded Aragorn.
"Where the hell are we?" inquired Pippin. "And furthermore, WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE!?!?!?"
The three Elves were trying not to start yelling at the poor, idiot Hobbit.
Rei and Aluna were freaking out. They actually believed these were the REAL people from Lord of the Rings. They thought they were from some alternate universe or something. Lessa, on the other hand. . .
"Why are you people dressed like that?" she inquired. "I mean, it's cute and all, but there are real limits as to what you should and should not do." The other two were trying to make her shut up. "And furthermore. . . What is that sound?"
Everyone listened carefully. "Hoof beats," Legolas said finally.
Suddenly, wouldn't you know it?, around the corner came. . . LOS NAZGULS!!!! They just HAD to show up, didn't they?
Legolas drew his bow, Aragorn drew his sword, the Hobbits got hold of their Hobbit swords, AKA daggers. A great clash began, nine Nazguls versus four Hobbits, one (very hot) man, and an Elf. Then, Rei, being Rei, started in on the Nazguls. She couldn't do much, but what she could do helped. Then, following her lead, Lessa and Aluna leaped into the fray.
Soon enough, los Nazguls, as the author calls them, were gone having been scared away. Introductions were taking place, as was some. . . um. . .staring. On the parts of one Hobbit, one Elf, and two girls. One other girls was looking. One man was looking too. The girls that are staring are Aluna and Rei, and they are staring at Hobbit and Elf respectively. The Hobbit and Elf in question are Frodo and Legolas, couldn't ya guess it, and they are, of course, the ones staring at Aluna and Rei, respectively. If you don't know who the man and other girl are, you have problems. I'll say it just in case. The man is Aragorn and the girl is Lessa and they are sizing each other up as if going into a fight.
(A/N: They aren't but you can probably guess that Aragorn would win.)
Arwen was looking at Aragorn looking at Lessa, and she was jealous. Aragorn hadn't fallen for her, since this is MY fic!!! And the Elf, Hobbit, and girls were looking at the person they were staring at appreciatively. Unfortunately for Frodo and Aluna, Aluna was WAY too tall for him. We're talking more than a foot here, people. Anyway. . .
"I still don't believe you people are who you say you are," stated Lessa.
"Well, we are, bitch," Arwen shot back, gaining a sharp reprimand from her father.
"Rei?" Aluna asked. "Can you do one of your psychic things? We all believe those. . ."
"I'll try," she said. Her face went white and blank, like she was staring at something no one else could see. Eventually she came to. She nodded. "They are telling the truth, believe it or not." Then she went back to staring.
Lessa grumbled.
"Could one of you please tell us where we are?" Elrond, nice guy that he was, asked politely. Lessa, the only one of the girls NOT infatuated with a member of the opposite sex, replied.
"You're in Los Angeles, California."
"What is Los Angeles?" he inquired.
"It's a city," Lessa informed him. "A very big city where everybody who hopes to become a star goes to try and make it big. Either here or New York. NYC is bigger, but this is the center of the movie industry. Don't ask," she told him, seeing that he was about to ask. "It's a long story and you REALLY don't want to know."
"Los Angeles? What kind of a name for a city is THAT?" asked Aragorn.
"Well, I wouldn't be talking Ranger-Boy," Lessa said. "What kind of a name for a city is Minas Tirith?"
"Bitch!" spat Aragorn.
"Damn straight, asshole!" she shot back.
"Estel, Lessa, you will cease this right now!" This was Elrond, taking control. "Estel, I thought I brought you up better than that."
"Yes Lord Elrond," he said and looked away and Arwen sniggered behind her hand. He resisted the urge to have at it with her.
"Ok, now, please explain to ME how you got here!" Lessa asked.
"Well, there was a flash of light, and BANG, we were here!" This wonderful explanation was courtesy of one Peregrine Took.
"Oh. . ." Rei was completely love-struck, as was Aluna. Then a car came.
"Hey, you *BLEEPS* (Sorry, the author does NOT wish to sacrifice her PG-13 rating)! Get the hell out of the road!" some random driver or other shouted at the strange group, honking his horn and generally being annoying.
Lessa, Rei, and Aluna guided everyone to the street side. They decided to head to Lessa's house as her parents WOULD believe what had happened and they had been heading there anyway. Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam were watching the cars go by, amazed. Aluna took hold of Frodo's hand and lead him away, Rei Hooked her arm in Legolas's and led him off, and that left Lessa with Aragorn.
"Let's go, Ranger-Boy. We're getting left behind."
"Will you STOP calling me that?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it pisses you off. Now let's go."
He started walking. "Can I call you bitch then?"
"Yeah, everybody does. Either that or psycho bitch. Just don't get caught by your foster father."
"Ok."
"Let's GO Ranger-Boy!"
"I'm coming, bitch, I'm coming!"
Meanwhile. . .
"Would you two PLEASE stop making eyes at each other?!?" Arwen shouted. "We KNOW you're into each other, but that DOESN'T MEAN you have to do it in front of the REST OF US!!!!" She was talking, of course, about Frodo and Aluna. (sorry Aluna! I had to! Forget the rabid plotbunnies!!!! The rabid Orcs and Nazguls at my back made me!!!! AHHH!!!!!)
"Arwen," Elrond said, "that was uncalled for. We've ALL seen the way you look at Aragorn, even though he doesn't notice." The Hobbits and Legolas sniggered at Arwen's blush. (A/N: In this insanity, I can't even call it a story, Arwen's got it bad for Aragorn, but Aragorn either doesn't notice or ignores it.)
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"Hey, they're FINALLY catching up!" Merry told everyone. Legolas was to busy trying to stop laughing to have noticed. "And they make such a cute couple!"
At this point, Arwen looked about ready to strangle the poor Hobbit, but a stern look from her father kept her in check. So she mumbled under her breath to keep herself somewhat content.
Rei was also laughing very hard, and accidentally tripped over her own feet. (Our graceful Rei wouldn't really do this, that's me, but it's MY fic and it works for what I'm gonna have happen.) She fell and suddenly stopped falling. Someone had caught her. As soon as she got her feet back under her, she turned around, intending to thank her rescuer and found herself staring into beautiful blue eyes, totally speechless.
"Uh. . .Uh. . .Thanks," she finally managed to get out.
Legolas smiled back at her. "No problem, any time." She managed, somehow, to smile back.
At the same time, oblivious to all else, Frodo and Aluna were shamelessly flirting, not caring about the stares (in the case of the other three Hobbits) or the glares (from a disgruntled female Elf).
"Come on, people," Lessa said. "We need to talk to my parents. They'll know what to do. Ranger-Boy, that means you too! You wouldn't last five minutes out here!"
Aragorn, who had stopped to stare at some passing people, glared at her. "Yeah I would," he said. "You try lasting five minutes back where I come from. You'd get killed in two, by Orcs, no less."
"Why you. . ." The rest of what Lessa said has been edited out due to extreme obscenities. We apologize for any inconvenience. You wanna know what she said? Use your imagination! I ain't gonna lose my PG-13 rating over this!
Everyone else stared in shock, except, of course, Aluna and Rei who were used to it by now. They were still kind of giggling and not believing their luck.
Lessa, panting slightly from the LONG string of obscenities and curses, looked around and noticed everyone staring at her. "What?" she demanded.
Then Merry and Pippin congratulated her on an excellent vocabulary, Elrond went even deeper into shock, Arwen burst out laughing, Sam and Frodo tried not to, Legolas looked away, Aluna and Rei started yelling at her, and Aragorn just shook his head.
Muttering, Lessa led them all home.
A few minutes later, they walked in. Unfortunately, Lessa's parents weren't home. They had taken her two younger brothers school clothes shopping and wouldn't be back until late. She had hoped to have this solved before late. This sucked.
Rei and Legolas started moving toward another room, where they could shamlessly flirt without disturbing anyone. Aluna and Frodo were shamelessly flirting right in front of everyone. Arwen was glaring daggers at them, the other three Hobbits were giggling, and Elrond was shaking his head sadly. Aragorn and Lessa were, you guessed it, arguing.
"Where the hell did you get an idea like that? THAT won't work!"
"Yes it will, bitch! Where do you get off telling me what to do?"
"This is MY world, Ranger-Boy! You sure as hell would be unable to get anywhere without me, seeing as how BOTH of my friends are infatuated with two of YOUR friends, and so deep in love they can scarcely tell up from down! Now I suggest you LISTEN to what I tell you instead of dismissing it and acting like you know best!" This brought much applause from the three present Hobbits, an amused chuckle from Elrond, and an openmouthed glare from Arwen. Then Arwen started in on Lessa.
"Where the hell do you get off talking to him like that? Don't you know who he is, whore?" This brought a shocked stare from Elrond and giggles from the Hobbits.
"Yeah, Pointy, I know damn well who he is! This is MY place, MY world, you people don't even EXIST in it, so I'll talk to him however I damn well please!"
"You will NOT speak to me in such a manner!"
"Wanna put some money on that, hun? I'll talk to YOU however I damn well please too! You don't like it? Then go **** off and survive on your own!"
"All right, that's enough from all three of you!" Elrond took control. "We're all frustrated and tired. We should perhaps get some rest and start anew in the morning." All of them agreed. They finally got hold of Legolas and Rei, brought them back from fantasyland and told them to go to sleep. Then they did the same with Aluna and Frodo. The two new couples curled up together and went to sleep. Arwen went off saying something about insubordinate whores, Aragorn just slipped off silently, Elrond went off with a sigh, the Hobbits went off talking, and Lessa went to bed muttering about idiot Rangers and stupid Elf-wenches.
The next morning, Lessa woke up in her bed. It was a dream she thought. It HAD to be a dream. There's no such things as Elves or Hobbits. Elrond was NOT here, that little wench Arwen wasn't either, NONE of the Hobbits were EVER present, Ranger-Boy and Legolas were figments of my imagination. I'm going to go downstairs and see my parents and bothers talking and eating breakfast.
Lessa walked down stairs to see everybody already up: INCLUDING Ranger-Boy and Legolas. Dammit, I almost had myself convinced too!
"Anyway, like I was saying, Yoda is the best out of the Star Wars series," Aluna was saying. The people from LoTR, to give them a short name and not have to list everyone of them, were kind of staring, not understanding what was being said, except Sam. He was cooking breakfast.
"Yoda's a conniving old troll," Lessa said, entering the conversation.
At the point Lessa said that, Yoda himself walked in and smacked her with his gimer stick. "CONNIVING OLD TROLL I AM NOT!!! A CONSPIRACY IT IS!!!" Then he left, muttering about crazy-ass authors and their conspiracies. (A/N: Sorry all, I had to put it in. You wouldn't get it unless you read my Jenny Jones Star Wars Style fic.)
Lessa passed the meal mumbling about conniving old trolls, stupid Rangers, and bitchy Elf-girls. Fortunately, no one heard her and it is by the power of the author that you now know.
Aragorn brooded all through the meal, bringing Frodo out of La-La Land long enough to ask if something was wrong. Aragorn just said no without thinking about it, even though something was wrong and you won't know about THIS 'til later. Frodo, as in love as he was, passed it off as a virus or the flu or something and went back to his shameless flirting, which pissed Arwen off no end. Legolas and Rei had apparently decided to go steady as they were holding hands. Sam was so happy for his Mister Frodo, finally finding someone and maybe settling down. Merry and Pippin were watching Frodo and Aluna shamelessly flirt and Elrond was ignoring it all, thankful that there wasn't a shouting match going on between Arwen, Aragorn, and Lessa.
Later, Lessa decided that she couldn't take spending the whole day inside, so she gathered everybody to hit the town. She seriously debated whether or not to leaver Ranger-Boy and Elf-Bitch, a.k.a. Arwen, behind. In the end, she had no choice but to take them, as Rei and Aluna threatened to make her sit through two make-out sessions. She REALLY didn't want that.
Anyway, you knew there had to be some end to this insanity I would like to label a story, so here it is. They were walking down the street, the. . .however many of them there were. I lost count. Anyway, however many of them there were were walking down the street. We've established this. Yes. So, suddenly in front of them appeared this big, gigantic hole. It seemed to be a portal of some sort. Lessa was all for shoving the LoTR people in and having done with it. Of course, though, Aluna and Rei and to have their 'beautiful goodbyes.' Lessa, having no choice, waited them out.
During these goodbyes, Aragorn wandered over to her. "Uh. . .Lessa?"
Lessa, startled that he'd speak to her, spun around to face him and snapped, "What the hell do you want, Ranger-Boy?" At his hurt look, she apologized. "I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard, that's all. Anyway, did you want something?"
"Uh. . .Yeah. I wanted to thank you for your hospitality last night and I'm sorry for. . .Uh. . .My part in our arguments."
"Um. . .Sure. I'm sorry too."
"Well, I guess this is goodbye."
"See ya later Ranger-Boy."
"Bye psycho bitch."
They exchanged a quick embrace and then he had to go. Aluna and Rei were all teary eyed, Arwen was practically cheering, Elrond was silent, though happy, Legolas and Frodo were sad, Sam was sad for his Mister Frodo, the other Hobbits were giggly (?), and Aragorn was, for some odd reason, forlorn. Then they were all gone. Aluna and Rei looked pointedly at Lessa.
"What? I say good riddance!" They continued to look at her. "Oh, boy. I KNOW I'm going to regret this."
A/N: This is it! The END! Of the first chapter. There will be two more, as I plan it. This is not how I intended to write this. I'm SORRY REI!!!!!!!!!!! You can't say I didn't keep my promise though. I did! Here it is! Anyway, please review.
Rating: PG-13 because of language. I have a very foul mouth, but I won't be that bad.
Disclaimer: You all know the drill. . .Don't own 'em, never will, yadda, yadda, yadda. Rei belongs to herself and Aluna belongs to herself. I belong to myself. *NOTE: Rei and Aluna's names have been changed: They asked NOT to have their real names used, and gave me these instead. Don't ask me where they got them. I don't know. I don't WANT to know.
NOTE: This is a Mary Sue fic or an AU fic or whatever the hell you people call 'em. Meaning this is MY way, with some suggestions made by Rei that I have fulfilled. If you aren't into the sort of thing where anything can happen, I warn you, GO BACK NOW!!!
Okay, the people in this story are:
Rei: Black hair, halfway down her back, about 5'2", almost pitch dark eyes with little hints of amethyst in them. She's the one who'll always get up in people's faces to protect her friends from physical and verbal assaults alike. She is very protective of those she cares about.
Aluna: Brown hair a little past her shoulders with chocolate brown eyes, very pretty. 5'5". She's quick witted and quick to retort if someone's dissing someone else, even if she doesn't like the person who is being dissed. Usually looks for different ways to solve a problem, though.
Lessa: Blonde hair about to her shoulders, with blue eyes. 5'6". Known as the 'smart guy' of the group. The other two go to her for homework help and a study date. She's very energetic.
Three girls walked down a street in good old, Los Angeles, California. (Don't ask me why I chose L.A. I just did.) They had just come from school and they fully intended to have a good time tonight. They'd been best friends for years. So they were very close and knew each other very well. Anyway, moving right along. . .
Where was I? Oh, yes.
Anyway, these three girls, Aluna, Rei, and Lessa, were walking down some street or other in the beautiful *COUGH*NOT*COUGH city of Los Angeles. They'd just gotten out of school and wanted to spend the day watching movies and obsessing about the hot guys in them. Their latest obsession was Star Wars: Episode II. Lessa was all for Obi-Wan and Aluna and Rei were all over Anakin. Their previous obsessions had included Lord of the Rings and Black Hawk Down. They were currently having a two vs. one argument over who was hotter. Fortunately, they were pretty evenly matched. This argument went on until. . .
"Is it just me, or is the light getting brighter?" asked Aluna.
"Yup, it's getting brighter!" replied Rei.
"What the hell is going on?" growled Lessa, ever the foul mouthed freak that she is.
Suddenly, the light flashed to great brightness, temporarily blinding the girls. Poor girls! Lessa's got contacts! Her sight's bad enough! And Rei and Aluna both have reading glasses! POOR PEOPLE!!!!
Anyway. . .
Finally, the girls' vision went back to normal. Lessa started cursing and Rei and Aluna kind of stared. Finally, they got Lessa to shut up and pointed at the seven people getting up from where they had fallen. "Holy shit," all three said together.
"Is that. . .?" Rei began.
"Can it be. . .?" Aluna started.
"Oh for crying out loud, it's a bunch of freaks dressed up like Lord of the Rings characters!" Lessa said. "Look, see, this guy looks like Frodo," squeals from Aluna, "That one looks like Legolas," shouts from Rei, "that one's Sam, there's Merry and Pippin, that's. . .Holy crap, Elrond and Arwen. . . That's new. And, oh, yeah. Ranger-Boy." Giggles from the other two. They BOTH knew their friend had a crush on Aragorn, even if she didn't. Know that is. Anyway.
One of the 'freaks dressed up like characters from Lord of the Rings' looked up. "What the. . . Um. . . Where, exactly, are we?" This was Sam.
Another one of them shrieked. "LOOK AT THOSE BUILDINGS!!! THEY'RE BIGGER THAN THE ONES IN MINAS TIRITH!!! Sorry Strider, but true." This one being Merry.
"I must say, I agree with you," replied a somewhat dumbfounded Aragorn.
"Where the hell are we?" inquired Pippin. "And furthermore, WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE!?!?!?"
The three Elves were trying not to start yelling at the poor, idiot Hobbit.
Rei and Aluna were freaking out. They actually believed these were the REAL people from Lord of the Rings. They thought they were from some alternate universe or something. Lessa, on the other hand. . .
"Why are you people dressed like that?" she inquired. "I mean, it's cute and all, but there are real limits as to what you should and should not do." The other two were trying to make her shut up. "And furthermore. . . What is that sound?"
Everyone listened carefully. "Hoof beats," Legolas said finally.
Suddenly, wouldn't you know it?, around the corner came. . . LOS NAZGULS!!!! They just HAD to show up, didn't they?
Legolas drew his bow, Aragorn drew his sword, the Hobbits got hold of their Hobbit swords, AKA daggers. A great clash began, nine Nazguls versus four Hobbits, one (very hot) man, and an Elf. Then, Rei, being Rei, started in on the Nazguls. She couldn't do much, but what she could do helped. Then, following her lead, Lessa and Aluna leaped into the fray.
Soon enough, los Nazguls, as the author calls them, were gone having been scared away. Introductions were taking place, as was some. . . um. . .staring. On the parts of one Hobbit, one Elf, and two girls. One other girls was looking. One man was looking too. The girls that are staring are Aluna and Rei, and they are staring at Hobbit and Elf respectively. The Hobbit and Elf in question are Frodo and Legolas, couldn't ya guess it, and they are, of course, the ones staring at Aluna and Rei, respectively. If you don't know who the man and other girl are, you have problems. I'll say it just in case. The man is Aragorn and the girl is Lessa and they are sizing each other up as if going into a fight.
(A/N: They aren't but you can probably guess that Aragorn would win.)
Arwen was looking at Aragorn looking at Lessa, and she was jealous. Aragorn hadn't fallen for her, since this is MY fic!!! And the Elf, Hobbit, and girls were looking at the person they were staring at appreciatively. Unfortunately for Frodo and Aluna, Aluna was WAY too tall for him. We're talking more than a foot here, people. Anyway. . .
"I still don't believe you people are who you say you are," stated Lessa.
"Well, we are, bitch," Arwen shot back, gaining a sharp reprimand from her father.
"Rei?" Aluna asked. "Can you do one of your psychic things? We all believe those. . ."
"I'll try," she said. Her face went white and blank, like she was staring at something no one else could see. Eventually she came to. She nodded. "They are telling the truth, believe it or not." Then she went back to staring.
Lessa grumbled.
"Could one of you please tell us where we are?" Elrond, nice guy that he was, asked politely. Lessa, the only one of the girls NOT infatuated with a member of the opposite sex, replied.
"You're in Los Angeles, California."
"What is Los Angeles?" he inquired.
"It's a city," Lessa informed him. "A very big city where everybody who hopes to become a star goes to try and make it big. Either here or New York. NYC is bigger, but this is the center of the movie industry. Don't ask," she told him, seeing that he was about to ask. "It's a long story and you REALLY don't want to know."
"Los Angeles? What kind of a name for a city is THAT?" asked Aragorn.
"Well, I wouldn't be talking Ranger-Boy," Lessa said. "What kind of a name for a city is Minas Tirith?"
"Bitch!" spat Aragorn.
"Damn straight, asshole!" she shot back.
"Estel, Lessa, you will cease this right now!" This was Elrond, taking control. "Estel, I thought I brought you up better than that."
"Yes Lord Elrond," he said and looked away and Arwen sniggered behind her hand. He resisted the urge to have at it with her.
"Ok, now, please explain to ME how you got here!" Lessa asked.
"Well, there was a flash of light, and BANG, we were here!" This wonderful explanation was courtesy of one Peregrine Took.
"Oh. . ." Rei was completely love-struck, as was Aluna. Then a car came.
"Hey, you *BLEEPS* (Sorry, the author does NOT wish to sacrifice her PG-13 rating)! Get the hell out of the road!" some random driver or other shouted at the strange group, honking his horn and generally being annoying.
Lessa, Rei, and Aluna guided everyone to the street side. They decided to head to Lessa's house as her parents WOULD believe what had happened and they had been heading there anyway. Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam were watching the cars go by, amazed. Aluna took hold of Frodo's hand and lead him away, Rei Hooked her arm in Legolas's and led him off, and that left Lessa with Aragorn.
"Let's go, Ranger-Boy. We're getting left behind."
"Will you STOP calling me that?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it pisses you off. Now let's go."
He started walking. "Can I call you bitch then?"
"Yeah, everybody does. Either that or psycho bitch. Just don't get caught by your foster father."
"Ok."
"Let's GO Ranger-Boy!"
"I'm coming, bitch, I'm coming!"
Meanwhile. . .
"Would you two PLEASE stop making eyes at each other?!?" Arwen shouted. "We KNOW you're into each other, but that DOESN'T MEAN you have to do it in front of the REST OF US!!!!" She was talking, of course, about Frodo and Aluna. (sorry Aluna! I had to! Forget the rabid plotbunnies!!!! The rabid Orcs and Nazguls at my back made me!!!! AHHH!!!!!)
"Arwen," Elrond said, "that was uncalled for. We've ALL seen the way you look at Aragorn, even though he doesn't notice." The Hobbits and Legolas sniggered at Arwen's blush. (A/N: In this insanity, I can't even call it a story, Arwen's got it bad for Aragorn, but Aragorn either doesn't notice or ignores it.)
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"Hey, they're FINALLY catching up!" Merry told everyone. Legolas was to busy trying to stop laughing to have noticed. "And they make such a cute couple!"
At this point, Arwen looked about ready to strangle the poor Hobbit, but a stern look from her father kept her in check. So she mumbled under her breath to keep herself somewhat content.
Rei was also laughing very hard, and accidentally tripped over her own feet. (Our graceful Rei wouldn't really do this, that's me, but it's MY fic and it works for what I'm gonna have happen.) She fell and suddenly stopped falling. Someone had caught her. As soon as she got her feet back under her, she turned around, intending to thank her rescuer and found herself staring into beautiful blue eyes, totally speechless.
"Uh. . .Uh. . .Thanks," she finally managed to get out.
Legolas smiled back at her. "No problem, any time." She managed, somehow, to smile back.
At the same time, oblivious to all else, Frodo and Aluna were shamelessly flirting, not caring about the stares (in the case of the other three Hobbits) or the glares (from a disgruntled female Elf).
"Come on, people," Lessa said. "We need to talk to my parents. They'll know what to do. Ranger-Boy, that means you too! You wouldn't last five minutes out here!"
Aragorn, who had stopped to stare at some passing people, glared at her. "Yeah I would," he said. "You try lasting five minutes back where I come from. You'd get killed in two, by Orcs, no less."
"Why you. . ." The rest of what Lessa said has been edited out due to extreme obscenities. We apologize for any inconvenience. You wanna know what she said? Use your imagination! I ain't gonna lose my PG-13 rating over this!
Everyone else stared in shock, except, of course, Aluna and Rei who were used to it by now. They were still kind of giggling and not believing their luck.
Lessa, panting slightly from the LONG string of obscenities and curses, looked around and noticed everyone staring at her. "What?" she demanded.
Then Merry and Pippin congratulated her on an excellent vocabulary, Elrond went even deeper into shock, Arwen burst out laughing, Sam and Frodo tried not to, Legolas looked away, Aluna and Rei started yelling at her, and Aragorn just shook his head.
Muttering, Lessa led them all home.
A few minutes later, they walked in. Unfortunately, Lessa's parents weren't home. They had taken her two younger brothers school clothes shopping and wouldn't be back until late. She had hoped to have this solved before late. This sucked.
Rei and Legolas started moving toward another room, where they could shamlessly flirt without disturbing anyone. Aluna and Frodo were shamelessly flirting right in front of everyone. Arwen was glaring daggers at them, the other three Hobbits were giggling, and Elrond was shaking his head sadly. Aragorn and Lessa were, you guessed it, arguing.
"Where the hell did you get an idea like that? THAT won't work!"
"Yes it will, bitch! Where do you get off telling me what to do?"
"This is MY world, Ranger-Boy! You sure as hell would be unable to get anywhere without me, seeing as how BOTH of my friends are infatuated with two of YOUR friends, and so deep in love they can scarcely tell up from down! Now I suggest you LISTEN to what I tell you instead of dismissing it and acting like you know best!" This brought much applause from the three present Hobbits, an amused chuckle from Elrond, and an openmouthed glare from Arwen. Then Arwen started in on Lessa.
"Where the hell do you get off talking to him like that? Don't you know who he is, whore?" This brought a shocked stare from Elrond and giggles from the Hobbits.
"Yeah, Pointy, I know damn well who he is! This is MY place, MY world, you people don't even EXIST in it, so I'll talk to him however I damn well please!"
"You will NOT speak to me in such a manner!"
"Wanna put some money on that, hun? I'll talk to YOU however I damn well please too! You don't like it? Then go **** off and survive on your own!"
"All right, that's enough from all three of you!" Elrond took control. "We're all frustrated and tired. We should perhaps get some rest and start anew in the morning." All of them agreed. They finally got hold of Legolas and Rei, brought them back from fantasyland and told them to go to sleep. Then they did the same with Aluna and Frodo. The two new couples curled up together and went to sleep. Arwen went off saying something about insubordinate whores, Aragorn just slipped off silently, Elrond went off with a sigh, the Hobbits went off talking, and Lessa went to bed muttering about idiot Rangers and stupid Elf-wenches.
The next morning, Lessa woke up in her bed. It was a dream she thought. It HAD to be a dream. There's no such things as Elves or Hobbits. Elrond was NOT here, that little wench Arwen wasn't either, NONE of the Hobbits were EVER present, Ranger-Boy and Legolas were figments of my imagination. I'm going to go downstairs and see my parents and bothers talking and eating breakfast.
Lessa walked down stairs to see everybody already up: INCLUDING Ranger-Boy and Legolas. Dammit, I almost had myself convinced too!
"Anyway, like I was saying, Yoda is the best out of the Star Wars series," Aluna was saying. The people from LoTR, to give them a short name and not have to list everyone of them, were kind of staring, not understanding what was being said, except Sam. He was cooking breakfast.
"Yoda's a conniving old troll," Lessa said, entering the conversation.
At the point Lessa said that, Yoda himself walked in and smacked her with his gimer stick. "CONNIVING OLD TROLL I AM NOT!!! A CONSPIRACY IT IS!!!" Then he left, muttering about crazy-ass authors and their conspiracies. (A/N: Sorry all, I had to put it in. You wouldn't get it unless you read my Jenny Jones Star Wars Style fic.)
Lessa passed the meal mumbling about conniving old trolls, stupid Rangers, and bitchy Elf-girls. Fortunately, no one heard her and it is by the power of the author that you now know.
Aragorn brooded all through the meal, bringing Frodo out of La-La Land long enough to ask if something was wrong. Aragorn just said no without thinking about it, even though something was wrong and you won't know about THIS 'til later. Frodo, as in love as he was, passed it off as a virus or the flu or something and went back to his shameless flirting, which pissed Arwen off no end. Legolas and Rei had apparently decided to go steady as they were holding hands. Sam was so happy for his Mister Frodo, finally finding someone and maybe settling down. Merry and Pippin were watching Frodo and Aluna shamelessly flirt and Elrond was ignoring it all, thankful that there wasn't a shouting match going on between Arwen, Aragorn, and Lessa.
Later, Lessa decided that she couldn't take spending the whole day inside, so she gathered everybody to hit the town. She seriously debated whether or not to leaver Ranger-Boy and Elf-Bitch, a.k.a. Arwen, behind. In the end, she had no choice but to take them, as Rei and Aluna threatened to make her sit through two make-out sessions. She REALLY didn't want that.
Anyway, you knew there had to be some end to this insanity I would like to label a story, so here it is. They were walking down the street, the. . .however many of them there were. I lost count. Anyway, however many of them there were were walking down the street. We've established this. Yes. So, suddenly in front of them appeared this big, gigantic hole. It seemed to be a portal of some sort. Lessa was all for shoving the LoTR people in and having done with it. Of course, though, Aluna and Rei and to have their 'beautiful goodbyes.' Lessa, having no choice, waited them out.
During these goodbyes, Aragorn wandered over to her. "Uh. . .Lessa?"
Lessa, startled that he'd speak to her, spun around to face him and snapped, "What the hell do you want, Ranger-Boy?" At his hurt look, she apologized. "I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard, that's all. Anyway, did you want something?"
"Uh. . .Yeah. I wanted to thank you for your hospitality last night and I'm sorry for. . .Uh. . .My part in our arguments."
"Um. . .Sure. I'm sorry too."
"Well, I guess this is goodbye."
"See ya later Ranger-Boy."
"Bye psycho bitch."
They exchanged a quick embrace and then he had to go. Aluna and Rei were all teary eyed, Arwen was practically cheering, Elrond was silent, though happy, Legolas and Frodo were sad, Sam was sad for his Mister Frodo, the other Hobbits were giggly (?), and Aragorn was, for some odd reason, forlorn. Then they were all gone. Aluna and Rei looked pointedly at Lessa.
"What? I say good riddance!" They continued to look at her. "Oh, boy. I KNOW I'm going to regret this."
A/N: This is it! The END! Of the first chapter. There will be two more, as I plan it. This is not how I intended to write this. I'm SORRY REI!!!!!!!!!!! You can't say I didn't keep my promise though. I did! Here it is! Anyway, please review.