A/N: Welcome back to my insane story! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! If you didn't
like the first chapter, why are you reading this? Please don't flame. I
hate that Constructive criticism is welcome.
Lessa, Aluna, and Rei hit the ground hard. "Rei, will you get OFF me??"
"Sorry Aluna! Lessa, get off me so I can get off HER!"
"I'm moving, I'm moving."
All three finally got up and brushed themselves off. "Hey, I'm a Hobbit!" Aluna shouted joyfully.
"I'm an Elf!" breather Rei excitedly.
"I'm me!" Lessa said mockingly. Then they looked around. "Uh-oh. . ."
"What the hell are you three doing here?!?!" shouted Elrond in a rare loss of control. This brought applause from Elladan and Elrohir (That's his sons, right?), most of the Elves present, and Aragorn. Legolas had made his way over to Rei and they were hugging joyfully and Aluna and Frodo actually KISSED in front of everyone else. AHH!!!! Anyway. . .
"It is a good question, girls," Legolas said more gently. "What ARE you doing here?"
"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Lessa said, waving her hand around in the air like the maniac that she is. "We were standing on the edge of the portal after you guys jumped in and they kinda looked at me and they wanted to go to, but I said no, but then they pulled me in with them, so here we are!" This brought laughter to the men and Dwarves present. "And seeing as how we have NO FREAKIN' IDEA ABOUT HOW TO GET HOME, we're stuck here for a while." This made Frodo, Legolas, and several men and Elves, seeing that Lessa was available, very happy, Elrond groan as if in pain, and Aragorn actually SMILE!!! YEA!!!!!!! Lovely picture right there, but that's MY bias. Anyway. . .
Later. . .
"Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam stated.
"No, indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not," replied Elrond.
"HEY! We're coming too!" shouted Merry and Pippin. Elrond looked miffed.
"Well, if the Hobbits get to go, so do we!" Aluna spoke up.
"Yeah! We know. . . some fighting. . ." Rei said. "I can SO kick ass! AND I can do archery!"
Lessa kinda whistled 'til they looked at her. "What? Oh, well, I guess I'm going too. . ."
Elrond raised his eyebrow. "Very well, then. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"
"Great!" said Pippin. "Where are we going?" Everyone shook their heads at the poor, stupid Hobbit.
Now, thanks to my insanity, we are now on that rock place, where Boromir is teaching the Hobbits how to fight. If you haven't seen the movie, you won't know what I'm talking about. Only, now, instead of just Merry and Pippin, Aluna and Lessa are taking some lessons. They'd both been given swords. Legolas was working on archery with Rei. Aragorn was watching the practice, giving helpful tips to the participants. Gandalf and Gimli were talking about *GASP* Moria! What a surprise! I swear, in the movie, that stupid dwarf is OBSESSED! Anyway. . . Frodo and Sam are hanging out, watching the practice and generally enjoying themselves.
When Boromir accidentally hit Pippin, Merry, Pippin, and Aluna went after him, while Lessa tackled Aragorn. "HEY!" he shouted. "I never got involved! Why are you after me?!?!"
"'Cuz you're Ranger-Boy!" she hooted. "It's FUN to piss to off!" Everyone aww'd the two wrestlers cuz they just looked so damn cute together!
"Hey, what's that?" Sam asked.
"Nothing, just some cloud," answered Gimli.
"But. . . But. . .," Aluna said.
"It's moving fast. . ." Boromir began.
"Against the wind," Aragorn finished.
"Crebon, from Dunland! (I think!!!)" Legolas shouted.
"Hide!!" Aragorn commanded. He grabbed Lessa and his sword, Legolas got hold of Rei, Frodo took Aluna's hand, and everybody hid, but not without much protestation on the part of Lessa.
"I do know how to move, jackass! You can put me DOWN!!!" Etc.
When the bird things, a.k.a. the SPIES OF SARUMAN!!! Dun dun DUNNNNN!!!!, were gone, the fellowship decided to take Caradhras. That havin failed, they decided against the Gap of Rohan, because that went too close to Isengard, where Saruman was, so that was bad. They finally decided to make Gimli shut the hell up and take the Mines or MORIA!!!
Okay things happened in there between a beautifully aged Aluna, now 35, and Frodo, 33, that will not be spoken of here. Legolas and Rei were caught before they could get very far.
Fast forwarding to. . . Lorien!!!!!!!
It is now the night before the Fellowship leaves. Legolas and Rei are making out in some tree, no one knows where Frodo and Aluna are, Merry, Pippin and Sam were just chillin' Boromir was watching the stars and Gimli was muttering about being stuck with Elves and how beautiful the Lady Galadriel was.
Aragorn moved over to where Lessa was sitting. "Are you cold?" he asked her.
Lessa nodded. "I'm a regular fire lizard. I get cold very easy and this isn't the warmest place in the galaxy, you know?"
Nodding, Aragorn put his cloak around her shoulders. Blushing slightly, she pulled it tight as he moved to sit next to her. Slowly, slowly, ever slowly, shoe moved closer to him, as she was still cold. Aragorn, being Aragorn, noticed. He smiled and put his arm around her, drawing her closer. She stiffened for a moment, then snuggled close. Whatever else he is, he's MY Ranger-Boy she thought happily to herself.
"Lessa?" he whispered.
"Yes, Aragorn?" she whispered back.
"I love you."
"I love you too." Aragorn put both his arms around her and held her 'til she fell asleep.
In some tree, Legolas and Rei were very close. VERY close, but there was still clothing involved. Rei shivered and Legolas pulled her close. "Cold?" he asked her.
"No, just. . . I feel very lucky. . .you know, to be with you," she responded.
"Come on!" he said.
"No, really!" she replied. "Back home, I never thought anyone like you could love me and. . .well. . .here we are."
"Yup," he said, "here we are. And here we'll stay." With that he pulled her close and in some tree they fell asleep.
We won't even go into what Frodo and Aluna were talking about.
Okay, fast forward to. . .THE BIG FIGHT SCENE!!!!
Aragorn, Lessa, Legolas, Rei, and Gimli are kickin ass, Frodo's debating whether to leave or not, Aluna and Sam are looking for him, Boromir is kickin ass elsewhere while protecting Merry and Pippin. Blah blah blah. Then we head to where Sam and Aluna find Frodo.
"FRODO!!!" they both yelled.
"You are so NOT going anywhere without us!" Aluna called.
"No, go back both of you! I'm going to Mordor alone," he said.
"Of course you are," said Sam. "And we're coming with you!"
Finally, Frodo, seeing how distressed they were, relented and let them on. Then all three went off to Mordor.
Meanwhile. . .
"Legolas?" Rei asked hesitantly.
"It's going to be all right," he told her, taking in his arms. They held each other for a long time after, offering each other support and love.
Mean meanwhile. . .
"Aragorn?"
"Hmm? Oh, Lessa. What no Ranger-Boy?"
She knew he was trying to be strong for everyone. "Nah, I decided I like Aragorn better."
"Oh, well, as you will."
"Are you okay?" There, she'd done it.
"Fine," he said.
"Don't lie to me."
Those four words had a lot of power in them, Aragorn reflected. "It's just. . .two members of the Fellowship gone and I can't help but feel it's my fault."
"It's not. Let me put it this way: Gandalf said from the beginning, as did you, that he'd sacrifice his life to protect Frodo. If you were Gandalf, wouldn't you do what he did?"
"Yes."
"Okay, and Boromir had it coming. He was an asshole who totally deserved what he got. . ."
"Lessa!"
"Okay, okay. He died nobly too. He was protecting the Hobbits, you know, Merry and Pippin. He did well. You would have done the same."
"I suppose. . ."
"Well, STOP moping around and let's get our asses doing something constructive."
"Like go get Frodo, Aluna, and Sam!" interjected Legolas, who had just arrived with Rei and Gimli.
"No," Aragorn said sternly. "Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands."
"Yeah. We have more IMPORTANT things to do!" Lessa told them.
"Like what?" asked Gimli.
"Like rescue Merry and Pippin, of course!" Lessa said.
"Right," continued Aragorn. "Get what you need and leave everything that can be spared behind. We're traveling light."
"Let's go kick some Orc ass!" shouted Rei. All the others yelled their agreement.
And with that, off they went!
Okay, because I'm screwed up, I am going to fast forward this to. . . that LAST battle where my baby, a.k.a. Aragorn, really shows his true colors! In the book at least. . .
In Mordor. . .
"Hell no! We're SUPPOSED to go THAT way!!!"
"No, THAT way!"
"No, Precioussss, that is the way we should go!"
There was a three-way argument going on between Sam, Aluna, and Gollum. Frodo was too tired to say anything, so he just listened. Finally, the match was settled by Aluna's use of several choice words taken from long sessions with Lessa. These choice words shall not be repeated here as I really want to keep this PG-13 rating. You want obscenities? Go check out my other fic, Jenny Jones Star Wars Style. While you're at it, read For Love of a Knight, a *GASP* serious fic. Don't forget to review both!
Moving, on. . .They got to Mordor/Mount Doom/Barad Dur or whatever the hell it is and destroyed the Ring.
Back with the other people. . .
Where could those damned Orcs have gone?!?!" Legolas raged.
"This way!" Rei shouted.
"No, THAT way!" Lessa said.
"No, I'm telling you it was that was!" Gimli stated.
"Guys! It's. . ." Aragorn started.
"NO!!! THAT way!"
"But. . .It's. . ." he tried again.
"NO, THIS way!"
"PEOPLE!!!" That got their attention. "It's this way, based on the fact that there's Merry's cloak pin is right there."
"Oh, let's go then," the rest chorused.
Okay, they met up with Eomer, went back to. . .I forgot what that city's name was. Thingol or something. Anyway, they met up with Theoden, convinced him that Wormtongue was a lying son of a bitch, got him to march against Saruman and Mordor, and went on the Paths of the Dead with the rest of the Dunedain.
Back in the fight or whenever the Mouth of Sauron comes out. . .
"Hey, bitches, my Master says surrender now or MEET YOUR DOOM!!" This, of course, was coming from the Mouth of Sauron, which, from now on shall be called MOS.
"Hell, no jackass! You go tell your (BLEEP!!!!!!!) gay-ass Master fag that we'll never give up and NEVER surrender!!!" This of course, came from Lessa. It was greeted with growls from the Orc army and cheers, whistles, and applause from the Gond-Oh, Aragorn's army!
"Very well then," the MOS said ominously. "ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At this point the armies crashed, los Nazguls came flying out of Mordor and CHAOS REIGNED!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At some point or other, Merry killed off on of los Nazguls, the Witch King, I think, who was gonna kill Eowyn. Eowyn being this Rohan chick who rode in with the Rohirrim army, which was currently kickin' Orc ass.
Then, some Nazgul or other went after Aragorn, at which point, Lessa and Legolas went berserk and Lessa tried to chop the shit out of him with her sword, and Legolas turned him into a walking pin cushion. Aragorn just shook his head and went back to the battle. The lot of them fought side by side, Aragorn, Lessa, Legolas, Rei, Marry, Pippin, and Gandalf.
Lessa, Aluna, and Rei hit the ground hard. "Rei, will you get OFF me??"
"Sorry Aluna! Lessa, get off me so I can get off HER!"
"I'm moving, I'm moving."
All three finally got up and brushed themselves off. "Hey, I'm a Hobbit!" Aluna shouted joyfully.
"I'm an Elf!" breather Rei excitedly.
"I'm me!" Lessa said mockingly. Then they looked around. "Uh-oh. . ."
"What the hell are you three doing here?!?!" shouted Elrond in a rare loss of control. This brought applause from Elladan and Elrohir (That's his sons, right?), most of the Elves present, and Aragorn. Legolas had made his way over to Rei and they were hugging joyfully and Aluna and Frodo actually KISSED in front of everyone else. AHH!!!! Anyway. . .
"It is a good question, girls," Legolas said more gently. "What ARE you doing here?"
"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Lessa said, waving her hand around in the air like the maniac that she is. "We were standing on the edge of the portal after you guys jumped in and they kinda looked at me and they wanted to go to, but I said no, but then they pulled me in with them, so here we are!" This brought laughter to the men and Dwarves present. "And seeing as how we have NO FREAKIN' IDEA ABOUT HOW TO GET HOME, we're stuck here for a while." This made Frodo, Legolas, and several men and Elves, seeing that Lessa was available, very happy, Elrond groan as if in pain, and Aragorn actually SMILE!!! YEA!!!!!!! Lovely picture right there, but that's MY bias. Anyway. . .
Later. . .
"Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam stated.
"No, indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not," replied Elrond.
"HEY! We're coming too!" shouted Merry and Pippin. Elrond looked miffed.
"Well, if the Hobbits get to go, so do we!" Aluna spoke up.
"Yeah! We know. . . some fighting. . ." Rei said. "I can SO kick ass! AND I can do archery!"
Lessa kinda whistled 'til they looked at her. "What? Oh, well, I guess I'm going too. . ."
Elrond raised his eyebrow. "Very well, then. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"
"Great!" said Pippin. "Where are we going?" Everyone shook their heads at the poor, stupid Hobbit.
Now, thanks to my insanity, we are now on that rock place, where Boromir is teaching the Hobbits how to fight. If you haven't seen the movie, you won't know what I'm talking about. Only, now, instead of just Merry and Pippin, Aluna and Lessa are taking some lessons. They'd both been given swords. Legolas was working on archery with Rei. Aragorn was watching the practice, giving helpful tips to the participants. Gandalf and Gimli were talking about *GASP* Moria! What a surprise! I swear, in the movie, that stupid dwarf is OBSESSED! Anyway. . . Frodo and Sam are hanging out, watching the practice and generally enjoying themselves.
When Boromir accidentally hit Pippin, Merry, Pippin, and Aluna went after him, while Lessa tackled Aragorn. "HEY!" he shouted. "I never got involved! Why are you after me?!?!"
"'Cuz you're Ranger-Boy!" she hooted. "It's FUN to piss to off!" Everyone aww'd the two wrestlers cuz they just looked so damn cute together!
"Hey, what's that?" Sam asked.
"Nothing, just some cloud," answered Gimli.
"But. . . But. . .," Aluna said.
"It's moving fast. . ." Boromir began.
"Against the wind," Aragorn finished.
"Crebon, from Dunland! (I think!!!)" Legolas shouted.
"Hide!!" Aragorn commanded. He grabbed Lessa and his sword, Legolas got hold of Rei, Frodo took Aluna's hand, and everybody hid, but not without much protestation on the part of Lessa.
"I do know how to move, jackass! You can put me DOWN!!!" Etc.
When the bird things, a.k.a. the SPIES OF SARUMAN!!! Dun dun DUNNNNN!!!!, were gone, the fellowship decided to take Caradhras. That havin failed, they decided against the Gap of Rohan, because that went too close to Isengard, where Saruman was, so that was bad. They finally decided to make Gimli shut the hell up and take the Mines or MORIA!!!
Okay things happened in there between a beautifully aged Aluna, now 35, and Frodo, 33, that will not be spoken of here. Legolas and Rei were caught before they could get very far.
Fast forwarding to. . . Lorien!!!!!!!
It is now the night before the Fellowship leaves. Legolas and Rei are making out in some tree, no one knows where Frodo and Aluna are, Merry, Pippin and Sam were just chillin' Boromir was watching the stars and Gimli was muttering about being stuck with Elves and how beautiful the Lady Galadriel was.
Aragorn moved over to where Lessa was sitting. "Are you cold?" he asked her.
Lessa nodded. "I'm a regular fire lizard. I get cold very easy and this isn't the warmest place in the galaxy, you know?"
Nodding, Aragorn put his cloak around her shoulders. Blushing slightly, she pulled it tight as he moved to sit next to her. Slowly, slowly, ever slowly, shoe moved closer to him, as she was still cold. Aragorn, being Aragorn, noticed. He smiled and put his arm around her, drawing her closer. She stiffened for a moment, then snuggled close. Whatever else he is, he's MY Ranger-Boy she thought happily to herself.
"Lessa?" he whispered.
"Yes, Aragorn?" she whispered back.
"I love you."
"I love you too." Aragorn put both his arms around her and held her 'til she fell asleep.
In some tree, Legolas and Rei were very close. VERY close, but there was still clothing involved. Rei shivered and Legolas pulled her close. "Cold?" he asked her.
"No, just. . . I feel very lucky. . .you know, to be with you," she responded.
"Come on!" he said.
"No, really!" she replied. "Back home, I never thought anyone like you could love me and. . .well. . .here we are."
"Yup," he said, "here we are. And here we'll stay." With that he pulled her close and in some tree they fell asleep.
We won't even go into what Frodo and Aluna were talking about.
Okay, fast forward to. . .THE BIG FIGHT SCENE!!!!
Aragorn, Lessa, Legolas, Rei, and Gimli are kickin ass, Frodo's debating whether to leave or not, Aluna and Sam are looking for him, Boromir is kickin ass elsewhere while protecting Merry and Pippin. Blah blah blah. Then we head to where Sam and Aluna find Frodo.
"FRODO!!!" they both yelled.
"You are so NOT going anywhere without us!" Aluna called.
"No, go back both of you! I'm going to Mordor alone," he said.
"Of course you are," said Sam. "And we're coming with you!"
Finally, Frodo, seeing how distressed they were, relented and let them on. Then all three went off to Mordor.
Meanwhile. . .
"Legolas?" Rei asked hesitantly.
"It's going to be all right," he told her, taking in his arms. They held each other for a long time after, offering each other support and love.
Mean meanwhile. . .
"Aragorn?"
"Hmm? Oh, Lessa. What no Ranger-Boy?"
She knew he was trying to be strong for everyone. "Nah, I decided I like Aragorn better."
"Oh, well, as you will."
"Are you okay?" There, she'd done it.
"Fine," he said.
"Don't lie to me."
Those four words had a lot of power in them, Aragorn reflected. "It's just. . .two members of the Fellowship gone and I can't help but feel it's my fault."
"It's not. Let me put it this way: Gandalf said from the beginning, as did you, that he'd sacrifice his life to protect Frodo. If you were Gandalf, wouldn't you do what he did?"
"Yes."
"Okay, and Boromir had it coming. He was an asshole who totally deserved what he got. . ."
"Lessa!"
"Okay, okay. He died nobly too. He was protecting the Hobbits, you know, Merry and Pippin. He did well. You would have done the same."
"I suppose. . ."
"Well, STOP moping around and let's get our asses doing something constructive."
"Like go get Frodo, Aluna, and Sam!" interjected Legolas, who had just arrived with Rei and Gimli.
"No," Aragorn said sternly. "Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands."
"Yeah. We have more IMPORTANT things to do!" Lessa told them.
"Like what?" asked Gimli.
"Like rescue Merry and Pippin, of course!" Lessa said.
"Right," continued Aragorn. "Get what you need and leave everything that can be spared behind. We're traveling light."
"Let's go kick some Orc ass!" shouted Rei. All the others yelled their agreement.
And with that, off they went!
Okay, because I'm screwed up, I am going to fast forward this to. . . that LAST battle where my baby, a.k.a. Aragorn, really shows his true colors! In the book at least. . .
In Mordor. . .
"Hell no! We're SUPPOSED to go THAT way!!!"
"No, THAT way!"
"No, Precioussss, that is the way we should go!"
There was a three-way argument going on between Sam, Aluna, and Gollum. Frodo was too tired to say anything, so he just listened. Finally, the match was settled by Aluna's use of several choice words taken from long sessions with Lessa. These choice words shall not be repeated here as I really want to keep this PG-13 rating. You want obscenities? Go check out my other fic, Jenny Jones Star Wars Style. While you're at it, read For Love of a Knight, a *GASP* serious fic. Don't forget to review both!
Moving, on. . .They got to Mordor/Mount Doom/Barad Dur or whatever the hell it is and destroyed the Ring.
Back with the other people. . .
Where could those damned Orcs have gone?!?!" Legolas raged.
"This way!" Rei shouted.
"No, THAT way!" Lessa said.
"No, I'm telling you it was that was!" Gimli stated.
"Guys! It's. . ." Aragorn started.
"NO!!! THAT way!"
"But. . .It's. . ." he tried again.
"NO, THIS way!"
"PEOPLE!!!" That got their attention. "It's this way, based on the fact that there's Merry's cloak pin is right there."
"Oh, let's go then," the rest chorused.
Okay, they met up with Eomer, went back to. . .I forgot what that city's name was. Thingol or something. Anyway, they met up with Theoden, convinced him that Wormtongue was a lying son of a bitch, got him to march against Saruman and Mordor, and went on the Paths of the Dead with the rest of the Dunedain.
Back in the fight or whenever the Mouth of Sauron comes out. . .
"Hey, bitches, my Master says surrender now or MEET YOUR DOOM!!" This, of course, was coming from the Mouth of Sauron, which, from now on shall be called MOS.
"Hell, no jackass! You go tell your (BLEEP!!!!!!!) gay-ass Master fag that we'll never give up and NEVER surrender!!!" This of course, came from Lessa. It was greeted with growls from the Orc army and cheers, whistles, and applause from the Gond-Oh, Aragorn's army!
"Very well then," the MOS said ominously. "ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At this point the armies crashed, los Nazguls came flying out of Mordor and CHAOS REIGNED!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At some point or other, Merry killed off on of los Nazguls, the Witch King, I think, who was gonna kill Eowyn. Eowyn being this Rohan chick who rode in with the Rohirrim army, which was currently kickin' Orc ass.
Then, some Nazgul or other went after Aragorn, at which point, Lessa and Legolas went berserk and Lessa tried to chop the shit out of him with her sword, and Legolas turned him into a walking pin cushion. Aragorn just shook his head and went back to the battle. The lot of them fought side by side, Aragorn, Lessa, Legolas, Rei, Marry, Pippin, and Gandalf.