Author's Notes - Okay, I just want to apologize in advance for the
all-out suckiness of this chapter. First off, it's a lot shorter than my
other chapters (I also apologize for the delay on the update... writer's
block), and I'm pretty sure that Spike (and possibly Faye) is extremely
out of character. Please try to bear with it though, it does get better...
I think! =)
Chapter 14 - Ask DNA
"You can be cool or you can cry
Do it wrong
Not at all
Or do it right"
"Crap… look at all this broken glass… Oh! And look at this! They
dinged up the hood like crazy! My poor baby! What am I gonna do?"
Spike entered the hangar, stopping in bewilderment at the scene before
him. Flitting around like a wet hen was Faye, appraising the damage
done to her car, the 'Swordfish III', as he had come to call it mentally.
"Damnit!" Faye scowled, prying open the hood of her car with a crow
bar. "If I had known it was gonna be like this, I would have taken the
Red Tail! I sure as hell know Jet can't fix this… now I'm gonna have
to do it myself!"
Spike opened his mouth to speak, but stopped suddenly losing his
nerve. 'What's the matter with me?' he thought to himself. 'Why can't
I just come right out and say it?' He sighed inwardly, heading back
towards the exit.
"Now, where have I seen this scene before?" Spike looked up to see
Faye with her back facing him. He could see his own reflection in her
windshield. She turned to face him, her face an expressionless mask.
"Do you need something?"
Spike shrugged absently, walking towards her. "I heard you guys
busted Arnold and Aeolis." he replied.
"Yeah," Faye replied. "Aeolis was wanted for 50,000." She dug into
her coat pocket, pulling out a money card. "Here's your cut."
Spike blinked, catching it in one hand as she tossed it to him. "I didn't
even do anything."
"If you hadn't ID'ed Arnold as an ex-Syndicate member," Faye
explained. "We never would have made the connection."
"I see." Spike replied, lowering his head. "Sorry 'bout that."
Faye didn't flinch, continuing trying to open her hood. "Sorry?" she
repeated. "Spike, there's a million and one things you could possibly be
sorry for - you're gonna have to be more specific than that."
Spike scowled, trying his best to keep his temper in check. "Is that a
fact?" he gritted.
Faye succeeded in prying open her hood, stepping back as a cloud
of smoke rose up. "Damn… overheated." She brushed her hair out
of her face, glancing up at him. "Well, yes. Take for instance, the
fact that you pretty much stood us up today and the fact that you
kissed me without my permission." Spike flinched inwardly. "Or was
there something else you were sorry for."
"Faye…"
"What do you want from me, Spike?" Faye asked, watching him
carefully. "What is it you really want from me… aside from
tormenting me by messing with my head and my heart?"
'Her heart…?' "Look, Faye," Spike replied, choosing his words
carefully. "I'm not really one for words… so I'm not really sure
how to say this."
"Try, Spike. Try really hard." Her green eyes narrowed slightly.
Spike cleared his throat, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, okay?" he
said. "I'm sorry for all the things I've put you through. If I had
known back then how you felt about me… I never would have
caused you so much trouble."
"How I felt about you?" Faye replied, dropping her crow bar to the
ground. Fire was blazing in her eyes, causing Spike to step back
slightly. "Don't be so damned conceited, Spike! You have no idea
about what I felt, what I thought, or who I was. I was a pebble in
your shoe, a nuisance…"
"That's not true!" Faye blinked; now it was her turn to step back.
Spike took another deep breath. "I may have said and done a lot of
things, Faye," he replied softly. "But I didn't hate you… that's about
as far from the truth as you can get."
"What are you saying?" Faye asked quietly.
"I'm saying I admired you, Faye," Spike replied. "I've run across a lot
of women in my life, and I can say a great deal of them weren't really
worth knowing." He chuckled slightly. "It seemed a lot of the woman I
came across were nothing but talk and bad attitude."
"Except for Julia." Faye interrupted.
Spike didn't respond to that. "When Jet and I came across you in that
casino, you proved my generalization to be correct - just another
smart-ass woman who talked a lot of shit, walking herself into a
situation she couldn't get out of. Just another liar with a bad attitude,
nothing but trouble." Faye looked hurt, but before she could reply,
Spike continued. "Still, after you forced yourself into our lives, my
opinion of you slowly began to change. Granted, I still thought you
were a bad liar, with too much talk and way too much attitude, but
you had a lot of spirit, too - I respected that.
I found that the more I got to know you, the more I came to realize
that despite all the stuff you had gone through, you were still
determined to do what you had to do no matter what. Even though
half of the time you were in over your head, you still managed to come
out on top most of the time - you persevered, as you said."
Faye smirked slightly.
"That's why I liked arguing with you so much." Spike opened her car
door, sitting down in the driver's seat. "You refused to take my crap -
even when I came at you with both barrels." He chuckled. "I thought
that was what I'm was going to miss most about you when I left that
day."
"Is that all?" Faye asked, her voice sounding a bit snippier than she
would have liked.
Spike paused, considering leaving it at that. He glanced at her out of
the corner of his eye; she wanted him to finish. "No," he answered.
"I just missed being around you."
Faye staggered slightly, pressing her hand against the car for support.
She stared into his mismatched eyes, looking for any traces of deceit -
to her surprise, she found none. "I don't…"
"During all the time I spent on the Bebop," Spike replied. "I could
never really focus on what was going on right in front of me." He
looked up at her, a look of regret on his face. "Like I told you before,
I could only see patches of reality-,"
"'But never the whole picture.'" Faye finished. "I remember."
"Yeah," Spike replied. "That was a lie." Faye blinked in confusion.
"It wasn't my eye that wouldn't let me see reality - I made myself
that way. I was still so tied to the past that I didn't want to think
about anything else. I had done a lot of things I wasn't proud of, I
wished I could have done a lot of things differently. I just thought
that if I had the chance, I would go back and make everything right…
so I could finally get my peace of mind."
"So, that's why you left." Her voice still held an edge of bitterness to it.
Spike nodded slightly; at least now she was starting to understand.
"When Julia died in my arms," Spike watched Faye as she flinched
slightly. "I was ready to throw in the towel - after I killed Vicious, that
was gonna be it. I wanted to end it all… the running, the dreaming, all
of it."
Faye clenched her fists, feeling the car's cool metal surface against her
skin. "You wanted to die," she replied quietly. "You didn't go to see if
you were alive or not."
"You're right." Spike admitted. "It was like nothing mattered to me
anymore - except revenge that is."
"So you killed Vicious." Faye replied. "What then?"
"I died." Spike answered simply. "Or rather, I realized that I was
dead - and had been for some time."
"I thought so." Faye replied, slamming the hood of her car shut. "So,
what now? Are you some kind of ghost? A zombie perhaps?
What're you gonna do, Spike? Suck my blood? Eat my brains, drain
my energy… some bizarre crap like that?"
Spike laughed. "You're not listening, Faye."
"The hell I'm not!" Faye snapped. "What're you doing, Spike? Why
are you telling me this bull? Are you gonna leave again? Just like
before?"
Spike sobered. "Is that what you want me to do?" he asked.
Faye remained silent for a time.
"I told you, Faye," Spike replied. "I'm not really good with words… I'm
trying to explain it to you… but it seems it's not coming out right." He
got out of the car, walking around to the front so he could stand face
to face with her. "You keep asking me what I want," he replied quietly.
"But, what is it you want, Faye?"
Faye looked down at the ground, clenching her fists. "What… I want?"
she repeated.
"Mm-hm."
"I want to understand." she replied. "I want to know if these feelings
I have are real… not just shadows of what I used to feel." She
shuddered slightly. "I want to know why you always confide in me
when other time you act like I'm not even here." She looked back up
at him. "I want to know why you came to meet me face to face,
rather than e-mailing me like you did Jet and Ed--," The rest of her
sentence was cut off, as Spike placed his hands on her shoulders.
He was smiling down at her, his mismatched shining in amusement.
"Is that all?" he asked.
Faye looked up at him, a bewildered look on her face. "I want to
know if you're really here," she told him. "I want to know that I'm
not dreaming this moment - that I won't wake up and find you gone!
Do you really understand what it's like to want something so badly,
knowing that it's just within your reach - only to have it snatched
away right before your eyes? I want you to stay this time, Spike.
Don't die again…"
Spike shook his head slightly. "Everyone's gotta die some time,
Faye." he replied.
"Don't patronize me." Faye scowled. She took a step forward,
wrapping her arms around his waist. Needless to say, Spike was
startled, but he didn't pull away. "I didn't want you to go, Spike. I
didn't want you to die… but I didn't try to stop you. I knew you had
to save Julia. You loved her, after all. She was all that mattered to
you." She heard Spike sigh softly, taking his hands off of her shoulders.
Fearing she had gone to far, Faye began to pull away.
"Don't." Spike wrapped his arms around her, pulling Faye into a loose
embrace.
Faye began shuddering again, shutting her eyes to hold back the tears
threatening to fall. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I won't mention her
again, I--"
"No," Spike cut her off. "I meant don't go yet… I wasn't finished." He
looked down at her, smiling gently.
"What else were you going to say?" Faye asked, not looking up at him.
Her heart was pounding in her throat - she was so afraid she was
dreaming this whole moment, that it would end too abruptly.
"I did some thinking while you guys were out," he replied. "Actually,
that's pretty much all I've been doing since I got here."
"What about?"
"About the fact that I should have come back a long time ago." Faye
looked up at him questioningly. "I've finally managed to come to terms
with what happened with Julia and Vicious… that chapter of my life
has finally been closed. But, I'm still tied to the past… my past here on
the Bebop. Just like you, this is the only place I felt I could really belong."
"Then why'd you stay away so long?"
Spike paused a moment. "Ask me that again some time." he answered.
"That's another entirely different story."
"Okay… so, what happens now?" Faye asked.
"Now, I tell you what I've been trying to tell you for the longest time."
Spike pulled away, holding Faye at arm's length. "Faye Valentine," he
replied. "I think I'm in love with you."
End of Chapter 14
Author's Notes -
Sucked, didn't it? ::ducks for cover:: Don't hit me! Again I apologize!
I tried really hard not to make it like those fics where Spike or Faye
just blurt out their feelings and then live happily ever after (not that
there's anything wrong with those...). Just try to keep in mind, Faye
hasn't responded yet... there's still room for conflict! Yay!
I hope everyone is still enjoying this fanfic so far. It makes me really
happy to read your reviews saying this is the best fic you've read.
::major ego swelling:: Personally, I've read a lot of CB fics that I think
are a million times better than mine, but I'm glad you like mine, too.
So, next time, how will Faye react to Spike's admission? What
happened Arnold? Does Ed really know who the bounty is, and will
the Bebop crew be able to bust him and get their 160 million woolongs?
Will Nataku-chan ever stop asking all this dumb questions and get the
next chapter updated so her readers can figure out these answers for
themselves?
Next time, Chapter 15 - Artificial Sweetener
all-out suckiness of this chapter. First off, it's a lot shorter than my
other chapters (I also apologize for the delay on the update... writer's
block), and I'm pretty sure that Spike (and possibly Faye) is extremely
out of character. Please try to bear with it though, it does get better...
I think! =)
Chapter 14 - Ask DNA
"You can be cool or you can cry
Do it wrong
Not at all
Or do it right"
"Crap… look at all this broken glass… Oh! And look at this! They
dinged up the hood like crazy! My poor baby! What am I gonna do?"
Spike entered the hangar, stopping in bewilderment at the scene before
him. Flitting around like a wet hen was Faye, appraising the damage
done to her car, the 'Swordfish III', as he had come to call it mentally.
"Damnit!" Faye scowled, prying open the hood of her car with a crow
bar. "If I had known it was gonna be like this, I would have taken the
Red Tail! I sure as hell know Jet can't fix this… now I'm gonna have
to do it myself!"
Spike opened his mouth to speak, but stopped suddenly losing his
nerve. 'What's the matter with me?' he thought to himself. 'Why can't
I just come right out and say it?' He sighed inwardly, heading back
towards the exit.
"Now, where have I seen this scene before?" Spike looked up to see
Faye with her back facing him. He could see his own reflection in her
windshield. She turned to face him, her face an expressionless mask.
"Do you need something?"
Spike shrugged absently, walking towards her. "I heard you guys
busted Arnold and Aeolis." he replied.
"Yeah," Faye replied. "Aeolis was wanted for 50,000." She dug into
her coat pocket, pulling out a money card. "Here's your cut."
Spike blinked, catching it in one hand as she tossed it to him. "I didn't
even do anything."
"If you hadn't ID'ed Arnold as an ex-Syndicate member," Faye
explained. "We never would have made the connection."
"I see." Spike replied, lowering his head. "Sorry 'bout that."
Faye didn't flinch, continuing trying to open her hood. "Sorry?" she
repeated. "Spike, there's a million and one things you could possibly be
sorry for - you're gonna have to be more specific than that."
Spike scowled, trying his best to keep his temper in check. "Is that a
fact?" he gritted.
Faye succeeded in prying open her hood, stepping back as a cloud
of smoke rose up. "Damn… overheated." She brushed her hair out
of her face, glancing up at him. "Well, yes. Take for instance, the
fact that you pretty much stood us up today and the fact that you
kissed me without my permission." Spike flinched inwardly. "Or was
there something else you were sorry for."
"Faye…"
"What do you want from me, Spike?" Faye asked, watching him
carefully. "What is it you really want from me… aside from
tormenting me by messing with my head and my heart?"
'Her heart…?' "Look, Faye," Spike replied, choosing his words
carefully. "I'm not really one for words… so I'm not really sure
how to say this."
"Try, Spike. Try really hard." Her green eyes narrowed slightly.
Spike cleared his throat, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, okay?" he
said. "I'm sorry for all the things I've put you through. If I had
known back then how you felt about me… I never would have
caused you so much trouble."
"How I felt about you?" Faye replied, dropping her crow bar to the
ground. Fire was blazing in her eyes, causing Spike to step back
slightly. "Don't be so damned conceited, Spike! You have no idea
about what I felt, what I thought, or who I was. I was a pebble in
your shoe, a nuisance…"
"That's not true!" Faye blinked; now it was her turn to step back.
Spike took another deep breath. "I may have said and done a lot of
things, Faye," he replied softly. "But I didn't hate you… that's about
as far from the truth as you can get."
"What are you saying?" Faye asked quietly.
"I'm saying I admired you, Faye," Spike replied. "I've run across a lot
of women in my life, and I can say a great deal of them weren't really
worth knowing." He chuckled slightly. "It seemed a lot of the woman I
came across were nothing but talk and bad attitude."
"Except for Julia." Faye interrupted.
Spike didn't respond to that. "When Jet and I came across you in that
casino, you proved my generalization to be correct - just another
smart-ass woman who talked a lot of shit, walking herself into a
situation she couldn't get out of. Just another liar with a bad attitude,
nothing but trouble." Faye looked hurt, but before she could reply,
Spike continued. "Still, after you forced yourself into our lives, my
opinion of you slowly began to change. Granted, I still thought you
were a bad liar, with too much talk and way too much attitude, but
you had a lot of spirit, too - I respected that.
I found that the more I got to know you, the more I came to realize
that despite all the stuff you had gone through, you were still
determined to do what you had to do no matter what. Even though
half of the time you were in over your head, you still managed to come
out on top most of the time - you persevered, as you said."
Faye smirked slightly.
"That's why I liked arguing with you so much." Spike opened her car
door, sitting down in the driver's seat. "You refused to take my crap -
even when I came at you with both barrels." He chuckled. "I thought
that was what I'm was going to miss most about you when I left that
day."
"Is that all?" Faye asked, her voice sounding a bit snippier than she
would have liked.
Spike paused, considering leaving it at that. He glanced at her out of
the corner of his eye; she wanted him to finish. "No," he answered.
"I just missed being around you."
Faye staggered slightly, pressing her hand against the car for support.
She stared into his mismatched eyes, looking for any traces of deceit -
to her surprise, she found none. "I don't…"
"During all the time I spent on the Bebop," Spike replied. "I could
never really focus on what was going on right in front of me." He
looked up at her, a look of regret on his face. "Like I told you before,
I could only see patches of reality-,"
"'But never the whole picture.'" Faye finished. "I remember."
"Yeah," Spike replied. "That was a lie." Faye blinked in confusion.
"It wasn't my eye that wouldn't let me see reality - I made myself
that way. I was still so tied to the past that I didn't want to think
about anything else. I had done a lot of things I wasn't proud of, I
wished I could have done a lot of things differently. I just thought
that if I had the chance, I would go back and make everything right…
so I could finally get my peace of mind."
"So, that's why you left." Her voice still held an edge of bitterness to it.
Spike nodded slightly; at least now she was starting to understand.
"When Julia died in my arms," Spike watched Faye as she flinched
slightly. "I was ready to throw in the towel - after I killed Vicious, that
was gonna be it. I wanted to end it all… the running, the dreaming, all
of it."
Faye clenched her fists, feeling the car's cool metal surface against her
skin. "You wanted to die," she replied quietly. "You didn't go to see if
you were alive or not."
"You're right." Spike admitted. "It was like nothing mattered to me
anymore - except revenge that is."
"So you killed Vicious." Faye replied. "What then?"
"I died." Spike answered simply. "Or rather, I realized that I was
dead - and had been for some time."
"I thought so." Faye replied, slamming the hood of her car shut. "So,
what now? Are you some kind of ghost? A zombie perhaps?
What're you gonna do, Spike? Suck my blood? Eat my brains, drain
my energy… some bizarre crap like that?"
Spike laughed. "You're not listening, Faye."
"The hell I'm not!" Faye snapped. "What're you doing, Spike? Why
are you telling me this bull? Are you gonna leave again? Just like
before?"
Spike sobered. "Is that what you want me to do?" he asked.
Faye remained silent for a time.
"I told you, Faye," Spike replied. "I'm not really good with words… I'm
trying to explain it to you… but it seems it's not coming out right." He
got out of the car, walking around to the front so he could stand face
to face with her. "You keep asking me what I want," he replied quietly.
"But, what is it you want, Faye?"
Faye looked down at the ground, clenching her fists. "What… I want?"
she repeated.
"Mm-hm."
"I want to understand." she replied. "I want to know if these feelings
I have are real… not just shadows of what I used to feel." She
shuddered slightly. "I want to know why you always confide in me
when other time you act like I'm not even here." She looked back up
at him. "I want to know why you came to meet me face to face,
rather than e-mailing me like you did Jet and Ed--," The rest of her
sentence was cut off, as Spike placed his hands on her shoulders.
He was smiling down at her, his mismatched shining in amusement.
"Is that all?" he asked.
Faye looked up at him, a bewildered look on her face. "I want to
know if you're really here," she told him. "I want to know that I'm
not dreaming this moment - that I won't wake up and find you gone!
Do you really understand what it's like to want something so badly,
knowing that it's just within your reach - only to have it snatched
away right before your eyes? I want you to stay this time, Spike.
Don't die again…"
Spike shook his head slightly. "Everyone's gotta die some time,
Faye." he replied.
"Don't patronize me." Faye scowled. She took a step forward,
wrapping her arms around his waist. Needless to say, Spike was
startled, but he didn't pull away. "I didn't want you to go, Spike. I
didn't want you to die… but I didn't try to stop you. I knew you had
to save Julia. You loved her, after all. She was all that mattered to
you." She heard Spike sigh softly, taking his hands off of her shoulders.
Fearing she had gone to far, Faye began to pull away.
"Don't." Spike wrapped his arms around her, pulling Faye into a loose
embrace.
Faye began shuddering again, shutting her eyes to hold back the tears
threatening to fall. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I won't mention her
again, I--"
"No," Spike cut her off. "I meant don't go yet… I wasn't finished." He
looked down at her, smiling gently.
"What else were you going to say?" Faye asked, not looking up at him.
Her heart was pounding in her throat - she was so afraid she was
dreaming this whole moment, that it would end too abruptly.
"I did some thinking while you guys were out," he replied. "Actually,
that's pretty much all I've been doing since I got here."
"What about?"
"About the fact that I should have come back a long time ago." Faye
looked up at him questioningly. "I've finally managed to come to terms
with what happened with Julia and Vicious… that chapter of my life
has finally been closed. But, I'm still tied to the past… my past here on
the Bebop. Just like you, this is the only place I felt I could really belong."
"Then why'd you stay away so long?"
Spike paused a moment. "Ask me that again some time." he answered.
"That's another entirely different story."
"Okay… so, what happens now?" Faye asked.
"Now, I tell you what I've been trying to tell you for the longest time."
Spike pulled away, holding Faye at arm's length. "Faye Valentine," he
replied. "I think I'm in love with you."
End of Chapter 14
Author's Notes -
Sucked, didn't it? ::ducks for cover:: Don't hit me! Again I apologize!
I tried really hard not to make it like those fics where Spike or Faye
just blurt out their feelings and then live happily ever after (not that
there's anything wrong with those...). Just try to keep in mind, Faye
hasn't responded yet... there's still room for conflict! Yay!
I hope everyone is still enjoying this fanfic so far. It makes me really
happy to read your reviews saying this is the best fic you've read.
::major ego swelling:: Personally, I've read a lot of CB fics that I think
are a million times better than mine, but I'm glad you like mine, too.
So, next time, how will Faye react to Spike's admission? What
happened Arnold? Does Ed really know who the bounty is, and will
the Bebop crew be able to bust him and get their 160 million woolongs?
Will Nataku-chan ever stop asking all this dumb questions and get the
next chapter updated so her readers can figure out these answers for
themselves?
Next time, Chapter 15 - Artificial Sweetener