Author's note: I've still got writers block I think but I'm writing this chapter anyway because I want to. Does that make sense? Cos I talk such a load of bullshit that at this stage I'm not sure what makes sense and what doesn't anymore! Anyway I'm BEGGING you guys to review. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE review!!!! I will love you forever and I'll read any fic you want me to and I'll review it just PLEASE review mine. *Gives everyone puppy dog eyes*
Disclaimer: I'd LOVE if all this was mine, I really would. But it's not. It's J.K. Rowling's. Well except for people like Shannon and Alyson and Tara and Phoebe and those kinds of people.
Lily applied the last of her make-up and sighed. She looked perfect, she truly did. Even she could see that. The ball was, also, going to be perfect. She and James had made sure of that. James. His name ran through her head like a train that just refused to stop. There was no hiding it. He was who she really wanted to go with. Jake was sweet, of course, but he was no James. She sighed again and looked in the full-length mirror in front of her. Her reflection stared back at her. She was wearing a long, white dress, held up with silver spaghetti straps, that ran down to about her mid-back where the back of her dress began. A simple Lily was tucked behind her right ear to match the one around her wrist. Lily sighed again and sank onto the ground. The dress rippled out around her. She stood up quickly as someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," she called. A dark-haired boy stuck his head around the door. It was James. Lily stared at him and he stared back.
"Lily I'm sorry," he started. "Of course you have the right to go to the ball with anyone you want. I was just jealous." Lily nodded. "And I have good reason to be!" he added. "Look at you. You look gorgeous."
"Thanks," she whispered, looking at herself in the mirror again.
"I better go again," James said. "I suppose you'll be wanting to go and meet your date." He turned to go.
"James wait," Lily said, sounding panicky. He turned to face her again and she walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. She pressed her lips against his and was relieved to find him responding to her kiss. THIS was what she wanted. She almost broke down and collapsed in tears when she realized that having it was just not possible. They broke apart and James smiled at her. She smiled back. "I shouldn't have done that," she said, smiling, although she had to pause to wipe away a stray tear.
"I'm glad you did," he responded. And with that he was gone with a bang of the door. It was only minutes later when Phoebe, Tara and Alyson poured in, giggling wildly, from their trip to the head girl and boy's bathroom, to which Lily had given them the password.
"Lil, you look gorgeous," complimented Alyson, smiling at her.
"So do you," she replied, if a bit quietly. "And you two," she said, turning to Phoebe and Tara. They did look gorgeous. Alyson was looking the most colourful Lily had ever seen. She was wearing a dark red dress, which complimented her dark hair and eyes to perfection. It had a strip of red lace as the off the shoulder strap and the rest was made of velvet. It clung to her body like a second skin until it reached her hip- bone where it flowed out around her. Her hair had been swept into an elegant twist with multicolored butterfly clips here and there.
Tara was wearing a fabulous blue dress. It was exceptionally unusual as it glinted in the light and never seemed to stay the same colour for very long, a lot like Tara's eyes to tell the truth. Held up with spaghetti straps that continued onto her back and criss-crossed all the way down, Lily felt that Remus would most likely pass out when he say her. Her hair, beautiful and straight as per usual, had two parts at the front pulled back with tiny clips that seemed to sparkle and glow.
But it was Phoebe who outdid them both. She had on a pink dress with two different parts to it. The top part was bright pink, a very Phoebeish colour. It was sleeveless with a square sort of neck. The bottom was a much lighter pink that looked floaty and light. (A/N Think Bianca's prom dress from Ten things I hate about you!) Her blonde hair had been properly straightened and hung, attractively to JUST below her shoulders. She had even managed to add a couple of inches to her height by wearing high-heeled, chunky black sandals. Lily was surprised she could even walk in them. They must have been about seven or eight inches, a bit higher than her usual platforms.
"Absolutely gorgeous," Lily repeated, smiling, if a little fakely.
"Come on already!" prompted Phoebe. "We want to get there on time not three hours into the thing." The four walked there together, linking arms. Lily sighed for the last time that evening, as she had already resolved. She was determined to have a good time that night. She had to!
"Oh my God, Lil! The hall looks gorgeous!" exclaimed Tara, looking around in wonder. Towering Christmas trees stood in all four corners of the hall and were glowing with fairy lights (real fairies), which were the only source of light, along with the ones twinkling all over the ceiling. Sprigs of mistletoe hung all over the ceiling in between the hundreds of tiny fairies. The tables had been cleared out of the hall except for the teacher's table, which had been positioned at the side. A stage had been set up at the top of the hall and a band was setting up their instruments on it.
"Yea, Lil, it really does," agreed Alyson.
"You and James did a great job!" Phoebe commented.
"Yea, Lil," Sirius said, coming up behind the girls. "It looks fabulous. Just like you beautiful ladies." The girls smiled. "You want to dance, Phoebs?" he asked, resting his hands on her waist. She nodded and nuzzled his face like a dog. He took her hand, keeping one hand firmly on her lower back. Her, er, VERY lower back. Lily rolled her eyes as they headed off towards the floor.
"Hey Lily." Jake appeared behind her. Lily spun around.
"Hi Jake," she replied, smiling easily. He looked pretty good. No-where near as good as James of course Lily thought, letting her eyes swing over to where he was standing with Lucy. "STOP comparing Jake and James! It's not Jake's fault he's not James!" she scolded herself. James caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back and waved a little before turning her full attention to Jake, who had just kissed her, lightly, on the cheek.
Dumbledore got up on the stage, smiling.
"Welcome to the Christmas ball of `77," he began. A flurry of clapping, cheering and an amazingly loud whistle that could ONLY have been Sirius, interrupted his next words. "This whole thing was organized by our head students James Potter and Lily Evans." More unruly, loud clapping followed this nugget of information. "So without further ado I'd like to ask our head students and their partners to dance the first dance. Lily led Jake onto the dance floor and found that James was already there with Lucy. She smiled weakly at him as he winked at her. The band struck up a tune from the sixties called "Save me" and Lily wrapped her arms around Jake's neck. She wasn't in the mood for this. It just didn't feel right to her. She closed her eyes, just about preventing herself from sighing, yet again, but, truth be told, she had never been so relieved as she was when the band played the final note of the song.
Jake, however, was a different story altogether. He was mad to dance so Lily stuck with him through "It's in his kiss" "Bobby's girl" "My guy" "Silence is golden" and several others. Sirius captured her for "Sugar, sugar" and "Sweets for my sweet" but after that she was determined to sit down and not dance for the rest of the night. Maybe she could invent a headache, apologize profusely to Jake and skip the second half of the dance? She pondered it as she half watched James dance with Lucy. He said something and Lucy laughed and laid her head on his chest. BIG headache Lily decided, turning away. Jake sat down next to her and handed her a goblet of pumpkin juice.
"Do you want to dance again?" he asked her. She shook her head.
"No thanks, Jake. I have a headache," she lied, catching his hurt look. A petite, blond Hufflepuff approached asking Jake for a dance.
"Do you mind Lily?" he asked, pleadingly.
"Not at all," she told him, running a finger around the rim of her goblet. "Have fun." He disappeared into the crowd and that was the last Lily saw of him all night. She couldn't say she wasn't relieved. She propped her legs up on the seat next to her. "What a load of crap!" she thought to herself. "I can't believe I half organized this piece of crap," she mumbled. Everyone else seemed to be having fun, though.
"Dance?" James appeared in front of Lily as one of her favorite songs (leader of the pack) was struck up, holding out his hand to her. Lily smiled at him and took his hand.
"Why not?" she said. "After all," she told her inner self. "It's only one dance. What harm could it do?" Ignoring the warning signals flashing all over her brain she stepped onto the dance floor with James. His touch comforted her and when she laid her head on his shoulder she felt as if she had found a piece of herself that had been missing her whole life. She shivered, slightly, as he ran his fingers up and down her back. He pulled her closer. Lily felt tears prick behind her eyes. Why did this have to be happening to her? It just wasn't fair! It was more than any normal 17 year old should have to put up with. The song ended but neither Lily nor James let go of the other right away. Eventually Lily stepped away from him, mumbling something about having to go away that minute.
Lily walked around the hall, aimlessly, talking to various people who were exclaiming about how "far out" this dance was but mainly she was just avoiding James. She had a brief encounter with Shannon, who looked absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous. She looked as good, no BETTER than her former self. She was at the dance with some Ravenclaw guy.
"He's great!" she had proclaimed, joyfully. "I'm mad about him! I think I'm finally getting over James!" she had confided in Lily.
"That's great, Shan," Lily had said. "Because I'm having a lot of trouble with that!" she added, silently, to herself.
The night seemed to just drag on and on for James. Sure people seemed to be enjoying it but it was never ending for him. Lucy was boring and the girl he really and truly wanted to be with that night was no-where to be seen. He had sort of taken to avoiding Lucy. He set off to find Lily. Except she was no-where to be seen. He sighed and decided to go out or some air. Damn this anyway! He grabbed a bottle of butterbeer and wandered outside, eyes roaming around the room one last time before he did. Sirius and Phoebe were dancing, haphazardly, more than a little drunk and he spotted Tara and Remus, sitting down. Well Remus was sitting down and Tara was perched on his lap, kissing his neck, gently.
James crouched down by the lake and took a sip of his drink. From the other side he could hear light sobbing. A flash of white sitting on the grassy bank caught his eye and he made his way over to it. It was Lily. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Lils," he said, setting down his drink and gathering her up in his arms to hug her. "Hey," he said. "Sssshhh. It'll be ok. What's wrong, baby?"
"Oh James." She clung to him. "Their dead. Gone forever. I didn't even get to say goodbye!" She began to sob quietly again.
"Who's dead, baby?" he asked.
"My parents," she wailed. "Dead! V-V-Voldemort did it and its all my fault!" she choked out. James pulled her onto his lap and closed his eyes.
"Sssshhh, Lils, it'll be ok. I promise. And it's not you're fault," he soothed her.
"If I hadn't been a stupid witch they would never have been killed. It's all my fault!" Her shoulders heaved. "My fault," she murmured.
"No it's not, Lily, do you hear me?" He held her at arms length and looked her in the eye. It's not your fault." She nodded. She cried harder and began to choke and splutter. James grabbed his drink and handed it to her. She took a sip. The mildly alcoholic drink calmed her down a bit. She cried, letting tears slip down her cheeks and onto her dress until she eventually passed out from exhaustion and being upset. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her up to her dorm, where the other three were sitting on Alyson's bed, comparing notes on the dance. Alyson was laughing joyfully and nodding when he burst in. All three jumped up, still wearing their dresses.
"Oh my God, what happened?" Phoebe exclaimed.
"Voldemort killed her parents," James explained, grimly. Alyson gasped and her hand flew up to her mouth, Phoebe stared at James in wide-eyed shock and Tara began to cry, quietly.
"They were so nice," she whispered. "They definitely didn't deserve it!" She ran over to Lily's bed, where James had lain her and hugged the slumbering body of her friend. "Poor thing!" she said, tears still rolling down her face. James stood, awkwardly, looking at Lily. He hugged Tara, comfortingly. She sniffed. "Poor Lily," she muttered again.
"James go and get some sleep," Alyson told him. "We'll look after her." James didn't look convinced but eventually agreed. "Hey she'll be ok eventually James," Alyson said, softly, kissing him on the cheek in a sisterly way. "I promise," she said. He nodded and hugged both her and Phoebe before leaving. Tara was sitting at the edge of Lily's bed, stroking her hair.
"I'll call back in the morning to check up on her," he said, before walking out again, dis-spirited.
Lily woke up the next morning, a heavy feeling surrounding her. In a flash everything from last night flooded back into her. The letter informing her of her parents deaths, James' comforting words, everything. She could even vaguely remember her friends' reactions even though she had been conked out. Lily looked down at her dress and looped her arms around her legs. She let a single tear flow down her cheek. The girls who had woken up just before her rushed to her side.
"I'm so sorry, Lil."
"Are you ok, petal?"
"I know it hurts now, Lil, but, I promise, you'll be fine." Lily nodded to all their comforting comments and they exchanged glances. There was a knock at the door and James walked in. Lily got up and walked over to him. He looped his arms around her waist and drew her close to him. He whispered something into her ear and she nodded. Alyson, Tara and Phoebe exchanged glances again. It looked like James was the only one who could comfort Lily right now.
Lily lay on a couch with her head on James' lap, sniffling, quietly. He was twirling strands of her hair around his finger.
"Are you ok, petal?" James asked. Lily looked up at him. Her cheeks were red and slightly swollen and her eyes were very noticeably red-rimmed. She shook her head but didn't begin to cry again.
"Why did it have to be them, James?" she asked, sitting up abruptly. "What could they have possibly done to deserve this? It's not fair." She sniffed, angrily, and wiped away the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes.
"I don't know, darling. I don't know," he answered, sadly. He kissed her forehead. "Most of the time Voldemort doesn't have to have a reason," he told her. "He kills muggles for the fun of it."
"Well if I ever come face to face with him I'll kill him," Lily said. "I will. I won't waste time with wands. I'll kill him with my bare hands!" She struggled in James' arms before breaking down again.
"When's the funeral, Lil?" James asked her, softly.
"Day after tomorrow," she replied, calming down just a bit. "I don't know if I can do it, James. It'll make it seem so much more real."
"It's you're choice, baby but you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go." Lily took it in and nodded.
"Will you come with me?" she whispered.
"Of course I will," he replied. Lily's shoulders sagged, with relief. She snuggled into James' chest and closed her eyes.
So that was how James found himself at Lily's parent's funeral, with Lily clutching his hand so hard that her knuckles had gone white. She had been asked by a couple of her mother's sisters to make a speech. James watched as she got up and began to read the speech she had spent the whole day the day before preparing. James' heart could have broke for her as she began to sob and her shoulders began to heave somewhere halfway through it. The old ladies sitting in the front pew of the church clutched their hands to their hearts, crying for "the poor little Evans girl who had lost her parents so tragically!" Lily made her way back to James, grasping her little piece of paper in her hand, letting silent tears cascade down her cheeks, like a waterfall. James circled her with his arm and let her cry into his shoulder as the ceremony came to an end.
Weeks past and Lily was still getting over the deaths of the two people she had loved most in the world. Her friends were very worried about her. It had been weeks since Lily had last laughed or even smiled. She had cried herself to sleep ever night up until a half a week to a week ago. She didn't bother with her appearance anymore and she lived by anorexic people's number one rule in life: Eat to live; don't live to eat. So it was a relief to all of her friends when she came down to breakfast one day after making a bit of an effort with her hair. Half of it was pulled back into a little ponytail, and secured with a clip shaped like a lily, with little tendrils escaping to frame her face. Her robes, which for the past month or so had been rumpled and worn looking, were back to being impeccable. She smiled a small smile as she sat down in between Phoebe and James and filled her plate with waffles. Her friends smiled, half in happiness that she was overcoming her grief and half in relief. That day Lily made a breakthrough - she laughed at Sirius' joke and made a comeback of her own.
"Lily?" Phoebe whispered to her that night.
"Yea Phoebs?" she asked, staring up at the pitch black above her.
"Are you ok?" she asked. There was a long pause.
"Yea, Phoebe, I am. I'm just fine."
Disclaimer: I'd LOVE if all this was mine, I really would. But it's not. It's J.K. Rowling's. Well except for people like Shannon and Alyson and Tara and Phoebe and those kinds of people.
Lily applied the last of her make-up and sighed. She looked perfect, she truly did. Even she could see that. The ball was, also, going to be perfect. She and James had made sure of that. James. His name ran through her head like a train that just refused to stop. There was no hiding it. He was who she really wanted to go with. Jake was sweet, of course, but he was no James. She sighed again and looked in the full-length mirror in front of her. Her reflection stared back at her. She was wearing a long, white dress, held up with silver spaghetti straps, that ran down to about her mid-back where the back of her dress began. A simple Lily was tucked behind her right ear to match the one around her wrist. Lily sighed again and sank onto the ground. The dress rippled out around her. She stood up quickly as someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," she called. A dark-haired boy stuck his head around the door. It was James. Lily stared at him and he stared back.
"Lily I'm sorry," he started. "Of course you have the right to go to the ball with anyone you want. I was just jealous." Lily nodded. "And I have good reason to be!" he added. "Look at you. You look gorgeous."
"Thanks," she whispered, looking at herself in the mirror again.
"I better go again," James said. "I suppose you'll be wanting to go and meet your date." He turned to go.
"James wait," Lily said, sounding panicky. He turned to face her again and she walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. She pressed her lips against his and was relieved to find him responding to her kiss. THIS was what she wanted. She almost broke down and collapsed in tears when she realized that having it was just not possible. They broke apart and James smiled at her. She smiled back. "I shouldn't have done that," she said, smiling, although she had to pause to wipe away a stray tear.
"I'm glad you did," he responded. And with that he was gone with a bang of the door. It was only minutes later when Phoebe, Tara and Alyson poured in, giggling wildly, from their trip to the head girl and boy's bathroom, to which Lily had given them the password.
"Lil, you look gorgeous," complimented Alyson, smiling at her.
"So do you," she replied, if a bit quietly. "And you two," she said, turning to Phoebe and Tara. They did look gorgeous. Alyson was looking the most colourful Lily had ever seen. She was wearing a dark red dress, which complimented her dark hair and eyes to perfection. It had a strip of red lace as the off the shoulder strap and the rest was made of velvet. It clung to her body like a second skin until it reached her hip- bone where it flowed out around her. Her hair had been swept into an elegant twist with multicolored butterfly clips here and there.
Tara was wearing a fabulous blue dress. It was exceptionally unusual as it glinted in the light and never seemed to stay the same colour for very long, a lot like Tara's eyes to tell the truth. Held up with spaghetti straps that continued onto her back and criss-crossed all the way down, Lily felt that Remus would most likely pass out when he say her. Her hair, beautiful and straight as per usual, had two parts at the front pulled back with tiny clips that seemed to sparkle and glow.
But it was Phoebe who outdid them both. She had on a pink dress with two different parts to it. The top part was bright pink, a very Phoebeish colour. It was sleeveless with a square sort of neck. The bottom was a much lighter pink that looked floaty and light. (A/N Think Bianca's prom dress from Ten things I hate about you!) Her blonde hair had been properly straightened and hung, attractively to JUST below her shoulders. She had even managed to add a couple of inches to her height by wearing high-heeled, chunky black sandals. Lily was surprised she could even walk in them. They must have been about seven or eight inches, a bit higher than her usual platforms.
"Absolutely gorgeous," Lily repeated, smiling, if a little fakely.
"Come on already!" prompted Phoebe. "We want to get there on time not three hours into the thing." The four walked there together, linking arms. Lily sighed for the last time that evening, as she had already resolved. She was determined to have a good time that night. She had to!
"Oh my God, Lil! The hall looks gorgeous!" exclaimed Tara, looking around in wonder. Towering Christmas trees stood in all four corners of the hall and were glowing with fairy lights (real fairies), which were the only source of light, along with the ones twinkling all over the ceiling. Sprigs of mistletoe hung all over the ceiling in between the hundreds of tiny fairies. The tables had been cleared out of the hall except for the teacher's table, which had been positioned at the side. A stage had been set up at the top of the hall and a band was setting up their instruments on it.
"Yea, Lil, it really does," agreed Alyson.
"You and James did a great job!" Phoebe commented.
"Yea, Lil," Sirius said, coming up behind the girls. "It looks fabulous. Just like you beautiful ladies." The girls smiled. "You want to dance, Phoebs?" he asked, resting his hands on her waist. She nodded and nuzzled his face like a dog. He took her hand, keeping one hand firmly on her lower back. Her, er, VERY lower back. Lily rolled her eyes as they headed off towards the floor.
"Hey Lily." Jake appeared behind her. Lily spun around.
"Hi Jake," she replied, smiling easily. He looked pretty good. No-where near as good as James of course Lily thought, letting her eyes swing over to where he was standing with Lucy. "STOP comparing Jake and James! It's not Jake's fault he's not James!" she scolded herself. James caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back and waved a little before turning her full attention to Jake, who had just kissed her, lightly, on the cheek.
Dumbledore got up on the stage, smiling.
"Welcome to the Christmas ball of `77," he began. A flurry of clapping, cheering and an amazingly loud whistle that could ONLY have been Sirius, interrupted his next words. "This whole thing was organized by our head students James Potter and Lily Evans." More unruly, loud clapping followed this nugget of information. "So without further ado I'd like to ask our head students and their partners to dance the first dance. Lily led Jake onto the dance floor and found that James was already there with Lucy. She smiled weakly at him as he winked at her. The band struck up a tune from the sixties called "Save me" and Lily wrapped her arms around Jake's neck. She wasn't in the mood for this. It just didn't feel right to her. She closed her eyes, just about preventing herself from sighing, yet again, but, truth be told, she had never been so relieved as she was when the band played the final note of the song.
Jake, however, was a different story altogether. He was mad to dance so Lily stuck with him through "It's in his kiss" "Bobby's girl" "My guy" "Silence is golden" and several others. Sirius captured her for "Sugar, sugar" and "Sweets for my sweet" but after that she was determined to sit down and not dance for the rest of the night. Maybe she could invent a headache, apologize profusely to Jake and skip the second half of the dance? She pondered it as she half watched James dance with Lucy. He said something and Lucy laughed and laid her head on his chest. BIG headache Lily decided, turning away. Jake sat down next to her and handed her a goblet of pumpkin juice.
"Do you want to dance again?" he asked her. She shook her head.
"No thanks, Jake. I have a headache," she lied, catching his hurt look. A petite, blond Hufflepuff approached asking Jake for a dance.
"Do you mind Lily?" he asked, pleadingly.
"Not at all," she told him, running a finger around the rim of her goblet. "Have fun." He disappeared into the crowd and that was the last Lily saw of him all night. She couldn't say she wasn't relieved. She propped her legs up on the seat next to her. "What a load of crap!" she thought to herself. "I can't believe I half organized this piece of crap," she mumbled. Everyone else seemed to be having fun, though.
"Dance?" James appeared in front of Lily as one of her favorite songs (leader of the pack) was struck up, holding out his hand to her. Lily smiled at him and took his hand.
"Why not?" she said. "After all," she told her inner self. "It's only one dance. What harm could it do?" Ignoring the warning signals flashing all over her brain she stepped onto the dance floor with James. His touch comforted her and when she laid her head on his shoulder she felt as if she had found a piece of herself that had been missing her whole life. She shivered, slightly, as he ran his fingers up and down her back. He pulled her closer. Lily felt tears prick behind her eyes. Why did this have to be happening to her? It just wasn't fair! It was more than any normal 17 year old should have to put up with. The song ended but neither Lily nor James let go of the other right away. Eventually Lily stepped away from him, mumbling something about having to go away that minute.
Lily walked around the hall, aimlessly, talking to various people who were exclaiming about how "far out" this dance was but mainly she was just avoiding James. She had a brief encounter with Shannon, who looked absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous. She looked as good, no BETTER than her former self. She was at the dance with some Ravenclaw guy.
"He's great!" she had proclaimed, joyfully. "I'm mad about him! I think I'm finally getting over James!" she had confided in Lily.
"That's great, Shan," Lily had said. "Because I'm having a lot of trouble with that!" she added, silently, to herself.
The night seemed to just drag on and on for James. Sure people seemed to be enjoying it but it was never ending for him. Lucy was boring and the girl he really and truly wanted to be with that night was no-where to be seen. He had sort of taken to avoiding Lucy. He set off to find Lily. Except she was no-where to be seen. He sighed and decided to go out or some air. Damn this anyway! He grabbed a bottle of butterbeer and wandered outside, eyes roaming around the room one last time before he did. Sirius and Phoebe were dancing, haphazardly, more than a little drunk and he spotted Tara and Remus, sitting down. Well Remus was sitting down and Tara was perched on his lap, kissing his neck, gently.
James crouched down by the lake and took a sip of his drink. From the other side he could hear light sobbing. A flash of white sitting on the grassy bank caught his eye and he made his way over to it. It was Lily. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Lils," he said, setting down his drink and gathering her up in his arms to hug her. "Hey," he said. "Sssshhh. It'll be ok. What's wrong, baby?"
"Oh James." She clung to him. "Their dead. Gone forever. I didn't even get to say goodbye!" She began to sob quietly again.
"Who's dead, baby?" he asked.
"My parents," she wailed. "Dead! V-V-Voldemort did it and its all my fault!" she choked out. James pulled her onto his lap and closed his eyes.
"Sssshhh, Lils, it'll be ok. I promise. And it's not you're fault," he soothed her.
"If I hadn't been a stupid witch they would never have been killed. It's all my fault!" Her shoulders heaved. "My fault," she murmured.
"No it's not, Lily, do you hear me?" He held her at arms length and looked her in the eye. It's not your fault." She nodded. She cried harder and began to choke and splutter. James grabbed his drink and handed it to her. She took a sip. The mildly alcoholic drink calmed her down a bit. She cried, letting tears slip down her cheeks and onto her dress until she eventually passed out from exhaustion and being upset. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her up to her dorm, where the other three were sitting on Alyson's bed, comparing notes on the dance. Alyson was laughing joyfully and nodding when he burst in. All three jumped up, still wearing their dresses.
"Oh my God, what happened?" Phoebe exclaimed.
"Voldemort killed her parents," James explained, grimly. Alyson gasped and her hand flew up to her mouth, Phoebe stared at James in wide-eyed shock and Tara began to cry, quietly.
"They were so nice," she whispered. "They definitely didn't deserve it!" She ran over to Lily's bed, where James had lain her and hugged the slumbering body of her friend. "Poor thing!" she said, tears still rolling down her face. James stood, awkwardly, looking at Lily. He hugged Tara, comfortingly. She sniffed. "Poor Lily," she muttered again.
"James go and get some sleep," Alyson told him. "We'll look after her." James didn't look convinced but eventually agreed. "Hey she'll be ok eventually James," Alyson said, softly, kissing him on the cheek in a sisterly way. "I promise," she said. He nodded and hugged both her and Phoebe before leaving. Tara was sitting at the edge of Lily's bed, stroking her hair.
"I'll call back in the morning to check up on her," he said, before walking out again, dis-spirited.
Lily woke up the next morning, a heavy feeling surrounding her. In a flash everything from last night flooded back into her. The letter informing her of her parents deaths, James' comforting words, everything. She could even vaguely remember her friends' reactions even though she had been conked out. Lily looked down at her dress and looped her arms around her legs. She let a single tear flow down her cheek. The girls who had woken up just before her rushed to her side.
"I'm so sorry, Lil."
"Are you ok, petal?"
"I know it hurts now, Lil, but, I promise, you'll be fine." Lily nodded to all their comforting comments and they exchanged glances. There was a knock at the door and James walked in. Lily got up and walked over to him. He looped his arms around her waist and drew her close to him. He whispered something into her ear and she nodded. Alyson, Tara and Phoebe exchanged glances again. It looked like James was the only one who could comfort Lily right now.
Lily lay on a couch with her head on James' lap, sniffling, quietly. He was twirling strands of her hair around his finger.
"Are you ok, petal?" James asked. Lily looked up at him. Her cheeks were red and slightly swollen and her eyes were very noticeably red-rimmed. She shook her head but didn't begin to cry again.
"Why did it have to be them, James?" she asked, sitting up abruptly. "What could they have possibly done to deserve this? It's not fair." She sniffed, angrily, and wiped away the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes.
"I don't know, darling. I don't know," he answered, sadly. He kissed her forehead. "Most of the time Voldemort doesn't have to have a reason," he told her. "He kills muggles for the fun of it."
"Well if I ever come face to face with him I'll kill him," Lily said. "I will. I won't waste time with wands. I'll kill him with my bare hands!" She struggled in James' arms before breaking down again.
"When's the funeral, Lil?" James asked her, softly.
"Day after tomorrow," she replied, calming down just a bit. "I don't know if I can do it, James. It'll make it seem so much more real."
"It's you're choice, baby but you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go." Lily took it in and nodded.
"Will you come with me?" she whispered.
"Of course I will," he replied. Lily's shoulders sagged, with relief. She snuggled into James' chest and closed her eyes.
So that was how James found himself at Lily's parent's funeral, with Lily clutching his hand so hard that her knuckles had gone white. She had been asked by a couple of her mother's sisters to make a speech. James watched as she got up and began to read the speech she had spent the whole day the day before preparing. James' heart could have broke for her as she began to sob and her shoulders began to heave somewhere halfway through it. The old ladies sitting in the front pew of the church clutched their hands to their hearts, crying for "the poor little Evans girl who had lost her parents so tragically!" Lily made her way back to James, grasping her little piece of paper in her hand, letting silent tears cascade down her cheeks, like a waterfall. James circled her with his arm and let her cry into his shoulder as the ceremony came to an end.
Weeks past and Lily was still getting over the deaths of the two people she had loved most in the world. Her friends were very worried about her. It had been weeks since Lily had last laughed or even smiled. She had cried herself to sleep ever night up until a half a week to a week ago. She didn't bother with her appearance anymore and she lived by anorexic people's number one rule in life: Eat to live; don't live to eat. So it was a relief to all of her friends when she came down to breakfast one day after making a bit of an effort with her hair. Half of it was pulled back into a little ponytail, and secured with a clip shaped like a lily, with little tendrils escaping to frame her face. Her robes, which for the past month or so had been rumpled and worn looking, were back to being impeccable. She smiled a small smile as she sat down in between Phoebe and James and filled her plate with waffles. Her friends smiled, half in happiness that she was overcoming her grief and half in relief. That day Lily made a breakthrough - she laughed at Sirius' joke and made a comeback of her own.
"Lily?" Phoebe whispered to her that night.
"Yea Phoebs?" she asked, staring up at the pitch black above her.
"Are you ok?" she asked. There was a long pause.
"Yea, Phoebe, I am. I'm just fine."