***

CHAPTER TEN: The More Things Change (Oh, really...)

***

Author's Note: Look Dad! Look at how many reviews I got! Oh wait, I shouldn't have put that here in the author's note...

Dad: Cool, kiddo.

Me: Dad! This is MY story!

Dad: Well, I just said `cool'.

Me: *voice fading, embarrassed* Thanks, Dad...

Luke: Fading? Who's fading? Another Jedi's dying and I don't know about it? That's not supposed to happen! And Jedi, embarrassed! This is purposterus! I...

Me: Luke! You're NOT supposed to be in the author's note! What are you, a lunatic?!

Luke: I am Jedi! I am Jedi!

Me: Yeah, I know that, dumb!

Luke: I am NOT dumb! I am...

Me: Jedi! I know that! You just said it!

Luke: Then why don't you call me that?

Me: Well, DUH! `Cause you ARE dumb!

Luke: But you just acknowledged that I am a Jedi! *glances around, obviously confused*

Me: *exasperated, in undertone* What the heck did I ever see anything in you to put you in my fic...

Luke: *seriously* I can't hear you! If we are to have a conversation, I must be able to hear what you're speaking of.

Me: *shouting* LUKE! JUST GET OUT OF THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AND GET BACK TO MY STORY!

Luke: Do not shout! I see that you are angry. Anger leads to ha...

Me: *cutting off Luke* Hate leads to suffering, and suffering is of the Dark Side. I know! Duh! I'm a Star Wars fan! I'm SUPPOSED to know! Jeez, that's why I'm writing this fic!

Luke: There's that `duh' word again. You say it often. Is it a curse of some sort?

Me: HOW MANY TIMES MUST I... GRRR!!! *curls hands into fists, then talks in sweet, sarcastic voice* No, it ISN'T a curse, Luke. It's a figure of speech...

Luke: What's a `figure of speech'?

Me: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! NOW...

Luke: Anything that concerns me is my business. You are conversing with me. This concerns...

Me: JUST GET BACK INTO THE FIC OR ELSE I'LL MAKE YOU WEAR A DRESS!

Luke: Is that not good?

Me: NO! STUPID!

Luke: Jedi.

Me: STUPID!

Luke: Jedi!

Me: AAAARRRGGHH! JEDI NINCOMPOOP!

Luke: What's a nin...

Me: JUST GET BACK INTO THE FIC, WON'T YOU?

Luke: I like it here.

Jacen: Hi, author. Hi, Uncle Luke.

Me: HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET HERE?

Jacen: I don't know.

Me: Great...

Luke: Why do you say that it's great but it seems you do not like it?

Han: How'd I get in here?

Me: WHAT THE...

Leia: Well, hello.

Me: NOW WAIT A MINUTE...

Jaina: Where in the worlds am I supposed to be?

Me: Great, now we're one big happy fami...

Mara: Uh...

Me: OKAY WHAT IS...

Vader: Um, hello?

Me: Oh, no...

Anakin: Someone get me out of here!

Me: WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE? YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY FIC! NOT IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTE!

Jacen: It's not my fault!

Han: That's MY line!

Jaina: Whose line IS it anyway?

Anakin: Isn't that a game show?

Me: Oh gee...

Mara: What am I doing here?

Vader: My head itches.

Luke: You seem angered and anger is...

Me: Quit it with the Jedi stuff already! All of you, get out of my bedroom and into the fic!

All: How?

Me: I DON'T KNOW! HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

All: How would we know...

Me: *exasperated and frustrated* Stupid Star Wars characters!

Mara: You know, we could sue you for that.

Me: Well ha, ha, you're a fictional character.

Leia: We are?

Me: *scoffs* Uh, duh! What do you think you are? Real?! *sarcastically* Ha, ha, ha.

Anakin: I'm very confused...

Vader: Aren't we supposed to be playing Survivor?

Jaina: My contract doesn't say anything about this.

Me: Please, just be quiet... I have a migraine coming...

Han: What's a migraine?

Me: Why must you make this so difficult...

All except Luke: *sarcastically* Aren't we supposed to do that?

Me: GO! GET OUT! Must I do everything around here? *snaps fingers, characters materialize into story*

Anakin: Sorry, I had to use the bathroom.

Me: Oh, great. *snaps fingers again and Anakin disappears*

TV: Watch! Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, coming May 2002.

Me: *sarcastically* Like I am after this little incident.

Luke: You are?

Me: GET OUT!

Luke: All right.

Dad: *whistles* Boy, that was interesting. Go finish your chapter.

Me: Thanks, Dad...

Dad: Then help me with the dishes and dinner.

Me: But Dad...

Dad: Ahem?

Me: Yes, father dear...

***

Author's Note to the Rest of You Folks: Sorry for that little escapade there. I'm still officially grounded, mind you. My brother uploaded this for me. Anyway on with the show! I mean, fic!

***

CUE SURVIVO--

"HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY IT?" The MC.. er, the author said loudly. "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT MUSIC ANYMORE!"

END SURVIVOR MUSIC

"Gee, how stupid. Man. Okay. So. Their new name is Maniacmotchi, and they voted Chewbacca out in the last chapter. Blah, blah, blah."

***

"Are you guys awake yet?" The author yelled, stalking towards the... er, Maniacmotchi camp.

Suddenly, an annoying strange creature pooped up into my fic. "Mesa culled..."

I think you know who I'm talking about.

"... Jar Jar Binks!"

"How the heck did YOU get in here?"

"Mesa have no idea! Mesa jus fixing garden, then poof! Mesa in here! Whosa are yousa?"

The author rolled her eyes. Annoying retarded Gungan. "I am the author. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have job to do."

"Whatsa your job? Mesa wants to helpa yousa!"

"Mind your own business, demented creature."

"Mesa not demented creature. Mesa culled Jar Jar Binks!"
"Whatever. Now go away."
Of course, the guy we have all come to know and love as the Gungan Jar Jar did not go away as the helpless author could do nothing but allow the... THING to tag along.

"Who's the Gungan, author?" Anakin asked, looking up from his spot around the campfire.

"Jar Jar. Bet you've heard of him."

"Uh.... yeah. Uncle Luke told me about a strange Gungan tagging along his mentor, Master Kenobi."
"Mm-hmm. I know all about it. Don't ask how."

"Okay, I won't."

"Is everyone else awake?"

"Yup."

"Good. Tell everyone to meet me at the challenge clearing in fifteen minutes."
"Will that be standard, Bespin, Correlian..."

"Standard!"
"Oh. Okay."
With Jar Jar in tow, the author walked out of sight. For now.

"Hey, Jacen!" Anakin called.

"What?"

"We have to go to the challenge clearing."
"Fine, fine. I'll go get Mom and Dad."

***

"Welcome to the reward challenge, Survivors! In this game you are gonna hafta..."
"Whatsa hafta?" Jar Jar interrupted.

"Just shut up, okay, Jar Jar? Sit in a corner or something."

"Okey day."

"So, anyway, you're playing for, tantanantan!"

The survivors feasted their eyes on the coast, where a small yacht was waiting. They got the message. "Three days, two nights, on this luxury boat. Food, shower, bed. Everything. One catch, though."

A couple of survivors held their breaths, anticipating what was to come next. Uncovering a huge square box, the author eyes its contents. Spiders. Loose, crawling, spiders.

Everyone was staring wide-eyed.

"Now, don't worry, survivors, these are not poisonous. We would not want you to die, since we would want to read about you in upcoming New Jedi Order books, right? Right. So. There are seven more of these boxes, and each survivor will be in it." The author snapped her fingers, and seven more uncovered boxes full of loose crawling spiders appeared. "Person who lasts the longest in there wins."
Each contestant got in, somewhat tentatively. Some gulped before they did, some close their eyes and tried to sleep. "Time starts now."

The clock was ticking as spiders crawled over, under and around them. Han and Mara had their fists curled, Luke appeared to be sleeping, and Darth Vader was pushing some off his body. Jaina squished one with her foot, Anakin had his mouth shut tight. Jacen and Leia squirmed.

ELAPSED TIME: TWO HOURS.

Not being able to take it anymore, Leia banged the box's door, which burst open, revealing a sweating woman, scratching and itching everywhere. She smiled weakly as she walked to the bench, watching and wondering who would be next, all at the same time grabbing a lose bug from under her shirt.

ELAPSED TIME: TWO HOURS FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Jacen was next. Not too strong willed, the young man bolted out, shaking his head. "I'm never doing that again," he mumbled.

ELAPSED TIME: THREE HOURS FIFTY-TWO MINUTES.

Han and Luke came out at almost the same time. Though Luke was calmer, both were sweating profusely (A/N: EEEEEEEWWWWWW!)

ELAPSED TIME: FIVE HOURS TWENTY-THREE MINUTES.

Darth Vader was not as tough as he assumed he would be. He was scratching himself all over, where, despite his armor, spiders had infiltrated. He couldn't wait to get some cream on this or something. You know, like on Vogue or Cosmo (A/N I read neither, just in case you were wondering).

ELAPSED TIME: SEVEN HOURS AND THIRTY-SEVEN MINUTES.

Jaina and Anakin were left, and they both watched with envy as the other survivors were being treated to a little reward. A slice of cheese pizza. Yum.

The author approached their boxes, where each was scratching their arms, legs, head, hands, feet. "First one who comes out gets this." A juicy slice of Prime Rib, with mashed potatoes on the side.

Jaina and Anakin both moaned at the torture they were presently enduring.

ELAPSED TIME: TEN HOURS AND FOURTY-EIGHT MINUTES.

It was now dark, and Han was snoring, leaning on Leia's shoulder (sort of sounds like that old song `Lean on Me', yeah?). Both sibling knew it would be tough race, both of them headstrong and strong-willed. Fearless would be a word too soft to describe both their personalities.

Anakin's mouth was still shut, as he recalled his fellow survivor pals eating up the Prime Rib offered to them hours earlier. The present wager was now a large, nay, huge serving of fried chicken, complete with fried rice and soda.

Jaina grabbed a bug from under her shirt and tossed it against the inside of the box, which resulted in a massacre of dead spiders. Anakin was wriggling around, apparently trying to find a spider under his clothes.

Both were drooling as the author came and smiled at the food.

ELAPSED TIME: ELEVEN HOURS AND TWENTY-ONE MINUTES.

By now the author was nodding off, too. Mara, Luke, Leia and Han left for camp as Vader and Jacen watched eagerly, hoping they would get some more of the delicious serving.

It seemed that Jaina was getting annoyed at all the spiders crawling around her, and at any given moment, the onlookers could have betted that she would lose. Itching and sweating, she was a done deal. Or so it seemed.

Anakin was shaking his head uncontrollably as he burst through the box, shaking off spiders. Jaina smiled in victory, though she knew her brother would get the fried chicken. She, on the other hand, would get the yacht.

She climbed out too, more than joyful that this ordeal was over. Wearily, she stumbled toward her siblings and grandfather as she dried her sweat off and smacked another spider, which fell off her back. A cold shower would make her torment worth the wait.

***

"I'm glad that's over," Anakin complained, still licking the sides of his mouth, the chicken's aftertaste still lingering.

"Too bad you didn't win, though," Jacen remarked.

"That's fine with me. That food was great."

"So was the prime rib, or whatever they call it."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
"Come on, Little Brother. Mom and Dad must be wondering who won by now."

***

"Paradise, I tell you." Jaina slumped onto her bed, on which she would be sleeping for two nights. She took a hot shower, then started devouring the food set. Soon she was sleeping soundly, dreaming of spiders. Er, okay, um, winning. Yeah. That should be better.

Being and training in the military wasn't half as bad as she thought. It did come in handy.

***

TWO NIGHTS AND THREE DAYS LATER. WELL, TECHNICALLY THE DAY AFTER THE THIRD DAY.

"We've got mail, guys." Mara announced, which prompted everyone to gather around her. "It says we have to find a partner."
They decided to pick lots, and almost everyone was satisfied with the outcome. Mara and Han (team A), Luke and Vader Team B), Leia and Jaina (team C). The last pair, however, Jacen and Anakin (team D, duh), frowned when their names were picked by the other. Sibling rivalry can go a long way, if you know what I mean.

***

"Welcome to the immunity challenge. You've got three teams, the team that wins this game will win what I call `double' immunity. That means BOTH of you will get immunity in this challenge. All clear?"

Simultaneous nods and replied were grumbled.

"Okay. Because of my author powers, I am able to become technologically advanced in my fics. There are four boats here. You must maneuver them using voice commands. Each boat is equipped to recognize only your voice or your teammate's. You must work together, or else you boat will stop if you say the opposite of what your teammate will say. You are allowed to say `right, left, faster, or slower' only.

"On your marks, get set, go."

And the race was on. Jar Jar was cheering in the background. "Go! Teamsa winning!"

Yells overlapped others. Anakin's and Jacen's were ahead, followed team C, then A, then B.

Like I said before, I am a terribly lazy author. So I'm just gonna tell you who won.

Guess.

Go on, guess!

Yep. You're right. Just as it was in Survivor Africa when Frank and Brandon were paired up, the rivaling brothers won. Luke and Vader could not finish the race, due to their unsynchronized control. Rather, out of control.

"You all know what's coming up. Tribal Council."

***

"Go on. Vote."

Each one held up their vote to the camera and revealed who they voted for.

Jacen: "Sorry, Aunt Mara. But you're too athletic, and, well, you're a threat."
Anakin: "I'd vote for Jacen, but I can't. So here it is, Grandpa."

Mara: "Han, you don't really do anything around the camp, so there."

Leia: "Sorry, Dad. But you've got to go. You're breathing is very annoying."
Vader: "Han. My son-in-law. A bum, really."

Jaina: "Uh, I'm really sorry about this Dad. I hope you never find out and you still let me pilot the Falcon.

Luke: "Mara told me to vote for you, Han. And I am really annoyed with you calling me a kid and everything."

Han: "Hi. I voted for Mara."

"So here it is, Survivors. Four votes Han, two votes each for Mara and Vader. Sorry, Han."

Han scratched his head, pecked Leia and the cheek then smiled at his kids. He took his torch and saluted to his fellow tribesmates. "It's been fun, guys. Besides, you're all related to me somehow, so I'll just eat at your celebration dinner." He flashed a lopsided grin, then reminded, "I'm gonna be on the jury with Bob and Chewie. I'll be watching."

The author was smiling. "Well, I guess that was a very cheerful goodbye. Bob is not available because he said he has some business to attend to. We're replacing him with Gavin."
Jaina scowled.

"Next Tribal Council, we'll be having Gavin, Han and Chewbacca here. Watching. As Austin Powers put it, `oh, behave, baby!"

"Who's Austin Powers?" Luke asked.

***

So there. Hope you enjoyed that chapter. I'm working on chapter Twelve, so I still want those suggestions for reward/ immunity challenges. Don't forget to post who you want to win, too. Most importantly, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

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Completed 2/ 11/ 02 (Feb. 11, 2002)