CHAPTER TWELVE: The Biggest Battle Ever
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Author's Note: I need your suggestions for those challenges! Please forgive me for not updating recently. I have been immensely busy the past months. Anyway, here it is.
***
CUE IMPERIAL MARCH
"Aaaaanaaaakiiiin Skyyywaaaaaaalkerrrrrrr!"
"What? I was just having some fun."
"Get back into the fic, Darth Vader."
"Yeah, yeah. Gee, can't a Sith have any fun these days?"
"No."
"Fine, fine. Bantha fodder."
END IMPERIAL MARCH
"Better?"
"Yeah. Anyhow"
"Ahem?"
"What now, Sith Dude?"
The dark side ruler pointed to himself.
"Must I do everything?" The author snapped her fingers and Vader materialized into the fic. "To the rest of you, on the last episode of our exciting series, Han Solo was betrayed by many as he proved to be the 'weakest link'. The author, who is me, now has writer's block. Enjoy."
***
"Hope Dad isn't too mad over being voted off," Anakin remarked, kicking the dirt at his feet.
"You voted for him?" Jaina asked in feigned innocence.
"Naw. I was just wondering. That's all."
Mara joined the pair, cradling a hot mug of what smelled like hot chocolate. "What do guys think of the jury?"
"You mean Dad, Chewie and" Jaina hesitated, then continued, sarcasm evident in her voice. "Colonel Gavin?"
"Yeah."
Anakin scratched his head. "Well, I just hope I haven't done anything to wrong them."
"Guilty," Jaina said softly, anger rising.
"Give it up, honey," Mara soothed. "No use keeping a grudge."
"Easier said than done."
"I agree," Anakin said, thinking of Jacen.
Leia arrived, taking a spot by Mara. "Good morning."
"Morning," the trio replied.
Anakin checked his chronometer. "Aren't you supposed to call your boyfriend, Jaina?"
"Don't start on me, Little Brother."
"What?" Anakin spread out his palms in innocence. "What did I do this time?"
Jaina rolled her eyes. Mara and Leia were grinning when Jacen walked over. "Morning," he said groggily.
"Morning," the all said.
"Well?" Anakin asked, returning to where he left off. "Aren't you?"
Jaina shook her head and sighed. "Mind your own business, bro."
"Can't do that, sister. Annoying you IS my business."
"Okay, break it up, kids," Leia interjected. "No use in arguing."
"Yes, Mom," they both said in unison.
Jaina got up and walked to her tent and retrieved her satellite phone. "Told you so," Anakin whispered to Jacen, Mara and Leia. His brother snickered; the women seemed to understand.
Jaina seemed to hear them when she looked at them and scowled. "I'd use some Force lightning on you if I could."
"When did you learn that?" Jacen asked as his twin approached.
"When Anakin died."
"Hey!" Anakin said, obviously hurt.
"Dude, we all know you died, okay?"
"Yeah," Anakin scoffed, "thanks for reminding me I'm a walking dead guy."
"Couldn't have said it better myself."
"Anyway," Jacen said sarcastically, "you really used the Dark Side?"
"Yeah. I thought you read Star by Star. Traitor's out now, you know." Jaina shrugged. "And this time it's all about YOU." She pointed to her twin who held his hands up in mock surrender.
"Isn't my fault I'm so loved."
"Riiiiiiight." Anakin got up, shaking his head.
***
"Mom's getting voted off tonight," Jacen whispered.
"What?" Anakin shut off Boba Fett's Game Boy. "What?"
"I told you. Mom's getting voted off."
"How sure are you I'm not voting YOU off?" Anakin raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Because if you do, little brother," he replied sweetly, "I'm telling a certain blonde someone about that little pink dress incident fifteen years ago."
"Manipulative blackmailing brother," he muttered.
"Why thank you. You can continue playing uh... Whatever you're playing. What're you playing anyway?"
"Star Wars Episode Two, see?"
"Hey, I wanna see!"
"No, I'm playing it!"
"Well, it's not really yours!"
"Boba gave it to me!"
"Oh so you're friends now are you?"
"Exactly. So if you don't want a huge bounty put on your head, you might as well go away and leave me alone."
"Fine, fine. Stupid blackmailing little brother."
"Jinx!" Anakin suddenly yelled.
'What?"
"Jinx!" He repeated. "That's what you say when someone reapeats what you just said."
"Weird little brother. It's a wonder I put up with you, you know." Jacen shook his head and was about to leave, when Anakin yelled after him.
"It's a wonder I put up with you!"
"Jinx!"
"Huh. Beaten at my own game. Figures. Oh look, now Dooku killed me!"
"Isn't my fault you decided to play grandpa."
"Hey, that's a great idea! I'll get Grandpa to play this! He'll know how to defeat Dooku! I just can't get past these droids!"
"Call Threepio. He might help."
"Did anyone request for my availment?" A familiar voice asked from beyond the tent entrance. "I am glad to be of service, Master Ana-"
"Someone shut him up!" Jaina yelled from outside.
"Shutting up Mi-" The voice was cut off... Thankfully.
***
In a little hut the other side of the island, sat those who had been eliminated. The jury members, watching a TV of their former fellow Survivors, all sat attentively. Gavin, Chewie and Han each had a different expression on their faces--Gavin was curious, Chewie was bored, and Han looked like he needed to go to the bathroom.
"So Jacen's the little plotter, I see," Gavin muttered.
"Roar!"
"That's my boy," Han murmured. "Does anyone know where the refreshers are? I have to go really bad."
"I don't think there are any refreshers here," Gavin replied. "Just a hole in the ground."
Han's face twisted into a disgusted look. "I've been through worse things. Gotta run."
"Reeear!"
"No, Chewie, you cannot come with me even if you have a life debt or something."
"Grrar?"
"Well, I don't think anyone's going to attack me while I'm going, okay? So there."
Chewie roared the equivalent of a "Fine, be that way."
As Han left another figure entered, that of Kyp Durron.
"How are you doing, Colonel Darklighter?" He asked.
"Uh -- what are you doing here, Kyp?" Gavin inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm going to ask Jaina to marry me!"
"Uh--" Gavin was on the brink of either laughing or puking; it was hard to tell which. "Uh--"
"Yep. I'm asking her to marry me."
"But doesn't she have a boyfriend or something? That Chiss dude? Jagged Fel?"
"Oh, Not to mind him," Kyp was smiling like a lovesick fool when another tall figure entered the hut.
He was panting and sweating, but was clutching a small box in his hand.
"Why, hello there, Kyp." Jag's voice was stronger than everyone expected. "How are things?"
"Things are going very well for me, indeed. May I ask, what brings you here, my friend?"
"Shut up with the pleasantries, Durron," Jag suddenly sneered, his expression changing dramatically. "She's mine."
Kyp laughed, but it came out more of a snort. "You're mistaken, Colonel. In fact, I was just about to ask her to marry me."
It was at this moment that Han enters the scene.
"What's going on here...?"
Chewie looked at him pathetically as Gavin's smirk provided even more insight into the situation...
"Uh, what are you two doing here?"
"Why, General Solo," Jagged immediately took his hand and shook it. "Pleasure to see you again. I was just about to--"
Han gave him a weird look as Kyp struggled from bursting with laughter.
"Uh, Jag, not to spoil your day, but I just went to the bathroom, and well, I didn't wash my hands yet--"
Jag's face twisted into a horrified stare.
"Hi, Han," Kyp greeted cheerily. "I just came by for a visit, and Colonel Fel seemed happy to come along..."
"Okay, uh, why exactly are you two here?"
Silence ensued.
"Uh, can anyone answer my question?"
"Actually," Gavin interjected, "these young men where about to ask your daughter's hand in marriage."
"WHAT?!"
Kyp and Jag winced in unseen pain and horror.
"Isn't that grand? These two young, wonderful men are seeking to marry..."
"I understand quite well, Gavin," Han was fuming, and you didn't need to have the Force to tell that he was very mad. "What is the meaning of this?"
Once again, silence ensued.
"I asked a question. Someone give me a good answer."
Kyp cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. Actually, I was meaning to ask you just now--"
"Actually, I was meaning to ask you right now," Jag interrupted, "If--"
"I was talking here!" Kyp stormed angrily.
"Isn't anger of the dark side or something?"
"Don't bug me with Jedi philosophies. I can burn you to a crisp right now if I wanted to!"
"Then why don't you, all powerful Jedi Master Kyp Durron?"
"Now wait a minute," Han raised his voice to catch the two mens' attention. "No one is burning anyone else, okay? And no one is marrying my daughter either!"
"But Han, let's be realistic," Gavin tried to say. "Your daughter is growing up. She needs someone."
"She has enough people, Gavin," Han replied quickly. "And I'm not letting two immature, irresponsible--"
"Ahem. If I may, I am a Colonel." Jagged proudly heightened his stance as Kyp scowled.
"And I am of course, a Jedi Master."
"Uh, okay, wrong words then." Han shook his head. "Actually, you know, why don't you prove to me who deserves my daughter, eh? Then we'll see who's REALLY irresponsible and immature."
Silence ensued again.
"Sure."
"Sounds fine to me."
"Then let the battle begin," Han announced.
***
TO BE CONTINUED