CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Survive or Die
"Isn't that a tad too violent?"
Me: What? Who're you?
"I'm a censor. And according to your fic, this is a G-Rated literary work. So, that's too violent for younger viewers."
Me: Do you think I care?
"No, but according to the rules and regulations of..."
Me: Get out of my fic!!
"I'll have to remove this fic if there is questionable material in it."
Me: There's no 'questionable' material in here! Get out!
"All right, if you insist."
Me: Well, thank you. Now let me get back to writing this...
*computer mysteriously crashes*
Me: *muttering* Stupid censors.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Survive or Get Voted Off (A/N: Duh)
"Now that's much better, thank you."
Me: Fine. Happy?
"Yes. Very well. Carry on."
Me: *grumbles*
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CUE SURVIVOR MUSIC
Jeft Proast: I have no idea what happened in the previous chapter, so let's just get this done...
END SURVIVOR MUSIC
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While the Kyp Durron and Jagged Fel controversy fluffed up at the other side of the island, we check back to our remaining Survivors.
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"Are you crazy?" Jaina asked her twin in a forced whisper. "I'm not voting mom off, Jacen. Who do you think you are telling people who to vote for?"
"Hey, it's me!" Jacen whispered back. "Fine, don't vote for mom. Who are you voting for, then?"
Jaina raised her eyebrow, pasted a knowing grin on her face and shook her head. "I'm not telling. And you can't use the Force to find out either."
She left the tent, and Jacen felt a surge of anger fly ou of him. Literally.
And anger sure was stinky.
---
"No, no, give me that!" Darth Vader took the Game Boy from Anakin. "I know what to do!"
"Hey!" Anakin yelled. "That's mine! Give it back!"
"Just this level, I know how to destroy those doors, see? You go over here..."
As Anakin watched with curiosity at what his grandfather was doing, Mara entered the tent.
"What are you two boys doing?" She asked.
She could get nothing out of them but grunts.
"Uh, I just asked, what are two doing here?" Annoyance tugged at her.
Still nothing but grunts.
Boys will be boys... But in this case, the two were boys playing a Game Boy.
Mara left the tent chuckling at the two, when she noticed Jaina was out another tent.
"Anything wrong, Jaina?" She asked, trying to be helpful.
"Nope. Jacen just told me to vote Mom off, that's all."
"Manipulative little brother, huh?"
"Exactly."
"We can see to that." Mara started whispering in her ear, and Jaina smiled.
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AT THE JURORS' SIDE OF THE ISLAND
Han started to shake his head again. "Okay, forget it. No one is marrying Jaina. Just forget this whole thing. You two can go home."
Kyp and Jag both dropped their jaws.
"But Han!"
"Han, please reconsider!"
"No, I will not reconsider, Jag. In fact, I think I've made the right decision. No one is marrying my daughter!" As he repeated that phrase with more conviction this time than the last time, the young men both winced.
Someone entered the hut.
"Who goes there?" Han asked, a bit too harshly than he expected.
Another dark haired, green eyed young man appeared.
"Not you too!" Han sighed in frustration. "Out! All of you! Out! You're all crazy!"
Gavin stood to mediate. "Relax, Han, buddy, maybe you should let Jaina decide."
"Okay, you're crazy too, Gavin! How many times must a father repeat this? I am not letting anyone marry my daughter, in fact, I don't plan on letting anyone date my daughter anytime soon! So if any you have been kissing up to Jaina, you're going to have to answer to me!"
Jag winced, quickly enough for Han not to notice.
Chewie roared something softly, grabbing Han's attention.
"You're right, Chewie. Maybe I shouldn't be too hard on these boys." Han gave them an uneasy grin. "Besides, you're all just boys, aren't you? So all right then, all of you, leave, while you have the chance."
He gave them his infamous grin, threatening and determined, and the three young men slowly back away from the towering Solo.
Outside the hut, Kyp and Jag argued.
"Why in all Sith did you come here? I warned you, Fel, you spoiled everything!"
"Hey, it was my idea to come here and propose, Durron." Jag spit the name out with all the arrogance and disgust he could muster.
"Arrogant little monkey-lizard."
"She's my girl, Durron, So get out of my--"
Han's still-angry voice bellowed from inside the hut. "She belongs to neither of you!"
Kyp's face boasted an arrogant grin as Jag clasped his fingers into a knuckle. "Why you..."
Zekk intervened. "None of you are acting like real men."
"Who brought you into this?" Someone asked. A fist was the last thing Zekk saw.
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"Hold it!" Came the little censor voice.
Me: "Whaaaaaaaat is it?"
"That is too violent for a G-rated fic!!"
Me: *scowling* Stay out of this! It's part of the plot!
"Well, it doesn't have to be this violent."
Me: Sorry, too late, he's unconcious.
"You could get sued for this, you know."
Me: I have a disclaimer. First page. Check it.
"Fine, fine. Just tone it down, would you?"
Me: Looks like I have no choice.
"Good, good. Carry on."
---
The immunity challenge was coming up, and so as the survivors neared the clearing (which just happened to be on the Jurors' side too), Jeft spoke with the author.
"I want to quit this job," he groaned miserably. "It's boring, annoying, and I always get mosquito bites."
"Fine, go ahead, but you won't get any bathroom priveleges for a month."
"That's cruel. Wht even makes you think you can even do that to me?
"I created you, Proast. You have no choice."
"Oh yeah. I forgot." He scratched his head and sighed. "Fine, fine, fine. Let's just get this over with."
"Now that's a good host. Later."
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"All right, Survivors, here's the thing. You have fifteen seconds to finish this pie." Jeft showed off a huge hunk of blueberry goodness. "Whoever has it finished first wins. Go."
It became a scramble to finish first. Vader's shiny black helmet was smeared with it while Luke led the pack. Mara, Leia and Jaina were doing a pretty good job. Anakin was sorta choking while he tried to finish the Tatooine level on his Game Boy. Jacen was almost halfway through when...
A loud buzzer sounded.
"And the winner is..."
Jeft inspected the pies.
"Luke! Well, good job, Jedi master! Didn't know you had it in you."
"Actually," he replied, "I don't think it'll stay in me very long." His cheeks puffed up and he got off his chair as fast as he could.
"Eww," was all Jacen could whisper.
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At Tribal Council that night, Anakin was playing the Game Boy Advance Boba Fett had given him, and Vader was trying to help his gradson battle some droids.
"Okay, attention please, people!" Jeft announced. "Luke wins immunity, even if he barfed the pie out, our judges counted it. As always, here are our three judges, ever keeping an eye on all of you. So anyone want to say a few words or anything?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Good. Jaina, you're up first."
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Jaina: "Sorry bro, but your bossing around and stuff gets really annoying. So there. Sorry."
Mara: "Better luck next time, uh, Dad."
Luke: "Uh Dad, I hope you don't hurt me with your Force grip or anything but, yeah, whatever."
Jacen: "Mom, this is all in the interest of winning."
Anakin: (while playing Game Boy) "Jacen told me to vote for Mom, so here it is."
Leia: "Jacen, dear, this is all diplomatic things. Sorry, son."
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"I'll tally the votes." Jeft returned just as quickly as he left. "First vote, Jacen. Second vote, D. Vader, third vote, Jacen, fourth, Leia, fifth, Anakin Skywalker, sixth, Mom. Looks like a three-way deadlock. In times of crisis such as these, we have a special three sided coin!"
Jeft gave them all a pathetic look. "Okay, so maybe not, but play another rock paper scissors thing."
Leia's rock beat Jacen's scissors, but Vader's scissors beat Jacen's paper in the next play.
Jacen reluctantly took his torch and made his way to the Grim Reaper, a.k.a. Jeft. The host shrugged sympathetically and covered Jacen's flame.
"Final five, good luck. You'll need it."
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