Title: Are You Still My Girl?
Author: Queen Boadicea
Email: queenboadiceaoftheiceni@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: This belongs to the great and powerful Joss and the usual gang of idi…uh, geniuses
Pairing: An/X, B/?
Distribution: http://www.fanfiction.net
Feedback: Do your worst—it can't compare to my worst ;)
Notes: Spoilers for BtVS season six, episode "Hell's Bells"
[thoughts]
Buffy sat beside the phone as she nervously tapped her fingers. [Go ahead. Call him. You're a big girl. What are you afraid of? That he'll say no, that's what. He's had all this time to forget about me. What if he's found someone else? You'll never know until you call. You're the Slayer, for gosh sakes! Since when are you so scared of a guy?! Show some guts, girl, just pick up the phone and ask him! The worst that'll happen is that he'll say no. Then I'll be alone and won't that just stink. Like my life doesn't suck enough as it is. So what? Willow isn't exactly going to be bringing a date. Anyway, the day isn't about you. It's about Xander and Anya. So whether you have a date or not, you are not going to sulk about this. NOW PICK UP THE PHONE ALREADY!]
Buffy sighed and picked up the handset. After dialing a number she could have done in her sleep, she waited tensely for anyone to pick up. "Hello? Hi, it-it's Buffy." Slight pause. "I know you didn't expect to hear from me so soon after the last time we met." Longer pause. "Yeah, it wasn't the best time of my life, was it? But you were there and I thought maybe you'd like…"
Her voice trailed away as she felt her courage falter. Then she mentally shook herself and started speaking rapidly. "It's like this. Xander and Anya are getting married in a week and I'm one of the bridesmaids. I'm not putting any pressure on you, I just thought you'd like to be my…date. It's just for the afternoon, I'm not asking you to sign on for a long-term commitment here. Just one afternoon, that's all I ask. I thought it would be nice if you saw me in a non-violent situation." She listened breathlessly for the voice on the other end. Then she broke into a brilliant smile.
"Great! I'll see you there. Oh wait, here's the address and the time you need to show up." She pulled the long and incredibly detailed list of instructions Anya had given her to ensure nothing could possibly mess up her perfect day and read the place and time of the ceremony. She grinned into the phone and said, "Thank you for doing this for me…and remember, it's just for one afternoon, okay? No pressure."
She hung up and let out a huge breath. [Now that wasn't so bad, was it? No screaming, no yelling, no demonic interference. Yeah, it went just great. Now let's hope the wedding is equally in the lack-of-stress factor and we'll be all perfect. Don't say that. You'll jinx it. Ha ha.]
Buffy and Willow stared with mounting horror. How could Anya do this to them? This was horrible, this was worse than a thousand curses by a thousand angry vengeance demons. "Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god. Buffy, look at its arms."
"I know. But it's my duty. I'm Buffy the—bridesmaid." She swallowed hard, trying to contain the bile that rose in her throat.
Willow retorted, "Duty, shmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all Marlene Dietrichy in a dashing tuxedo number?"
"No, that would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaidom," Buffy replied as she stared into the mirror.
Anya had chosen their bridesmaid dresses—in lime green. With ruffles. And huge bows. They looked like parade floats that had been slimed on by the food-guzzling spirit in Ghostbusters.
Willow shuffled to the bed. In the tight sheath of a dress she was wearing, shuffling was the only motion she could make. "Maybe if I ask Anya I can still go with the traditional blood-larva-and-burlap. She was a Vengeance demon for a thousand years. She would know all the most flattering larvae." She collapsed onto the mattress with a distressed moan. "What was she thinking?"
"I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now what with Xander's relatives and her demons." The Slayer sighed and exchanged a sympathetic look with the equally unhappy redhead. The reception dinner had been a nightmare. The Harrises drank themselves senseless and quarreled with Anya's demon family at every opportunity. God only knows how awful it got after the two women left.
At that moment, the door opened and Anya stood in the doorway. She was absolutely speechless for a moment and the other women felt their hopes soar. Of course, the dresses were a horrid mistake. Now that Anya realized it, she would get on the phone to the dressmakers and demand that they get the proper clothes rushed to them posthaste.
"Oh my god," she whispered. Then she ran over to the two and threw her arms around them. "You. Guys. Look. So. Beautiful!" She hugged them hard as tears began to run down her face. "This is the happiest day of my life!"
Buffy and Willow gave each other looks of utter despair. No doubt about it. They were doomed.
The wedding day loomed slightly overcast. No bright sunshine came pouring through the sky but none of the guests seemed to mind. And what a motley crew they were. Buffy didn't know which group was more bizarre—Xander's dysfunctional clan or Anya's demonic bunch. To explain their odd appearance, the Harrises were told they were circus people. Buffy didn't see how anybody could buy D'Hoffryn's horns as some kind of genetic defect but knew from long experience just how willfully blind people on the Hellmouth could be.
They didn't seem too bad, all in all. If you could just ignore the flippers, gills, horns, wrinkled dewlaps, reddened eyes and pointy teeth, they didn't act much differently from humans. In fact, they behaved a lot better than Xander's uncouth family. Buffy was running herself ragged trying to prevent Xander's alcoholic father from bellying up to the bar, insulting Anya's kinfolk and picking fights. Xander's uncle Rory fancied himself an aging roue and kept hitting on the pretty caterer who was neglecting her job in order to avoid him. Xander's cousin Carol—the Marrying Cousin, as everybody called her—seemed to have pegged Krelvin for her next husband. Krelvin had massive wrinkles in his face and scraggly reddish hair and was actually among the more human-looking of Anya's people.
In short, a typical wedding. Buffy was just beginning to relax when Dawn came up to her and asked, "Buffy, how's everything? You holding up alright?"
She nodded while keeping an eye out for Xander's dad. "Yeah. You?"
Dawn grimaced. "Pretty okay. I'm wondering what D'Hoffryn's thing-in-a-box is supposed to be. It's alive. Is it supposed to be something Anya feeds to Xander on their wedding night or some kind of pet?"
Buffy wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Maybe you'd better ask D'Hoffryn. In any case, it's not our problem. Let the married couple deal with it."
Dawn shook her head in disbelief. "Wow, I still can't believe it. Xander's getting married in just a little under an hour."
Buffy's eyes got misty as she contemplated the approaching ceremony. "I can believe it. Xander was always the steadiest of us, the most normal of our little gang. If anyone's entitled to a happy ending with the person they love, it's him."
Dawn gave her sister a slightly worried look. "What about the rest of us? Don't we deserve happy endings?"
Her older sister squeezed her around the shoulders. "Of course we do. It's just—well, being what we are, it's a little harder for us to find people who can accept us for that and not freak out too much. And our dating choices haven't exactly been top of the line, have they?"
Dawn snorted. "I'll say. Speaking of bad dating choices, you should see the skank Spike brought to the wedding."
Buffy raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I didn't know Xander had invited him. And he brought a date?"
Her little sister shrugged and hopped off the barstool she'd been sitting on. "Yep, Spike brought someone. Someone with a tongue stud. They started playing tonsil hockey right in the reception area and you could totally see it. I think piercings are really lame. I don't care if they are the rage…"
Buffy let her sister gabble on while she tried to sort out her feelings. So Spike had got himself a date, huh? And from the sound of her, she didn't sound like too much of an improvement over Harmony. Well, it didn't matter. If he were moving onwards, maybe he wouldn't be bothering her anymore. And if he could get on with his romantic life—or unlife, as the case might be—so could she.
Speaking of romance, she glanced worriedly at her watch and then at the door. Where was he? It was getting time for the wedding to begin and he hadn't appeared yet. She felt her heart sinking within her. Damn, she should have known not to get her hopes up. He was probably busy. Yeah, that was it. Something had come up at the last minute and he just couldn't make it.
She sagged slightly and patted Dawn on the arm. "Hey, Dawnie, why don't you go mingle with the guests? You don't have to stay here and keep me company." Dawn grabbed a ginger ale off the bar counter and ran off. She was in a hurry to get back to the guests, anyway. There was this boy from Anya's side of the family who'd been comparing notes with her on the weirdness of their respective families. Aside from the horns, he'd actually been kinda cute…
Buffy decided that sitting around moping wasn't going to do any good. She was going to check up on Xander's dad again and see to it that he didn't throw a punch at one of Anya's demonic friends. As she strolled down a corridor, she felt herself rubbing the right side of her neck absently. For the past few minutes she'd been feeling an odd kind of itch and the sensation was growing.
As she rounded a corner she passed by Spike leaning nonchalantly against a wall. At least, he tried to make it appear casual. She easily recognized the attitude from the many nights she caught him following or spying on her. "Hello, Buffy. Happy occasion."
She looked him up and down, smirking in amusement. He was sporting his usual black-on-black gear. [God, couldn't he have bothered to wear formal attire? He probably didn't have the money. I guess it's not one of those items you find in the city dump either.] "If you're here for the rave, Spike, I think that's next week."
Spike smirked back. "Nice to see you, too, Goldilocks. Have you seen my friend?"
[Wow, how was that for subtlety?] Buffy widened her eyes and pretended to misunderstand him. "Oh, you mean Clem? Yeah, and you might want to warn him. Xander's cousin Carol is scouting the wedding for her next husband and she's got Clem in her gunsights."
"Not him, you…" Seeing Buffy's grin, he knew he'd been had and struggled to recover his poise. "I'm talking about my date."
Buffy shrugged indifferently while rubbing her neck even harder—two could play this game. "Oh. No, I haven't but I suppose I will. Dawn met her and told me she looks like an absolute…Angel."
Spike grinned in triumph at the word. Yeah, no way he'd let Buffy think he was hurting over her. She'd dumped him and he felt as if the heart had been ripped right out of his chest. But the Big Bad was through crawling after the Slayer. He'd put her in her place and the first step had been to rub her nose in how easily he could get over her.
"Well, pet, I wouldn't go that far, but…"
"Angel," Buffy said again and this time Spike noticed she wasn't looking anywhere at him. Her gaze was trained off to his right and he turned his head to see the last person he would have expected.
It was Angel. God, she should have known. She could always tell when he was near. The bond they shared had never disappeared. Even after all these years it was still there. That's what the tingling in her neck had been. The scar from the bite he'd given her had faded somewhat over the years but it still woke up and itched like crazy whenever he was close. It had been humming on her skin for the past fifteen minutes and she hadn't realized.
In a moment, she'd brushed by Spike as if he'd ceased to exist. Somehow she was in front of the dark-haired vampire. She couldn't even recall having walked over to him. "Angel."
His warm dark eyes swept over her body in an appreciative stare. "Buffy. You look—you look beautiful."
Buffy blinked and came back to an awareness of her surroundings—and the lime green monstrosity she was wearing. "What? Are you kidding me? Or did you become colorblind?"
Angel reached out and clasped her hand and Buffy felt a tiny tremor go all the way up her arm. "Buffy, I'm just so happy to see you under any circumstances. Besides, I always thought you looked lovely in anything you wore." Running his eyes over her, he noted another change in her appearance. "And I love what you've done with your hair."
Spike looked on in disbelief. In moments, his well-laid plan to hurt Buffy had crumbled into dust. How the hell could he make her jealous of his new girlfriend when the great bloody poof was there? She was staring up into his face like nothing existed in the world and Spike felt the old anguish well up inside him. In all the time he and Buffy had been fucking, she'd never once looked at him like that. She'd always turned away from him after sex. After that first time in the ruins, she had never even stayed the night but always picked up her things and left directly after the screwing.
And now Peaches was back looking like the nancyboy he was in his…spotless tux that fit him like a glove and threw all the other men into the shade. Even himself. Spike knew that at this moment, on this occasion, he was the odd man out and seeing Angel with Buffy brought it home.
He stood there, casting about in his mind for some way to spoil the moment, when his would-be date slouched up and punched him in the arm. "Hey, where are the refreshments? You said there'd be food." [Perfect. She'll do nicely.] He slung his arm about her neck and practically dragged her over to the oblivious couple.
"Hey, Peaches, long time no see. I haven't seen you since I was in L.A. You remember that, don't you? You, me, Marcus, a couple of red-hot pokers. Looks like you've healed up nicely."
Angel looked at Spike with a slightly bored expression. "Spike. Glad to see you've…dressed for the occasion. What's the matter, couldn't steal a tux?"
Ignoring the stifled laughter from Buffy, Spike boldly caressed his new girl. "I'd like to introduce you to my date for the wedding."
The "date" looked the two over indifferently. "Hi."
"Hello, miss. I hope you enjoy the festivities." Without another word, Angel tucked Buffy's arm in his own and turned his back on the two. "She's a charming girl," he stated as soon as he thought the they were out of earshot.
"Oh, yeah, in a I'm-a-complete-sleaze-with-a-tongue-stud sort of way. She's just someone Spike dug up at the last moment for a date. I don't even know her name."
Angel gave her an innocent look. "I wonder if Spike does."
Buffy snorted and then laughed out loud. It was good to be around Angel. It actually felt comfortable almost as if they were old friends. Almost.
"So, where do I sit? On the bride's side or the groom's?"
Buffy wrinkled her brows as she thought about it. "The bride's, I think. I'm sure you'll fit right in. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if you knew some of 'em."
"Miss Summers, just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean that I'm personally acquainted with every demon on the Hellmouth."
Buffy beamed at him. "Great! This'll be a chance for you to make new friends."
Angel smiled at that rejoinder and then sobered. "Buffy, it really is great to see you again. I'd love to talk with you. A-a lot's happened in L.A. since we last spoke. We have some catching up to do. Maybe we could get together later. What are you doing after the wedding?"
"I'm going home, taking off this dress and burning it in the backyard," came the blunt reply and he smiled again. Wow, Angel looked really—happy. It was a great change from how he'd often appeared in the past and very different from when they last met. After she came back from the dead, she had gone racing off to see him at the drop of a hat, leaving all her friends and family behind to deal with the latest demon-related disaster. Their tense confrontation hadn't resolved any of their old issues but she was too glad to have him back in her life on any terms to care. She couldn't wait to talk to him and learn what had made him so cheerful.
After seeing him seated on the left side of the aisle she turned to take her position with Willow only to bump into Spike again. "Shouldn't you be taking your place with the other guests? Where are you sitting, anyway?"
"Are you kidding me? Me and my date are only here for the food. We're not interested in any of this sappy crap," Spike sneered. "So you and Peaches are having a little talk, are ya? You gonna tell him about you and me? I wonder how he'd take it if he found out we've been involved for the last few months."
Buffy gave him a measured look. "Involved? You mean, bumping uglies, don't you? Because that pretty much sums it up, Spike. And if you want to tell him now, go right ahead. I'd be really thrilled to see him pound the living daylights out of you in front of the other wedding guests—and that charming new girlfriend of yours."
She smiled sweetly and turned to go. Then she paused as if something had just occurred to her. "Oh, and if you are just here for the food, be sure to grab some deviled eggs. I know how fond you are of them—Doc."
That shot hit home. His face froze into a look somewhere between embarrassment and fury at this reference to their breakup and he strode off without another word. [Oh yeah, girl, you still got it.]
Buffy lined up with Willow and Dawn holding their baskets of flower petals and began slowly walking down the aisle after the radiant bride-to-be. [Man, will you look at Xander. He looks like he's seen a vision. That would be Anya, I guess. She really does look beautiful in that wedding gown. And the wedding party has stopped fighting. I suppose they've finally remembered that today is about the marrying couple. Oh boy, I cannot wait to get out of this ugly dress.]
She halted behind Anya when she felt a cool hand wind around her own. She looked downwards to see Angel smiling gently at her and felt that same frisson run through her body. It was all she could do to concentrate on the priest as he began to recite the wedding vows. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to see the union of these two souls in holy matrimony…"
[Goodness, here it comes. I'm starting to cry and they've barely started.] She raised her right hand and surreptitiously wiped away the tears.
"Do you, Alexander Lavelle Harris, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded bride?" Suddenly, she heard Angel whispering to her as he clasped her hand tighter. "Do you, Elizabeth Anne Summers, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" She glanced down at him, startled, as she saw him holding a very familiar-looking claddagh ring in his other hand.
She looked from it to his face. This wasn't some kind of joke, was it? No, Angel wasn't given to that kind of humor and the look he was giving her now appeared to be one of nervousness as if he suddenly thought this might not be such a good idea. Without thinking she whispered, "Yes. I do," barely making out Xander's answer from the front.
"And do you, Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "And do you—Angel—take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Buffy didn't consider what she was doing. Somehow this seemed right, it seemed fitting. She didn't know what Angel was thinking or how long he'd been planning this but she wasn't going to back out now.
"I do." The words were a gentle whisper but they rang out like a shout and Buffy felt the trembling go all the way down to her knees. She had to struggle to pull her mind back to the ceremony. As she watched Xander place the wedding ring on Anya's finger, she felt the cold metal of the claddagh ring slipped onto hers. In a flash she remembered everything—how Angel had first given her that ring, how she'd cast it onto the stony floor of his mansion.
He must have found it and kept it after he came back from Hell. She felt a pang of guilt but one glance into his face and she knew he didn't blame her. He never had. He alone had understood what it had cost her to send her beloved into Hell and how necessary it had been.
He raised her left hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, his eyes never leaving her face. There it was, that thrilling sensation, so much stronger than before. She was rudely yanked back to the present moment by hearing everybody sigh and clap as the wedding couple finished their vows and kissed in front of the gathered assembly.
Angel released her hand and stood up along with the others and Buffy stood back to let the newly married couple rush past her. Everybody crowded eagerly into the reception room and took their places at the tables.
She wedged herself in tightly against Willow and Tara as she made room for Angel. God, she couldn't get over how gorgeous he was. He was so dashing in his tuxedo; he looked like the handsomest man in the room. [What do you mean, 'looks like?' He is the handsomest! Okay, the groom runs a close second but still!] She found it hard to concentrate on the conversation. Had she always been this daffy and spaced out with him around?
"So, Buffy. Why didn't you tell me Angel was your date?" Dawn chirped.
Buffy gave her an uneasy smile while the vampire raised an eyebrow. "You didn't tell them I was coming?"
She tried to remain casual as she shifted in her seat. "I wasn't sure you would be here. I know things are rather hectic in L.A."
"How are things in L.A., Angel? After Buffy went off to see you a few months ago, she wouldn't tell us what happened. What's going on with you? Is Cordelia still with you? How's Wesley? Is he as good a Watcher as Giles? I mean, I know he isn't a Watcher anymore, but he was really big with the book learning and stuff. Do any of them remember me?" Dawn fired the questions one by one without pausing for breath at the amused dark-haired vamp.
"Cordelia is fine, Dawn. She and Wesley both…well, they were surprised to hear about you. So was I. I didn't realize so much had happened here in Sunnydale since I left. But there's way too much to go into here. Today is all about the married couple." With that easy dismissal, he turned back to Buffy and clasped her hand.
"Xander looks really happy with that Anya. Is she a good woman?" Buffy pursed her lips as she considered. She'd always found Anya's personality to be rather grating and the woman never seemed particularly generous when it came to money—or anything else, for that matter.
But she had stayed to help them during the Glory incident. She had taken care of Dawn along with the others after Buffy died. She would be good for Xander. Caring for the woman, loving her, gently easing her transition back into the flow of human society had turned him into a responsible adult. He was going to make a great husband and Anya would be a wonderful wife. She looked forward to seeing them with a family.
[Wow. Xander with kids. I can make Dawn baby-sit when Anya's too busy. She once told me she was old enough to be a babysitter. Let's see how well she handles trying to take care of bratty kids.] She allowed herself a small smile at that thought then realized Angel was still waiting for an answer.
"Anya's good people. She's a great manager and she loves Xander like crazy. I think—no, I know they'll be happy together." Tara looked around at them. She'd been engaged in conversation with Willow. Being a bridesmaid with her former lover present had been awkward at first but they had managed to achieve a tentative peace while helping Anya fit into her wedding gown. It had been a hoot huddling together over Anya's hem while listening to her try out various wacky versions of her wedding vows.
"Anya said she gets to marry her best friend. I-I think that's a wonderful sentiment," she stated in her shy fashion.
Willow nodded and smiled at Angel and the blonde woman sitting by his side. "Yeah, that's saying a lot seeing that there are demons in the room Anya's known for over 11 centuries."
A surprised expression flitted over Angel's features. "Eleven centuries? I didn't realize she was that old. Wow, Xander really knows how to pick 'em, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, just think of all the sexual experience she must have in the bedroom."
"Dawn! That's really not appropriate wedding conversation!"
Buffy bit out while the other women giggled and Angel tried to refrain from laughing. "Why not? That's probably what they're going to be doing right after the ceremony and it's not as if Anya ever kept quiet about it. She used to babble on and on about having sex with Xander. She always hated how the researching, slaying and patrolling cut into her sex time. You'd think she was charging by the hour or something—"
"Right! Who wants more food from the buffet?" Buffy slid her chair back from the table and got up in a desperate attempt to end the conversation. [I really don't want my little sister talking about sex. Especially with the guy I lost my virginity to sitting right beside me. In fact, I don't want to be talking about sex, period.]
All at once, nasty images of nightly grapplings with Spike rose up in her mind and an ugly shudder went over her. Angel had said he wanted to talk. How was she going to tell him about that? Was she even going to tell him? Today was such a magical day. Two of her friends had gotten hitched and she didn't want to spoil that. She was beginning to regret asking Angel to come.
She felt his quiet presence beside her even before he spoke. "Buffy, are you all right? Dawn didn't freak you out too much, did she?"
She blindly loaded the plate without caring what she was putting on it. "I'm fine. It's just today is so weird, you know? I look at Xander and Anya and think how lucky they both are. Tara's right; they get to be with their best friends. Then I think about everything that's happened to me in the past six years, how my life has changed: I got a little sister made out of mystical energy. Two of my friends are witches and one's an ex-demon who's gotten married to the first guy I ever met at Sunnydale High. I've come back from the dead twice now and I fell in love with a vampire."
Her breath caught as she considered what she'd just said. She hadn't wanted to address her feelings for Angel, not here, not now. But he was standing so close and the silver ring he'd given her suddenly seemed to burn her left hand. And what was the deal with that, anyway?
Angel held quietly beside her as he studied her profile. Being near her brought it all back. He recalled with vivid clarity the nights they'd spent making out or talking together, the forgotten day-that-never-was of his humanity. Angel felt the same desire and love that had drawn him to her six years ago. But the woman by his side was a glorious beauty compared to that untried schoolgirl. She had changed so much.
Buffy had told him where she'd been. Heaven. She had said it flatly and without emotion but he could feel her anguish tearing through him. She had been in a beautiful place and her good friends had torn her from it. She hadn't wanted them to know, hadn't been able to tell any of them what they'd done to her and he had wanted to howl with rage and grief. He had assumed, like Willow, that she'd been in some Hell dimension and that she would be happy to return to the world.
But there hadn't been any happiness in the woman he'd seen and her sorrow had tainted their last meeting. When he had seen her after she was resurrected, he'd been shocked at the change in her appearance. There were hollows under her eyes that hadn't been there before and despair surrounding her like a cloud. He honestly hadn't known what to say or do to make her feel better or ease her bitterness at her well-meaning friends. Even now he sensed that all wasn't right with her.
He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms like he used to do. He remembered how desperately grateful she'd been when he did just that after her mother died. And she had called him. Perhaps she needed to see him as much as he longed to see her.
But after her short encapsulation of the past few years the golden-haired woman stopped speaking and went back to the table with her laden tray and the opportunity to talk passed.
After the dinner was over and the tables cleared away, the band set up and started playing the musical selections Anya had picked out. There was an—eclectic variety, to say the least. There was swing music from the 50s, big band numbers, salsa, polka and something Angel thought was ska, though he wasn't at all certain. Being a demon for several centuries must have brought Anya into contact with a wide diversity of music and she seemed determined to find something for just about everybody.
Angel sat uncomfortably on the sidelines while, one after the other, people got up and grabbed their various partners. He would be the first to admit that dancing had never been his forté. When he was human, his attempts had consisted mainly of stomping around drunkenly with some barmaid and collapsing on the floor. Somehow he had never gained the talent for it when he became a vampire.
But when the band thankfully started a slow number, one he recognized from over three decades ago, he extended his hand to Buffy. "May I have this dance, miss?"
The blonde woman smiled and placed her hand in his. "I was beginning to think you'd never ask."
Oh, my love, my darling. I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time.
Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much, are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love. God speed your love to me!
Nestled in his arms, Buffy closed her eyes and let herself drift away. This was wonderful; it was like her prom all over again. It was all too easy to pretend that time had doubled back on itself, that she was still that innocent teenage girl in the arms of her boyfriend. Only, she hadn't been that innocent back then and Angel was no ordinary boyfriend.
She opened her eyes with a sigh and her eyes fell on the ring he'd just returned to her. "Angel?"
"Hmmmm?"
"The ring, where did you get it? The last time I saw it, I-I threw it on the floor of your mansion."
He nodded imperceptibly. "I know. I found it there after I came back from Hell. I didn't remember much but I knew somehow that it was important to me. So I kept it. It reminded me of you."
"And that whole business just now during the wedding ceremony? Were you being nostalgic?"
The vampire paused and then whispered, "No, I was renewing our vows."
Buffy's head shot up and she gaped at him. "WHAT?!!" The loudness of her voice caused the heads of several dancing couples nearby to turn and stare at the two of them. She lowered her voice and asked him again. "Vows? Angel, what are you talking about?"
The vampire glanced around and drew her aside slightly, though not too far from the music. "It's an old Irish custom. Priests were sometimes far and few between so a man would give a woman a claddagh ring like the one I gave you. Exchanging vows in front of witnesses counted as a…marriage. So when I gave you the ring all those years ago—"
"—You married me," she finished. Then she did a double take. "Wait a minute! You left me! You talked about me carrying on a normal life with a normal guy and all this time I was married to you?! How could you do that to me? We were married but you let me go? And you never said anything about it!"
Oh boy. She was furious at him. He could see the anger sparking in her green eyes, ready to burst loose. He cast a pleading eye at her. "Buffy, like I said, it's an old Irish custom. Nobody practices it anymore; it just appealed to me at the time to make the gesture."
"Oh, you're saying that it was just a silly joke on your part?" she hissed.
Damn, he just couldn't win this. He drew in a deep breath even though he didn't need it. "Buffy. Please. In some ways, I'm still the product of my time. I may look like a young man but I'm over 250 years old and I carry a lot of my memories from before I was turned. Most of those memories aren't happy ones but a few are and the ceremony with the ring is one of them. When I gave it to you, I entertained the idea in my head that we were married. I thought you'd see it as silly or else take it too seriously and I didn't want to give you any impossible dreams. Later, when I decided to leave you for good, I was glad I hadn't said anything. I was serious about wanting you to be happy with someone who could give you what I couldn't and didn't want you held back by any crazy ideas about being married to me."
She opened her mouth to retort and then reined herself in. She wasn't going to make a scene. The old Buffy would have done that. This was a joyous occasion and she wasn't going to spoil it. Buffy got a grip on her temper and tried to look at things calmly. "Okay. I understand."
Angel stared at her in surprise. "You do?"
She sighed heavily. "Yes, Angel. I was so angry with you all those years ago. You turned away from me on my graduation day and walked off without a backward glance. My father left me, Riley left me and Giles took off for England and never even sent me a card for my birthday. It just really bummed me out that every man I've ever cared about could simply turn their backs on leave and me. And it felt really cruel that you would do it after we were apparently married.
"But I get why you had to leave. You felt you could do good in L.A. and you have. You wanted what was best for me and you thought that was a normal guy." Then she tapped him lightly on the chest. "But you know what? I tried the 'normal guy' thing. He wasn't the one for me and in the end he knew it. He said I didn't love him and he was right. He was the rebound guy, the guy I picked to get over you. Except that it didn't work. I never got over you and I don't think I ever will."
She glanced up into his face and saw the flash of elation in it. He may have appeared impassive to most people but she had learned to read him like a book. "I never got over you either," he murmured. "I meant it when I said you were the only woman I've ever loved."
She smiled softly and leaned her head into his chest again. "So this ring means we're married, huh?"
His answering smile was full of relief. "Yeah, it does."
"Are you going to take me on my honeymoon after this is all over?" she teased.
He appeared to think it over for a moment. "We still need to have that little talk, Buffy. There's a lot we need to discuss."
Buffy gave a wistful sigh. "Yeah, I know. Like, how I'm going to break it to my friends that I've been married all this time and didn't even know it." Suddenly she stiffened as a thought occurred to her. "Oh my goodness! You know what this means? I've committed adultery!"
Angel wanted to reply that he'd done the same thing but that discussion was best left until they could get some privacy. "It's not as if that's a secret, Miss Summers." Buffy knew what he was talking about and marveled at how easily he could talk about it. He hadn't liked Riley. He'd told her as much when he came back to Sunnydale after she started dating the soldier. But to hear him mention it so calmly relieved her feelings quite a bit. Riley belonged to the past and if they could shelve that incident there and move on with their lives, maybe there was hope for their future.
Their future. Those were two scary words. Angel had said he wanted to talk. That didn't necessarily mean there was a future involved. And she had said this was just a casual date with no pressure. Why should that change?
He probably wouldn't want to stay with her anyway—not after she told him about Spike. A part of her cringed at the thought of that discussion. There was no way he'd be cool about that. There was too much bad blood between the two vampires, no pun intended. Angel was going to freak, that was certain.
Then he would turn away from her. She knew she wouldn't be able to bear the disgust, the loathing in his eyes. He had always thought of her as some kind of golden girl. How would she explain how death and resurrection had changed her?
Angel felt the alteration in her demeanor even though she didn't look at him. He had always been able to sense changes in her mood. "Buffy, what is it? Are you—don't you want to talk to me?"
She took a deep breath. "Yes. No. I don't know. This is supposed to be about the joyful couple, not another opportunity for the Buffy-and-Angel show."
Angel pushed his fingers under Buffy's chin. "You're right. Today is a time for new beginnings. That's why I gave you the ring."
The blonde woman in his arms graced him with a radiant smile and burrowed herself even deeper in his embrace. He closed his eyes as the two of them swayed to the melting sounds of the Righteous Brothers.
Lonely mountains gaze at the stars, at the stars, waiting for the dawn of the day.
All alone, I gaze at the stars, at the stars, dreaming of my love far away.
Oh, my love, my darling. I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time.
Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much, are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love. God speed your love to me!
Finis