Chapter 4: sensei, ore wa... nanda?
Kaworu turns quickly, and sees an adult. Well, he does appear like an adult, with his glasses and the suit he is wearing. [Who is he? Why do all these people know me? It's me, isn't it? I've forgotten something...something so important...my life. Another life? Shit..my head still hurts.]
The adult has long yellow hair, and when he speaks, a funny accent to his sentences makes his conversations comical and lively. He is constantly smiling, and is grinning even now. Apparently, this man knows not of anger or hatred. There is only...smiles. And more smiles.
Fake, was what Kaworu had thought. But that was when he remembered himself. Now, Kaworu stands there, motionless, but still staring at this person. This human. For a moment or two, the adult doesn't speak either. Letting the atmosphere settle in? Who knows.
"Finally seeing you here! After one long weekend plus yesterday, huh. You skipped my class today, Nagisa-kun. Feeling better now?"
"...how did you know..."
"Kirisawa Fuko told me. You went with Youzen to the doctor right? Or was it just truancy?"
[Kirisawa told him. Him? This guy? So this is Alexander-sensei? Oh. I don't remember much about him. I can only recall...laughter...and jokes...and laughter again. Did he always laugh? He's not laughing now. I thought it was his class now? Is it over?]
"Nagisa-kun? You ok?"
"....yes."
"Yeah, right. ^_^ You look like a ghost... C'mon, let's go to my office. Ain't that good? Gettin' excused from the rest of your classes today."
"...."
[I look like a ghost? I'm an angel..but I look like crap. Wait, maybe I'm not an angel anymore. Maybe I'm just... Shit. So this Alexander-sensei...seems to me like he always pokes his nose into other people's businesses. Sigh...what is going on with me. I'm not this rude, or arrogant...am I? They did say that I was always arguing. Arguments....what are they? Shinji-kun...where are you? Does Alexander-sensei know Shinji-kun? Does Shinji-kun study in this school? Things have changed...but what is the world like outside? Outside this school...outside this hell....]
"Alexander-sensei...."
But the teacher doesn't hear his soft mumble, let alone the screaming, loud thoughts going through Kaworu's mind. Nothing happens, except for the sound of footsteps echoing through the corridor...two pairs of footsteps. One light-hearted and loud. Another heavy and yet, soft.
In an empty classroom, the teacher leans lazily against the table, and lets out a big sigh. Kaworu stands by the door, not moving. Noticing his student's weird behaviour, he invites him in.
"I'm not gonna eat you or anything, just come in!"
"...yes."
"Nagisa-kun, can't you say anything else? You've been really strange, huh. Not just according to me, but even your friends were talking about it. You got possessed by some spirit? Haha..."
The joke falls flat on the floor before it even hits Kaworu.
"Uh...yeah, so anyway, Nagisa-kun, you seem to have some problem right? Tell me all about it! I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, body.....ugh, I take that back. Heh heh.."
Another joke falls flat, creating a splat next to a previous failure.
The student is still silent, and the teacher is losing hope. Slowly.
"Listen, Nagisa-kun. Come over here."
Kaworu obeys. What else can he do?
"Whoa, that's new. You never used to listen so submissively. In the past, I mean. Are you really okay? I know you didn't say that, but you're not talking about your problems either. Nagisa-kun, you used to argue over everything, and you hardly agreed with anything I said, or what other teachers said. They couldn't take it, of course, who could? But...your arguments...were cool. Mattaku...what am I saying? They were justified, and interesting to listen to. Argh...tonikaku, you really should tell me what's going on. I'm not saying you should continue arguing with me, but I really feel that you should quit feeling so down. Get it?"
".....nothing is wrong."
"Man, Nagisa-kun, what are you saying? You still claiming that you're fine? Talk to me, Nagisa-kun."
"....Alexander-sensei, there is seriously nothing wrong. I'm fine. Really."
"I don't believe you. You're lying."
No more splats on the floor, because this time, Alexander's words hit Kaworu. Hard. And it isn't a joke. It's a truth. An undeniable truth.
Kaworu hesitates a little, before changing his tone, and replying.
"Really? And what proof do you have on that? I think I've found yet another flaw of yours, Alexander-sensei. Seriously, you worry too much. Learn to care more about yourself, rather than others. It's a selfish world out there, if you pay too much attention to others, they will take you for granted. I can guarantee you that, Sensei."
"Nagisa-kun..."
"I've changed again? Funny, huh. ^_^ Magical, isn't it? How I wish I could nail that puzzled face to your face forever. I'm sick of you smiling everyday; trying to be everyone's friend, and longing to be liked by everyone. You can't stand rejection much, isn't it? It's hard for you to have people dislike you, so you always play the good guy, the friendly guy...the one everyone finds funny. You think no one can see through your thick and solid mask, but your mask is nothing. It's just a stage of hypocracy- something I hate. A lot."
"Nagisa-kun, shitsurei ne!"
"Me? Rude? Good, Sensei, you're finally showing your true colours. Or rather, your true self. No colours for you; no colours for everyone. The colours are the fake things. Without colour, everyone would be pure and sincere. Don't you agree? Sensei?"
"Nagisa-kun...you're still different. In the past, it was arguing. Not taunting and insulting. You have really changed, for the worst..."
"Hmph, so that's what you think. I don't really care what you think. Or what anyone else thinks."
Alexander is about to say something, but he pauses again. He gets up from the table, and walks over to Kaworu. He tries to put his hand on Kaworu's shoulder, but the youngster moves quickly, and walks forward, avoiding the contact between the two.
"Sawaru na."
[That's right. Don't touch me.]
Giving up, and at the same time, being shocked, Alexander's hand drops, and he turns to walk out of the classroom.
"I can't believe this."
The door slams shut, and the splats on the floor have vaporized.
Standing by the window, in the empty classroom, Kaworu notices the reflection of the classroom against the window panes, and sees Alexander walking out. He looks away, straight at his own reflection...which is not there.
Kaworu's eyes widen as he steps back, away from the window. [What the hell? Where's my reflection?! Am I not....existing?!]
He turns back frantically. And sees him.
A greyish silver-haired student, with red eyes, and fair complexion. A smile forms on his face, as he seems to be staring straight at Kaworu. What he says doesn't apply to Kaworu, though. But yet it seems so direct.
"I know you can't believe this. No one can."
***
Kaworu turns quickly, and sees an adult. Well, he does appear like an adult, with his glasses and the suit he is wearing. [Who is he? Why do all these people know me? It's me, isn't it? I've forgotten something...something so important...my life. Another life? Shit..my head still hurts.]
The adult has long yellow hair, and when he speaks, a funny accent to his sentences makes his conversations comical and lively. He is constantly smiling, and is grinning even now. Apparently, this man knows not of anger or hatred. There is only...smiles. And more smiles.
Fake, was what Kaworu had thought. But that was when he remembered himself. Now, Kaworu stands there, motionless, but still staring at this person. This human. For a moment or two, the adult doesn't speak either. Letting the atmosphere settle in? Who knows.
"Finally seeing you here! After one long weekend plus yesterday, huh. You skipped my class today, Nagisa-kun. Feeling better now?"
"...how did you know..."
"Kirisawa Fuko told me. You went with Youzen to the doctor right? Or was it just truancy?"
[Kirisawa told him. Him? This guy? So this is Alexander-sensei? Oh. I don't remember much about him. I can only recall...laughter...and jokes...and laughter again. Did he always laugh? He's not laughing now. I thought it was his class now? Is it over?]
"Nagisa-kun? You ok?"
"....yes."
"Yeah, right. ^_^ You look like a ghost... C'mon, let's go to my office. Ain't that good? Gettin' excused from the rest of your classes today."
"...."
[I look like a ghost? I'm an angel..but I look like crap. Wait, maybe I'm not an angel anymore. Maybe I'm just... Shit. So this Alexander-sensei...seems to me like he always pokes his nose into other people's businesses. Sigh...what is going on with me. I'm not this rude, or arrogant...am I? They did say that I was always arguing. Arguments....what are they? Shinji-kun...where are you? Does Alexander-sensei know Shinji-kun? Does Shinji-kun study in this school? Things have changed...but what is the world like outside? Outside this school...outside this hell....]
"Alexander-sensei...."
But the teacher doesn't hear his soft mumble, let alone the screaming, loud thoughts going through Kaworu's mind. Nothing happens, except for the sound of footsteps echoing through the corridor...two pairs of footsteps. One light-hearted and loud. Another heavy and yet, soft.
In an empty classroom, the teacher leans lazily against the table, and lets out a big sigh. Kaworu stands by the door, not moving. Noticing his student's weird behaviour, he invites him in.
"I'm not gonna eat you or anything, just come in!"
"...yes."
"Nagisa-kun, can't you say anything else? You've been really strange, huh. Not just according to me, but even your friends were talking about it. You got possessed by some spirit? Haha..."
The joke falls flat on the floor before it even hits Kaworu.
"Uh...yeah, so anyway, Nagisa-kun, you seem to have some problem right? Tell me all about it! I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, body.....ugh, I take that back. Heh heh.."
Another joke falls flat, creating a splat next to a previous failure.
The student is still silent, and the teacher is losing hope. Slowly.
"Listen, Nagisa-kun. Come over here."
Kaworu obeys. What else can he do?
"Whoa, that's new. You never used to listen so submissively. In the past, I mean. Are you really okay? I know you didn't say that, but you're not talking about your problems either. Nagisa-kun, you used to argue over everything, and you hardly agreed with anything I said, or what other teachers said. They couldn't take it, of course, who could? But...your arguments...were cool. Mattaku...what am I saying? They were justified, and interesting to listen to. Argh...tonikaku, you really should tell me what's going on. I'm not saying you should continue arguing with me, but I really feel that you should quit feeling so down. Get it?"
".....nothing is wrong."
"Man, Nagisa-kun, what are you saying? You still claiming that you're fine? Talk to me, Nagisa-kun."
"....Alexander-sensei, there is seriously nothing wrong. I'm fine. Really."
"I don't believe you. You're lying."
No more splats on the floor, because this time, Alexander's words hit Kaworu. Hard. And it isn't a joke. It's a truth. An undeniable truth.
Kaworu hesitates a little, before changing his tone, and replying.
"Really? And what proof do you have on that? I think I've found yet another flaw of yours, Alexander-sensei. Seriously, you worry too much. Learn to care more about yourself, rather than others. It's a selfish world out there, if you pay too much attention to others, they will take you for granted. I can guarantee you that, Sensei."
"Nagisa-kun..."
"I've changed again? Funny, huh. ^_^ Magical, isn't it? How I wish I could nail that puzzled face to your face forever. I'm sick of you smiling everyday; trying to be everyone's friend, and longing to be liked by everyone. You can't stand rejection much, isn't it? It's hard for you to have people dislike you, so you always play the good guy, the friendly guy...the one everyone finds funny. You think no one can see through your thick and solid mask, but your mask is nothing. It's just a stage of hypocracy- something I hate. A lot."
"Nagisa-kun, shitsurei ne!"
"Me? Rude? Good, Sensei, you're finally showing your true colours. Or rather, your true self. No colours for you; no colours for everyone. The colours are the fake things. Without colour, everyone would be pure and sincere. Don't you agree? Sensei?"
"Nagisa-kun...you're still different. In the past, it was arguing. Not taunting and insulting. You have really changed, for the worst..."
"Hmph, so that's what you think. I don't really care what you think. Or what anyone else thinks."
Alexander is about to say something, but he pauses again. He gets up from the table, and walks over to Kaworu. He tries to put his hand on Kaworu's shoulder, but the youngster moves quickly, and walks forward, avoiding the contact between the two.
"Sawaru na."
[That's right. Don't touch me.]
Giving up, and at the same time, being shocked, Alexander's hand drops, and he turns to walk out of the classroom.
"I can't believe this."
The door slams shut, and the splats on the floor have vaporized.
Standing by the window, in the empty classroom, Kaworu notices the reflection of the classroom against the window panes, and sees Alexander walking out. He looks away, straight at his own reflection...which is not there.
Kaworu's eyes widen as he steps back, away from the window. [What the hell? Where's my reflection?! Am I not....existing?!]
He turns back frantically. And sees him.
A greyish silver-haired student, with red eyes, and fair complexion. A smile forms on his face, as he seems to be staring straight at Kaworu. What he says doesn't apply to Kaworu, though. But yet it seems so direct.
"I know you can't believe this. No one can."
***