Kara taps her feet beneath the table, glad there is a tablecloth hiding her nerves from the rest of the restaurant. This isn't the kind of establishment made for people like her and she is fairly certain that if they saw her doing anything remotely undignified, they would burn her at the stake or something.
This isn't a place that she feels particularly comfortable – at all. This place was chosen for one reason and one reason only; this is Lena's favourite restaurant. Lena, who was meant to be here ten minutes ago.
Kara can't be mad because Lena had forewarned her that she might be a few minutes late when they first planned to meet here because she has a very important meeting right before their 7PM reservation here for their first official date.
Still, even with the explanation right there for the taking, a tiny voice in her hear keep on spouting what ifs, making her second guess both herself and Lena. As much as she wants to believe that Lena, her best friend of several years, would never do that, even Supergirl herself has a few insecurities.
A server drops by the table, offering to refill her water.
"Yes, please. Can I also order a couple of glasses of wine too?"
Kara figures that she should be optimistic and trust that Lena is going to follow through, she would never just leave her hanging, and even if she did, she would at least send her a text to let her know that she's not coming and her phone has been silent this whole time, although she has been way too nervous to pick it up and use it to keep her occupied in case she looks rude in such a fancy place.
She just about resists the urge to tap her fingers on the table top when she notices a couple on a nearby table sending her smiles that look a whole lot like pity. Lena better show up soon or else she is going to die of embarrassment.
Her eyes are trained on the ornate grandfather clock across the room, watching the minutes tick by with increasing impatience. Her glass has been emptied and refilled once already and she doesn't want to get sloppy by the time Lena arrives, even if it doesn't really affect her anyway.
With a steady hand, she pushed her glass a little further away from herself to curb the temptation to sip at her wine nervously. Her tapping beneath the table has increased tenfold and her lips would be bleeding from the amount of biting they are being exposed to if she wasn't indestructible.
Maybe she could break the skin if she bit down hard enough though, that's not something she should be testing here.
As it's coming up to half an hour after their agreed meet up time, Kara finally braves looking at her phone and check to see if she has any missed calls or texts. Sadly, there is only one notification, a message from Alex telling her to have fun and to let her know how the date goes when it's over.
By the looks of it, the date is going to be over before it has even had the chance to begin.
Kara doesn't want to interrupt Lena if she's in the middle of her meeting so she decides that it would be a good idea to give Jess a quick text to see if she knows how much longer Lena will be.
Hey Jess, sorry to disturb you so late. I just want to know if you and Lena are still stuck in the office? We were supposed to meet earlier but she didn't show and hasn't messaged me. I don't want to get in touch with her in case I interrupt anything important. Thanks!
Kara types the message with shaky thumbs, sending it before she can change her mind and take it back, then she places the phone down beside her, screen facing up so she can see when she gets a reply, silently praying that it won't be long.
More excruciating minutes go by with nothing but uncomfortable silence and frazzled nerves, all hope of Lena showing up diminishing by the second when her phone finally lights up with an incoming message from Jess.
Hi, we left the office at around 6.15 this evening, I haven't spoken to her since, would you like me to call her for you?
Kara's heart sinks. Lena's not tied up in her meeting which means that she just didn't come. Great. She barely manages to send Jess a message back telling her that it's alright, she will get in touch with Lena herself before sinking her head into her hands, wondering what she should do.
She wants to call her and ask if she is ok, check that nothing terrible has happened since she left the office this evening because it's not like Lena to be late and now she has been sat her for 50 minutes, it's about time to call it a day.
"Excuse me, would you like to order food? I'm afraid this seating area is for diners only, otherwise the bar still has plenty of seating." The same server from earlier appears at her side.
There's no point waiting around now, she's just going to call it and spend the night on her couch eating ice cream instead. "No thank you, can I get the bill please?"
With a nod, he scurries away and leaves her with her heartbreak.
She has to do a walk of shame out of the restaurant, her bank account empty from the overpriced wine and a weight in the pit of her stomach.
The air is cold, startlingly so, but it's perfect for her walk home, a punishing breeze for such a crappy night.
Honestly, at this point she isn't even going to call Lena, she needs some time to think, and she doesn't want to hear Lena tell her that she changed her mind or batter her head with fake apologies so that's a job for tomorrow.
Each step is like a swift jab to her heart as she walks away from the venue of her non-existent first date with Lena. She really felt like things were clicking into place and that she was finally getting everything she has spent the last few years yearning for, including a romantic relationship with Lena.
Their relationship has been developing since day one, their platonic relationship always having undertones of something more that they have been forced to ignore for the sake of whatever other drama was going on at the time and now they, for the first time, have the opportunity to explore those undertones and this happens.
It's getting clear to see that Lena must have felt pressured when Kara showed up on her office balcony yesterday with flowers and that's why she agreed to the date, not because she reciprocated Kara's feelings, she should have never gone ahead and asked, their relationship was fine how it was and now Lena is going to pull away from her.
Their relationship barely survived everything that happened when Lena found out about Kara's identity so adding this strain onto it when it has only just recovered is like the kiss of death.
Kara's empty loft taunts her as she opens the door with a feeble push, no energy left to expend now, her emotional fragility transferring over to her physical strength.
She's never been so glad that she'd already been grocery shopping, so she has plenty of ice cream in the freezer waiting for her.
The pretty dress she had bought just a few hours ago gets tossed aside in favour of her well worn sweats and the lid of the ice cream is peeled away, her spoon held ready for her to attack the carton with vigour and eat away her feelings. Her phone is promptly shut off and tossed aside, she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now.
Even the taste of the rocky road ice cream and the unusually comforting sound of The Wizard of Oz droning on in the background isn't enough to make her feel better, so much so that she falls asleep with a full stomach and an empty heart there on the couch, tear stains down her cheeks.
A hammering on the door startles Kara out of her dreamless sleep, her eyes and cheeks feeling awful and crusty from the crying and the empty ice cream carton taunting her and refusing to let her get a moment's peace from the harsh reality of what happened last night.
She pushes herself up into a sitting position on the couch, wincing when there's a second round of knocking, so loud that she's sure she'll have complaints from her neighbours later on.
Her bones feel heavy, making her movements sluggish as she drags herself to her door, taking a deep breath to compose herself before pulling it open.
Kara isn't sure who exactly she was expecting to be waiting on the other side of the door, but Lena is not the person she thought would be standing there. After last night, she was half sure that she wouldn't be seeing her any time soon at all.
They stare at each other in an awkward silence for a second, taking in the sight of the woman across the threshold.
Lena is dressed in her casual clothes, her jeans and a fluffy sweater, that make her look harmless, like she didn't trample all over Kara's heart and humiliate her less than a day ago while Kara looks like a mess in her crumpled sweats with her wild hair.
"Can I come in?"
Kara opens the door a little wider, stepping back when it looks like Lena is going in for a hug, and closing the door behind her.
Lena looks awkward, her hands wringing in front of her, her eyes drawn to the empty ice cream carton and the TV, still on and hovering over The Wizard of Oz. The untouched bed in the other room makes it obvious that Kara slept on the couch last night and Lena has to close her eyes for a brief moment to compose herself, to garner the courage to explain.
"I'm very sorry."
Kara doesn't respond, just looks at her with a vacant stare of pure defeat, a terrifying look for the girl of steel.
Lena steps closer to her, even when Kara backs up, chasing her down until her back meets the kitchen counter and she has nowhere else to go. At that point, Lena takes one of her hands between hers. "I cannot express how truly sorry I am, and I would very much like to know if there is anything I can possibly do to make this better?"
Kara's eyes search Lena's trying to figure out what she's thinking but the desperation clouds all of her other emotions, making it impossible to figure out what the CEO's intentions really are. "Why?"
The dryness of the question hits them both, the scratchy sound of Kara's dry throat making Lena wince with pity. Kara moves away from Lena again, taking her hand back so she can pour herself some water, all the while the weight of such a simple question rests on them severely.
Kara's brief distraction gives Lena time to think, to phrase her answer is the best way she can.
"I have no real excuse. I finished my meeting just after 6 last night and went straight home to get ready. I sat down on my bed for a minute to rest my eyes while waiting for my driver and when I woke up it was already past 9 and I had a million missed calls from my driver and from Jess. I didn't come by last night because you weren't answering your phone and I wanted to give you the space I thought you were asking for."
Lena wants to reach out and take Kara's hand again, but doesn't want to push too hard, afraid that she has already messed up her one and only chance with the woman she's been pining after for so long all because she was tired and fell asleep.
She opens her mouth to speak again, not entirely sure what is going to come out. "I can see that I've hurt you and I understand, but if you're willing, I would really like a re-do."
"A re-do?" Kara actually laughs at that, but it's not light and warm like usual, it's harsh and cold. "So you can humiliate me again? Let me sit there for an hour while everyone around me pities me? I don't understand why you wouldn't just cancel the date if you didn't want to come, you know I wouldn't have held it against you. Instead you just didn't show and are trying to cover your tracks. I'm so stupid for thinking you would have even wanted to go in the first place."
Lena's heart breaks at the self-deprecating way Kara is talking, like she isn't worth a damn when she is the greatest treasure on this planet. "You're not stupid, Kara."
"Of course I am, I clearly pressured you into accepting in the first place, showing up at your place of work like that. It's my own fault and I can't hold that against you, but I do need some space so please, just give me that." Kara meets her gaze, her eyes hard and glistening with barely held back tears.
Lena can't stop herself. She steps forward and drags Kara into a hug. "I promise that I wanted to go, I really did fall asleep, and I really do want to go on a date with you. I am so very sorry that I left you there like that, I can only promise that I never intended for that to happen and that I am willing to do anything to make it better."
Kara doesn't answer but can't prevent the sobs from escaping her, wracking her body and soaking the material of Lena's sweater.
"You can say whatever you need to say, yell if you need to. I can give you some material for it too if you need, the texts I got from Jess should make for some good inspiration."
"I'm not going to yell at you, Lena." Kara's voice wobbles, making Lena pull back to look into Kara's eyes again. "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad that I ever let myself believe that this could really work."
Lena looks like she's been slapped. She may actually have preferred that to be the case.
"I let myself believe that we would push our relationship to the next level but if even the universe is going to be against us, to stop us from doing it, then who are we to fight it?"
"We are two people that have put our wants on the back burner for too long and I will tear this whole planet apart before I let my one chance wash away down the drain because I overworked myself and slept my way through what should have been the first o]f many dates with the girl of my dreams." Lena holds her hands tight, keeping her voice fierce and firm, letting the sincerity of the words wash over Kara.
Kara's face crumples again and she falls into Lena's waiting embrace. "It's not your fault, I should have called you."
"I wouldn't have heard it anyway, I didn't hear Jess' calls after all, although my eyes will forever burn from the words she used to shout at me over text. She said you messaged her to see where I was and I'm genuinely terrified for my life for my next trip to the office.
Kara lets out a tiny chuckle, and it's enough to get Lena's heart beating again. "She can be scary."
"She can, and I bet she already has our re-do date planned and this time, she'll probably insist on escorting us there herself so we both show, not that she would need to, nothing short of death would keep me from turning up, so please, give me another chance." Lena begs into Kara's hair, terrified and hopeful.
"Ok." Kara breathes out, gripping Lena's shoulders. "Just please, don't break my heart again, I don't think I could take it."
Lena's own heart shatters at the sound of the words and she uses that pain to make a silent promise to herself and to Kara. She is never going to cause Kara this kind of pain ever again and she is always going to be there, no matter what.