Chapter One-
Disclaimer: We don't own Labyrinth or Sailor moon or rafe or any of the other mentioned. All we own is some vegemite and bread...for we are poor fruit pickers living in a dumpster.
Nat's AN: Cher the Sheryal wrote this
Cher's AN: Damn right I wrote it, that's why it's so funny. dude Nat you're AN's suck ass. at least mine are entertaining. Come 'ere lover boy!
BANG........BANG.........BANG........BANG........BANG!
"TURN IT OFF SLUT!" A large metal object was pounding large chunks of lamb.
"What the fuck are you talking about? WE NEED TO POUND THE MEAT IT'S OUR FUCKING JOB!"
"Cher IT'S BANGING IN MY EAR YOU SHERYAL!" Cher looked up at Nat and glared. Sheryal, she copped it every day. Cher you're a sheryal, stop being a sheryal, you stupid sheryal. "Well...WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER WORD FOR A SLUT YOU WHORE!"
Nat flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder and turned back to the lamb chops.
"Stupid skank, the only guy that would ever be interested in you would be HOGGLE!" Slamming the meat pounder back on, Cher gave Nat a lovely fingered gesture and continued to observe the lamb chops being pounded. A loud sigh filled the large meat factory as Nat leant against the conveyer belt with a bored expression on her face.
"I hate you for getting me into this Cher I mean we could..."
"ME? I DIDN'T GET YOU INTO THIS YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CAME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA TO WORK IN A MEAT FACTORY! 'Oh Cher it's a wonderful opportunity we can pound meat all day long.' You idiot Nat."
Nat turned her back to Cher and fiddled with some machinery. "Well I can't stand pounding meat anymore I just want to be with Rafe." Nat let out a dreamy sigh and twirled her hair around a finger.
Rolling her eyes Cher grinned smugly. "Rafe? As in Ralph? As in British Ralph Fiennes?"
Nat turned and glared. "No Rafe the posty OF COURSE THE BLOODY BRIT YOU DICK!" Smiling wider Cher turned her eyes to the meat being pounded. "You know pounding this meat isn't that bad."
Nat's jaw dropped considerably. "wha...you...wha...huh...when...bah"
Grinning Cher turned to Nat and stuck out her tongue. "It reminds me of the way Rafe pounded his meat into me last night."
Nat's eyes flew wide open and her fists began to clench and unclench. "You dirty SHERYAL!" Grabbing a lamb chop in her hand Nat clenched her teeth and threw it at Cher. SLCHMACK! The lamb chop stuck to Cher's head for a second and then slowly slid down until it landed on the concrete ground beside Cher's foot. Dirty lamb blood was smeared on Cher's face and she wiped it off slowly.
"That was fucking low you fucking WHORE! I HATE YOU NAT!" Turning her back to Nat, quiet sobs filled the factory of all things meaty. The only other noise was the bang of the meat pounder and the quiet snicker of Nat. After a few minutes of quiet sobs Nat was beginning to laugh harder and harder until she was rolling around on the floor.
"It's not funny." Came Cher's quiet pain filled voice. "BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHA!"
Her eyes glared as she turned around to Nat with a look that could kill. "I WISH...I WISH..." "BAHAHAH CHER AS IF THAT'S GONNA WORK YOU STUPID SHERYAL BAHAAHAHHAHA!!!"
"I wish the goblins would come take you away...RIGHT NOW!" Suddenly Nat's laughter ceased and a large crack of lightening filled the sky.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO SHERYAL?" Cher looked around with fear stricken eyes. "N...nothing...I didn't do any...OH MY GOD IT'S HIM!"
Nat jumped up and turned to see a tall, tights wearing man with spiky blonde hair that fell around his shoulders. "Why hello there stud, would you like to purchase some high quality meat products from WOAH WATCH THE APRON BUDDY!"
The man had one arm wrapped around Nat's waist and the other around her neck.
"Hello Cher, I understand you summoned me?"
Cher looked around nervously. "Well um...yeah but now that you're here...I'm really sorry but I changed my mind. I mean it would be kinda dull without this whore around."
The man smiled his cynical smile and turned around. "Don't defy me Cher."
Scrunching her eyebrows Cher snickered quietly. "Well um...I never defied you, but if you're into that kinky shit I'm gonna need some commitment from your end baby."
Jareth sweatdropped slightly and yanked Nat towards the door.
"Hey wait...don't I get like 13 hours to save her or something I mean come on...at least let me have a little fun with this...let me conquer the labyrinth with my..." looking around Cher's eyes rested on the lamb chop by her feet. "With my trusty lamb chop...er...lamb chopper." She snatched the lamb chop off the ground and started to swipe the air with it.
Sighing loudly Jareth stopped and turned around. "That won't be necessary my dear. You have 13 hours to solve my labyrinth and save your friend..."
"HEY I HAVE A NAME YOU NIGEL!"
Jareth brought his knee to rest in the small of Nat's back. "You keep quiet you sheryal."
Nat's jaw dropped. "I'm not the sheryal, Cher's the sheryal...you called me a sheryal...CHER HE CALLED ME A MMPH!"
Jareth's gloved hand muffled Nat's words. "How do you live with her?"
Grinning Cher threw the lamb chop over her shoulder. "I don't know but if you've got room in your bed I could live with you." She raised her eyebrows for the effect and Jareth blushed deeply.
"Honestly how do I get stuck with these cases?" Sighing he continued his speech. "If you haven't reached my castle in 13 hours then you and your friends will become my labyrinth's slave. Good luck sweet Cher, you'll need it." With a flick of his wrist a crystal ball appeared in Jareth's hand. "Look into this ball Cher, you will see your future."
Cher peered into the crystal and gasped. "I see...a bed...and...YOU!"
Jareth swallowed loudly and shook the ball. "Ok try now."
Nodding, Cher looked into the ball and saw a great maze with a castle in the center. "Oh good lord, I wish you would have told me there was up hill I would have brought my runners." Cher looked down at the 6 inch red heels that she wore on her feet.
"Hey you worked in a meat factory I would have thought safety regulations would be to wear some sort of running shoe."
Cher looked at Jareth blankly. "I'm just going to ignore that comment." She slapped him upside the head. "I always wear heels ALWAYS."
Scampering away, Jareth clicked his fingers and him and Nat disappeared into a puff of smoke. "So um...I see that I'm still in the meat factory...odd. Maybe it means that I need to get nutritious meaty snacks to aid me in my journey...psssssssh HOW DOES NO SOUND!" Turning around, Cher gasped as she saw before her the very labyrinth Jareth's ball had shown her. She grinned in determination and made her way down the grassy hill she was standing on. "I'm coming Nat, I'll save you and I'll prove to you that I'm not a sheryal. And you'll love me forever and we'll be the greatest of friends and we'll WOAH!" Loosing her footing, Cher tumbled ass over tit down the grassy hill.
*******
Meanwhile somewhere to the left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers Jareth stood smashing crystals on the ground. Nat sat happily on a rock running her fingers through her hair.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAS SUPER NATURAL POWERS?"
Nat smiled slyly and walked over to Jareth swaying her hips sexily. She placed a hand on his shoulder and stood behind him, pressing her body against his. "She's dangerous Jareth, she could destroy this whole...er...place with the snap of her dainty little fingers."
Jareth turned around and grinned stupidly. "Well they are nice fingers, and boy does she have a set of legs on her and that hair man...UNGH!"
Nat lifted the heel of her shoe off Jareth's toe and attempted to look innocent. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see your foot there." Nat leapt into Jareth's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Forget about her Jareth, kill her and then you and I could live together in your castle over yonder."
Jareth's face paled slightly as Nat sat happily in his hold.
"Is something wrong Jareth?"
"eep"
Nat smiled wickedly and lowered her head to Jareth's, opening her mouth and closing her eyes. He realised that she was attempting to kiss him and his eyes shot open.
"NO!"
He threw Nat onto the ground and wiped his mouth.
"HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
Nat stood up angrily and had a hissy fit.
"YOU WHENCH!" Jareth stormed away leaving Nat alone in the place that was left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers.
"HEY YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE, I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND...CHER'S GONNA GO TO THE CASTLE AND SAVE ME AND I WON'T BE THERE....YOU STUPID MALE WHORE COME BACK I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND THIS PLACE!" Nat threw a peach at Jareth's retreating back and turned away storming off into the opposite direction.
End Note: hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! If you'd like to send us some constructive criticism or flames or whatnot email us on Natchersluts@hotmail.com. It's a joint email addy so you only have to send out one email we cator to the lazy peoples needs
Nat: Shut up Cher. Hope you enjoyed reading our story....it's way funny you have to give us that much!
Cher:
Nat: -.-;;;
Cher: And with all that said...You are the weakest link....goodbye that show started in Aussie! We made that show! AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Nat: OI OI OI!
Disclaimer: We don't own Labyrinth or Sailor moon or rafe or any of the other mentioned. All we own is some vegemite and bread...for we are poor fruit pickers living in a dumpster.
Nat's AN: Cher the Sheryal wrote this
Cher's AN: Damn right I wrote it, that's why it's so funny. dude Nat you're AN's suck ass. at least mine are entertaining. Come 'ere lover boy!
BANG........BANG.........BANG........BANG........BANG!
"TURN IT OFF SLUT!" A large metal object was pounding large chunks of lamb.
"What the fuck are you talking about? WE NEED TO POUND THE MEAT IT'S OUR FUCKING JOB!"
"Cher IT'S BANGING IN MY EAR YOU SHERYAL!" Cher looked up at Nat and glared. Sheryal, she copped it every day. Cher you're a sheryal, stop being a sheryal, you stupid sheryal. "Well...WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER WORD FOR A SLUT YOU WHORE!"
Nat flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder and turned back to the lamb chops.
"Stupid skank, the only guy that would ever be interested in you would be HOGGLE!" Slamming the meat pounder back on, Cher gave Nat a lovely fingered gesture and continued to observe the lamb chops being pounded. A loud sigh filled the large meat factory as Nat leant against the conveyer belt with a bored expression on her face.
"I hate you for getting me into this Cher I mean we could..."
"ME? I DIDN'T GET YOU INTO THIS YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CAME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA TO WORK IN A MEAT FACTORY! 'Oh Cher it's a wonderful opportunity we can pound meat all day long.' You idiot Nat."
Nat turned her back to Cher and fiddled with some machinery. "Well I can't stand pounding meat anymore I just want to be with Rafe." Nat let out a dreamy sigh and twirled her hair around a finger.
Rolling her eyes Cher grinned smugly. "Rafe? As in Ralph? As in British Ralph Fiennes?"
Nat turned and glared. "No Rafe the posty OF COURSE THE BLOODY BRIT YOU DICK!" Smiling wider Cher turned her eyes to the meat being pounded. "You know pounding this meat isn't that bad."
Nat's jaw dropped considerably. "wha...you...wha...huh...when...bah"
Grinning Cher turned to Nat and stuck out her tongue. "It reminds me of the way Rafe pounded his meat into me last night."
Nat's eyes flew wide open and her fists began to clench and unclench. "You dirty SHERYAL!" Grabbing a lamb chop in her hand Nat clenched her teeth and threw it at Cher. SLCHMACK! The lamb chop stuck to Cher's head for a second and then slowly slid down until it landed on the concrete ground beside Cher's foot. Dirty lamb blood was smeared on Cher's face and she wiped it off slowly.
"That was fucking low you fucking WHORE! I HATE YOU NAT!" Turning her back to Nat, quiet sobs filled the factory of all things meaty. The only other noise was the bang of the meat pounder and the quiet snicker of Nat. After a few minutes of quiet sobs Nat was beginning to laugh harder and harder until she was rolling around on the floor.
"It's not funny." Came Cher's quiet pain filled voice. "BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHA!"
Her eyes glared as she turned around to Nat with a look that could kill. "I WISH...I WISH..." "BAHAHAH CHER AS IF THAT'S GONNA WORK YOU STUPID SHERYAL BAHAAHAHHAHA!!!"
"I wish the goblins would come take you away...RIGHT NOW!" Suddenly Nat's laughter ceased and a large crack of lightening filled the sky.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO SHERYAL?" Cher looked around with fear stricken eyes. "N...nothing...I didn't do any...OH MY GOD IT'S HIM!"
Nat jumped up and turned to see a tall, tights wearing man with spiky blonde hair that fell around his shoulders. "Why hello there stud, would you like to purchase some high quality meat products from WOAH WATCH THE APRON BUDDY!"
The man had one arm wrapped around Nat's waist and the other around her neck.
"Hello Cher, I understand you summoned me?"
Cher looked around nervously. "Well um...yeah but now that you're here...I'm really sorry but I changed my mind. I mean it would be kinda dull without this whore around."
The man smiled his cynical smile and turned around. "Don't defy me Cher."
Scrunching her eyebrows Cher snickered quietly. "Well um...I never defied you, but if you're into that kinky shit I'm gonna need some commitment from your end baby."
Jareth sweatdropped slightly and yanked Nat towards the door.
"Hey wait...don't I get like 13 hours to save her or something I mean come on...at least let me have a little fun with this...let me conquer the labyrinth with my..." looking around Cher's eyes rested on the lamb chop by her feet. "With my trusty lamb chop...er...lamb chopper." She snatched the lamb chop off the ground and started to swipe the air with it.
Sighing loudly Jareth stopped and turned around. "That won't be necessary my dear. You have 13 hours to solve my labyrinth and save your friend..."
"HEY I HAVE A NAME YOU NIGEL!"
Jareth brought his knee to rest in the small of Nat's back. "You keep quiet you sheryal."
Nat's jaw dropped. "I'm not the sheryal, Cher's the sheryal...you called me a sheryal...CHER HE CALLED ME A MMPH!"
Jareth's gloved hand muffled Nat's words. "How do you live with her?"
Grinning Cher threw the lamb chop over her shoulder. "I don't know but if you've got room in your bed I could live with you." She raised her eyebrows for the effect and Jareth blushed deeply.
"Honestly how do I get stuck with these cases?" Sighing he continued his speech. "If you haven't reached my castle in 13 hours then you and your friends will become my labyrinth's slave. Good luck sweet Cher, you'll need it." With a flick of his wrist a crystal ball appeared in Jareth's hand. "Look into this ball Cher, you will see your future."
Cher peered into the crystal and gasped. "I see...a bed...and...YOU!"
Jareth swallowed loudly and shook the ball. "Ok try now."
Nodding, Cher looked into the ball and saw a great maze with a castle in the center. "Oh good lord, I wish you would have told me there was up hill I would have brought my runners." Cher looked down at the 6 inch red heels that she wore on her feet.
"Hey you worked in a meat factory I would have thought safety regulations would be to wear some sort of running shoe."
Cher looked at Jareth blankly. "I'm just going to ignore that comment." She slapped him upside the head. "I always wear heels ALWAYS."
Scampering away, Jareth clicked his fingers and him and Nat disappeared into a puff of smoke. "So um...I see that I'm still in the meat factory...odd. Maybe it means that I need to get nutritious meaty snacks to aid me in my journey...psssssssh HOW DOES NO SOUND!" Turning around, Cher gasped as she saw before her the very labyrinth Jareth's ball had shown her. She grinned in determination and made her way down the grassy hill she was standing on. "I'm coming Nat, I'll save you and I'll prove to you that I'm not a sheryal. And you'll love me forever and we'll be the greatest of friends and we'll WOAH!" Loosing her footing, Cher tumbled ass over tit down the grassy hill.
*******
Meanwhile somewhere to the left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers Jareth stood smashing crystals on the ground. Nat sat happily on a rock running her fingers through her hair.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAS SUPER NATURAL POWERS?"
Nat smiled slyly and walked over to Jareth swaying her hips sexily. She placed a hand on his shoulder and stood behind him, pressing her body against his. "She's dangerous Jareth, she could destroy this whole...er...place with the snap of her dainty little fingers."
Jareth turned around and grinned stupidly. "Well they are nice fingers, and boy does she have a set of legs on her and that hair man...UNGH!"
Nat lifted the heel of her shoe off Jareth's toe and attempted to look innocent. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see your foot there." Nat leapt into Jareth's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Forget about her Jareth, kill her and then you and I could live together in your castle over yonder."
Jareth's face paled slightly as Nat sat happily in his hold.
"Is something wrong Jareth?"
"eep"
Nat smiled wickedly and lowered her head to Jareth's, opening her mouth and closing her eyes. He realised that she was attempting to kiss him and his eyes shot open.
"NO!"
He threw Nat onto the ground and wiped his mouth.
"HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
Nat stood up angrily and had a hissy fit.
"YOU WHENCH!" Jareth stormed away leaving Nat alone in the place that was left of the bog of eternal stench and a bit away from the talking door knockers.
"HEY YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE, I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND...CHER'S GONNA GO TO THE CASTLE AND SAVE ME AND I WON'T BE THERE....YOU STUPID MALE WHORE COME BACK I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND THIS PLACE!" Nat threw a peach at Jareth's retreating back and turned away storming off into the opposite direction.
End Note: hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! If you'd like to send us some constructive criticism or flames or whatnot email us on Natchersluts@hotmail.com. It's a joint email addy so you only have to send out one email we cator to the lazy peoples needs
Nat: Shut up Cher. Hope you enjoyed reading our story....it's way funny you have to give us that much!
Cher:
Nat: -.-;;;
Cher: And with all that said...You are the weakest link....goodbye that show started in Aussie! We made that show! AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Nat: OI OI OI!