Chapter Three
Disclaimers: We still don't own Sailor Moon and now that Cher went and got herself a restraining order courtesey of Naoko-sama we probably won't ever. I'm working on The Labyrinth though. Cher put he Buffy stake down...Cher...Cher what's with the......OH MY GOD SHE IS TRYING TO BE LIKE BUFFY!
Cher's AN: I'm baaaaaaack That's right back with another great chapter that'll make you laugh harder then Nats ever could! Nat: HEY! Cher: Nat: Don't give them that innocent shit. Cher: Does this halo look store brought to you? Nat: -.-;;; I'm not even going to bother answering that. Cher: Is that good? Nat: -.-;;; Cher just get on with the story. Cher: Why? Nat: Cher shut up! Cher: Why? Nat: Cher just shut up ok. Cher: but why? Nat: Cher you're a sheryal. Cher:
Humming quietly to herself, Cher continued her walk down the never ending path, which she did not notice, continued in the same direction with the same scenery passing by. She started to can-can her way down the path in an attempt to amuse herself.
"NA NA NANANANA NA NA NANANAN NA NA NANANANA NA NANANANANANANA I AM GONNA SA-AVE NAT THEN SHE WILL LOVE ME AND JARETH WILL FUCK MY SEXY ASS TILL I SCREAM!"
She started to kick her legs higher and higher singing louder and louder when the heel of her shoe slipped and she landed with a loud thud on her ass.
"HOLY SHIT WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONE THAT ALWAYS FALLS!" Cher stood wincing slightly as she rubbed her ass. "If I have a bruise there when Jareth seduces me then I'm gonna crack the shits something chronic."
Sighing loudly to no one in particular, Cher looked at the path ahead of her. Squinting slightly she continued looking and then spun around.
"NO WAY!"
She turned forward, then back, then forward, then back again, then forward, then back and then suddenly realised something.
"I think it's been raining." She stated smiling proudly at her accomplishment of noticing something totally irrelevant. "But apart from that...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS PATH THE SAME IN BOTH DIRECTIONS!??!?!"
Cher decided to take her anger out on the two walls either side of her. She ripped her red heels off and threw them at the wall which was, stupidly enough, only one foot in front of her head. The shoe hit the wall then ricocheted off back onto Cher's forehead.
"OW DAMNIT NAT THIS IS ALL YOUR AND YOUR STUPID LAMB CHOPS FAULT!" Sighing in dejection, Cher leant her back against the stone wall and slid down to a sitting position. She closed her eyes and started to hum a tune that was dear to her heart. She got more and more into the song before finally she was singing happily.
"I love myself I want you to love me, when I fell down, I want you above, I search myself, I want you to find me, I forget myself, I want you to remind me. I don't want, anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself..."
"Well ain't that an interesting fact right there."
Cher gasped and looked from side to side for the source of the unmistakable english accent. "Who said that?" She demanded angrily.
"Over 'ere, 'allo!" Cher scrunched her brow in confusion and stared at the tiny little worm with blue facial hair.
"Did you say hello?"
The worm snorted. "No I said I wanted to fuck yer brains out, but that's good enough."
Cher grinned stupidly. "You're a worm aren't you?"
The worm rolled his eyes. "No I'm a porn star, come inside 'ave a cuppa with the missus."
Cher scoffed loudly. "Um hello...I can't go inside with you."
The worm looked at Cher oddly. "Well, why not?"
Laughing heartily Cher pointed to the path ahead of her. "I have to find my friend Nat whose in the castle, at the center of the labyrinth...and besides my heels won't fit through that teeny tiny hole you live in."
The worm nodded understandingly. "Well if you're going to the castle then you're going the wrong way love."
Cher stared at the worm in shock. "What do you mean the wrong way, it's the only way I can go."
The worm chuckled. "First off, you go charging down here dancing away and throwing your shoes when you've passed many good openings I mean you could 'ave been out of here by now." Cher slapped the worm across the face. "YOU STUPID MAN WHORE! THERE AREN'T ANY OPENINGS IN THESE STUPID WALLS!"
The worm opened his mouth in shock. "Well excuse me for trying to help a pretty lady...did I even ask for anything in return? NO! Well that's it I'm not even going to offer you a free session, you're on your own SHERYAL!"
With that said the worm slid into his little hole, and soon after itty bitty worm grunts could be heard and an occasional "SAY MY NAME BITCH!" Was screamed out by what sounded like the female equivalent of Cher's little worm friend.
*******
Nat on the other hand was having a blast walking around in circles without realising it.
"I wonder where Cher is...I hope she's alright...I mean I hope she's not turned up at the castle and gotten herself raped or something." At the thought of that Nat stopped and scratched her head. "What am I talking about, I should be worried about Jareth and not Cher the Sheryal."
Nat continued to walk in the same circle she had been for half an hour. After a few minutes, Nat stopped and looked at a rock.
"Hey...wait a second, that rock...looks..." Nat started to sniff the air around the rock and squealed in delight. "THAT ROCK HAS BEEN SAT ON BY JARETH...I CAN SMELL IT!" Nat launched herself onto the rock, (which in fact was sat on by Hoggle) and furiously rubbed her cheek on it.
"Oh I can smell him, god he smells good just like..."
"RAAAAAAAAR!"
Nat looked up and scrunched her brow. "Well I was gonna say Rafe but...OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE UGLIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Nat stood face to face with a huge, hunchbacked, orange creature with two horns on it's head and a massive mouth. "What the fuck are you?"
The creature smiled happily. "Ludo friend."
Backing away in fear Nat tripped over a rock and landed on her back. "Friend?" Nat whimpered in fear and scrambled away, still on her back. "No way man, look I didn't bring any money with me, it's back at the meat factory, if you want I'll give you an I.O.U but dude just back up." "Friend, Ludo Friend."
Nat's hands shot out either side of her and she felt around on the ground for a rock to throw at Ludo. Her hand rested on what felt like a stick and she tugged hard on it. Suddenly the ground opened up beneath her and she could feel herself falling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'M TOOO YOUNG TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Suddenly she stopped falling and was suspended in mid air, as if she had been grabbed. "What the hell is going on here?" Looking around her, Nat realised that she was in fact being held up by many pairs of hands.
"Dude what the..." The hands began to grope her and she started to get off on the constant rubbing.
"Which way would you like to go?"
A hand face asked her. "TAKE ME TO HEAVEN BABY OH YEAH!"
The hand faces looked at one another. "Is that up or down?"
Screaming in the angst of an orgasm the hands misinterpreted "DON'T STOP!" to "JUST DROP!"
Suddenly the hands disappeared and Nat was falling once again, to land with a resounding thud in a dark cave-like room.
*******
"SCREW THIS FUCKING MAZE I HATE IT!" Cher threw herself onto the ground, still having no luck in finding her way away from the continuous path. She was sobbing loudly into her arms, not noticing the owl that had swooped above her head and perched itself on the top of the wall beside her.
"That's it, fuck it, I'm gonna cheat." Looking around from side to side, Cher made sure the coast was clear and walked casually over to the wall. Looking around once more, just to make sure no one was witnessing, Cher raised her leg and rested her foot on a tree stump. She hauled her self onto the top of the wall and sat panting. Before her she could see the whole of the labyrinth, with walls, twists and turns all over the place.
"Hey, I could just walk along the top of these walls and make it in no time...sorta." Grinning to herself, Cher pushed herself to her feet and started to walk along the wall. Before she knew it she had made great progress but the wall was slippery and her high heels were wobbly. Suddenly, a crystal ball floated before her and landed in the palm of her outstretched hand.
"Wha..." Looking around, Cher saw only an owl, perched in a tree about 10 meters ahead of her and nothing else. She turned her back to the owl and looked around some more.
"I wouldn't cheat if I were you Cher darling."
Gasping in fright at the voice, Cher found herself falling towards the ground. Her eyes slammed shut, and she prepared herself for the hard hit of the ground making contact with her tender ass. She landed softly though, in someone's arms. Opening her eyes slowly, Cher found herself looking up at the Goblin King himself.
"Jareth...is that you?" Blinking slightly Jareth smiled.
"Yes it is me sweet Cher, and if I were you I wouldn't be cheating in my labyrinth."
Gasping Cher buried her head into the folds of Jareth's shirt and sobbed. "I'm sorry, I really am, it's just...I couldn't find my way out of this path I have been here for yonks and I'm not getting anywhere and...and..."
Jareth raised his finger to rest on Cher's lips. "Hush Cher, if I set you in the right direction you'll agree to eat this peach, deal?"
Cher looked up at Jareth. "No fucking way." Jumping out of his arms she shoved him back. "I know you, that peach is drugged, and if I eat it I'll forget all about how I have to save Nat, do you think I'm fucking blonde? Nat is the blonde one...does this hair look fucking blonde to you? No it's black BLACK...honestly."
Jareth looked at the peach and sighed. "Well I was just going to say that you looked a touch on the thin side and should eat something but seen as you're being so feisty about it I'll just give you this jar of Vegemite and a loaf of bread."
Grinning, Cher snatched the items off Jareth and shoveled them down. "That is more like it, thanks mate now where do I go from here?"
Jareth grabbed Cher's hand and led her to the wall. "Through there you will find where you need to go."
Cher turned to Jareth and scoffed loudly. "Through there I'll find a sore nose, when I run into that wall."
Jareth sighed and pushed Cher towards the wall which she walked through to find there was a path either side of her.
"Oh thanks you hot little potato sack...see you at your castle. And Jareth...dress nice." Snickering to herself Cher slipped through the entrance and skipped down the chosen path happily.
******
Meanwhile a black cladded figure was bounding from the top of the Labyrinth walls.
"I'll save you my Nastua."
End note - Cher: Dude Nat...why do we always end it with Darien?
Nat: Because he's a sex god!
Cher: HE IS? LIKE TOM JONES?
Nat: O.o;;;
Cher: Sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb you can something something when I need some turning on
Nat: Email us...Natchersluts@hotmail.com I promise not to let Cher out of her cage
Cher: I'M A RABID DOG MEEEEEH!
Nat: -.-;; I swear I always keep my promises
Cher: MEEEEEEEEEEEH EHHHHHHHHHHH EEK!
Nat: You are the weakest link...
Cher: GOODBYE MEEEEEEH!
Nat: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Cher: OI OI OI MEEEEEH!
Disclaimers: We still don't own Sailor Moon and now that Cher went and got herself a restraining order courtesey of Naoko-sama we probably won't ever. I'm working on The Labyrinth though. Cher put he Buffy stake down...Cher...Cher what's with the......OH MY GOD SHE IS TRYING TO BE LIKE BUFFY!
Cher's AN: I'm baaaaaaack That's right back with another great chapter that'll make you laugh harder then Nats ever could! Nat: HEY! Cher: Nat: Don't give them that innocent shit. Cher: Does this halo look store brought to you? Nat: -.-;;; I'm not even going to bother answering that. Cher: Is that good? Nat: -.-;;; Cher just get on with the story. Cher: Why? Nat: Cher shut up! Cher: Why? Nat: Cher just shut up ok. Cher: but why? Nat: Cher you're a sheryal. Cher:
Humming quietly to herself, Cher continued her walk down the never ending path, which she did not notice, continued in the same direction with the same scenery passing by. She started to can-can her way down the path in an attempt to amuse herself.
"NA NA NANANANA NA NA NANANAN NA NA NANANANA NA NANANANANANANA I AM GONNA SA-AVE NAT THEN SHE WILL LOVE ME AND JARETH WILL FUCK MY SEXY ASS TILL I SCREAM!"
She started to kick her legs higher and higher singing louder and louder when the heel of her shoe slipped and she landed with a loud thud on her ass.
"HOLY SHIT WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONE THAT ALWAYS FALLS!" Cher stood wincing slightly as she rubbed her ass. "If I have a bruise there when Jareth seduces me then I'm gonna crack the shits something chronic."
Sighing loudly to no one in particular, Cher looked at the path ahead of her. Squinting slightly she continued looking and then spun around.
"NO WAY!"
She turned forward, then back, then forward, then back again, then forward, then back and then suddenly realised something.
"I think it's been raining." She stated smiling proudly at her accomplishment of noticing something totally irrelevant. "But apart from that...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS PATH THE SAME IN BOTH DIRECTIONS!??!?!"
Cher decided to take her anger out on the two walls either side of her. She ripped her red heels off and threw them at the wall which was, stupidly enough, only one foot in front of her head. The shoe hit the wall then ricocheted off back onto Cher's forehead.
"OW DAMNIT NAT THIS IS ALL YOUR AND YOUR STUPID LAMB CHOPS FAULT!" Sighing in dejection, Cher leant her back against the stone wall and slid down to a sitting position. She closed her eyes and started to hum a tune that was dear to her heart. She got more and more into the song before finally she was singing happily.
"I love myself I want you to love me, when I fell down, I want you above, I search myself, I want you to find me, I forget myself, I want you to remind me. I don't want, anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself..."
"Well ain't that an interesting fact right there."
Cher gasped and looked from side to side for the source of the unmistakable english accent. "Who said that?" She demanded angrily.
"Over 'ere, 'allo!" Cher scrunched her brow in confusion and stared at the tiny little worm with blue facial hair.
"Did you say hello?"
The worm snorted. "No I said I wanted to fuck yer brains out, but that's good enough."
Cher grinned stupidly. "You're a worm aren't you?"
The worm rolled his eyes. "No I'm a porn star, come inside 'ave a cuppa with the missus."
Cher scoffed loudly. "Um hello...I can't go inside with you."
The worm looked at Cher oddly. "Well, why not?"
Laughing heartily Cher pointed to the path ahead of her. "I have to find my friend Nat whose in the castle, at the center of the labyrinth...and besides my heels won't fit through that teeny tiny hole you live in."
The worm nodded understandingly. "Well if you're going to the castle then you're going the wrong way love."
Cher stared at the worm in shock. "What do you mean the wrong way, it's the only way I can go."
The worm chuckled. "First off, you go charging down here dancing away and throwing your shoes when you've passed many good openings I mean you could 'ave been out of here by now." Cher slapped the worm across the face. "YOU STUPID MAN WHORE! THERE AREN'T ANY OPENINGS IN THESE STUPID WALLS!"
The worm opened his mouth in shock. "Well excuse me for trying to help a pretty lady...did I even ask for anything in return? NO! Well that's it I'm not even going to offer you a free session, you're on your own SHERYAL!"
With that said the worm slid into his little hole, and soon after itty bitty worm grunts could be heard and an occasional "SAY MY NAME BITCH!" Was screamed out by what sounded like the female equivalent of Cher's little worm friend.
*******
Nat on the other hand was having a blast walking around in circles without realising it.
"I wonder where Cher is...I hope she's alright...I mean I hope she's not turned up at the castle and gotten herself raped or something." At the thought of that Nat stopped and scratched her head. "What am I talking about, I should be worried about Jareth and not Cher the Sheryal."
Nat continued to walk in the same circle she had been for half an hour. After a few minutes, Nat stopped and looked at a rock.
"Hey...wait a second, that rock...looks..." Nat started to sniff the air around the rock and squealed in delight. "THAT ROCK HAS BEEN SAT ON BY JARETH...I CAN SMELL IT!" Nat launched herself onto the rock, (which in fact was sat on by Hoggle) and furiously rubbed her cheek on it.
"Oh I can smell him, god he smells good just like..."
"RAAAAAAAAR!"
Nat looked up and scrunched her brow. "Well I was gonna say Rafe but...OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE UGLIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Nat stood face to face with a huge, hunchbacked, orange creature with two horns on it's head and a massive mouth. "What the fuck are you?"
The creature smiled happily. "Ludo friend."
Backing away in fear Nat tripped over a rock and landed on her back. "Friend?" Nat whimpered in fear and scrambled away, still on her back. "No way man, look I didn't bring any money with me, it's back at the meat factory, if you want I'll give you an I.O.U but dude just back up." "Friend, Ludo Friend."
Nat's hands shot out either side of her and she felt around on the ground for a rock to throw at Ludo. Her hand rested on what felt like a stick and she tugged hard on it. Suddenly the ground opened up beneath her and she could feel herself falling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'M TOOO YOUNG TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Suddenly she stopped falling and was suspended in mid air, as if she had been grabbed. "What the hell is going on here?" Looking around her, Nat realised that she was in fact being held up by many pairs of hands.
"Dude what the..." The hands began to grope her and she started to get off on the constant rubbing.
"Which way would you like to go?"
A hand face asked her. "TAKE ME TO HEAVEN BABY OH YEAH!"
The hand faces looked at one another. "Is that up or down?"
Screaming in the angst of an orgasm the hands misinterpreted "DON'T STOP!" to "JUST DROP!"
Suddenly the hands disappeared and Nat was falling once again, to land with a resounding thud in a dark cave-like room.
*******
"SCREW THIS FUCKING MAZE I HATE IT!" Cher threw herself onto the ground, still having no luck in finding her way away from the continuous path. She was sobbing loudly into her arms, not noticing the owl that had swooped above her head and perched itself on the top of the wall beside her.
"That's it, fuck it, I'm gonna cheat." Looking around from side to side, Cher made sure the coast was clear and walked casually over to the wall. Looking around once more, just to make sure no one was witnessing, Cher raised her leg and rested her foot on a tree stump. She hauled her self onto the top of the wall and sat panting. Before her she could see the whole of the labyrinth, with walls, twists and turns all over the place.
"Hey, I could just walk along the top of these walls and make it in no time...sorta." Grinning to herself, Cher pushed herself to her feet and started to walk along the wall. Before she knew it she had made great progress but the wall was slippery and her high heels were wobbly. Suddenly, a crystal ball floated before her and landed in the palm of her outstretched hand.
"Wha..." Looking around, Cher saw only an owl, perched in a tree about 10 meters ahead of her and nothing else. She turned her back to the owl and looked around some more.
"I wouldn't cheat if I were you Cher darling."
Gasping in fright at the voice, Cher found herself falling towards the ground. Her eyes slammed shut, and she prepared herself for the hard hit of the ground making contact with her tender ass. She landed softly though, in someone's arms. Opening her eyes slowly, Cher found herself looking up at the Goblin King himself.
"Jareth...is that you?" Blinking slightly Jareth smiled.
"Yes it is me sweet Cher, and if I were you I wouldn't be cheating in my labyrinth."
Gasping Cher buried her head into the folds of Jareth's shirt and sobbed. "I'm sorry, I really am, it's just...I couldn't find my way out of this path I have been here for yonks and I'm not getting anywhere and...and..."
Jareth raised his finger to rest on Cher's lips. "Hush Cher, if I set you in the right direction you'll agree to eat this peach, deal?"
Cher looked up at Jareth. "No fucking way." Jumping out of his arms she shoved him back. "I know you, that peach is drugged, and if I eat it I'll forget all about how I have to save Nat, do you think I'm fucking blonde? Nat is the blonde one...does this hair look fucking blonde to you? No it's black BLACK...honestly."
Jareth looked at the peach and sighed. "Well I was just going to say that you looked a touch on the thin side and should eat something but seen as you're being so feisty about it I'll just give you this jar of Vegemite and a loaf of bread."
Grinning, Cher snatched the items off Jareth and shoveled them down. "That is more like it, thanks mate now where do I go from here?"
Jareth grabbed Cher's hand and led her to the wall. "Through there you will find where you need to go."
Cher turned to Jareth and scoffed loudly. "Through there I'll find a sore nose, when I run into that wall."
Jareth sighed and pushed Cher towards the wall which she walked through to find there was a path either side of her.
"Oh thanks you hot little potato sack...see you at your castle. And Jareth...dress nice." Snickering to herself Cher slipped through the entrance and skipped down the chosen path happily.
******
Meanwhile a black cladded figure was bounding from the top of the Labyrinth walls.
"I'll save you my Nastua."
End note - Cher: Dude Nat...why do we always end it with Darien?
Nat: Because he's a sex god!
Cher: HE IS? LIKE TOM JONES?
Nat: O.o;;;
Cher: Sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb you can something something when I need some turning on
Nat: Email us...Natchersluts@hotmail.com I promise not to let Cher out of her cage
Cher: I'M A RABID DOG MEEEEEH!
Nat: -.-;; I swear I always keep my promises
Cher: MEEEEEEEEEEEH EHHHHHHHHHHH EEK!
Nat: You are the weakest link...
Cher: GOODBYE MEEEEEEH!
Nat: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Cher: OI OI OI MEEEEEH!