Chapter 7
Cher's AN: Ok I had a lot of fun with this chapter, fucking around with grammar and being gay with my sentences and stuff so just laugh to make me feel better how great am I, I got this out so much quicker then Nat did. She took a whole fucking three months, I took a week talk about devotedness. Oh and Spike is mine he's so sexy.
Disclaimers: SUCCESS WE OWN THE LABYRINTH WE OWN IT
....
....
....
Not really but you'd think so seen as Cher did Hogswalla ne? Still no luck on the Sailor Moon front. I think Naoko is secretly in love with Nat and she's playing hard to get by not letting us own Sailor Moon
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT...THEY RUINED IT HOW COULD THEY TRASH MY BEAUTIFUL DREAM BALLROOM!" Jareth was pacing the length of his thrown room, smashing his balls, balls which Cher would love to fondle, but that's beside the point...damnit I completely fucked my sentence structure...smashing his balls against the wall of his stone castle. A voice, haggled yet clear rose above the gaggle of the other goblins.
"I did as you asked your highness." Hoggle stood with his head bowed and a twinkle in his eye.
"You did...you also took advantage of Cher, you realise the penalty don't you?" Jareth spun to face Hoggle, a fierce look in his eyes.
"Uh...no, she's just like the other girls that get lost in the maze isn't she?"
Jareth's eyes widened. Within moments he was face to face with Hoggle holding the dwarf in the air by his collar.
"She isn't JUST like all the other ones. She's..." Trailing off, Jareth looked into the dwarfs disgruntled face.
He wouldn't understand. No one would. Jareth tossed the dwarf over his shoulder and continued pacing.
"I can't believe they destroyed the ballroom" he muttered smashing some more balls.
"I put so much work into my make up too...I wonder if Cher noticed." Jareth sighed.
He had never let his emotions get in the way with his labyrinth occupants. He liked to toy with them. He liked to paint the picture that he was brutally evil. He couldn't do it if he was falling in love with Cher. Though there was always Nat.
"Hmm...there's hope for me yet. I wonder what they're up to anyway." Jareth summoned a ball and waved a hand over it.
The image of two sleeping girls atop a pile of junk came to focus.
"Perfect. If I measure this correctly then they will arrive at the bog soon...then make their way to the grove of Ludo. Hmm perhaps I should follow them for a while just to keep an eye on them. Cher especially." In a puff of glitter and hazy smoke, Jareth's figure was replaced with that of an owl.
The owl flapped it's wings wildly and flew out of the window into the depths of the maze below.
********
"Ohhhhhh my head...what is on my head, ungh I feel like I've been up all night talking about toilet stories...ohhh god it hurts." Nat moaned and shifted under the weight of Cher. "Where am I?" She opened her eyes to find darkness.
"OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND NOOOOOO I'M BLIND!" Nat sobbed loudly but stopped quickly as she heard another moan.
"What...rubbish? Why am I at Nat's house?" Cher rolled off Nat's head and stood, rubbing her eyes groggily. "I remember, dancing...kicking...screaming...Nat?" Cher rushed over to the sobbing Nat and rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Nat what's wrong? Why are you crying...where are we?"
Nat's eyes flew open. "I'M NOT BLIND OH BLESSED GODS I'M NOT BLIND...Cher? Were you sitting on my head?"
Cher nodded meekly.
"NO WONDER I COULD SMELL SOMETHING FOUL!" A frown was Cher's only reply.
"Cher what happened? Why are we sitting on a pile of rubbish?"
Cher's eyes flew wide open. "WE'RE SITTING ON A PILE OF RUBBISH? BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BALL? JARETH WAS SO READY TO DANCE WITH ME!"
Nat gasped. "OF COURSE THE BALL.....O.o;; Jareth was so not ready to dance with you."
"WANNA MAKE A BET!"
"SLUT HE WOULDN'T TOUCH YOU WITH A TEN FOOT..."
"HOOT HOOOOOOT HOOOOOOOOT CAAAAARRRRRR!"
The girls looked up to see an owl hopping around madly.
"Dude...I didn't know owl's caaaarrrrrred."
Nat's sweatdrop was enough to shut Cher up.
Shrugging, Cher stood and looked at her nifty little labyrinth watch.
"O.O NAT OMG WE ONLY HAVE 2 HOURS LEFT!" Cher grabbed Nat's hand and yanked her away from the pile of garbage.
They ran for what seemed like forever, Cher tripping on rocks and falling on her ass, much to Nat's amusement, and Nat often running ahead searching for any clues as to where exactly they were going.
Finally they came to a small bridge which stretched across a swamp of sorts.
"Oh man dude that totally stinks what is this place?" Cher held a finger to her nose, gagging out the smell that drifted from the swamp.
"Is this...the bog...of eternal stench?" Nat peered over the side of the bridge, trying to get a closer look. She took a great sniff and almost hurled then and there.
Cher slapped Nat on the shoulder, thinking that Nat's convulsions was a coughing fit. With the hard slaps force, Nat was nearly propelled over the edge of the bridge into the bog. She caught her balance, swung around and shoved Cher backwards.
"YOU WHORE I NEARLY FELL OFF!"
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE COUGHING, SLUT YOU ALMOST TRIPPED ME UP!"
"YEAH WELL YOU NEARLY PUSHED ME IN! DO YOU WANT ME TO SMELL BAD FOR THE...You did it on purpose didn't you?"
Cher looked at Nat with a blank stare.
"YOU WANTED ME TO FALL IN, SO JARETH WOULD HATE ME AND RUN TO YOU!"
"WHAT? THAT'S HOGS WALLOP AND YOU KNOW IT!"
"YEAH WELL SHERYAL THE ONLY WAYJARETH WILL EVER RUN TO YOU IS IF I AM A) DEAD OR B) BOG STENCHED OUT!"
Cher gasped and turned her back to Nat. Her feelings had been hurt this time. She was not going to take it lying down. Turning around, with fire in her eye and clenched fists, Cher spoke deathly low, "That...wasn't...very...NICE!" She lunged herself at Nat and started an all out brawl.
Fists flew, hair splayed and limbs tangled. The girls rolled from the center of the bridge to the left hand bank and were fighting dangerously close to the edge of the bog. All that could be seen of the two, however, was a cloud of dust.
The cloud of dust settled around the two to reveal Cher hanging with one hand clamped tightly around a tree branch, the other holding onto Nat's foot. Cher's hand was slowly but surely slipping. She couldn't hold onto the both of them.
"NAT YOU WHORE THIS IS ALL YOU'RE FAULT I'M GOING TO DROP US BOTH!"
Nat glared and frantically tried to hold her skirt down.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SHERYAL I DO NOT WANT TO SMELL LIKE THIS BOG SHIT ALL OF MY LIFE!"
"Well someone had to have an extra piece of bread and Vegemite didn't they?"
"YOU HAD THE WHOLE EXTRA LOAF!"
The arguing kicked into full gear again, while Cher's hand slowly slipped further down the tree branch.
"...AND IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO BUSY SUCKING ON HOGFARTS..."
"DUDE NAT SHUT UP I'M SLIPPING! I THINK WE'RE GOING TO..."
She was cut off by the crack of the tree branch. Both girls were plunging down towards the bog of eternal stench and when a strong hand gripped around Cher's wrist.
The hand held her steady in the air, leaving Nat's nose just inches away from the bog. Cher's grip on Nat's ankle, however, wasn't as steady and she could feel her grasp slipping.
The stranger however, leaned over the bridge, grabbed Nat's ankle and hoisted her back onto the bridge.
He then however hurled Cher over the edge of the bridge and dumped her on the ground at his feet.
Nat stumbled however (AN: ok no more howevers ) as he lifted her and ran into his chest. Her head buried into the folds of his billowing shirt. She tangled her hands into his silky shirt and looked up into his brown eyes.
A small growth of stubble was growing on his chin. He looked handsome and rugged and ready for anything.
"Oh thank you..." Nat breathed.
"You're welcome, I'm actually on my way to film some big shot war movie...do you have any idea where I'm supposed to go?" The British accent was what struck gold in Nat's mind.
Cher on the other hand was twitching on the ground of the bridge.
"Rafe?"
Rafe nodded.
"OH MY GOD RAFE! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"
He smiled winningly and scribbled his name onto Nat's chest.
"There you go. Now..."
Rafe leaned down into a crouching position and propped Cher's chin up with his hand.
"Are you alright?"
Cher looked into his eyes and nodded. Her legs slamming shut. Rafe chuckled heartily and frowned.
"I have no idea how I got here...you must have dreamed me up or something but please I need to get out and find the set of my new movie. I'll do anything if you just tell me the way out."
Cher's eyes lit up. She leaned over and whispered in Rafe's ear with a salacious grin plastered on her face. Rafe's eyes shot wide open and a pink blush stained his face. He took a deep breath and nodded curtly.
"Anything you say." Letting his breath out, he leaned down and kissed Cher deeply. Passion seared through their kiss as their tongues danced. Finally after what seemed an eternity, Rafe pulled away. Nat the whole while stood utterly gobsmacked watching the pair.
"Well my Australian Beauty, I'll be on my way and remember you always. As for you Nat, you're nothing but a dirty Sheryal."
Rafe turned on his heel and walked away briskly. Cher left with a grin on her face and Nat blinking madly. An owl in the background had a hissy fit.
"I'm not even going to ask you Sheryal." Nat spat. "Come on let's get out of here we're running out of time."
Nat grabbed Cher's hand and yanked her off the bridge, storming into the forest of the labyrinth.
They rounded a bend and stopped in a small clearing surrounded by bushes and such. Cher stopped and picked out her wedgie, while Nat wandered cautiously around the area. She didn't see the rock before her foot and didn't hardly notice that she had so carelessly stepped on the rock.
Nat went down with a scream and a thud.
Cher burped.
*******
Darien stopped dead in his track. The bra in his hand fluttered carelessly to the ground. He heard a scream, a thud and finally a...burp.
"OH MY LORD, NATSUA THAT WAS YOU I'D KNOW THAT VOICE ANYWHERE OH NO NATSUA I MUST SAVE YOU!" He bent over quickly and scooped up the bra, shoving it in his pocket.
He started to run then. The impending sense of danger clamping around his heart. Butterflies flapped their fluttery wings around his stomach and the cruel hand of fate sprinkled drops of sweat on his forehead.
His long, limber, limber and long, long, limber legs carried him faster through the thick forest, him eager to find his love, the legs eager... to look long and limber.
He rounded a bend and stopped. The sound of sobs echoed throughout the eerily quiet forest along with the occasional fart or burp.
'Strange...' he thought to himself, 'Gas emancipation...in this area? It has to be the Sheryal.'
He bounded forward with the thoughts of hope drifting around his nubile mind.
The site that awaited him as he rounded the bend was enough to send him screeching to a halt. His eyes flew open and he whooped in glee.
"NATSUA! I HAVE FOUND YOU!"
Nat looked up, fresh tears glistening in her eyes.
"Oh...Darien...is it really you? I thought..."
Cher burped and scratched her bum.
"DAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU MADE IT HAHHAHAAHAH YOU PANSY PUSSY BOY HOW IS IT HANGING?"
Darien looked Cher up and down and shoved his nose in the air.
"Something you'll never ascertain, Cheraye."
Cher looked around, unaware of the meaning of the big words. She shrugged and watched the scene unfold while throwing in a few burps and bum scratches. A wedgie pick here and there and the occasionally sneeze.
"Oh Natsua what has happened to you. You're injured and you're pale and of ill health."
Darien leaned over and scooped Nat into his arms. He brushed her fringe away and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Darien...I'm so glad you're here I was so afraid and I was stuck with the Sheryal for so long and she tried to steal Jareth from me O.O I MEAN...I wasn't even with Jareth he just happened to be standing next to me we weren't even touching "
Darien looked skeptically from Cher to Nat and raised an eyebrow. A long and limber eyebrow at that.
"Natsua...what happened in here?"
Nat looked from Cher to Darien and back to Cher. Cher coughed and sent her a look that screamed 'DON'T TELL HIM AND FEED ME!'
Nat nodded slightly, turned to Darien, her eyes filling with tears and sobbed.
"OH DARIEN IT WAS AWFUL...so...so many things it's just making me think that something happened when it really didn't and oh god it's horrible...oh and Cher needs something to eat."
Fishing into his pocket with his free hand, Darien found a banana and tossed it to Cher.
She smiled and sat down on a log, beside a white owl.
"Oh Natsua...I've missed you so much. Come, let me take you behind these long and limber bushes and tend to your wounds."
Darien carried Nat towards a clump of bushes smiling down at his love.
Cher stood to follow but was stopped curtly by Nat's shoe being flung into her forehead. The shock from the flying shoe sent her down on her ass.
"HEY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME COMING WITH YOU, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO! I'M SICK OF FALLING ON MY ASS GOD DAMNIT!"
Sighing in reh...jec...tion (AN: BAHAHAH), Cher made her way back to the log, clasped her hands together in her lap and sighed, waiting for the pair to finish.
"OHHHHHHH DAZZA OHHHHHHH OHHHHH YES IT HURTS THERE OHHHHH YES YES PATCH ME WITH YOUR UGLY GREEN JACKET OHHHH!"
Slamming her eyes shut, Cher focused on peeling the banana and eating the fruit.
"It's nice to see you're eating again."
"HOLY SHIT!"
The surprise of hearing another voice, sent Cher propelling backwards off the log and landing...on surprise, surprise her ass.
She looked up to see Jareth's laughing gaze staring straight back at her.
"You...you scared me."
Jareth simply smiled and offered her a hand. She looked around, and placed her own hand in his. She felt a bolt of electricity jolt through her arm. A typical romance first touch thing.
"Sorry about that, I forgot I had just recharged my hand. Can't toy with the crystal balls if I've got no energiser battery power." Jareth turned to look away from Cher holding a packet of AA batteries. "Energiser, they'll never give up."
He turned back briskly and pulled Cher off the ground and back onto the log.
The pair sat side by side, a short distance between them.
A rustle here and there was all that could be seen of Darien and Nat. The occasional moan from Nat all that could be heard.
The lion sleeps tonight song was playing over and over in Cher's head until the sound of Jareth clearing his throat interrupted her thoughts. Cher suddenly realised she was alone with Jareth. Everything she had been taught about seducing a man flew out the window.
Cher froze, trembling slightly. The sheryal in her had disappeared. She wracked her brains for something to say and finally said, with a horrified expression on her face,
"So...um...how bout that local football team?"
Jareth, who looked deep in thought looked up. He coughed loudly and moved another inch away from Cher.
"Yeah...um...good, great...I like football."
Cher smiled shakily, moving yet another inch away from Jareth. A thick, tense silence filled the air. Occasionally being broken by a loud moan from Nat or a grunt from Darien.
"The weather's...nice here." Cher's attempt to liven the conversation seemed to be failing.
"Yeah...nice...I can change it if you like."
Cher shook her head. "No it's ok."
More silence surrounded them, each of them quietly clenching and unclenching their fists.
Nat's moan was what eventually broke them both.
With something resembling animal passion they threw themselves at each other with the blink of an eye.
Their lips met, tongues finding each other. Jareth's hands began to roam wildly over Cher's body.
"UNGH DARIEN THE ROCKS ARE DIGGING INTO MY BACK...IT HURTS!"
Jareth broke the kiss and looked at the bush concealing Nat and Jareth with a sweatdrop.
He clicked his fingers and the edge of a mattress could be seen peeking from beneath the bush.
"That should please her for now, the comfiest mattress in the underworld. Now where were we?" He grinned coyly and yanked Cher's mouth to his. His hands roaming once again.
He found the buttons of her blouse and began to eagerly rip them open. Each of them were breathing heavily, their mouths still locked together in a steamy passionate kiss.
"GOD DARIEN I FEEL LIKE A CHEAP WHORE ON THIS GROUND BEHIND THESE BUSHES!"
Jareth's head dropped down and a withered sigh escaped his lips. He muttered a few choice words and clicked his fingers again. This time the legs of a bed could be seen poking from beneath the bush and a large canopy hanging over it.
"If that doesn't satisfy her I don't know what will. That's Sarah's own double canopied bed...I think the junk lady stole it from her room while she was..."
Cher didn't let him finish. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his lips to hers.
Cher's hands ran over Jareth's firm muscular chest, while he still worked eagerly at her buttons. Cher had one thought in her mind.
'The sock, the sock, the sock, the sock'.
Her hands drifted lower and lower. She was about to discover it...she was so close.
"OI!"
The pair broke apart abruptly. Cher's top was only being held together by one button, the middle button. Jareth's hair was disheveled and had lipstick smeared all over his mouth.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Cher looked down at the ground and clumsily re-did up her buttons.
Jareth, swiping at the lipstick on his mouth shrugged nonchalantly.
"I was just...punishing Cher, I know how much she hates me so I was...kissing her against her will."
Jareth nodded, stood and strode away quickly. He looked back once to see Cher blushing and staring longingly at his back. He smiled, blew her a kiss and trotted away.
Cher smoothed her skirt down and stood, looking at Nat with a smirk and throwing the banana peel at Darien.
"Thanks for interrupting me you slut."
"NO ONE CALLS MY NATSUA A SLUT!"
Darien extended his cane (AN: LOL THAT SOUNDS WAY EW HAHAHA) and prepared to whack Cher with it.
In a puff of glitter and smoke, Darien disappeared.
Nat's nostrils flared.
"WHA WHA WHAT? WHERE DID HE GO?"
She looked around frantically but there was no sign of Darien.
"O.O JAREEEEEEETH!"
Cher pointed at Jareth, standing atop a tree.
"I'm sorry Nat, but the rules clearly state you aren't allowed visitors of any sort in my labyrinth."
Nat spat chips.
"SO WHERE IS HE?"
Jareth smiled and blew a kiss to Cher.
"He's back at his apartment in Tokyo. Don't fret, he's safe."
Breathing a small sigh of relief, Nat glanced at her watch.
"AN HOUR? SHIT CHER COME ON!"
Cher stood still, staring up at Jareth with a dreamy glint in her eye.
"CHER COME ON!"
No response.
"SHERYAL?"
Nothing.
Sighing, Nat shoved Cher backwards, sending the black haired Aussie over the log.
Cher sprung to her feet and glared at Nat. She stalked over to her and pushed her backwards.
"HEY!" Nat screeched from the ground. "DON'T PUSH ME, PUSH A PUSH POP! AND WHEN YOU DO I HOPE YOU SUCK TOO HARD SO IT POPS UP AND BASHES YOUR FUCKING TEETH!"
Jareth in the meantime watched with a sigh.
"Unbelievable, they know they don't have much time yet they still argue my god."
After a good ten minutes of screaming and fighting, the girls finally made their way through the forest.
They walked for another ten minutes before coming to a large hedge towering above them.
"Oh just fucking great. A fucking maze is in our way. Look the castle is just there and we have to get through this fucking maze."
Cher grinned and poked the hedge.
"Ohhhhh spongy."
Nat grabbed Cher's arm and yanked her around the corner only to discover a troll looking thing holding a stick with a chomping gremlin wrapped around the top.
"OH MY GOD IT'S MY EX BOYRFRIEND!" Cher screamed, jumping behind Nat.
"NO CHER YOU WHORE IT'S THE CHOMPERS!"
Nat grinned as a lightbulb struck her head. She poked the troll thing holding the stick in the eye and it ran away screaming, dropping the stick with the chomper on the ground. She raced forward and scooped up the chomper which by now was going beserk.
"CHER WHICH WAY IS THE CASTLE FACE ME IN THE CASLTES DIRECTION!"
Cher nodded and grabbed Nat's shoulder, which were vibrating due to the chompy things beserk chompy jerks.
Once facing the castle, Nat lowered the chompy thing and aimed it at the hedge.
It went to work right away, chomping a huge whole into the hedge. The girls walked straight through the hedge maze, leaving a trail of chomped out hedges behind them.
Once they arrived at the edge of the gates of the goblin city, Nat tossed the chompy thing to the ground, which just kept chomping around and around and around and around and around and around and wiped her hands on her skirt.
"Alright, we're almost there and we have half an hour left." Cher smiled and patted Nat's back.
"So far we've done well, think we can get through this?"
"For sure...and get your hands off me dirty Sheryal."
End note:
Well it certainly took a shorter time then Nat's did.
Nat: Shut up Sheryal
Cher: Anyway ALMOST DONE! HOW SAD Doesn't mean there's not going to be more crazy Cher Nat adventures ne Nat?
Nat: right...uh...
Cher: -.-;; You are the weakest link...
Nat: GOODBYE!
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
Nat: OI OI OI!
Cher's AN: Ok I had a lot of fun with this chapter, fucking around with grammar and being gay with my sentences and stuff so just laugh to make me feel better how great am I, I got this out so much quicker then Nat did. She took a whole fucking three months, I took a week talk about devotedness. Oh and Spike is mine he's so sexy.
Disclaimers: SUCCESS WE OWN THE LABYRINTH WE OWN IT
....
....
....
Not really but you'd think so seen as Cher did Hogswalla ne? Still no luck on the Sailor Moon front. I think Naoko is secretly in love with Nat and she's playing hard to get by not letting us own Sailor Moon
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT...THEY RUINED IT HOW COULD THEY TRASH MY BEAUTIFUL DREAM BALLROOM!" Jareth was pacing the length of his thrown room, smashing his balls, balls which Cher would love to fondle, but that's beside the point...damnit I completely fucked my sentence structure...smashing his balls against the wall of his stone castle. A voice, haggled yet clear rose above the gaggle of the other goblins.
"I did as you asked your highness." Hoggle stood with his head bowed and a twinkle in his eye.
"You did...you also took advantage of Cher, you realise the penalty don't you?" Jareth spun to face Hoggle, a fierce look in his eyes.
"Uh...no, she's just like the other girls that get lost in the maze isn't she?"
Jareth's eyes widened. Within moments he was face to face with Hoggle holding the dwarf in the air by his collar.
"She isn't JUST like all the other ones. She's..." Trailing off, Jareth looked into the dwarfs disgruntled face.
He wouldn't understand. No one would. Jareth tossed the dwarf over his shoulder and continued pacing.
"I can't believe they destroyed the ballroom" he muttered smashing some more balls.
"I put so much work into my make up too...I wonder if Cher noticed." Jareth sighed.
He had never let his emotions get in the way with his labyrinth occupants. He liked to toy with them. He liked to paint the picture that he was brutally evil. He couldn't do it if he was falling in love with Cher. Though there was always Nat.
"Hmm...there's hope for me yet. I wonder what they're up to anyway." Jareth summoned a ball and waved a hand over it.
The image of two sleeping girls atop a pile of junk came to focus.
"Perfect. If I measure this correctly then they will arrive at the bog soon...then make their way to the grove of Ludo. Hmm perhaps I should follow them for a while just to keep an eye on them. Cher especially." In a puff of glitter and hazy smoke, Jareth's figure was replaced with that of an owl.
The owl flapped it's wings wildly and flew out of the window into the depths of the maze below.
********
"Ohhhhhh my head...what is on my head, ungh I feel like I've been up all night talking about toilet stories...ohhh god it hurts." Nat moaned and shifted under the weight of Cher. "Where am I?" She opened her eyes to find darkness.
"OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND NOOOOOO I'M BLIND!" Nat sobbed loudly but stopped quickly as she heard another moan.
"What...rubbish? Why am I at Nat's house?" Cher rolled off Nat's head and stood, rubbing her eyes groggily. "I remember, dancing...kicking...screaming...Nat?" Cher rushed over to the sobbing Nat and rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Nat what's wrong? Why are you crying...where are we?"
Nat's eyes flew open. "I'M NOT BLIND OH BLESSED GODS I'M NOT BLIND...Cher? Were you sitting on my head?"
Cher nodded meekly.
"NO WONDER I COULD SMELL SOMETHING FOUL!" A frown was Cher's only reply.
"Cher what happened? Why are we sitting on a pile of rubbish?"
Cher's eyes flew wide open. "WE'RE SITTING ON A PILE OF RUBBISH? BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BALL? JARETH WAS SO READY TO DANCE WITH ME!"
Nat gasped. "OF COURSE THE BALL.....O.o;; Jareth was so not ready to dance with you."
"WANNA MAKE A BET!"
"SLUT HE WOULDN'T TOUCH YOU WITH A TEN FOOT..."
"HOOT HOOOOOOT HOOOOOOOOT CAAAAARRRRRR!"
The girls looked up to see an owl hopping around madly.
"Dude...I didn't know owl's caaaarrrrrred."
Nat's sweatdrop was enough to shut Cher up.
Shrugging, Cher stood and looked at her nifty little labyrinth watch.
"O.O NAT OMG WE ONLY HAVE 2 HOURS LEFT!" Cher grabbed Nat's hand and yanked her away from the pile of garbage.
They ran for what seemed like forever, Cher tripping on rocks and falling on her ass, much to Nat's amusement, and Nat often running ahead searching for any clues as to where exactly they were going.
Finally they came to a small bridge which stretched across a swamp of sorts.
"Oh man dude that totally stinks what is this place?" Cher held a finger to her nose, gagging out the smell that drifted from the swamp.
"Is this...the bog...of eternal stench?" Nat peered over the side of the bridge, trying to get a closer look. She took a great sniff and almost hurled then and there.
Cher slapped Nat on the shoulder, thinking that Nat's convulsions was a coughing fit. With the hard slaps force, Nat was nearly propelled over the edge of the bridge into the bog. She caught her balance, swung around and shoved Cher backwards.
"YOU WHORE I NEARLY FELL OFF!"
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE COUGHING, SLUT YOU ALMOST TRIPPED ME UP!"
"YEAH WELL YOU NEARLY PUSHED ME IN! DO YOU WANT ME TO SMELL BAD FOR THE...You did it on purpose didn't you?"
Cher looked at Nat with a blank stare.
"YOU WANTED ME TO FALL IN, SO JARETH WOULD HATE ME AND RUN TO YOU!"
"WHAT? THAT'S HOGS WALLOP AND YOU KNOW IT!"
"YEAH WELL SHERYAL THE ONLY WAYJARETH WILL EVER RUN TO YOU IS IF I AM A) DEAD OR B) BOG STENCHED OUT!"
Cher gasped and turned her back to Nat. Her feelings had been hurt this time. She was not going to take it lying down. Turning around, with fire in her eye and clenched fists, Cher spoke deathly low, "That...wasn't...very...NICE!" She lunged herself at Nat and started an all out brawl.
Fists flew, hair splayed and limbs tangled. The girls rolled from the center of the bridge to the left hand bank and were fighting dangerously close to the edge of the bog. All that could be seen of the two, however, was a cloud of dust.
The cloud of dust settled around the two to reveal Cher hanging with one hand clamped tightly around a tree branch, the other holding onto Nat's foot. Cher's hand was slowly but surely slipping. She couldn't hold onto the both of them.
"NAT YOU WHORE THIS IS ALL YOU'RE FAULT I'M GOING TO DROP US BOTH!"
Nat glared and frantically tried to hold her skirt down.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SHERYAL I DO NOT WANT TO SMELL LIKE THIS BOG SHIT ALL OF MY LIFE!"
"Well someone had to have an extra piece of bread and Vegemite didn't they?"
"YOU HAD THE WHOLE EXTRA LOAF!"
The arguing kicked into full gear again, while Cher's hand slowly slipped further down the tree branch.
"...AND IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO BUSY SUCKING ON HOGFARTS..."
"DUDE NAT SHUT UP I'M SLIPPING! I THINK WE'RE GOING TO..."
She was cut off by the crack of the tree branch. Both girls were plunging down towards the bog of eternal stench and when a strong hand gripped around Cher's wrist.
The hand held her steady in the air, leaving Nat's nose just inches away from the bog. Cher's grip on Nat's ankle, however, wasn't as steady and she could feel her grasp slipping.
The stranger however, leaned over the bridge, grabbed Nat's ankle and hoisted her back onto the bridge.
He then however hurled Cher over the edge of the bridge and dumped her on the ground at his feet.
Nat stumbled however (AN: ok no more howevers ) as he lifted her and ran into his chest. Her head buried into the folds of his billowing shirt. She tangled her hands into his silky shirt and looked up into his brown eyes.
A small growth of stubble was growing on his chin. He looked handsome and rugged and ready for anything.
"Oh thank you..." Nat breathed.
"You're welcome, I'm actually on my way to film some big shot war movie...do you have any idea where I'm supposed to go?" The British accent was what struck gold in Nat's mind.
Cher on the other hand was twitching on the ground of the bridge.
"Rafe?"
Rafe nodded.
"OH MY GOD RAFE! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"
He smiled winningly and scribbled his name onto Nat's chest.
"There you go. Now..."
Rafe leaned down into a crouching position and propped Cher's chin up with his hand.
"Are you alright?"
Cher looked into his eyes and nodded. Her legs slamming shut. Rafe chuckled heartily and frowned.
"I have no idea how I got here...you must have dreamed me up or something but please I need to get out and find the set of my new movie. I'll do anything if you just tell me the way out."
Cher's eyes lit up. She leaned over and whispered in Rafe's ear with a salacious grin plastered on her face. Rafe's eyes shot wide open and a pink blush stained his face. He took a deep breath and nodded curtly.
"Anything you say." Letting his breath out, he leaned down and kissed Cher deeply. Passion seared through their kiss as their tongues danced. Finally after what seemed an eternity, Rafe pulled away. Nat the whole while stood utterly gobsmacked watching the pair.
"Well my Australian Beauty, I'll be on my way and remember you always. As for you Nat, you're nothing but a dirty Sheryal."
Rafe turned on his heel and walked away briskly. Cher left with a grin on her face and Nat blinking madly. An owl in the background had a hissy fit.
"I'm not even going to ask you Sheryal." Nat spat. "Come on let's get out of here we're running out of time."
Nat grabbed Cher's hand and yanked her off the bridge, storming into the forest of the labyrinth.
They rounded a bend and stopped in a small clearing surrounded by bushes and such. Cher stopped and picked out her wedgie, while Nat wandered cautiously around the area. She didn't see the rock before her foot and didn't hardly notice that she had so carelessly stepped on the rock.
Nat went down with a scream and a thud.
Cher burped.
*******
Darien stopped dead in his track. The bra in his hand fluttered carelessly to the ground. He heard a scream, a thud and finally a...burp.
"OH MY LORD, NATSUA THAT WAS YOU I'D KNOW THAT VOICE ANYWHERE OH NO NATSUA I MUST SAVE YOU!" He bent over quickly and scooped up the bra, shoving it in his pocket.
He started to run then. The impending sense of danger clamping around his heart. Butterflies flapped their fluttery wings around his stomach and the cruel hand of fate sprinkled drops of sweat on his forehead.
His long, limber, limber and long, long, limber legs carried him faster through the thick forest, him eager to find his love, the legs eager... to look long and limber.
He rounded a bend and stopped. The sound of sobs echoed throughout the eerily quiet forest along with the occasional fart or burp.
'Strange...' he thought to himself, 'Gas emancipation...in this area? It has to be the Sheryal.'
He bounded forward with the thoughts of hope drifting around his nubile mind.
The site that awaited him as he rounded the bend was enough to send him screeching to a halt. His eyes flew open and he whooped in glee.
"NATSUA! I HAVE FOUND YOU!"
Nat looked up, fresh tears glistening in her eyes.
"Oh...Darien...is it really you? I thought..."
Cher burped and scratched her bum.
"DAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU MADE IT HAHHAHAAHAH YOU PANSY PUSSY BOY HOW IS IT HANGING?"
Darien looked Cher up and down and shoved his nose in the air.
"Something you'll never ascertain, Cheraye."
Cher looked around, unaware of the meaning of the big words. She shrugged and watched the scene unfold while throwing in a few burps and bum scratches. A wedgie pick here and there and the occasionally sneeze.
"Oh Natsua what has happened to you. You're injured and you're pale and of ill health."
Darien leaned over and scooped Nat into his arms. He brushed her fringe away and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Darien...I'm so glad you're here I was so afraid and I was stuck with the Sheryal for so long and she tried to steal Jareth from me O.O I MEAN...I wasn't even with Jareth he just happened to be standing next to me we weren't even touching "
Darien looked skeptically from Cher to Nat and raised an eyebrow. A long and limber eyebrow at that.
"Natsua...what happened in here?"
Nat looked from Cher to Darien and back to Cher. Cher coughed and sent her a look that screamed 'DON'T TELL HIM AND FEED ME!'
Nat nodded slightly, turned to Darien, her eyes filling with tears and sobbed.
"OH DARIEN IT WAS AWFUL...so...so many things it's just making me think that something happened when it really didn't and oh god it's horrible...oh and Cher needs something to eat."
Fishing into his pocket with his free hand, Darien found a banana and tossed it to Cher.
She smiled and sat down on a log, beside a white owl.
"Oh Natsua...I've missed you so much. Come, let me take you behind these long and limber bushes and tend to your wounds."
Darien carried Nat towards a clump of bushes smiling down at his love.
Cher stood to follow but was stopped curtly by Nat's shoe being flung into her forehead. The shock from the flying shoe sent her down on her ass.
"HEY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME COMING WITH YOU, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO! I'M SICK OF FALLING ON MY ASS GOD DAMNIT!"
Sighing in reh...jec...tion (AN: BAHAHAH), Cher made her way back to the log, clasped her hands together in her lap and sighed, waiting for the pair to finish.
"OHHHHHHH DAZZA OHHHHHHH OHHHHH YES IT HURTS THERE OHHHHH YES YES PATCH ME WITH YOUR UGLY GREEN JACKET OHHHH!"
Slamming her eyes shut, Cher focused on peeling the banana and eating the fruit.
"It's nice to see you're eating again."
"HOLY SHIT!"
The surprise of hearing another voice, sent Cher propelling backwards off the log and landing...on surprise, surprise her ass.
She looked up to see Jareth's laughing gaze staring straight back at her.
"You...you scared me."
Jareth simply smiled and offered her a hand. She looked around, and placed her own hand in his. She felt a bolt of electricity jolt through her arm. A typical romance first touch thing.
"Sorry about that, I forgot I had just recharged my hand. Can't toy with the crystal balls if I've got no energiser battery power." Jareth turned to look away from Cher holding a packet of AA batteries. "Energiser, they'll never give up."
He turned back briskly and pulled Cher off the ground and back onto the log.
The pair sat side by side, a short distance between them.
A rustle here and there was all that could be seen of Darien and Nat. The occasional moan from Nat all that could be heard.
The lion sleeps tonight song was playing over and over in Cher's head until the sound of Jareth clearing his throat interrupted her thoughts. Cher suddenly realised she was alone with Jareth. Everything she had been taught about seducing a man flew out the window.
Cher froze, trembling slightly. The sheryal in her had disappeared. She wracked her brains for something to say and finally said, with a horrified expression on her face,
"So...um...how bout that local football team?"
Jareth, who looked deep in thought looked up. He coughed loudly and moved another inch away from Cher.
"Yeah...um...good, great...I like football."
Cher smiled shakily, moving yet another inch away from Jareth. A thick, tense silence filled the air. Occasionally being broken by a loud moan from Nat or a grunt from Darien.
"The weather's...nice here." Cher's attempt to liven the conversation seemed to be failing.
"Yeah...nice...I can change it if you like."
Cher shook her head. "No it's ok."
More silence surrounded them, each of them quietly clenching and unclenching their fists.
Nat's moan was what eventually broke them both.
With something resembling animal passion they threw themselves at each other with the blink of an eye.
Their lips met, tongues finding each other. Jareth's hands began to roam wildly over Cher's body.
"UNGH DARIEN THE ROCKS ARE DIGGING INTO MY BACK...IT HURTS!"
Jareth broke the kiss and looked at the bush concealing Nat and Jareth with a sweatdrop.
He clicked his fingers and the edge of a mattress could be seen peeking from beneath the bush.
"That should please her for now, the comfiest mattress in the underworld. Now where were we?" He grinned coyly and yanked Cher's mouth to his. His hands roaming once again.
He found the buttons of her blouse and began to eagerly rip them open. Each of them were breathing heavily, their mouths still locked together in a steamy passionate kiss.
"GOD DARIEN I FEEL LIKE A CHEAP WHORE ON THIS GROUND BEHIND THESE BUSHES!"
Jareth's head dropped down and a withered sigh escaped his lips. He muttered a few choice words and clicked his fingers again. This time the legs of a bed could be seen poking from beneath the bush and a large canopy hanging over it.
"If that doesn't satisfy her I don't know what will. That's Sarah's own double canopied bed...I think the junk lady stole it from her room while she was..."
Cher didn't let him finish. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his lips to hers.
Cher's hands ran over Jareth's firm muscular chest, while he still worked eagerly at her buttons. Cher had one thought in her mind.
'The sock, the sock, the sock, the sock'.
Her hands drifted lower and lower. She was about to discover it...she was so close.
"OI!"
The pair broke apart abruptly. Cher's top was only being held together by one button, the middle button. Jareth's hair was disheveled and had lipstick smeared all over his mouth.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Cher looked down at the ground and clumsily re-did up her buttons.
Jareth, swiping at the lipstick on his mouth shrugged nonchalantly.
"I was just...punishing Cher, I know how much she hates me so I was...kissing her against her will."
Jareth nodded, stood and strode away quickly. He looked back once to see Cher blushing and staring longingly at his back. He smiled, blew her a kiss and trotted away.
Cher smoothed her skirt down and stood, looking at Nat with a smirk and throwing the banana peel at Darien.
"Thanks for interrupting me you slut."
"NO ONE CALLS MY NATSUA A SLUT!"
Darien extended his cane (AN: LOL THAT SOUNDS WAY EW HAHAHA) and prepared to whack Cher with it.
In a puff of glitter and smoke, Darien disappeared.
Nat's nostrils flared.
"WHA WHA WHAT? WHERE DID HE GO?"
She looked around frantically but there was no sign of Darien.
"O.O JAREEEEEEETH!"
Cher pointed at Jareth, standing atop a tree.
"I'm sorry Nat, but the rules clearly state you aren't allowed visitors of any sort in my labyrinth."
Nat spat chips.
"SO WHERE IS HE?"
Jareth smiled and blew a kiss to Cher.
"He's back at his apartment in Tokyo. Don't fret, he's safe."
Breathing a small sigh of relief, Nat glanced at her watch.
"AN HOUR? SHIT CHER COME ON!"
Cher stood still, staring up at Jareth with a dreamy glint in her eye.
"CHER COME ON!"
No response.
"SHERYAL?"
Nothing.
Sighing, Nat shoved Cher backwards, sending the black haired Aussie over the log.
Cher sprung to her feet and glared at Nat. She stalked over to her and pushed her backwards.
"HEY!" Nat screeched from the ground. "DON'T PUSH ME, PUSH A PUSH POP! AND WHEN YOU DO I HOPE YOU SUCK TOO HARD SO IT POPS UP AND BASHES YOUR FUCKING TEETH!"
Jareth in the meantime watched with a sigh.
"Unbelievable, they know they don't have much time yet they still argue my god."
After a good ten minutes of screaming and fighting, the girls finally made their way through the forest.
They walked for another ten minutes before coming to a large hedge towering above them.
"Oh just fucking great. A fucking maze is in our way. Look the castle is just there and we have to get through this fucking maze."
Cher grinned and poked the hedge.
"Ohhhhh spongy."
Nat grabbed Cher's arm and yanked her around the corner only to discover a troll looking thing holding a stick with a chomping gremlin wrapped around the top.
"OH MY GOD IT'S MY EX BOYRFRIEND!" Cher screamed, jumping behind Nat.
"NO CHER YOU WHORE IT'S THE CHOMPERS!"
Nat grinned as a lightbulb struck her head. She poked the troll thing holding the stick in the eye and it ran away screaming, dropping the stick with the chomper on the ground. She raced forward and scooped up the chomper which by now was going beserk.
"CHER WHICH WAY IS THE CASTLE FACE ME IN THE CASLTES DIRECTION!"
Cher nodded and grabbed Nat's shoulder, which were vibrating due to the chompy things beserk chompy jerks.
Once facing the castle, Nat lowered the chompy thing and aimed it at the hedge.
It went to work right away, chomping a huge whole into the hedge. The girls walked straight through the hedge maze, leaving a trail of chomped out hedges behind them.
Once they arrived at the edge of the gates of the goblin city, Nat tossed the chompy thing to the ground, which just kept chomping around and around and around and around and around and around and wiped her hands on her skirt.
"Alright, we're almost there and we have half an hour left." Cher smiled and patted Nat's back.
"So far we've done well, think we can get through this?"
"For sure...and get your hands off me dirty Sheryal."
End note:
Well it certainly took a shorter time then Nat's did.
Nat: Shut up Sheryal
Cher: Anyway ALMOST DONE! HOW SAD Doesn't mean there's not going to be more crazy Cher Nat adventures ne Nat?
Nat: right...uh...
Cher: -.-;; You are the weakest link...
Nat: GOODBYE!
Cher: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
Nat: OI OI OI!