~A Question of Strategy~
AU Vagrant Story, shonen ai / romantic themes.
Fits between 'Wandering in the Waking' and 'Force of Nature'
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There was no word to quite describe the flavor. No way to explain its curious appeal. Sydney often wondered at the way part of his mind could remain analytically detached even when the rest of him was engaged in more primal amusements. Conscious of the magnitude of the gift he was being given; he smoothed his hands appreciatively over the hard curves of the shoulders and caressed what little of the massive arms he could reach.
It wasn't a particularly comfortable pose. The tree stump was rough against his back and he felt a vague tickle as the sandy soil worked its way into the leg of his pants. What the bluffs lacked in comfort, they generally made up for in view. He couldn't tell if Ashley was watching the ocean or not. He might have been looking 'out' but it was more likely that he was watching the grass at his feet. Different from the sunny meadow, here the shaggy turf was more of the sort meant for sand dunes, rough and reedy. Not exactly the ideal setting for a romantic interlude, but the mage was determined to make the most of it. He shifted subtly, trying not to alert his companion to his discomfort. Ashley was close to bolting without any added encouragement.
// Not that he'd ever admit it… 'pride before the fall'… hmm? //
The cultist could feel the barely checked tension humming through powerful muscles. Regretfully he gave the ear he had been exploring one last playful suck-- closing his eyes to memorize the texture of the stiff-yet-velvet flesh-- before pulling away a little. He smirked as he felt a tremor beneath his fingers and along his skin. Although the knight's weight -- leaning back against him-- was a trifle more than he would have liked; there was a distinct pleasure in knowing that sprawled like this, there was no way for the man to hide. Had they not been touching, the blonde might have assumed that his lover was as relaxed as he looked. Gray eyes took in the firm sweep of muscle and sinew forming the fighter's neck. He marveled at the simple physical perfection of it, the way the fiber seemed to fold over itself and tuck in again, dipping gracefully into the collarbone and smoothing upwards under his hair. In a way it reminded him of a book of anatomical studies. He shook his head. The image was too cold and impersonal. Ashley's body reminded him more of the statues from ancient Greece. The man in his arms could easily put any number of those sculptural gods and heroes to shame.
// Ashley as… Hercules? He /would/ look good in a lion-skin toga… He would also stop talking to me for a week if I suggested it… but he would look good… //
Sydney trailed a finger along the line of the callused arm and up over the shoulder. The knight gave another tell-tale twitch as he continued the touch up the side of his neck to trace the contours of the still damp skin. It wasn't resistance, he mused as he leaned forward to plant a gentle kiss at the base of the strong neck. Ashley never /resisted/. To resist would imply he did /anything/. The man in his arms was almost completely limp; a life-sized doll. He neither protested nor encouraged what was being done to him. The cultist fought the urge to ask him to turn around. As hard as it was to read the darker man's expression with his face turned away and half hidden by the fall of his bangs, asking him to respond would only force the tension to the surface. The blonde smiled sadly at the games they played. For all the promise of their first months together, time continued to slide relentlessly by. They had reached a stalemate. Too close to be simply friends, but seeming unwilling to take the final step to make them lovers, the knight was frustratingly indecisive.
// Lying to each other? Lying to ourselves? What do /you/ want, Ashley? Do you even know? How far would you let me go if I never called you out on it…? How much would you hate yourself if you did, and still walk around pretending that everything is fine…? I /know/ you, Riskbreaker… But I will never understand you… //
He closed his eyes and imagined how it would be. How he could choose to ignore the strained feeling of the moment and press forward, taking all that was offered. It wouldn't be hard. He probably wouldn't even need to attempt to manipulate the man. His knight was far too disciplined for that.
// If it was what he thought I wanted… he would let me…? //
Sydney grimaced at the unpleasant thought. There was a certain blank sort of look that the Riskbreaker had when he was faced with a situation that upset him. Some last remnant of his almost de-humanizing training with the VKP. It always made the mage uncomfortable to see. Emotion would just melt off the usually gentle features as the eyes went flat. Ashley would buckle-down and do whatever it was that had to be done. Just follow orders, no matter what his personal feelings were. It wasn't an expression he ever wanted to see on a man he was hoping to coax into his bed. He placed another few kisses along his partner's spine, ending with an innocent nuzzle into the knight's short hair. The gesture seemed to do the trick, as the man's aura shifted in to a slightly calmer state. It was annoying in the extreme.
Something in his thoughts must have translated into his touch because the Riskbreaker shifted slightly. "You're in an odd mood today."
The mage snorted, looking out at the moonlit water in front of them. The occasional theoretical conflicts that came in describing time and place in the Shadows was still a topic they debated furiously, but now really wasn't the time. "I could say the same for you…?"
"Me…? I'm… fine."
// Liar. //
For a moment Sydney was tempted to echo the thought aloud, but bit down on his tongue to quell the childish response. He chose instead to thread his arms beneath his knight's, squeezing him gently. A large hand slowly lifted from its listless place on the grass to give the mage's knee a friendly pat. The opening was there. He could see it as easily as if it had been a physical thing. All he had to do was start talking about something irrelevant, maybe pull away a little. They would go on with their lives as if nothing had just happened. It was a coward's way out, but it had worked well enough for them before. He could pretend misunderstanding, Ashley would pretend forgetfulness, and nothing would ever change. It was hard to tell which of their two responses bothered him more.
// But if you won't back down… and you won't take by force… what will you do… hmmm? // His lips curled into a humorless smile. // Do what you always do… out maneuver him. One way or another. //
Still holding the larger man against him, he deliberately leaned forward to taste the convenient ear again. It was really unexpectedly nice, he decided as he carefully lipped the warm cartilage. He couldn't remember ever considering 'tempting ears' to be on his wish-list for a perfect lover. He was hardly about to complain if they came along as an unexpected bonus. Still, it would have been nicer if the shiver he had felt running through the broad chest was because of lust and not anxiety. Placing a chaste kiss below the abused area of skin, the blonde pressed his forehead against his partner's neck and sighed quietly.
"Ashley, if you don't like it… then why don't you just say so?"
"What?"
The mage didn't bother to respond. He waited for his question to fully sink in past the default response. Predictably, the fighter tensed up. Counting the seconds in his head, he slowly let go of the large chest, shifting his knees until even the hint of an embrace was gone. "It's pretty obvious, Riskbreaker. I'd get more response out of seducing a turnip then I was getting from you just now."
"Oh…"
"You can tell me to piss off you know… I wish you would…"
"You want me to yell at you?"
"I want you to do /something/, Ashley… Anything is better than you just laying here wishing you were somewhere else…"
He hadn't meant it so sound quite so bitter. The knight turned slowly to give him a confused look. "Somewhere else? Why would I want to be somewhere else?"
"Well you sure as hell don't seem to want to be with me…"
"I…"
// There. That's the look… //
Sydney folded his arms across his chest and watched his friend as the man's expression shifted from worried to empty. It was a reflex that he doubted the soldier was even aware of, to emotionally disengage from an argument for a split second while he decided how to respond. The mage was grimly curious to see whether the answer would be 'fight', or 'flight.'
// If he smiles, then I've lost… He'll just brush off my worries and say he has to go check something, a strategic withdrawl. Come on, brawn… you don't want to bolt… You've never run from anything in your life if you could help it… so why do you always give up when it comes to me? //
Ashley frowned slightly, "I want to be with you, whelp. If I didn't, why did I come here?"
"You're deliberately misreading the question, sir. Should I take offense? Or be more explicit?" There was a sad sort of pleasure in forcing his complaint into the air. The knight had stayed, and unexpected victory. Whether he would be able to, or /want/ to, face the issue was another matter all together. The man just looked tired.
"What do you want me to say, Syd. Just tell me and I'll say it. I'm really not in the mood for a verbal war today."
"Better a war than interminable standoff." He raked his hair back from his face in frustration and dove in before he could second-guess himself. "You don't like it… when I touch you."
His companion blinked in surprise. "Have I ever said so?"
"If you continue to answer me with questions, Riskbreaker, I shall begin to get seriously peeved."
"It wasn't my intention."
"Sometimes I wonder."
The larger man shook his head in defeat. "What I meant to say is that if I haven't said so, then how do you know?"
"I should think it's bloody well obvious!" Something about Ashley's eyes made him uncomfortable and he found himself looking away, towards the sea. "You flinch for one… and just now you were anything but happy… and you… never once in the past months have you ever volunteered to touch me." The last reason forced its way out through suddenly stiff lips. That one had hurt to admit; hurt almost as much as the realization had.
"That's not true."
"Chaste kisses do not count, Riskbreaker… I… after all of what happened, with you, with your memories… with /us/… I had thought… It seemed that you wanted more…" He steeled his resolve. "Was that just a whim for you? Post-battle libido? Was I expecting too much? It's been months Ashley and I still… I just need to know… what do you /want/?"
The man wordlessly shrugged.
"…You have to want something… everyone wants /something/…"
"Perhaps I want many things."
"But not me."
"I didn't say that."
"Then you do want me?"
It was Ashley's turn to shake his head in frustration. "It's not that simple, whelp." Curious to see what the knight would do, the blonde leaned back on his hands and waited. "It's not that… I like it well enough…" There was a sort of desperation to his pauses. He was fighting back. More than the mage could have hoped for. He was obviously struggling to put his thoughts into words.
// Just say it, you idiot… Do /anything/… but don't just walk away… //
"I'm not like you…" The confession made Sydney raise an eyebrow in silent amusement. His partner glared, knowing full well he had stated the obvious. "I mean… you… you already know what you're doing… what you want… how it should be… I'm just stumbling around in the dark here. What if…" The worried tumble of words came to an abrupt halt. Self-censoring, the Riskbreaker's jaw had clenched shut on whatever great revelation he had been about to reveal. Sydney blinked in confusion.
// What was he about to say…? 'What if…' that sounds like /my/ line… not his. //
"It doesn't matter." The darker man shook his head with a small smile. "I'm… I'll try to… I really don't mind… when you want to be near me."
// He's giving up…? //
The mage wasn't willing to concede defeat so easily. Not after coming so close to finally understanding the source of the problem. "You don't?"
"…No…?"
"It seems you aren't certain." He tilted his head sagely. "Perhaps we ought to decide for once and for all…" The knight winced guiltily. Taking some sympathy on the man, Sydney reached out to lightly fluff his hair. "Ashley…?"
"… what…?"
"I'll get over it, you know… if you don't. I wouldn't hate you. Well, not for long."
"But…"
"I told you… before you ever thought to kiss me… that I never expected you to reciprocate."
"…but…" The soldier's torn expression hurt to see.
"I just can't keep sitting on the fence, so to speak… I need to know. Should I flirt? Should I leave you be? Should I find someone else to play games with? I'm sorry Ashley, but I don't think I was ever cut out for a hermetic life… I don't mind waiting… if time is what you need… but I detest waiting needlessly."
"Don't talk around an issue, do you." The Riskbreaker had switched again; given up trying to give up. In the same marvelous way he handled being cornered by feral demons, or the dead ends of Lea Monde's mazes, he had turned back to the fight. "You are so damned /stubborn/…"
"Only about things that matter…" Sydney ignored the sardonic huff of laughter. "I'm serious." He studied the knight's profile. Moonlight only enhanced the rugged angles of his features. It occurred to him that his champion really wasn't cut out for bedroom spats, men-of-action seldom had an easy time with words.
// "I'm not like you"… he says… is that what he is trying to tell me? That he feels trapped? I ask him to talk about what's wrong, and he can't… and he can't /act/…? // The revelation hit him. // … because he doesn't know what to do…? //
"You're worried about getting it wrong, aren't you…"
Ashley froze; gravely silent in a way more eloquent then he had been all night. The mage sighed; surprised he hadn't guessed it sooner. // So much for my dazzling intellect. //
"Ashley…?" This time his mild question drew no response. Their fight was over. He had the man under the point of his hypothetical sword, awaiting his mercy. Dizzy with enlightenment, he crawled so that he was almost nose to nose with the static man. "Kiss me."
"… why…"
"… I wish to make a point. Kiss me, Ashley… 'tis alright. I won't bite." He grinned ferally. "Unless you want me to." It was the wrong thing to say. If the soldier had been a horse, his eyes would have rolled nervously.
"Ignore that… 'twas a stupid thing to say."
"Oh."
"So will you?" Sydney touched their noses together in an innocent gesture. "Kiss me? However you like? Or if you don't want to kiss me… that's an answer too."
"…" It was hard to say whether the man was tempted or horrified by the prospect. His throat worked, but no sound came out.
"…Please…?" He closed his eyes, and then hated himself for it. He wanted to /see/ what the man would do. Wanted to try and read his muddled features one more time. A warm breath tickled his lips and chin.
// Will he…? //
Like a hesitant guest, warm lips pressed softly against his own. Sydney did his best to only return what was given, to encourage without demanding. Holding back was both novel and uncomfortable when all he wanted to do was lean forward and take control of the kiss. It was both beautiful and not enough; a polite gesture.
// … that's it then...? That's all he wants? // The lack of passion was upsetting. True, there had been any number of extenuating circumstances surrounding their first kiss, but the mage had hoped that /a little/ of the raw need he had felt from the man had been because of him alone. It seemed he had misjudged. The blonde moved to shift away.
"Don't." The whisper, and the second kiss, caught him by surprise. It was more certain than the first. He felt hands tangling in his hair, tilting his head so that the knight's mouth could press fully against his own. Lips parted a little, adding flavor to the moment, but still it remained innocent. The mage silently willed his successor to use his tongue but Ashley had other ideas. "You said… 'however I liked'…"
"So I did…" Breathless, he was given no room to collect himself before being covered again.
It occurred to him that there was nothing 'sentimental' about the knight's movements. Neither 'brotherly' nor 'companionable,' the kisses were anything but bland; even for their lack of eroticism. They were subtle, careful, and very, /very/ thorough.
// … Rather like Ashley, I suppose. // His knight was anything if not attentive to detail.
Risking an impropriety, he opened his eyes a little as the knight tasted him again. Each time grew a little more possessive than the last. The man's eyes were barely open; completely unaware he was being watched. His eye lashes seemed thicker and darker then usual, but that was due to proximity. Nothing about him was flat or distant, if anything he looked rather earnestly focused on his work. It occurred to Sydney that he had underestimated the man. They weren't polite kisses at all. They were ardent in a way he had never felt before.
// … He kisses me as he would a woman. Like a young man gone a-courting for the first time… not sure of his welcome… or his skill… did he kiss Tia like this? // The thought opened up a whole new set of possible explanations of the knight's distant behavior.
// "I'm not like you," he said… What would a person like him know of the 'expected handling' of a man instead of a woman…? Nothing… it probably never even occurred to him… that he could be rough, or randy, or obscene and still have me begging for more… All he knows is a traditional courtship… //
"Ashley…" His voice betrayed him, coming out a needy croon instead of his intended question. The Riskbreaker didn't seem to mind. If anything it was just the encouragement that he needed. Sydney felt himself cradled backwards, being laid on the grass as the knight leaned over him.
// … The ones who made him into the 'Riskbreaker,' they could have easily made it so that he felt nothing at all… no passion, no lust… nothing to distract him from battle… Combat would have been the only thing to excite him so he would have ignored anything else, woman or man… Hell, even Hardin had his experiences as a country lad, and then a prisoner, to draw from… //
The mage conceded that as a lover, the man had never been completely at ease. It hadn't been /bad/. The desire had been there, without a doubt. Many people had /desired/ Sydney. It was a flavor he was well familiar with. However John had never once kissed him as sweetly as Ashley did now.
// His need, or /my/ need… and the mutual agreement that neither of us enjoyed being alone… That was all we had in the end. He tried his best… only once did I even catch him wishing I was a woman… //
"Stop thinking."
"Alright."
The whispered order was really the most sensible thing that the knight has said all evening. He tried his best to obey, pushing the rest of his speculations aside for another time. It was well worth it. He had more pleasant things to occupy his time. Somehow his arms had wrapped around the muscled chest out of habit, and again he couldn't help but relate their curled pose to how it must have been with the man's wife. The kiss was broken, allowing Ashley to lower his head enough to caress his face with his own, coming to rest cheek-against-cheek. His breath stirred the blonde hair above Sydney's ear in a comforting way.
"Ashley… I'm not /her/… you know that, right?" It hurt. It hurt to even think it. Competing with someone long dead, and a beautiful /wife/ at that; there was no easy way around it. "I'm not a woman… Not even here… not even for you…"
"I know."
"I'm not too keen on you bringing me flowers… and I've seen your poetry…"
"I know that too…"
The mage sighed in defeat, hugging the man as close as he would allow. "There is nothing improper about just rolling me in the hay and being done with it…" This time his only answer was a snort of laughter. He gave up trying to convince the knight into taking more direct action. There was still something he was trying to sort out. Now that the Riskbreaker was relaxed, it seemed the perfect time to prove his theory correct.
"Before… when I touched you… your ears… did it bother you because it was /me/… or because no one had ever done that to you before?"
"Both, perhaps…" Ashley slouched down more comfortably to lay beside him. "Because no one had… and because it was you… I…" He paused in thought. "Am I just being too old fashioned or something? Did the rules change while I was emotionally absent for a decade and a half? It's not that I don't… want… to try things with you… but I'm not used to people just /diving in/… Gah." The knight put his head back in dismay. "I'm not making any sense, am I…"
"Believe it or not, you are." Sydney smiled. "And I don't know if 'tis an 'old fashioned thing' or just a 'boys and girls' thing… Forgive me but I have never been courted before, and you've been a little hesitant about it."
"So what to men do, when they like someone…?"
The blonde shrugged apologetically. "Usually? They take an evening to find out if the other fellow is agreeable and after a drink or two they bend them over the side of the bed for a 'ride'… or where ever else happens to be convenient. Did you never dally with barmaids?"
"You are /not/ a barmaid."
"I am not a virgin either…" He bullied past the older man's discomfort. "I could show you… its hardly advanced spell casting… lying with a man. I'd make sure it was enjoyable for you." The knight stiffened again, although it was hard to say what, or rather which combination of things, had offended him.
"Are you in such a rush to have and be done with me?"
"No…?" The blonde felt like he was walking on thin ice. "Well, maybe to /have/ you… but I thought it might be nice to /keep/ you… for a while, if you were willing." He sighed in relief as the man smiled in amusement.
"… greedy little thing, aren't you."
"You may not realize it sir, but you /are/ a horrible tease."
Ashley blinked in surprise. "I hadn't meant to be."
"Never-the-less."
"Be patient a little longer, whelp… I don't think I can help it."
"Some things take longer to adjust to than others, hmmm?" The mage chuckled. "Very well, Riskbreaker… I shall persevere…" He flashed a saucy smile. "Of course, if you happen to encounter any new and novel sweets on your journey, and wish to curry my favor with a box… I wouldn't say no."
"No flowers, but maybe chocolates?"
"Precisely."
"I'll see what I can do." The dark man thought quietly to himself for a moment. "What about undying professions of love… provided they're not poetic, or requiring me to sing… would that be allowed?"
Sydney froze. Never once had the idea even crossed his mind. He had fantasies of bedding the man, of the seduction and the tryst and the comfortable 'together' of afterwards, but never had the idea of 'love' come into it. Not one that was reciprocated, in any case. He looked at his champion, feeling the seriousness under the teasing smile "… I think that a profession or two… might be well received. If they were in earnest."
The muscled man leaned close enough to whisper in his ear. "I am /always/ in earnest."
"Except for when you're not."
"True."
The blonde allowed himself a nervous chuckle. His own confession of feelings for the knight had been ordeal enough. It wasn't something he had felt terribly proud of recently, but now he began to reconsider.
// … He loves me…? //
It wasn't wild sex on the beach, but some how it was better. Anything that happened with the Riskbreaker wouldn't be so fleeting or poorly planned. He should have known from the start.
// Getting all flushed over a backhanded confession of affection… maybe I /am/ becoming more woman-ish in my old age… // He was torn between being tickled by the novelty of it all, and screaming at how close, and yet still how far he was from his goal. There had to be /some/ compromise.
"Very well, Sir Ashley. I will allow you to teach me the customs of this 'sincere love' you speak of… but I feel I shall have to ask a boon in return…"
"Name it."
"When you do confess… You will have to accompany it with another kiss… and this time… don't be a gentleman about it." The mage leered playfully. "I trust you get my meaning? There is such a thing as being /too/ courteous, after all."
"Ah." The soldier leaned on an elbow and pretended to seriously consider the idea. "I think I see." A large finger quelled Sydney's teasing comment as the knight leaned over to look him in the eye.
"So I can tell you that you have ensnared me all I want, provided that I do something suitably scandalous at the same time?"
Not being able to verbally respond around the silencing finger, the cultist nodded slightly. There was a patch of grass directly under his head that was growing uncomfortable. He did his best to ignore it.
"So all I have to do is…" The Riskbreaker /was/ teasing him. Brown eyes twinkled with rare pleasure as the man leaned closer.
This time when they kissed, the gentility lasted only a heartbeat. Hands that reached up to tangle in the short hair were caught and pinned to the sand as the knight pressed his advantage. Careful, he was still careful, but this time the kiss only grew deeper with the passing moments until a questing tongue sought and was granted access. The mage tried to moan but found he didn't have the breath. Everything was Ashley. His tongue exploring, tasting, touching. Inexperienced but very capable, the caresses were more than welcome. Silently needing more, the cultist tried to match the force of the kiss only to find that superior strength had him right where the knight wanted him. Unable to help himself, he wiggled against the pressure of the body half reclined against his own, vainly wishing he could grind his hips against something, or better yet /someone/. Their current sprawl could only leave him guessing about how his lover was reacting to the moment.
"… I love you…" The kiss had broken with a gasp. Sydney turned his face into the grass a moment, still panting for air when the whisper had tickled his ear. "Only you…" The cultist shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cool breeze.
"…You promise…?"
"Yes…"
"…good." The mage was torn between begging for another kiss, and lying content with the unexpected bounty of what he had already received. In the end it wasn't his choice to make. Day had come to the Waking world while neither of them had noticed. The arms holding him had lost something of their steady presence.
"I have to go."
"So, go. I'll see you by-and-by." He blinked as the knight frowned and faded from view, realizing that it was perfectly true. It was silly to cling to this one particular moment when he could look forward to others just as pleasant. He looked back on their bizarre argument, seeing it for the first time for what it was.
// Well there's a strategy I hadn't tried before… //
Sydney smirked and sat up.
// I tried to push him away… and he came back more intent than before… //
He dusted the sand from his hair with a speculative hum. 'Hard to get' was never an idea that had any use for previous lovers, but situations changed with the people involved.
// Maybe I'll just let things run their course this time… and if I make /him/ do more of the chasing… all the more entertaining for me…? //
It would require another test, he decided as he staggered back to his tower.
// And maybe… I'll just let him stew on his own for a day or two… and see who come courting… //
In the corner of his mind, he could sense the older man already making a start on his day. There was no mistaking the flustered yearning undercurrent to the knight's thoughts. It wasn't quite the game he had been hoping for, but it did promise to be grand fun.
// Oh yes… after all the trouble you've caused me Ashley… you deserve an uncomfortable month or two… //
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Note: The reason I never do any pre-nookie fics for VS is because Syd invariably runs off with them and does as he damn well pleases. I have to commend the Riskbreaker for his valiant success in keeping his pants on. For utter fluff, this turned out rather well, go fig.
--Lunar.