"'I need to monitor the lifeguard station, Eddy!' 'I couldn't live with myself if someone got their hair wet, Eddy!'" As fumbled with the rigging on his automatic photo-taking device, Eddy muttered to himself in a high-pitched imitation of Edd. He tried once more to hook up a line to the camera. "Stupid Sock-head…like we really need him for all this stuff…doesn't take an IQ of 160 just to glue together a few lousy cables…" He growled in frustration as he dropped the camera once more. "Hey, Ed, come help me hook up this camera thing!"
Ed looked up from the table. Surrounding him were countless little blob-shaped figurines carved out of erasers, pinecones, and blocks of cheese. "I'll be right there, Eddy! Do you have any more butter?"
"For the last time, Ed, nobody's gonna want your stupid souvenirs!"
"But Eddy, I made them look like fish! And beach balls! And here's a pair of swimming trunks!" He held up a cheese blob.
"Forget it!" Eddy stomped over and knocked the table clear. "Now help me put this camera contraption together, will ya? If we can figure out how to take pictures of people as they're going down our slides, we'll be rich!"
Ed bounced over to the camera. "Easy as 1, 2, buckle my shoe!" He stuck out his tongue and frowned in concentration as he picked up a wire. He tried to tie it around the camera, but the knot came undone. He tried again, wrapping the wire several times around the camera, but when he tested it the camera fell to the floor. Picking it up, he flew into a frenzy of knot-tying; when the dust settled, the camera was securely tied to the wire…as was every other object in the garage.
Eddy slapped a hand over his face. "Great. You're a big help, Ed."
"Do you think I could be an Urban Ranger, Eddy? Those badges go great with ketchup!"
"Uh, right….maybe we should give the inventions and souvenirs a rest and go find some towels to rent out." Ducking under the wire, Eddy started towards the door to the house.
"I was a towel rack once!" Ed threw his hands in the air and ran after Eddy, oblivious to the wires he dragged along behind him. Splashing through a little puddle on his way in, he stopped and looked around. "Have you seen my ice cube sculptures anywhere?"
****
Kevin stood at the edge of the slide and looked down. 30 meters directly below, a large pool waited. "This is gonna be choice!"
Rolf crept closer and peered over the edge. "Indeed, this slide looks faster than the weevils in Papa's eyebrows!" He shivered. "But is it safe? Rolf does not feel happy putting his life in the hands of this thing built by the Always-Asking-For-Trouble Ed-boys…"
"Dude, it's just a straight tube and a pool of water, even they couldn't mess that up…too much…" Edging closer to Rolf, he suddenly booted him down the slide. He laughed. "Try not to wet yourself on the way down!" Sitting at the top of the slide, he pushed himself over the edge. "Awwwwesommmmme!"
*****
Edd watched Kevin's actions in dismay. "Roughhousing on the most treacherous slide in the park! I ought to eject them both…" He looked up as a warning light flashed on his console. "Oh dear, Kevin's following Rolf entirely too closely! They're bound to collide!" He quickly flipped a few switches and turned a series of dials. "There! That ought to do the trick!"
*****
"Besotted fish heads!! Ill-fitting lederhosen!!" Terror-stricken, Rolf shrieked native obscenities as he approached terminal velocity. "Great Nano preserve this son of a shepherd, I am doomed like flies in gruel!!"
Whooping with delight, Kevin flew down the slide right behind him. "Relax, Rolf, you're not gonna die!"
"Do not talk to Rolf, spawn of lemon-scented porcupines! Rolf is of a mind to – "
At that moment, the slide below him suddenly changed its angle, sticking out like a ski jump. "Rotten sea squiiiiid!!" Unable to stop, Rolf zipped along the slide and flew through the air. As soon as he was off the slide, its slope changed once more, this time angling in a slightly different direction. Kevin's eyes went wide as he, too, was shot over the park…
*****
Edd nodded in satisfaction as he observed Kevin and Rolf flailing through the air. He double-checked their coordinates – good, their current trajectories ensured that both would land safely elsewhere in the park, and not on top of one another. "Emergency number one, averted!"
****
Eddy shut his eyes and silently counted to ten. "Let me get this straight, Ed. You used all the towels in the house to transport the gravy for your stupid Gravy Boat?"
Ed licked a sodden brown towel. "Gee, sorry, Eddy, I forgot. It took a lot of towels to soak up enough gravy to fill the pool…"
"Great. Now what are we supposed to rent out? The kids aren't gonna want to dry themselves off with a disgusting gravy-soaked towel…"
Ed brightened. "Ooh, ooh, I know! We could sell gravy towels at the concession stand! Want a free sample?" He thrust a dripping towel towards Eddy.
Eddy knocked his hand aside. "Get that away from me, Ed! No one's gonna eat that." He snapped his fingers. "Concession stand! That's it! Come on, Ed, the kids'll be fighting each other to be the first in line at Eddy's House of Omelettes!"
"Omelettes in a water park, Eddy? I've heard better ideas at a tractor pull! When I go swimming, I want something cool and refreshing!" He waved his towel again. "Like frozen gravy!"
"Hmm…I hate to say it, but you're right…er, kind of…" Eddy scratched his head in thought. Suddenly, he jumped up. "I've got it! Let's go, Ed, we've got food to cook and signs to make!"
"Can I make a stop sign out of oatmeal?"
****
Edd checked out the monitors again. Sarah and Nazz were stretched out in chairs alongside the wave pool, Jimmy was wading happily nearby, and Rolf and Kevin had yet to land. He yawned. Maybe he should have gone with Ed and Eddy, after all.
Glancing over at the Lazy River monitor, he stopped. On-screen, Jonny leaned back on his inner tube and kicked idly at the water. Plank floated nearby, securely tied to his own tube.
Involuntarily, Edd's gaze drifted over to his water-shooting button. He shook his head rapidly, shocked at his own irreverence. "How could I even think of such a thing?" He looked back up at the screen. Jonny and Plank seemed so relaxed.
His eyes slid back to the button. "That's just irresponsible, inconsiderate behavior!" He firmly pushed the thought from his mind. Sweeping his gaze across the other monitors, he found that everything was still peaceful. Nothing was going on whatsoever. Not a splash. Not a drip. Not a single sunburn. If only he'd thought to bring a book…
Jonny drifted by, spinning slowly. He'd soon be in range of the water jet.
"Well…like Eddy said, it's really only a few drops…" Edd tentatively rested his hand on the button. "And it is quite hot out today, Jonny would probably appreciate a nice cooling shower…" What could it hurt? With a quick look around to be sure nobody was watching, he tapped the button…