Author's Note: Well, my intended 3-parter has now become a "3-and-a-half-parter," thanks to my inability to decide how I really wanted to end it. The chapter you're about to read was my initial ending – but then I read Jaha Canon's comment about how Edd was pretty cool in this story thus far…Reading back over my previous chapters, it occurred to me that, hey, he actually was doing all right for himself and that in this particular ending, he, well, doesn't. I thought that maybe he and his pals deserved a different ending – so I got out my crayons and made a few hasty changes (So, thanks, Jaha! You never know what offhand comment someone's gonna end up taking to heart! =)
I still rather liked this ending, too, though – so instead of just picking one and going with it, I figured I'd follow in the hallowed footsteps of such entertainment masterpieces as Wayne's World, Clue: The Movie, and all those Choose Your Own Adventure books I grew up on and let you decide for yourself. I hope you enjoy – I'd love to hear your thoughts!
And so, without further ado – the stirring first conclusion: The Gravy of Wrath!
*****
"Ahhh, isn't this nice, Plank?" Jonny flicked at the water with one hand. "Listen to the water splash…"
"…"
"Oh, all right – ten more minutes, and then we'll go find something a little more exciting. Boy, Plank, you sure are a daredevil!"
He rolled over in his tube so he could watch the water flow by beneath him. As his eyes started to drift closed, he heard a 'whooshing' noise up ahead of him.
"What the heck is that, Plank? Have you been eating cabbage again?" He looked up and gasped. "Aaaaah! It's a horizontal waterfall! Hang on, buddy!"
Holding on to Plank's tube with one hand, he used the other to paddle desperately against the current. The tide was too strong, however, and soon he was caught in a rush of water that seemed to be shot out of a hyper-charged water cannon. Board, boy, and inner tubes were all blasted out of the Lazy River, and they bounced and rolled wildly across the ground.
The world spun crazily before Jonny's eyes as he tried unsuccessfully to slow himself down. "Runaway inner tubes! Hellllp!!!"
*****
"Oh, curse my mischievous ways!" Edd ran back and forth in front of the control panel. "What have I done??" He saw Jonny bounce madly from one monitor to the next as he careened through the park. In a panic, Edd pounded on switches and buttons, trying to shut off the unexpectedly powerful water jet.
*****
Sarah looked up from her lawn chair. "How're you doing, Jimmy?"
"Great, Sarah! Come on in, the water's fine!" Jimmy paddled happily around, supported in the water by his inflatable teddy bear ring.
"Maybe later, I've gotta work on my tan. Hey Nazz, could you pass the sunscreen?"
"Sure." Nazz handed the bottle to Sarah without looking up from her chair. Lazily rolling over onto her back, she opened one eye fractionally. Suddenly she sat up in surprise and pointed skyward. "What's that??"
Sarah followed her gaze. She gasped as she spotted what Nazz was looking at. "Jimmy, look out!"
"What?" Jimmy didn't have time to look around before a screaming Rolf plunged into the pool a few feet away. The force of the impact created a wave that knocked Jimmy upside down. His feet kicked frantically, sticking up out of his inner tube.
"Jimmy!" Sarah jumped in the water to save her friend.
"Is he okay, Sarah? Try to – aaah!" Nazz stood up for a better view just as Jonny, still flying out of control, bounced into sight. As she turned to run away, Jonny rolled into her and bowled her over. The force of the impact halted Jonny's momentum, and both he and Nazz reeled dazedly on the ground.
"Boy, Plank, I thought we were goners for sure!" Jonny looked around. "Plank? Where are ya, buddy? PLAN – gck!" Plank careened off Jonny's head and came to a stop.
Rolf, Sarah, and Jimmy flailed to the edge of the pool and hung there, coughing and gasping. "Rolf feels like a sow caught within the gears of an angry combine! I must go get…" Rolf's eyes widened as he remembered something. Looking up, his pupils shrunk to pinpoints. He grabbed Sarah and Jimmy and tried to drag them out of the pool. "Get out, foolish pasty-skinned ones! We must exit this pool of sorrow before – " His words were cut off with a gurgle as Kevin splashed down in the deep end, knocking everyone out of the pool and thoroughly soaking Nazz, Jonny, and Plank.
Quiet descended for a few moments, as everyone lay stunned and waterlogged. Finally, Jonny sat up, rubbing his head. "W-what happened?"
Kevin pulled himself out of the pool. "The dorks happened. As usual."
"My beach bag is soaked!" Nazz shook out her belongings in dismay. "And my hair's a mess! This is so not cool!"
"Jimmy, are you okay?" Sarah looked over with concern as Jimmy sniffled.
"It's Mr. Foofy, Sarah – he popped!" Jimmy sadly held up a sagging teddy bear ring.
Sarah stood up, steam rising from her head. "Rrrrr! I'm gonna KILL my idiot brother and his stupid friends!"
"Rolf will help you in this, oh Glass-Shattering Terrifying One! Lead the way and he will follow like an avenging swarm of overripe bramble-berries!"
"Yeah, count me in, too," Kevin cracked his knuckles. "Those dorks need a little attitude adjustment…"
****
"Oh dear, oh dear!!" Edd went white with fear as he watched the kids bunch into a mob and start running for the gate. He tried not to shake as he pounded a series of buttons. Shutting his eyes, he flipped a final switch and hoped for the best.
A small door slid open in the bottom of the control panel. Edd sighed in relief. "Thank goodness for foresight." He crawled in and pulled the door shut behind him, seconds before the kids came tromping past.
"Where are they?" Sarah looked around angrily. "ED! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
"The dorks must've seen us coming. Cowards!" Kevin put his hands to his mouth. "You can't hide forever, Eddy!"
"Hide? Who's hiding?" At that moment, Eddy strutted through the ramshackle gates. Ed followed, lugging a large cooler. "I just stopped out for a few supplies – hold onto your swim trunks, guys, you haven't lived until you've tried Eddy's Frozen Omelette on a Stick!"
"With free gravy dipping towels!" Ed dropped the cooler and reached inside.
"Er, yeah…Only 25 cents for the tastiest frozen treat you'll ever eat – now don't all crowd me…at…once?" Eddy trailed off as he noted the furious looks on the faces of the crowd. "Uh, is there a problem here?"
"Oh yeah. There's a problem." Kevin advanced slowly, flanked by Rolf and Sarah. Jonny, Nazz, and Jimmy were close behind.
Eddy backed nervously into Ed. "Uh, we should probably be running now…"
"Okee dokey, artichokey!" Ed ran – right into Kevin. Kevin held him by the collar as Rolf and Sarah pounced on Eddy.
"Wait! What did we do?? Can't we all just…be friends?" Eddy struggled to get away.
"Gee, sure, buddy," Kevin grinned. "You know, pal, you're looking awfully hot. Maybe you need a few hundred rides down those slides of yours." He started dragging an oblivious Ed towards the vertical slide.
"Yes, Kevin, a drenching is just what these boys are needing!" Rolf followed, bringing along a desperately scrabbling Eddy. "Perhaps a good dunking in the wave pool will cool their heels! Rolf knows a fast way to get there!"
"Ed! Double-D! Helllllp!!!"
"I don't think they liked our frozen omelettes, Eddy…"
Edd shivered, listening from within the safety of his hiding place. "So much for that relatively clear conscience…"
****
A few hours later, after all the yelling and gurgling had died down, Edd timidly slid open the door to his hiding place. A peek outside showed nothing but empty space, so he crept out.
"Well, well." Edd started guiltily as Eddy's voice rose up from behind the control console. "If it isn't the Incredible Disappearing Coward…I knew you couldn't have gone far…" Edd spun around to face a very bruised, very wet, very angry-looking Eddy.
"Now, Eddy, I can explain…" Edd held up his hands and backed away. "My presence could have done nothing to avert the disaster visited upon you and Ed, so while I truly wanted to help, I…um…" He looked around. "Uh, where is Ed?"
"Alley-alley oxenfree!" Nearby, a battered cooler rattled around and finally sprung open. Ed jumped out, looking somewhat bedraggled but cheerful as ever. A popsicle stick protruded from his left nostril. "Just like a lady in a cake, only with omelettes!" He tugged on the stick, and pulled a frozen omelette out of his nose. "Want one, Double-D?"
Eddy advanced towards Edd. "Oh, he wants one all right…in fact, bring 'em all over, Ed…"
"F-frozen omelettes? That's what you two came up with? Who on earth would…" Edd swallowed as Eddy's hands balled into fists. He smiled ingratiatingly. "…would…be…able to resist those? Why, I-I bet you would've made a fortune, if everyone…hadn't…left…" Wrong thing to say. "Uh, but at least we still have the revenue from the entrance fees…right?"
"Oh, gee, I forgot – you missed out on all the fun, didn't you?" A vein in Eddy's forehead throbbed. "Well, seems that for some reason, everyone took their money back…as usual…Now, why ever could that be?" Eddy put a finger to his chin and looked up in thought. "Hmm, I know I heard something about a horizontal waterfall…and an out-of-control water slide…and there was some mention of a huge tidal wave…" He grabbed Edd by the shirt and pulled him down to eye level. "I don't suppose you'd know anything about any of that, Safety Boy??"
Edd sweated nervously. "Y-you're upset, that's understandable…" He tried in vain to free himself. "But Eddy, I did warn you at the onset that this undertaking was – "
"If you're trying to say 'I told you so,'" Eddy grated, "I'm gonna make you eat every single one of Ed's gravy towels." He looked like he meant it.
"Uh…" Edd tried to speak coherently despite his shaking. "Of…of course I wasn't…saying…what I meant was – ulgk!!" He was abruptly cut off as Ed galloped over and unloaded 30 frozen omelettes on his head.
"Omelette delivery!" Ed laughed. "Do I get a tip?"
"Hmmph." Eddy glowered down at the whimpering pile of omelettes. "Here's your tip – spend your money as soon as you get it." He sighed. "But since we don't HAVE any money, I guess we'll just have to find something else to do…maybe we ought to go test out your Gravy Boat, whaddya say, Ed?"
"I say, always look both ways before counting your chickens on a burning bridge!"
"Then let's go, and bring Double-D – I'm sure he'll want to do plenty of research on whether people float or sink in gravy! And we should probably find out how many times your dinghy's oars can be whacked over someone's head before they break…"
"Better safe than soybeans, Eddy! Come on, Double-D, swimming in gravy is fun!"
"HAVE MERCY!!!!"
*****
The next day found the Eds strolling out of the alley as the neighborhood kids went trundling around on makeshift contraptions that looked to be part go-cart, part inner tube, and part bat. Eddy grinned widely. "What did I tell you, boys, the All-Terrain Zoom Buggies are a hit! Cash-ola in the bank-ola!" He hugged his now-full money jar. "It's jawbreaker time!"
Edd watched dubiously as Jonny and Plank flapped shakily past, a few feet off the ground. "I don't know, Eddy, I still question the workmanship of those things – we really should have spent a little more time ensuring their structural integrity. I'd feel much better if we could at least distribute safety helmets and kneepads…"
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you," Eddy put a hand to his ear and leaned towards Edd. "That sounded like, 'Eddy, please dunk me in the giant pool of gravy for a few more hours'?"
Edd shrank back. Two hours in the bathtub, and he could still smell the gravy in his hair. "N-no, you must've misheard. What I said was…" he sighed, then forced a weak smile. "'What're we waiting for, the candy shop closes in an hour…'"
"Good thinking." Eddy started running. "Let's go, boys, the jawbreakers are on me!"
"They are?" Ed looked shocked. "Come back, Eddy, I want to see!" He chased gleefully after Eddy.
Edd cast a final worried glance over his shoulder. "Jonny, watch out for the – " he winced. Trying hard not to hear the shrieks and crashes coming from the lane behind him, he ran after Ed and Eddy. "Well, I suppose we can always sell medical services tomorrow…"