(ZephyrSamba here again. This, of course, is the second of my two potential endings for this story. I hope you like it, and I hope this little 'decide for yourself how it ended' gimmick isn't overly annoying or anything – let me know what you think, what ending you liked better or thought was more likely, where you stand on the issue of unconventionally-colored ketchups – however the mood strikes you! And – as always, thanks for reading my stuff! =)
In order to save space I'm leaving out much of the setup stuff that was in the previous ending (the 'Gravy of Wrath' chapter, which I'm assuming/hoping you've already read). In case you haven't read it or need a refresher, though, basically what's happening is that things all go pear-shaped at the point where Double-D hits that darned water jet button. After being sent flying through the air, blasted with an overzealous water jet, or just unexpectedly and thoroughly soaked, all the kids of the cul-de-sac have regrouped and are preparing to visit unpleasant retribution on our Ed-boys. Watch out, guys, here they come now…
****
"Oh dear, oh dear!!" Edd went white with fear as he watched the kids bunch into a mob and start running for the gate. He tried not to shake as he pounded a series of buttons. Shutting his eyes, he flipped a final switch and hoped for the best.
In an instant, all the water had drained out of the park and back into the creek. Another half an instant saw every slide, every pool, every park-related item roll in upon itself until nothing remained but a golf ball-sized lump of plastic. Even Ed's original muddy channel had been smoothed over. "Thank goodness for foresight." Edd pressed another button to fold up his control panel in a similar manner, then ducked behind a nearby tree just as the kids came tromping past.
"Where are they?" Sarah looked around angrily. "ED! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
"The dorks must've seen us coming. Cowards!" Kevin put his hands to his mouth. "You can't hide forever, Eddy!"
"Hide? Who's hiding?" At that moment, Eddy strutted through the ramshackle gates. Ed followed, lugging a large cooler. "I just stopped out for a few supplies – hold onto your swim trunks, guys, you haven't lived until you've tried Eddy's Frozen Omelette on a Stick!"
"With free gravy dipping towels!" Ed dropped the cooler and reached inside.
"Er, yeah…Only 25 cents for the tastiest frozen treat you'll ever eat – now don't all crowd me at – WHAT'D YOU DO WITH OUR WATER PARK?!?"
Edd steeled himself, then stepped out from behind the tree. "Oh, there you are, Eddy! I was beginning to think you'd never get here. You and Ed did bring the…" he resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "frozen omelettes, didn't you? Like I always say, summer just isn't summer without plenty of well-chilled egg-based products!" He nodded his head and smiled widely in an effort to encourage Eddy to play along.
Eddy was having none of it. "Double-D, what the heck did you do!?" He stomped towards Edd, hands balled into fists. "We leave you alone for half an hour and you let – " Eddy noticed the other kids for the first time. He backed slowly away. "Uh, is there a problem here?"
"Oh yeah. There's a problem." Kevin advanced toward the Eds, flanked by Rolf and Sarah. Jonny, Nazz, and Jimmy were close behind.
Eddy cast a sidelong glance at Edd. "Um, we should probably be running now…" he whispered.
"We'd never make it, Eddy, just follow my lead…" More loudly, Edd said, "You're right, Eddy, I apologize. I was totally remiss in my responsibilities – but now that you and Ed are here, it should take no time at all to set up an omelette stand. But perhaps we should first inquire as to the reason for everybody's obvious outrage?"
"Er…right…" Eddy looked quickly back towards Ed on the off chance that he knew what was going on, but Ed was too absorbed in eating his towels to notice anything. "Is…is there something the matter, guys?"
"You dorks know what the matter is." Kevin drew closer, pounding his fist into his other hand.
"Yes, do not play the Simple Simon with us, Ed-boys, your shenanigans have once more caused the Gnashing Mongoose of Soreness to visit Rolf!" Rolf angrily held up his arm to display a large purple bruise.
"M-my, that's quite a painful-looking contusion, Rolf," Edd made a show of wincing sympathetically. "But I fail to see the correlation between your unfortunate injuries and everyone's current displeasure with us?"
"Don't play dumb, Double-D, you're no good at it." Sarah pulled the sadly deflated life ring from Jimmy's grip. "Just look what you and your idiot friends did to Jimmy's Mr. Foofy!"
"But Sarah, how could my compatriots and I have caused Jimmy's tragedy – or Rolf's injuries, for that matter – when we've done nothing all day but plan for a rather, uh, omelette-intensive business venture?" He gestured towards the cooler. "Eddy's frozen omelettes are only a – gkhk!"
"Yeah, right, Double-Dweeb!" Kevin had grabbed Edd by the front of his shirt and dragged him off his feet. "You think you can get out of what's coming to you by treating us like idiots?" He hoisted Edd into the air and prepared to slam him into the ground. "THIS is for throwing me off the slide…"
Finally catching on, Eddy came to Edd's rescue. "What's your problem, Kev? What slide?"
Kevin snorted. "How about the ones in your water park, Dorky? The ones right behind…" turning around, he stared at all the empty space where once the water park had been, "…me?" He dropped Edd in surprise.
The other kids turned around and gasped. "Where'd the water park go, Sarah?" Jimmy clung to Sarah's wrist.
Edd sat up slowly, rubbing his head and trying to clear the stars from his vision. "Water park? Here, behind the cul-de-sac? I don't think this area is even zoned for such an enterprise…"
"B-but…but there were slides…" Kevin rubbed his eyes and looked again.
"And a wave pool," Sarah looked around in bewilderment.
"And a – " Rolf suddenly stopped. "Son of a tabernacle – do you swindlers think to deceive Rolf yet again?!?" He stomped towards Eddy. "Show Rolf where you hid the pools, slimy Ed-boy!"
Eddy stayed well out of Rolf's reach. "Yeah, right – where could I possibly hide an entire water park, Rolf?" He pulled out his pockets to demonstrate that they were empty. "I don't even know what you're talking about…Do you, Double-D?"
"You know, Eddy, I do believe I've heard about this sort of phenomenon before!" He put on his most convincing smile, foreseeing a long and unpleasant afternoon if the kids didn't buy this. "Occasionally an entire group of people can experience a shared hallucination, if the conditions are just right…I believe it's called Communal Self-Delusion in sociological circles…" He suddenly remembered he'd put his behavioral psychology manual in his pocket before he'd left the house this morning. Pulling it out now, he flipped it open to a random page. "Yes, here we are…It says here that Communal Self-Delusion most often occurs during periods of extreme heat and mental lethargy…symptoms frequently include the sensation that one is swimming or flying, and it typically involves visual apparitions such as, er, horizontal waterfalls…crazily moving slides…giant tidal waves…Would any of that match what you were experiencing?" He crossed his fingers and hoped.
The kids all looked at each other. Jonny scratched his head. "Gee, Plank, do you really think it was all in our heads?"
Kevin was still suspicious. "Then explain to me why we're all soaking wet, dork."
Edd shrugged helplessly. "It's beyond me, Kevin – but perhaps in your delirious state you…uh…fell in the creek?" He started considering potential hiding places in case the kids remained unconvinced. "I-I simply don't know how else to explain it – I'm sorry, but look around you – there clearly was no water park! Eddy, did you see any water park?"
"Sure didn't, Double-D, all I saw were delicious and reasonably-priced frozen omelettes. Did you see any water park?"
"Why, no, not a single one, Eddy." He turned towards Ed, who was happily shoving frozen omelettes-on-a-stick up his nostrils. "Ed, did you see any water park?"
"Aw, 'course I did, Double-D! It's got a big pool of gravy, and all kinds of neat slides – just like the chute that the Tidy Bowl Spacemen used to transport their prisoners in 'Flush of Doom'!"
Edd and Eddy groaned in despair. "Good one, Sock-head," Eddy hissed. "We were home free, too…"
"Don't remind me, Eddy," Edd pulled his hat over his eyes and awaited his own flush of doom. "Curse my inclusive nature!" Shaking, he waited…and waited…but nothing happened. He finally nudged his hat back above one curious eye.
The kids were looking at each other in chagrin. "Gee, we shared a delusion with Ed…" Nazz looked disturbed.
"'Tidy Bowl Spacemen'?" Sarah glanced uneasily at Jimmy. "Come on, Jimmy – I think maybe I need to go back inside where it's cool…"
"I'm with you, Sarah! I want a nice long bath to wash Ed's ideas out of my head…"
"Woo-hoo, Plank, that was some hallucination!" Jonny gasped and grabbed Plank. Pointing in the sky, he yelled, "Holy cow, it's still going on! Check out those flying tubas, Plank!"
"…"
Jonny grinned. "Okay, you got me, buddy – I was just foolin' ya. Boy Plank, you sure are sharp! Come on, I'll race ya to the swingset!" Jonny and Plank ran off towards the park.
Edd let out his breath as everyone else wandered away in embarrassed confusion. "I'm sure a little time in an air-conditioned area will relieve you of any lingering hallucinatory effects," he called after the kids. "And don't forget about the mental lethargy! I recommend you all read at least three books a week if you want to avoid future instances of – "
Eddy elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't push it, Sock-head…"
Edd grinned sheepishly. "I suppose you're right Eddy, I just couldn't help…um…Ed? Can you breathe with those omelettes up your nose?"
"Not at all, Double-D! But look! These popsicle sticks make me look just like Walrus Man!" Ed stood up and growled nasally. "Take me to your fish sticks!" Turning to run off towards the wave pool, Ed jumped in shock. "AAAAAA! Guys, something stole our water park!" He ran off to investigate. "Come back, Gravy Boat, wherever you are!"
Giggling behind his hand, Edd turned towards Eddy. "Well, I suppose we should – " His laughter stopped as he saw Eddy's face. "Um, Eddy?"
Arms crossed, Eddy was glaring at him and tapping a foot. "So when were you planning on explaining yourself, Sock-head?" A vein throbbed in Eddy's forehead.
Edd smiled weakly. "Now, Eddy, I can explain…"
"Well, I'm waiting! Whatever you did, it made everyone so mad that we all nearly got trashed! And I never even got to sell my frozen omelettes!"
"A-and I bet you would've made a fortune with those, if everyone…hadn't…left…" Wrong thing to say. "Maybe…maybe we can…" Edd shrank back as Eddy advanced threateningly. Tripping over the cooler, he went sprawling to the ground. He held up his hands protectively and shut his eyes. "HAVE MERCY!"
Eddy glowered down at his trembling friend and stood for a moment in thought. Suddenly, he grabbed Edd by the wrists. "Of course, that was some pretty fancy talkin' you did there to get us off scott-free. I'm rubbin' off on ya, Double-D." He pulled Edd back to his feet and grinned appreciatively, then turned and walked off. Glancing back over his shoulder, he added, "You know…you're almost, sort of…not-totally uncool sometimes…For a guy who keeps psychology books in his pants…" He broke into a run. "Now let's go, Double-D, if we hurry maybe we can watch Ed dig to China to find his Gravy Boat."
"I'm right behind you, Eddy!" Flush with pleasure at his friend's almost, sort of compliment, Edd ran happily along after Eddy. "But let's be sure to put a halt to Ed before he completely destroys the local ecosystem, okay?"
****
The next day found the Edd and Eddy strolling out of the alley as the neighborhood kids went trundling around on makeshift contraptions that looked to be part go-cart, part inner tube, part bat, and part pillow. Eddy grinned widely. "What did I tell you, Double-D, the All-Terrain Zoom Buggies are a hit! Cash-ola in the bank-ola!" He hugged his now-full money jar. "It's jawbreaker time!"
Edd watched proudly as Jonny and Plank flapped smoothly past, sailing several feet off the ground. "I must say, those buggies were one of our best undertakings to date! The extra time we spent ensuring their structural integrity is sure to pay off in an extended lifetime for the buggies and a much clearer conscience for us!"
"Conscience, shmonscience, all's I know is that I've got a jar full of quarters and a hankering for jawbreakers! Let's go before…" He trailed off as the earth beneath him started to shake and rise. He lept off a rapidly-forming molehill, just as Ed's head poked out the top of it. "Oh, hey Ed, there you are!" Eddy snickered. "So didja ever find your stupid Gravy Boat?"
"No, it is gone forever," Ed sniffed sadly. "But look what I did find!" He held up a small, golf ball-sized lump of plastic. "I think it is the egg of a subterranean bat-skink! Watch, I bet it can fly!" He wound up and took aim.
Edd frantically grabbed at Ed's arm. "NO, ED, DON'T – " He watched in despair as the plastic lump sailed through the air and landed in the alley beyond.
"Don't worry, Double-D, bat-skinks are really tough! I didn't hurt it – ooh, look! I think it's hatching, guys!" Ed clapped in delight as his 'bat-skink egg' went through a convulsion of popping and unfolding. Suddenly he gasped. "MY GRAVY BOAT!!!" Ed ran joyfully off in the direction of the fast-appearing water park.
Eddy stared, open-mouthed. "Um, Double-D?"
"Yes, Eddy?"
"I'm thinking this would be a really good time to start running…" Eddy started edging backwards.
"I wholeheartedly concur, Eddy." Trying hard not to hear the shrieks and crashes coming from the lane behind him, he ran after Eddy. Casting a final worried glance over his shoulder, he winced. "Well, I suppose we can always sell medical services tomorrow…"