As-Sorted Marauders

Chapt. 1: Remus Lupin's Last Meal

By Jill Weber/Jelsemium

Characters owned by J.K. Rowling and used without permission or intent to make a profit.

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His stomach was tied up in so many knots that he didn't think he'd be able to eat at the Welcoming Feast, anyway. Well, that took care of that problem, but what about the rest of the year? Remus was going to die. He just knew it. After all the plans his parents had made with Dumbledore, they'd overlooked this… this minor detail, and so he was going to die.

'Deep breath, Remus,' he told himself. 'Pull yourself together and you'll get through it. You just have to think.' Thinking about food made his stomach growl. Wonderful, he was hungry enough to eat at the feast. What was he going to do now?

'Don't panic, Remus, there's bound to be some sort of finger food,' he told himself. Then he sighed. 'Great. Seven days times four weeks, minus three days, times ten months, times seven years of eating with your fingers. Right, nobody will notice. I'm sure not one of the other students will wonder why I never touch the silverware!' He sighed. 'And I'm sure that the Chudley Cannons will win the championship."

He had never even thought about dining utensils until he had overheard somebody's parent warning him against stealing the silverware. Then he'd spent the first part of the train ride trying to convince himself that it had been a figure of speech. He'd failed miserably.

"Firs' years, this way! Firs' years! All Firs' years this way!"

Remus followed the rest of the first years to the source of the voice, gawping for a moment at the formidably large man who was speaking. Maybe he should worry less about what he was going to eat and more about what was going to eat him! The giant saw him staring and gave a friendly wink. Remus managed to grin back. Looked like he wasn't going to get eaten, after all. Back to worrying about the original problem.

Crossing the black lake in the dark gave Remus the creeps. Then, he got his first glimpse of Hogwarts, shining like a constellation brought to Earth. Remus' dazzled brain immediately conjured up poetic similes about bright hope versus black despair.

They were met in the hall by a formidable looking witch who informed them that they were to be sorted into their houses. Remus didn't have any idea of what that entailed, but the loud, black haired boy in front of him seemed convinced that it involved eating fire. Good, eating fire didn't involve silverware, so he'd be safe for the rest of this evening.

Unfortunately, the black haired boy, who's name seemed to be Black, was wrong. All they had to do was try on a shabby, talkative hat. Sigh. That meant the silverware business was back on. Remus wondered what silver poisoning tasted like, anyway. Would he even be able to taste the food as it killed him?

'No, stick to the plan. Finger food only.' Sigh. 'Breakfast will be the worst. What can I have besides dry toast? Maybe I can just sleep through breakfast everyday?' He winced at the very thought. Normally he was a morning person. 'Maybe I can get down before anybody else and… wolf… my food down?'

"Lupin, Remus."

Remus tried to force his heart from his throat as he approached the Sorting Hat. One part of his mind told him that if he choked to death right now, then he wouldn't have to worry about the silverware, would he? Of course, the whole reason for worrying about the silverware was because he DIDN'T WANT TO DIE!

The moment the Hat was settled on his head, it began to speak. "Well, what have we here? A werewolf in Hogwarts? Wouldn't have happened when Dippet was headmaster."

Remus clenched his eyes tightly shut against the tears. He should have known that…

"Nice to know that even Hogwarts can be improved."

'Improved?' Remus thought timidly. He opened his eyes, but the inside of the hat told him nothing.

"Of course, improved," The Hat informed him. "After all, it would have been a shame to not educate a fine mind like yours."

'Oh, thank you.'

"You are quite welcome, my boy. Now, where to put you?"

Remus winced again as the Sorting Hat ruminated. "I'm a dark creature, shouldn't I be in Slytherin?" Remus asked mournfully.

"You're ambitious enough to be in Slytherin, that much is clear by the fact that you yearn for a proper education. Not something your average monster would even consider wanting. Still, you have a good enough mind for Ravenclaw, and you certainly work hard enough for Hufflepuff. Just coming here proves that you have the courage to be in Gryffindor. Oh, my, what a dilemma! You would probably be happy in whatever house I put you in."

"Sorry," Remus felt guilty about causing the Sorting Hat undo strain.

"Not to worry, this is the most fun I've had since Albus Dumbledore was sorted. Give me a minute."

Remus waited with as much patience as he could muster. The rest of the Great Hall was waiting with as much noise as they could muster. He could hear that Black boy starting a pool on how long it would take the Sorting Hat to decide on this one.

The Sorting Hat snorted. "And here I thought I'd never meet a child louder than Rubeus Hagrid."

"Who?"

"The tall gentleman who took you across the lake."

"Oh, he was a student here, too?"

"Of course!. But, back to business." The Sorting Hat fell silent again. "I think the question here is not which house you would be happy with, but which house would be happy with you? Should your secret be discovered, there could be serious consequences."

'Oh, great, back to the silverware question.'

"Slytherins might take you to their bosom… or use you for target practice. Ravenclaws are the most likely to figure out what you are, based on what they've been learning. Intellectually, of course, they'd know that your curse is not of your choosing, but I'm afraid they wouldn't be all that friendly toward you. Hufflepuffs are sweet, but I'm afraid their constitutions might suffer a terrible shock should they find a werewolf in their midst. That makes it obvious that your house must be… GRYFFINDOR!"

"You're sure?" Remus asked shyly.

"Trust me, if the Gryffindors ever find out what you are, they'll be thrilled."

Remus hesitated.

"If you don't believe me, ask the dishes," the Sorting Hat said in amusement. "Run along now, I have half the alphabet to finish sorting."

Remus managed to get from the stool to the Gryffindor table without falling down. "Welcome to Gryffindor!" boomed a boy with such bright red hair that it made Remus' eyes hurt. "I'm Daniel Weasley."

"Pleased to meet you, I'm Remus Lupin."

"Hey, Daniel, have you noticed the table settings?" another redhead shouted from farther down the table. "Somebody's hippogriff must have come in!"

Remus looked down at table and his eyes went as wide as galleons. The plates, the goblets… even the flatware… were gold: beautiful, elegant, and completely-harmless-to-werewolves gold.

He jerked his gaze up to the Headmaster's table. Albus Dumbledore saluted him with a golden goblet. Suddenly, Remus understood the Hat's cryptic comments about 'asking the dishes' and about the Gryffindors loving him if they found out what he was. Former Gryffindor Dumbledore had never been appalled by him, only by his fate. His parents had never been afraid to love him. Who knows? Maybe he'd even make some friends here.

He lifted his golden goblet to return Dumbledore's salute.