Author's Note: Just to clear a few things up: this is a humorous fic. It is not meant to be taken seriously. All I do make fun of RJ's characters. So don't flame me. The fact that they go around having Foretellings and freeing false Dragons from the clutches of the White Tower and being convinced that Bela is the Creator is completely not relevant.
Just to be annoying, I want to say that I will not post the next chapter until there are 55 reviews for this story.
Also, I would like to thank my beta-readers Wildkat and Bob The Insane, and to point out to Bob that unless he takes the crossbow point away from my temple and unties me, I will unable to write the next chapter.
Thank you.
p.s.
Fun with html.
Rand regarded the Aes Sedai congregated at the stables of the White Tower. He heard of every one of them, if he did not meet them personally.
Moiraine of the Blue Ajah.
Alviarin of the White Ajah.
Verin of the Brown Ajah.
Liandrin of the Red Ajah.
Romanda of the Yellow Ajah.
Merilille of the Gray Ajah.
Allana of the Green Ajah. Rand sneered at her.
Rand really didn't like who was chosen. He knew that at least two of those chosen were of the Black Ajah, and he wasn't too sure about Allana anyway.
Rand let Moiraine ride at the head of the group with Lan at her side. They were going to go to the inn where Thom, Mat, Perrin, and Bob the Whitecloak were staying before leaving the city.
As soon as the city was out of sight behind them, Rand rode up to Nyneave, who was glaring at Lan and had a firm grip on her braid.
"I want you to Heal Logain." Rand never was the master of subtlety.
"No." Neither was Nyneave.
"If you don't, then..." Rand thought for a minute, a hard task for him. "If you don't, then I'll still Moiraine." He told her triumphantly. Moiraine spun in her saddle to stare at Rand, along with the rest of the Aes Sedai
"Please do. I don't like her anyway." Nyneave didn't quite realize what Rand had suggested.
"You know what happens to the Warders of Aes Sedai that are stilled, right?" It wasn't really a question.
"Of course. Sometimes they die...." Realization dawned. "You wouldn't! He's your... friend... too!" Nyneave blushed a little.
"We all must make sacrifices now and then." Rand said. "Everyone is expendable. Even him, even me. Even you." Nyneave grumbled a little, then rode up to Logain, and put her hands on his head. Rand felt the telltale tingling on his forearms, and he himself took hold of the Source to prepare a weave to make the Aes Sedai forget what they saw.
As soon as Nyneave was done, she rode up to Lan, and slapped him as hard as she could. Rand winced, remembering the times she paddled him as a baby. Lan didn't give any sign that he felt her slap. Nyneave grumbled about men thinking with the hair on their chests, and massaged her hand.
Rand turned to talk to Logain, who was holding saidin and was still in shock.
"Your first lesson will be Traveling." He said to the already unbelieving Logain. "What you do is this," Rand began to show Logain how to weave a gateway, "and make sure that you do this. Otherwise the gateway will explode. I had someone try before, just to see what happened. It is very unpleasant." Rand said pleasantly. "You see, what happens is that if you don't put that hair-thin thread of Earth in between the complex weavings of Air and Water, then most likely the gateway will open into a random location, and not necessarily at ground level. For example, it could open up in the middle of a mountain, or at the bottom of the ocean. So be careful." Logain whimpered.
The gateway Rand opened let them skip a large amount of the distance between Tar Valon and Fal Dara. All those who didn't see Rand do something like that before looked astonished. Loial rummaged in his pockets for his notebook, and started scribbling quickly about what just happened.
Verin looked sharply at Rand, and then settled into her comfortably familiar state of mind where she can study anything, no matter how absurd.
Romada sniffed at Rand, and rode through first, as if she had wove the gateway.
Liandrin and Alviarin both stared at Rand as if seeing him for the first time, and Rand carefully wove wards around himself, to make sure that no accidents happen to him. He was well aware that the Black Ajah was bent on killing him.
Allana gave Rand a sidelong look, considering him. Rand carefully reinforced the shield he had on her, just to make sure that she doesn't suddenly decide in the middle of the night that she wanted to add a Warder to her collection.
Moiraine, who saw this happen before, did not give so much a sign of surprise as a shift in her saddle caused by nervousness and apprehension.
Merilille just looked startled, which was quite a feat because of her constant startled expression.
Bob the ex-Whitecloak just shrugged it off as some Dark One-related randomness that infected the whole world including the so-called Children of the Light. But he did ride through with a cautious look to his face, as if he might encounter Trollocs and other Dark One-related randomness that infected the whole world including the so-called Children of the Light. He was the only one that didn't realize this paradox of his.
Thom blew out through his mustache, and muttered about shepherds who can't even tune harps can open up holes in the air. Rand thought he also heard something about a nephew and only helping villages, but he wasn't sure.
Min looked at Rand, and his heart sank.
She doesn't like it. Rand thought, stricken. If only i had time to make a better, bigger gateway, she'd like me. But there never is more time. There is never enough time. I must teach Logain so that he can teach others. There is no time.
ILLYENA! NO!!!!! LIGHT, I KILLED HER! (insert random blubbering here)
Maybe if I wove Compulsion on her... But then it would not be genuine love. Only a desire to please and to do my every whim...
But it's still wrong...
But I don't care...
It will kill her...
How?...
...I don't know. I'll get back to you about that...
Oh, shut up, Lews Therin...
But you'll kill her if you keep her near you. I killed my Illyena, and you will kill yours if she is near you...
I won't. I am not you.
Yes you are.
No, I'm not.
I killed the world. You can, too, if you try hard.
SHUT UP OR I WILL GIVE YOU A DOSE OF THE SLIPPER!
You can do better than that.
I'll put a brick in it!
Getting better.
And then I'll balefire you!
Excelent! Beautifully done. I'll shut up now.
Good. Now I can continue my rant. There never is enough time for anything. No time even for teaching Logain, no time for Min, no time for Aviendha, no time for Elayne, no time for rants like these. But I'll make time. Bashere can wait, and so can Weirmaton, and so can Demandred. Right now I need to get to the Eye of the World before Aginor and Belthamael do. Why am I talking to myself? I am not mad yet, am I? Am I?!
Um... No. Of course not.
I thought I told you to shut up.
You did.
I see.
While Rand was busy talking to himself, Egwene rode up to Logain to talk a little. "When his eyes go vacant like that, it's best not to disturb him. Usually he's talking to Lews Therin Telamon then. Or maybe he's ranting to himself about no time. I sincerely hope that you don't do that too often, when you've been channeling as long as he has." Logain gave a start. "But he looks so young!" He exclaimed. "Yes, but appearances can be deceiving. For example, I think that the Creator took the form of a horse, just for the experience of deceiving people." She gave him a small wink, and pulled her horse away.
After Rand woke up from his reverie, he spent some time showing Logain weaves, varying from simple ones like how to light a candle, to complex weaves like how to shield someone. They had a lot of fun shielding the gathered sisters, who were on edge from the fact that they were shielded in the presence of two men who could channel and were proud of it.
They also had fun channeling at Mat, and watching him stay on the verge of running away in panic. Rand channeled at him while he could, before he got that medallion.
Moiraine hesitantly pulled her horse up to Rand's. "Will we be going to Fal Dara, my Lord?"
Rand looked at her, amused. "You're a smart one." He told her, and Nyneave seemed ready to object to his statement. "She bonded Lan, so she can't be very stupid, can she?" Nyneave considered this, then backed down. Rand turned back to Moiraine. "Yes, we are going to Fal Dara. And if you're interested, when we leave Fal Dara, we'll be going north, into the Blight. We have a little meeting there that we cannot miss."
"Did you have to gamble with them?" Perrin demanded of Mat. "I mean, I can understand the occasional game of dice, but all night long? For four nights in a row?! Have your wits taken leave of you? Now those men are going to track us down to get their money back!" Perrin was fuming. "And that maid! She's going to be wondering when you will be coming back, after what you did! Either she'll be wanting more, or she'll want to gut you. Either way, everyone else will waiting to see if she will give birth in nine months. You flaming idiot!"
Mat was doing his best to not think about the last few days, and Perrin wasn't helping. Nyneave had a firm grip on her braid, and Egwene looked as if she wished as if she had her hair in a braid, too, so that she could have a firm hold on something. Each time she tugged on the reigns, her horse would turn, and she was becoming irritated. Mat wished for his foxhead ter'angreal. He wasn't too sure that they would keep to their promise of not channeling at him.
Rand suddenly let out a long string of colorful words. Nyneave tugged her braid expansively at him.
"What happened now?" Perrin growled.
"Bob! He bloody well just flaming disappeared!" Rand raged. "I had plans for him! He was going to be the Captain Commander of the Whitecloaks! And now he goes and flaming disappears!"
"Well, he couldn't have gone far..." Mat ventured.
"There are many dangerous creatures in the Great Blight." Lan said quietly. Rand let loose another set of words that would make even Uno blush.
"If he went and died on me, I'll skin him alive!" It took him a few seconds to realize the absurdity of this statement, but he didn't let that get in the way of his random raging.
"How are we supposed to find the Eye, Rand?" Perrin asked. "No one here besides us knows what we're doing, and we know that we will be fine. So no one is in need. But that means that we won't do anything right. Which means we do have a need. I'm confused."
"It's just another paradox, Perrin. Don't worry about it." Rand answered. "As long as we can get someone else to find a need to get to the Eye, then we'll be fine." He looked at Moiraine. Even though she had her cool Aes Sedai mask on, Rand could tell that she was worried. Rand hoped like Pit Of Doom that she found a need to find the Eye again.