Wadsworth ==Sirius
Guard Dogs ==Fluffy
Yvette== Hermione
Mrs.Ho== Snape
Colonel Mustard== Seamus
Mrs. White== Dean
Mrs. Scarlet== Harry
Professor Plum==Draco
Mrs. Peacock== Parvati
Mr. Green== Ron
Mr. Boddy== Pansy
Motorist== Goyle
Cop== Lavendar
J. Edgar Hoover==Neville
Singing Telegram Girl== Crabbe
29 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 29
The guests run to the door of the billiard room.
Ron tries it.
Ron: It's locked!
Sirius: Open up!
Draco: It must be the murderer.
Ron: Why would he scream?
Dean: He must have a victim in there. Oh, my God! Hermione!
Ron: Oh, my God!
The doors open.
30 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 30
The guests pour in.
Sirius: You're alive!
Hermione: No sanks to you!
Sirius: What do you mean?
Hermione: You lock me up with a murderer, you eediot!
Dean: So the murderer is in this room.
Hermione: Mai Oui!
Ron: But where?
Hermione: Where? 'Ere!
Ron looks behind the door.
Hermione: We are all looking at eem. Or 'er. Is what Mr. Dean said in ze study--one of you is ze killer!
Draco: How did you know we said that?
Hermione: I was lisuning!
Dean: But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?
Hermione: Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink ze cognac. (sobbing) Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself.
Harry and Seamus go to Hermione.
Harry: Come back to the study with us.
Hermione: With ze murderer?
Seamus: (shaking the wrench) There is safety in numbers . . . (realizing and putting the wrench away) . . . my dear.
The guests leave the room.
After they are gone, Sirius takes the tape off the spools.
31 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 31
Ron: Is there no indication of how she died?
Draco: No.
Sirius: This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible! It's not what I'd intended. Oh, my God . . .
Dean: Not what YOU intended?
Harry: So you're not the butler?
Sirius: I'm not THE butler, but I am A butler. In fact, I was her butler.
Draco: So if she told you to invite us all to her house, why did she arrive late?
Sirius: I invited you. In fact, I wrote the letters. It was all my idea.
Dean: Wait a minute. I-I don't understand. Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer? Were you assisting her to blackmail us?
Sirius: Certainly not!
Dean: I think you had better explain.
Sirius: Please sit down. Everyone.
Everyone sits but Ron. He searches for a spot, but no one gives it to him. He ends up leaning against a serving table.
Sirius: When I said that I was Mrs. Pansy's butler, this was both true and misleading.
I was once her butler, but it was not her untimely death this evening that brought my employment with her to an end.
Seamus: When did it come to an end?
Sirius: When my husband decided to . . . end his life. He too was being blackmailed by this odious woman who now lies dead before us. She hated my husband for the same reason that she hated all of you. She believed that you were all thoroughly . . . . . .un-American.
Ron's serving table gives way, landing him (and severalpieces of crystal) on the floor.
Ron: Sorry.
Sirius: For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients, for a husband to emasculate his husband and . . . and . . . so forth.
Ron: But this is ridiculous! If she was such a patriotic American, why didn't she just report us to the authorities?
Sirius: She decided to put her information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?
Several nods.
Draco: And what was your role in all this?
Sirius: I was . . . a victim, too. At least my husband was. He had friends who were . . . (this is obviously painful for him) . . . Socialists.
Gasps and muttering from several guests, the most vocal of whom is Mrs. Parvati.
Sirius: (holding back tears) Well, we all make mistakes . . .
Mrs. Parvati pulls a tissue from her bra and gives it to him.
Sirius: But Mrs. Pansy threatened to give my husbands's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless he named them. He refused, and so she blackmailed him. We had no money, and the price of her silence was that we worked for her for nothing. We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short--
Seamus: Too late.
Sirius: --The suicide of my husband preyed on my mind, and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Mrs. Pansy behind bars. It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail was to get everyone face to face, confront Mrs. Pansy with her crimes, and then . . . . . . turn her over to the police.
Draco: So, everything is explained.
Harry: Nothing's explained. We still don't know who killed her!
Sirius: Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes. Before the police arrive!
Parvati: My God, we can't have them come here now--
Ron: But . . . how can we possibly find out which of you did it?
Draco: What do you mean which of "you" did it?
Ron: Well, I didn't do it!
Sirius: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.
Harry: Great. We'll all go to the chair.
Draco: Maybe it wasn't one of us.
Seamus: Well, who else could it have been?
Draco: Who else is in the house?
Sirius and Hermione: Only the (ze) cook.
ALL: The cook!
Guard Dogs ==Fluffy
Yvette== Hermione
Mrs.Ho== Snape
Colonel Mustard== Seamus
Mrs. White== Dean
Mrs. Scarlet== Harry
Professor Plum==Draco
Mrs. Peacock== Parvati
Mr. Green== Ron
Mr. Boddy== Pansy
Motorist== Goyle
Cop== Lavendar
J. Edgar Hoover==Neville
Singing Telegram Girl== Crabbe
29 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 29
The guests run to the door of the billiard room.
Ron tries it.
Ron: It's locked!
Sirius: Open up!
Draco: It must be the murderer.
Ron: Why would he scream?
Dean: He must have a victim in there. Oh, my God! Hermione!
Ron: Oh, my God!
The doors open.
30 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 30
The guests pour in.
Sirius: You're alive!
Hermione: No sanks to you!
Sirius: What do you mean?
Hermione: You lock me up with a murderer, you eediot!
Dean: So the murderer is in this room.
Hermione: Mai Oui!
Ron: But where?
Hermione: Where? 'Ere!
Ron looks behind the door.
Hermione: We are all looking at eem. Or 'er. Is what Mr. Dean said in ze study--one of you is ze killer!
Draco: How did you know we said that?
Hermione: I was lisuning!
Dean: But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?
Hermione: Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink ze cognac. (sobbing) Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself.
Harry and Seamus go to Hermione.
Harry: Come back to the study with us.
Hermione: With ze murderer?
Seamus: (shaking the wrench) There is safety in numbers . . . (realizing and putting the wrench away) . . . my dear.
The guests leave the room.
After they are gone, Sirius takes the tape off the spools.
31 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 31
Ron: Is there no indication of how she died?
Draco: No.
Sirius: This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible! It's not what I'd intended. Oh, my God . . .
Dean: Not what YOU intended?
Harry: So you're not the butler?
Sirius: I'm not THE butler, but I am A butler. In fact, I was her butler.
Draco: So if she told you to invite us all to her house, why did she arrive late?
Sirius: I invited you. In fact, I wrote the letters. It was all my idea.
Dean: Wait a minute. I-I don't understand. Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer? Were you assisting her to blackmail us?
Sirius: Certainly not!
Dean: I think you had better explain.
Sirius: Please sit down. Everyone.
Everyone sits but Ron. He searches for a spot, but no one gives it to him. He ends up leaning against a serving table.
Sirius: When I said that I was Mrs. Pansy's butler, this was both true and misleading.
I was once her butler, but it was not her untimely death this evening that brought my employment with her to an end.
Seamus: When did it come to an end?
Sirius: When my husband decided to . . . end his life. He too was being blackmailed by this odious woman who now lies dead before us. She hated my husband for the same reason that she hated all of you. She believed that you were all thoroughly . . . . . .un-American.
Ron's serving table gives way, landing him (and severalpieces of crystal) on the floor.
Ron: Sorry.
Sirius: For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients, for a husband to emasculate his husband and . . . and . . . so forth.
Ron: But this is ridiculous! If she was such a patriotic American, why didn't she just report us to the authorities?
Sirius: She decided to put her information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?
Several nods.
Draco: And what was your role in all this?
Sirius: I was . . . a victim, too. At least my husband was. He had friends who were . . . (this is obviously painful for him) . . . Socialists.
Gasps and muttering from several guests, the most vocal of whom is Mrs. Parvati.
Sirius: (holding back tears) Well, we all make mistakes . . .
Mrs. Parvati pulls a tissue from her bra and gives it to him.
Sirius: But Mrs. Pansy threatened to give my husbands's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless he named them. He refused, and so she blackmailed him. We had no money, and the price of her silence was that we worked for her for nothing. We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short--
Seamus: Too late.
Sirius: --The suicide of my husband preyed on my mind, and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Mrs. Pansy behind bars. It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail was to get everyone face to face, confront Mrs. Pansy with her crimes, and then . . . . . . turn her over to the police.
Draco: So, everything is explained.
Harry: Nothing's explained. We still don't know who killed her!
Sirius: Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes. Before the police arrive!
Parvati: My God, we can't have them come here now--
Ron: But . . . how can we possibly find out which of you did it?
Draco: What do you mean which of "you" did it?
Ron: Well, I didn't do it!
Sirius: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.
Harry: Great. We'll all go to the chair.
Draco: Maybe it wasn't one of us.
Seamus: Well, who else could it have been?
Draco: Who else is in the house?
Sirius and Hermione: Only the (ze) cook.
ALL: The cook!