Wadsworth ==Sirius
Guard Dogs ==Fluffy
Yvette== Hermione
Mrs.Ho== Snape
Colonel Mustard== Seamus
Mrs. White== Dean
Mrs. Scarlet== Harry
Professor Plum==Draco
Mrs. Peacock== Parvati
Mr. Green== Ron
Mr. Boddy== Pansy
Motorist== Goyle
Cop== Lavendar
J. Edgar Hoover==Neville
Singing Telegram Girl== Crabbe
42 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 42
Col. Seamus is pouring himself a tall glass of whiskey.
Seamus: Anybody else want a whiskey?
Harry: Yeah.
Col. Seamus fills three other glasses at once, spilling the drink over the table.
Seamus: All right, look. Pay attention, everybody. (to Sirius) Sirius, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?
Sirius: Mmm, no.
Seamus: Then there IS someone else in this house?
Sirius: No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."
Seamus: "'No,' meaning 'yes'"? Look, I want a straight answer. Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?
Sirius: Um, no.
Seamus: "No," there IS, or "no," there ISN'T?
Sirius: Yes.
Dean breaks his glass against the fireplace.
Dean: (exasperated) Please!! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?
He tosses the remains of his glass into the air.
It shatters on the hearth.
Harry: Yeah!
Draco: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Harry: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.
Draco: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.
Seamus: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.
Parvati: (at wit's end) Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay, locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then, and there are two dead bodies in the study!!
ALL: Shhhh!
Seamus: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house.
Sirius: I told you, there isn't.
Seamus: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.
Sirius: Either. Or both.
Seamus: Just give me a clear answer!
Sirius: Certainly! (pause) What was the question?
Seamus: Is there anybody else in the house?!
ALL: No!!
Seamus: That's what he says, but does he know? I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion. We split up, and search the house.
Parvati: Split up!
Seamus: Yes. We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.
Draco: Pairs?
Seamus: Yes.
Draco: Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer? If we split up into pairs, whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!
Seamus: Then we would have discovered who the murderer is!
Parvati: But the other half of the pair would be dead!
Seamus: This is war, Parvati! Casualties are inevitable. You cannot cook without breaking eggs--every cook will tell you that.
Parvati: But look what happened to the cook!
Ron: Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?
Seamus: What choice have we?
Harry: None.
Ron: I suppose you're right.
Hermione: Bon, d'accord. But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of ze dark. Will anyone go wiz me?
Draco: I will.
Seamus: I will.
Ron: No, thank you.
Sirius: I suggest we all draw lots, for partners.
He takes long matchsticks from near the fireplace.
Guard Dogs ==Fluffy
Yvette== Hermione
Mrs.Ho== Snape
Colonel Mustard== Seamus
Mrs. White== Dean
Mrs. Scarlet== Harry
Professor Plum==Draco
Mrs. Peacock== Parvati
Mr. Green== Ron
Mr. Boddy== Pansy
Motorist== Goyle
Cop== Lavendar
J. Edgar Hoover==Neville
Singing Telegram Girl== Crabbe
42 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 42
Col. Seamus is pouring himself a tall glass of whiskey.
Seamus: Anybody else want a whiskey?
Harry: Yeah.
Col. Seamus fills three other glasses at once, spilling the drink over the table.
Seamus: All right, look. Pay attention, everybody. (to Sirius) Sirius, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?
Sirius: Mmm, no.
Seamus: Then there IS someone else in this house?
Sirius: No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."
Seamus: "'No,' meaning 'yes'"? Look, I want a straight answer. Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?
Sirius: Um, no.
Seamus: "No," there IS, or "no," there ISN'T?
Sirius: Yes.
Dean breaks his glass against the fireplace.
Dean: (exasperated) Please!! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?
He tosses the remains of his glass into the air.
It shatters on the hearth.
Harry: Yeah!
Draco: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Harry: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.
Draco: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.
Seamus: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.
Parvati: (at wit's end) Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay, locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then, and there are two dead bodies in the study!!
ALL: Shhhh!
Seamus: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house.
Sirius: I told you, there isn't.
Seamus: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.
Sirius: Either. Or both.
Seamus: Just give me a clear answer!
Sirius: Certainly! (pause) What was the question?
Seamus: Is there anybody else in the house?!
ALL: No!!
Seamus: That's what he says, but does he know? I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion. We split up, and search the house.
Parvati: Split up!
Seamus: Yes. We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.
Draco: Pairs?
Seamus: Yes.
Draco: Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer? If we split up into pairs, whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!
Seamus: Then we would have discovered who the murderer is!
Parvati: But the other half of the pair would be dead!
Seamus: This is war, Parvati! Casualties are inevitable. You cannot cook without breaking eggs--every cook will tell you that.
Parvati: But look what happened to the cook!
Ron: Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?
Seamus: What choice have we?
Harry: None.
Ron: I suppose you're right.
Hermione: Bon, d'accord. But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of ze dark. Will anyone go wiz me?
Draco: I will.
Seamus: I will.
Ron: No, thank you.
Sirius: I suggest we all draw lots, for partners.
He takes long matchsticks from near the fireplace.