Whose Line Is It Anyway, Dammit! #2
Vash: Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit! The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Today's pannel includes the stungun toting superwoman, Milly Thompson; the animal rights activist, Zazie the Beast; the guy the surgeon general is after, Nicolas D. Wolfwood; and the guy whose after the surgeon general, Legato!
(Audience claps and cheers)
Vash: Our first game is: Scenes from a Hat. The audience has submitted these earlier. Legato and Milly, you're up. Our actors will be... (audience yells suggestions) Martha Stewart and a random guest.
Legato: And then you chop the leg of the chicken off and mince it into tiny pieces with these two obscurely large butcher knives.
Milly: Shouldn't the chicken be dead first?
Legato: No, it will be perfect if it's this fresh.
(Vash buzzes in)
Vash: The scene is (pulls paper out of hat) underwater
Milly: Your bowl is floating away, Miss Stewart, and the blood is attracting sharks.
Legato: That's the perfect addition to my favorite soup
(Vash buzzes in again)
Vash: Now (pulls another paper from hat) you're skydiving
Milly: Um, no matter how much pepper I put on, it still doesn't fall fast enough to land in the bowl. Oh, and should we pull our chutes? We're only a hundred feet from the ground.
Legato: Huh?
(Milly and Legato fall flat on the stage simultaneously as Vash buzzes in)
Vash: (Looks at paper from hat) You are now in a mosh pit at a rock concert
Milly: Miss Stewart! The our chicken and the kitchen supplies are crowd surfing!
Legato: What!? I can't hear you!
Milly: (Louder) I SAID, THE CHICKEN AND OUR KITHCEN SUPPLIES ARE CROWD SURFING!
Legato: Oh, that's not important. Our chicken and kitchen supplies are crowd surfing.
(Vash presses the buzzer repeatedly to signal the end of the round)
Vash: A thousand points to both Milly and Legato, but minus 500 from Legato for being in a stock scandal.
Legato: @#*% you, Vash the Stampede!
Vash: Our next game is done in the style of a film nior. Now, I need someone in the audience to come up with an unlikely place for a film nior. (Audience yells suggestions) Okay. Our scene is Disneyworld. This one's for Zazie and Wolfwood.
Zazie: (to audience) This is my first trip to Disneyworld, and I became suspicious of the strange guy in the mouse suit. (to Wolfwood) Hey you, don't you know that you should be wearing a shirt. This is a family park!
Wolfwood: ( to audience) This kind was on to me. He didn't know I was about to blow up Space Mountain. This one is going to be tricky. (to Zazie) How would you like a picture with Mickey, little boy?
Zazie: (to audience) I knew somewhere beneath that cheap polyester outfit lay a nicotine-addicted, sacreligious priest bent on destroying the happiness of small children at this overpriced family park. I was going to take him in. (to Wolfwood) No, I don't want a picture. I know who you are and what you're up to, and I'm taking you back to British Colombia!
Wolfwood: (to audience) I'm suprised he knew I was Canadian, but I knew from the moment I saw the glint in his eye that he was a Mountie! ( to Zazie) You're not taking me anywhere, Dudley Doright!
Zazie: (to audience) He saw right through me. This was going to require more than I thought (to Wolfood) You can tell all you poorly animated and cheaply dressed cooperates goodbye. We got them all this morning. They're waiting for you in Canada right now.
Wolfwood: (to audience) I was wondering where Donald and Goofy were. (to Zazie) Fine then, but defore I go, would you like to confess your sins?
(Vash rings buzzer)
Vash: I think we're paying you enough. One hundred points to both of you. Our next game is the questions game. This one's for everybody.
(Wolfwood and Milly line up on one side and Zazie and Legato get on the other)
Vash: Our scene will be...(audience yells random suggestions) a Pokemon spoof.
(Everyone but Milly groans, Wolfwood and Legato step up)
Wolfwood: Did you see that?
Legato: Do you mean the Druggymon?
Wolfwood: Um, sure (Buzz) Damn!
(Wolfwood is replaced by Milly)
Milly: Are you gonna catch it?
Legato: Why should I want something that useless and stoned?
Milly: Why is that so bad?
Legato: Because it's stupid and too buzzed to do anything (stomps off)
(Legato is replaced by Zazie)
Zazie: Why do I gotta catch 'em all?
Milly: Why not?
Zazie: There's too many of them. Why bother?
(Vash buzzes Zazie, who is replaced by Legato)
Vash: I'm sorry, your first sentence wasn't a question.
Legato: Where's the bathroom?
Milly: (ingnoring him) Are you going to catch it or not?
Legato: What, the bathroom?
Milly: Um... (frowns) Oh, darn!
(Vash buzzes repeatedly)
Vash: Okay. That was disturbing. Now, not looking at the points... Milly is the winner!
(Milly stares blankly at the ceiling)
Wolfwood: Hey, tall girl, you won.
Milly: (shakes off ADD) Oh, yay! I'm so happy! (sits in chair) What now Mr. Vash?
Vash: Glad you asked. We're gonna have a hoe down!
Milly: Oh, Oh, Does anyone have a suggestion? (audience yelling) Yay! Sand! We're going to have the sand hoe down!
(music plays)
Vash: I really don't like sand, It gets everywhere. When the wind starts to blow it gets all in my hair. And when I see all this grit it makes me thirsty. but when I drink all the water I really gotta pee.
Zazie: I like all or the sand it's where I keep my bugs. When they come out if it I always give them hugs. It's really horrible that no one likes my friends. So I'll mak a giant sandball and drop it on their heads.
Wolfwood: Where did all this sand come from. It's up to my knees. It makes it so we can not grwo any trees. But Kuroneko doesn't mind, he really likes it lots. Because to him, it's a giant litter box.
Legato: I don't like Gunsmoke, it's a friggin' sandball. One day I'll kill everyone and then I'll rule it all. I'll bury them all in the sand including stupid Vash But if the sand gets in my pants it'll give me a nasty rash.
All: Give me a nasty rash!!!
Vash: That's all the time we have today, folks. Come back soon for another "Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit"
Legato: I can't believe I signed a contract for this crappy show!
Kuroneko: Nyao
Milly: Oh my gosh! Where'd he come from
Zazie: I dunno, but I'll get rid of it
(Zazie summons forth a giant sandworm that growls at Kuroneko. Kuroneko scratches it with a swipe of its paw and sends the worm flying through the ceiling of the studio)
Kuroneko: nyao
Vash: Until next time, we'll be fixing the studio, Goodnight.
Wolfwood: It must be a sign from God. Confessions anyone?
Vash: Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit! The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Today's pannel includes the stungun toting superwoman, Milly Thompson; the animal rights activist, Zazie the Beast; the guy the surgeon general is after, Nicolas D. Wolfwood; and the guy whose after the surgeon general, Legato!
(Audience claps and cheers)
Vash: Our first game is: Scenes from a Hat. The audience has submitted these earlier. Legato and Milly, you're up. Our actors will be... (audience yells suggestions) Martha Stewart and a random guest.
Legato: And then you chop the leg of the chicken off and mince it into tiny pieces with these two obscurely large butcher knives.
Milly: Shouldn't the chicken be dead first?
Legato: No, it will be perfect if it's this fresh.
(Vash buzzes in)
Vash: The scene is (pulls paper out of hat) underwater
Milly: Your bowl is floating away, Miss Stewart, and the blood is attracting sharks.
Legato: That's the perfect addition to my favorite soup
(Vash buzzes in again)
Vash: Now (pulls another paper from hat) you're skydiving
Milly: Um, no matter how much pepper I put on, it still doesn't fall fast enough to land in the bowl. Oh, and should we pull our chutes? We're only a hundred feet from the ground.
Legato: Huh?
(Milly and Legato fall flat on the stage simultaneously as Vash buzzes in)
Vash: (Looks at paper from hat) You are now in a mosh pit at a rock concert
Milly: Miss Stewart! The our chicken and the kitchen supplies are crowd surfing!
Legato: What!? I can't hear you!
Milly: (Louder) I SAID, THE CHICKEN AND OUR KITHCEN SUPPLIES ARE CROWD SURFING!
Legato: Oh, that's not important. Our chicken and kitchen supplies are crowd surfing.
(Vash presses the buzzer repeatedly to signal the end of the round)
Vash: A thousand points to both Milly and Legato, but minus 500 from Legato for being in a stock scandal.
Legato: @#*% you, Vash the Stampede!
Vash: Our next game is done in the style of a film nior. Now, I need someone in the audience to come up with an unlikely place for a film nior. (Audience yells suggestions) Okay. Our scene is Disneyworld. This one's for Zazie and Wolfwood.
Zazie: (to audience) This is my first trip to Disneyworld, and I became suspicious of the strange guy in the mouse suit. (to Wolfwood) Hey you, don't you know that you should be wearing a shirt. This is a family park!
Wolfwood: ( to audience) This kind was on to me. He didn't know I was about to blow up Space Mountain. This one is going to be tricky. (to Zazie) How would you like a picture with Mickey, little boy?
Zazie: (to audience) I knew somewhere beneath that cheap polyester outfit lay a nicotine-addicted, sacreligious priest bent on destroying the happiness of small children at this overpriced family park. I was going to take him in. (to Wolfwood) No, I don't want a picture. I know who you are and what you're up to, and I'm taking you back to British Colombia!
Wolfwood: (to audience) I'm suprised he knew I was Canadian, but I knew from the moment I saw the glint in his eye that he was a Mountie! ( to Zazie) You're not taking me anywhere, Dudley Doright!
Zazie: (to audience) He saw right through me. This was going to require more than I thought (to Wolfood) You can tell all you poorly animated and cheaply dressed cooperates goodbye. We got them all this morning. They're waiting for you in Canada right now.
Wolfwood: (to audience) I was wondering where Donald and Goofy were. (to Zazie) Fine then, but defore I go, would you like to confess your sins?
(Vash rings buzzer)
Vash: I think we're paying you enough. One hundred points to both of you. Our next game is the questions game. This one's for everybody.
(Wolfwood and Milly line up on one side and Zazie and Legato get on the other)
Vash: Our scene will be...(audience yells random suggestions) a Pokemon spoof.
(Everyone but Milly groans, Wolfwood and Legato step up)
Wolfwood: Did you see that?
Legato: Do you mean the Druggymon?
Wolfwood: Um, sure (Buzz) Damn!
(Wolfwood is replaced by Milly)
Milly: Are you gonna catch it?
Legato: Why should I want something that useless and stoned?
Milly: Why is that so bad?
Legato: Because it's stupid and too buzzed to do anything (stomps off)
(Legato is replaced by Zazie)
Zazie: Why do I gotta catch 'em all?
Milly: Why not?
Zazie: There's too many of them. Why bother?
(Vash buzzes Zazie, who is replaced by Legato)
Vash: I'm sorry, your first sentence wasn't a question.
Legato: Where's the bathroom?
Milly: (ingnoring him) Are you going to catch it or not?
Legato: What, the bathroom?
Milly: Um... (frowns) Oh, darn!
(Vash buzzes repeatedly)
Vash: Okay. That was disturbing. Now, not looking at the points... Milly is the winner!
(Milly stares blankly at the ceiling)
Wolfwood: Hey, tall girl, you won.
Milly: (shakes off ADD) Oh, yay! I'm so happy! (sits in chair) What now Mr. Vash?
Vash: Glad you asked. We're gonna have a hoe down!
Milly: Oh, Oh, Does anyone have a suggestion? (audience yelling) Yay! Sand! We're going to have the sand hoe down!
(music plays)
Vash: I really don't like sand, It gets everywhere. When the wind starts to blow it gets all in my hair. And when I see all this grit it makes me thirsty. but when I drink all the water I really gotta pee.
Zazie: I like all or the sand it's where I keep my bugs. When they come out if it I always give them hugs. It's really horrible that no one likes my friends. So I'll mak a giant sandball and drop it on their heads.
Wolfwood: Where did all this sand come from. It's up to my knees. It makes it so we can not grwo any trees. But Kuroneko doesn't mind, he really likes it lots. Because to him, it's a giant litter box.
Legato: I don't like Gunsmoke, it's a friggin' sandball. One day I'll kill everyone and then I'll rule it all. I'll bury them all in the sand including stupid Vash But if the sand gets in my pants it'll give me a nasty rash.
All: Give me a nasty rash!!!
Vash: That's all the time we have today, folks. Come back soon for another "Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit"
Legato: I can't believe I signed a contract for this crappy show!
Kuroneko: Nyao
Milly: Oh my gosh! Where'd he come from
Zazie: I dunno, but I'll get rid of it
(Zazie summons forth a giant sandworm that growls at Kuroneko. Kuroneko scratches it with a swipe of its paw and sends the worm flying through the ceiling of the studio)
Kuroneko: nyao
Vash: Until next time, we'll be fixing the studio, Goodnight.
Wolfwood: It must be a sign from God. Confessions anyone?