Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway? #4
Vash: Hello and welcome to "Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway"! I'm your host, Vash the Stampede, the Humaniod Typhoon, the $$60,000,000,000 Man. And with me today are: sweet and spicy Milly Thompson, Kung-Pow Monev the Gale, Sour and salty Nicolas D. Wolfwood, and, filling in for Legato, Egg-Drop Hoppard the Gantret. Hoppard: So, what exactly happened to Legato, anyway? Monev: I hear he got beat up by a cat. Hoppard: What?! A mangy little cat! What a weakling! (Kuronekosama runs from offstage and attacks Hoppard, and a flying severed appendage knocks over the camera) Milly: Oh my gosh! You killed Hoppard Monev: You Bastard! I'm going to kill that demented cat! (Kuronekosama mauls Monev as well. Then the infamous black cat sits on Vash's desk) Vash: ... Seeing as we're down two members, do we have any volunteers? ???: I'll do it Vash: Hey! It's our own musical talent: Midvalley the Hornfreak! (audience cheers) Vash: It seems as if we need one more Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Huh? Are you sure? Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Good! It seems as if we're back up to four contestants! (audience cheers again) Vash: That means it's time for our first game, and it's for Midvalley and Wolfwood. It'll be done in the form of a film nior. We need a location for our film nior (audience shouts suggestions) Okay. You two are in the toy section of Wal-Mart. Midvalley: (to audience) I was looking for a certain notorious spy from Albania. He is suspected of stealing top-secret government files containing the formula for generic meat product. (to Wolfwood) Hello. could you direct me to the Onion patch kids? Wolfwood: (to audience)I was pretty suspicious of this guy, considering he was wearing a shirt that clearly stated "Look at me! I'm looking for the guy that stole the formula for generic meat product!". I'd have to be pretty careful with this one. (to Midvalley) Sure. They're next to the Grow You're Own Toe Fungus Farms. Midvalley: (to audience) There was no mistaking it. His shirt said in bold, yellow letters "Look at me! I stole the formula for generic meat product!". But I knew he was very clever. (to Wolfwood) Could you direct me to them? I'm new around here. Wolfwood: (to audience) I'd direct him to them all right. (to Midvalley) Sure, right this way. Midvalley: (to audience) I didn't know what kind of trap he was going to spirng, but I had to be cautious. (to Wolfwood) Hey! These aren't Onion Patch Kids! They're Destructo Donny Dolls with real exploding action! Wolfwood: (to audience) I was sure I had him then. (to Midvalley) Mwahahahahaha! You thought you could take me down, but look who's winning now! The meaty goodness is mine! Any last words? Midvalley: (to audience) I managed to slip this out of his pocket. (to Wolfwood) Only four: I've got the detonator! (Midvalley makes exploding sounds and Wolfwood falls on the floor) Midvalley: (to audience) I finally got him. Now the generic meat product is safe for all mankind. (drags Wolfwood off stage by arm) Vash: (buzzer) That was pretty good, but you forgot to put choking hazard labels on your toys. Sorry, no points! Our next game is called "Questions Only", and it's for everyone. (characters assemble on stage in jumbled order) We'll need a scene (audience) Okay. Heh heh. You're going to make Kuronekosama your new pharoh. (Milly and Wolfwood step up) Wolfwood: Are you sure he should be pharoh? Milly: Why not? Wolfwood: Haven't you noticed anything strange about him? Milly: Like what? Wolfwood: Um.. grr. (He's replaced by Kuronekosama) Milly: How are you, Mr. Pharoh? Kuroneko: Nyao? Milly: Huh? I don't understand! (She's replaced by Midvalley) Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: What? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Could you speak up a little? Kuroneko: Nyao?! Midvalley: Why'd he do that? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: And what did you do? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Who'd have thought he'd do that? Vash: (buzzer) Midvalley, can you understand him? Midvalley: Sure. Can't you? Vash: Umm... Nevermind. You each get a Pointcard. Whenever you make a purchase with your Pointcard, you get 200 points! Wolfwood: Hey. That's pretty nice. Vash: I know, but only if the points mattered... Anyways, our next game is also for everyone. It's called "Wierd Newscasters" Kuroneko will be the main newscaster, and Midvalley is his co-anchor and...erm... translator. He has the attention span of a small insect. Wolfwood will be doing sports, and his underwear is getting increasingly tighter. Doing weather will be Milly, and she's going to be a bitter old lady. Start when you're ready. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: And I'm Jack Cass. (he starts picking his nose) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: Oh sorry. What's in the news today? Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: That means that today, Switzerland was attacked (he starts picking his nose again) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Attacked by flying monkeys. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: Let's go to sports with Al K. Holic(starts scratching and sniffing armpits) Wolfwood: (underwear getting continually tighter) Today, in baseball, the Antarctic Penguins beat the- crap. I dropped my mic. (bends over) AHHH! Wedgie! My ass! (falls on groundand rolls around) Get them off me! GET THEM OFF ME!!! Kuroneko: Nyao... (Midvalley is scratching his butt now) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Oh. Meteorology with Betty Wetter. Milly: (bitter old lady) Shut up you lazy wippersnappers. Why, in my time I-
Kuroneko: Nyao. Milly: I said SHUT UP! Today, it's supposed to rain prune juice over the entire nation. At least it'll get my bowels moving. Kuroneko: Nyao! Milly: You young fools don't hear so good. I'm still talking! Like I was saying, back in the day we didn't have all these- (Midvalley is picking at her hair) What're ya doin' you crazy hooligan! Kuroneko: Nyao! Wolfwood: Get 'em off! My ass! AHHHH! Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Vash: (buzzer) That's enough. You all get 3.141592654 points Wolfwood: Aren't those the first few digits of pi? Vash: I dunno. But, I do know that it's time for a hoedown! (audience cheers) Vash: And it looks like we have a winner, and that's Kuronekosama! (audience cheers again. Kurokeno goes to desk Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: He said "What should they sing about" (audience shouts suggestions) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: He said "We'll have a gashapan hoedown" (*Author's note: gashapan = Japanese quarter machines, pronounced "GASH- pon") (music starts)
Midvalley: I went shopping at a grocery store There was a gashapan standing by the door. I got lots of toys, I was so full of glee, But I had little money, so I bought mac'-n-cheese
Milly: I like gashapan, the toys are really cute. I got a plastic ring inset with shiny fruit. I showed it to Meryl, but she said it was a waste. I dunno but I think that Meryl has bad taste.
Wolfwood: Wax gumballs, crap jewelry, or flimsy sticky hands I think that gashapan should be banned. The kids think that they are getting a new toy, But then they cry when it breaks and that can annoy.
Vash: There was a gashapan by the bakery I though, "I'll try to get a toy for free". I reached my arm way inside and then it got stuck. I can't believe I went through that for some useless junk!
All: For some useless junk!
Vash: Before anything bad happens, I'm Vash the Stampede saying "Good night"!
Vash: Hello and welcome to "Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway"! I'm your host, Vash the Stampede, the Humaniod Typhoon, the $$60,000,000,000 Man. And with me today are: sweet and spicy Milly Thompson, Kung-Pow Monev the Gale, Sour and salty Nicolas D. Wolfwood, and, filling in for Legato, Egg-Drop Hoppard the Gantret. Hoppard: So, what exactly happened to Legato, anyway? Monev: I hear he got beat up by a cat. Hoppard: What?! A mangy little cat! What a weakling! (Kuronekosama runs from offstage and attacks Hoppard, and a flying severed appendage knocks over the camera) Milly: Oh my gosh! You killed Hoppard Monev: You Bastard! I'm going to kill that demented cat! (Kuronekosama mauls Monev as well. Then the infamous black cat sits on Vash's desk) Vash: ... Seeing as we're down two members, do we have any volunteers? ???: I'll do it Vash: Hey! It's our own musical talent: Midvalley the Hornfreak! (audience cheers) Vash: It seems as if we need one more Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Huh? Are you sure? Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Good! It seems as if we're back up to four contestants! (audience cheers again) Vash: That means it's time for our first game, and it's for Midvalley and Wolfwood. It'll be done in the form of a film nior. We need a location for our film nior (audience shouts suggestions) Okay. You two are in the toy section of Wal-Mart. Midvalley: (to audience) I was looking for a certain notorious spy from Albania. He is suspected of stealing top-secret government files containing the formula for generic meat product. (to Wolfwood) Hello. could you direct me to the Onion patch kids? Wolfwood: (to audience)I was pretty suspicious of this guy, considering he was wearing a shirt that clearly stated "Look at me! I'm looking for the guy that stole the formula for generic meat product!". I'd have to be pretty careful with this one. (to Midvalley) Sure. They're next to the Grow You're Own Toe Fungus Farms. Midvalley: (to audience) There was no mistaking it. His shirt said in bold, yellow letters "Look at me! I stole the formula for generic meat product!". But I knew he was very clever. (to Wolfwood) Could you direct me to them? I'm new around here. Wolfwood: (to audience) I'd direct him to them all right. (to Midvalley) Sure, right this way. Midvalley: (to audience) I didn't know what kind of trap he was going to spirng, but I had to be cautious. (to Wolfwood) Hey! These aren't Onion Patch Kids! They're Destructo Donny Dolls with real exploding action! Wolfwood: (to audience) I was sure I had him then. (to Midvalley) Mwahahahahaha! You thought you could take me down, but look who's winning now! The meaty goodness is mine! Any last words? Midvalley: (to audience) I managed to slip this out of his pocket. (to Wolfwood) Only four: I've got the detonator! (Midvalley makes exploding sounds and Wolfwood falls on the floor) Midvalley: (to audience) I finally got him. Now the generic meat product is safe for all mankind. (drags Wolfwood off stage by arm) Vash: (buzzer) That was pretty good, but you forgot to put choking hazard labels on your toys. Sorry, no points! Our next game is called "Questions Only", and it's for everyone. (characters assemble on stage in jumbled order) We'll need a scene (audience) Okay. Heh heh. You're going to make Kuronekosama your new pharoh. (Milly and Wolfwood step up) Wolfwood: Are you sure he should be pharoh? Milly: Why not? Wolfwood: Haven't you noticed anything strange about him? Milly: Like what? Wolfwood: Um.. grr. (He's replaced by Kuronekosama) Milly: How are you, Mr. Pharoh? Kuroneko: Nyao? Milly: Huh? I don't understand! (She's replaced by Midvalley) Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: What? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Could you speak up a little? Kuroneko: Nyao?! Midvalley: Why'd he do that? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: And what did you do? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Who'd have thought he'd do that? Vash: (buzzer) Midvalley, can you understand him? Midvalley: Sure. Can't you? Vash: Umm... Nevermind. You each get a Pointcard. Whenever you make a purchase with your Pointcard, you get 200 points! Wolfwood: Hey. That's pretty nice. Vash: I know, but only if the points mattered... Anyways, our next game is also for everyone. It's called "Wierd Newscasters" Kuroneko will be the main newscaster, and Midvalley is his co-anchor and...erm... translator. He has the attention span of a small insect. Wolfwood will be doing sports, and his underwear is getting increasingly tighter. Doing weather will be Milly, and she's going to be a bitter old lady. Start when you're ready. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: And I'm Jack Cass. (he starts picking his nose) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: Oh sorry. What's in the news today? Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: That means that today, Switzerland was attacked (he starts picking his nose again) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Attacked by flying monkeys. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: Let's go to sports with Al K. Holic(starts scratching and sniffing armpits) Wolfwood: (underwear getting continually tighter) Today, in baseball, the Antarctic Penguins beat the- crap. I dropped my mic. (bends over) AHHH! Wedgie! My ass! (falls on groundand rolls around) Get them off me! GET THEM OFF ME!!! Kuroneko: Nyao... (Midvalley is scratching his butt now) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Oh. Meteorology with Betty Wetter. Milly: (bitter old lady) Shut up you lazy wippersnappers. Why, in my time I-
Kuroneko: Nyao. Milly: I said SHUT UP! Today, it's supposed to rain prune juice over the entire nation. At least it'll get my bowels moving. Kuroneko: Nyao! Milly: You young fools don't hear so good. I'm still talking! Like I was saying, back in the day we didn't have all these- (Midvalley is picking at her hair) What're ya doin' you crazy hooligan! Kuroneko: Nyao! Wolfwood: Get 'em off! My ass! AHHHH! Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Vash: (buzzer) That's enough. You all get 3.141592654 points Wolfwood: Aren't those the first few digits of pi? Vash: I dunno. But, I do know that it's time for a hoedown! (audience cheers) Vash: And it looks like we have a winner, and that's Kuronekosama! (audience cheers again. Kurokeno goes to desk Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: He said "What should they sing about" (audience shouts suggestions) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: He said "We'll have a gashapan hoedown" (*Author's note: gashapan = Japanese quarter machines, pronounced "GASH- pon") (music starts)
Midvalley: I went shopping at a grocery store There was a gashapan standing by the door. I got lots of toys, I was so full of glee, But I had little money, so I bought mac'-n-cheese
Milly: I like gashapan, the toys are really cute. I got a plastic ring inset with shiny fruit. I showed it to Meryl, but she said it was a waste. I dunno but I think that Meryl has bad taste.
Wolfwood: Wax gumballs, crap jewelry, or flimsy sticky hands I think that gashapan should be banned. The kids think that they are getting a new toy, But then they cry when it breaks and that can annoy.
Vash: There was a gashapan by the bakery I though, "I'll try to get a toy for free". I reached my arm way inside and then it got stuck. I can't believe I went through that for some useless junk!
All: For some useless junk!
Vash: Before anything bad happens, I'm Vash the Stampede saying "Good night"!