Hello everyone and thank you for the wonderfully supportive reviews
and e-mails that I received. They were much appreciated. For those who
asked with concern, yesterday wasn't just about the flames and insults
(though they didn't help), but it was one of THOSE days to the umpteenth
degree in the rest of my 'real' life. (We've all had them right? Everything
that could go wrong did?) So I appreciate all the concern and support, and
to BenRG who wrote that I have a self esteem problem, you are correct sir,
though I am much, MUCH better than I used to be, but there are some days
where I slip. Honest reviews and constructive criticism do not bother me,
but blatant flames and insults for no reason other than the fact that I'm
there I do not appreciate and that does get to me. I'm trying to learn to
brush it off. So thank you all for your concern and here is chapter 2!
The first thing Usagi came aware of was the arms of Mamoru around her calming her as she bolted awake. Disoriented, she knew nothing other than she was safe for the moment. She still heard the mocking laughter from her dream and she was convinced she knew the voice that was causing her this pain. "Mamo-chan?" she asked softly.
"I'm here Usako," He said firmly, reassuring. "I'm not going anywhere."
Usagi breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed in his grip. The door slammed open as her senshi stampeded in. "Are you ok?" Rei asked, her eyes wild with fear.
Usagi nodded. "Thank you for your concern, I think I'm ok now. It's been such a wretched day."
Makoto smoothed some hair from Usagi's flushed face. "I could kill Ingra and Merltak." She fumed.
Usagi shook her head. "I have to learn to fight for myself Makoto."
Makoto pounded one fist into the bed. "But you never fight back Usagi! All you do is stand there and take and I can't for the life of me figure out why!"
Usagi dropped her eyes. "Because perhaps on some level I feel I deserve it." She said softly.
"Are you serious?" Ami questioned, her eyes wide. "Usagi what happened to you today no one deserved. You were upset before you ever came to school. What happened at home?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Usagi averted her eyes. "Luna got angry at me again. I swear Ami that I can't take living with her anymore."
"Why was she so angry? Did you oversleep?"
"I think she was just looking for a reason. When worse comes to worse, there's always Chibi Usa. She's reason enough for Luna to scream at me." Usagi admitted. "I'm at the point where I don't even want to go home anymore because I know they are there and I can't take it."
"Then don't go home anymore." Mamoru said quietly. "Stay here with me."
Rei's eyes widened. "That's not proper Mamoru!"
Mamoru sighed in exasperation. "She could stay in the spare bedroom Rei! Get those ecchi thoughts out of your head."
Usagi smiled. "I'd like that very much Mamoru, but you know I can't, not yet."
Mamoru shook his head. "I'd like you consider it Usako. With your emotional state right now, I really don't want to be too far from you, in case you have another episode like this again."
Usagi laughed shortly. "I'm hoping to be better Mamo-chan. Minna, Arigatou for your help but I have to learn to take my lumps like everyone else."
"Lumps yes," Makoto agreed. "But not a full fledged body beating. No Usagi, I don't agree with you on this. Don't let yourself feel sorry for yourself."
Usagi raised her eyes to the clear ones of her friend. "I can't help it. There's something inside my mind that won't let me rest, won't give me peace. It tortures and torments me, deriding me and hurting me. I can't explain it."
Ami and Rei eyed Usagi speculatively. "Isn't it your inner voice that's doing that?" Rei asked delicately.
"Not just." Usagi sighed. "Sorry, I never should have brought it up. I'd like to go home now please."
Minako poked her head in the room. "The Outers are on their way."
Usagi groaned. "You didn't tell them about this did you?"
"Ever word." Minako said cheerfully. "Usagi, you aren't going through this alone."
Usagi smiled weakly. "Arigatou, I think."
From the darkness a voice cackled, rejoicing in her pain. The sweet pain and agony that she suffered. She deserved nothing less for what she had done to him. Once so strong and powerful, now reduced to existing as nothing more than a shadow, but a malevolent one. Blackness surrounded him and he embraced it. Once he had been a shining star in the sky, had everything to live for, everything going his way, until SHE had crossed his path. She had turned his family members against him, had abandoned him to his fate. He had once served one of the most malevolent evil forces that ever existed and had nearly won against her, yet he had been damned both in his future life and in his present one. He had learned much during that time when he had been trapped between life and death, stuck between planes of existence. He learned how to infiltrate the mind where she could not fight him. Her deepest insecurities were laid bare to him as he planned to use it to his advantage, planned to make her suffer and know agony on a level she had never dreamed.
He rubbed his burned and blackened hands together. He was back and he would get even with her. She would pay in blood for all she had done to him.
Usagi lay on her bed with her eyes shut and sighed deeply. She had not expected Mamoru to be so concerned, and it amused her. He had been frantic with worry over her and though she loved him, she somewhat resented how everyone had suddenly decided that she wasn't able to take care of herself. She had been through much. She felt the gentle hand of sleep stretching out to her, her refuge from the world, her ability to escape the hell that was her everyday life. It seduced her into evening out her breathing as she began to dream. Realizing she was falling asleep, she pinched herself firmly and leapt off her bed. She could not sleep. Strange things lurked in the shadows of her dreams and she was afraid to sleep. She had discovered coffee, a substance she considered vile and horrid (A.N – personally I can't live without it…) just to stay awake. She sighed.
It was a catch-22 really. If she stayed awake then she left herself open for lectures and scoldings from Luna or derision and taunting from Chibi Usa who still declared that Mamoru was hers. Usagi shook her head. What a screwed up life this was! If only things could be easy, but when she looked back on it, her childhood hadn't been easy or happy. She had always been in trouble thanks to Shingo, had always been teased and taunted for being 'different.' Different. Such a small word but one that made her life hell. The alone tormented her days, the difference opening her up to scorn and ridicule. She wanted to say she hated her life, but she could not form the words, thinking them too selfish. Her life didn't belong to her, it belonged to everyone on earth. They controlled her life. She supposed she loved each person alive, she must since she had died for them countless times, but the sense of normality that she yearned for would forever be beyond her reach.
Chibi Usa eyed her future mother through the doorway, smiling in glee as she realized that she looked upset and miserable. This was a perfect opportunity to torment her. Usagi was much more fun when she wasn't being introspective, and she loved to wind her up and hurt her. She didn't consider Usagi to really be her mother and so with that in mind, Mamoru wasn't really her father. Anything she did here wouldn't affect the future. Foolish thoughts from a little girl who had no concept that time was fluid, no idea that the future was not set and what was done could be undone. Opening the door a little wider, she prepared to strike, forming a blade with words that would cut to the soul of the girl who had almost died for her.
Luna stared curiously at Chibi Usa who was watching Usagi. What a ridiculous household and one she longed to leave. But Chibi Usa required her loyalty, required her protection. What could Usagi do to help her? She was unskilled and unworthy of her titles. The instant Chibi Usa had been revealed as the future Queen, Luna's allegiance had shifted to her. The mother was no longer worthy of her notice, useful only for feeding her. Chibi Usa was the future and Usagi was the past. She had watched Usagi sleep at night, heard her say she heard a voice in her head. Foolishness. The girl had an overactive imagination, not having anything relevant to say. Luna had snooped through her private writings, the writing no one ever read, with the exception of her closest friends from time to time. Usagi hid much and Luna had had enough of it. The girl deserved being yelled at this morning. It didn't matter that she had done nothing wrong, it didn't matter that Artemis had rejected Luna's advances the night before, didn't matter that he wasn't certain he wanted to be 'that way' with her. None of that mattered. It mattered that she had to yell at someone and Usagi was as good a target as any.
Usagi's thoughts were broken by the beeping of her communicator. "Moon here." She reported.
Minako's face appeared. "Youma by the lake." She reported.
"In the park?" Usagi arched an eyebrow.
Minako giggled. "I get so tired of saying that, so I changed the wording. Anyway hurry up! It's slimy and I don't like it."
"Did you call the Outers?"
"They'll show up if we're in danger. Hurry up Usagi!"
"On my way." Usagi closed her communicator and transformed. As she transformed she felt a tugging, something changing inside her, as if there was some resistance to the henshin. Once she was transformed she leapt out the window and into the night.
Luna and Chibi Usa followed her closely, anxious to watch her fail once more. What they saw when they got to the park took them quite by surprise. Usagi and the senshi had apparently taken care of the youma and it's cohorts, for there were piles of dust from Usagi's attacks everywhere and the result of Uranus and Mars firing their strongest attacks, but it was another enemy who had Usagi on her knees that drew their attention.
Usagi had found it odd. The youma were almost too easy to beat, too easy to destroy. All of her senshi were there with Tuxedo Kamen in the background supporting her as he always had. She was grateful Chibi Moon wasn't there, since she had taken the ginzuishou from the future from her and given it to Setsuna who had returned it to her future self. Once the last youma was destroyed she felt a gust of wind. A black hooded shadow stood before her, menacing and threatening. Fear lanced through her as she heard a low chuckle – the same chuckle that haunted the worst of her dreams. She knew that laugh. The dream had suddenly become reality as her eyes locked on the unseen eyes under the hood. Through no will of her own she dropped to her knees, the shouts of her senshi fading as the hooded one drew nearer to her. "You will pay for what you have done to me." He promised in a whisper, his hood just brushing her cheek. "You see what I have become? Once a great warrior, one of THE greatest warriors on my planet, reduced to almost ash. I can never harm you enough for what you have done. You have survived the tests I have given you, but you must sleep sometime moon child and when you do, I will come for you. I will be there every time you close your eyes, haunting everything you do. Your dreams are now your reality. Once I have stripped everything from you, then I will start taking the rest of my revenge."
Usagi was unable to move, unable to feel anything other than the cold chill of fear. "Who are you?" she breathed.
"Don't you remember me?" the whisper was amused. "I caused your greatest heartbreak, I ruined one of the best things in your life."
"I don't understand." Usagi murmured.
"In time moon child you will. My servants surround you constantly, they watch you daily. I know everything about you….Tsukino Usagi. And when you least expect it, that is when I will strike. Rest assured that you will pay in blood for what you have done to me."
The hooded figure stepped back from her, deflecting Uranus' World Shaking attack, deflecting all roses and other attacks thrown at him. "I give you my word." He nodded at her, still speaking in that same quiet voice.
Usagi remained on her knees, shock of recognition going through her, her torment and torture starting to make sense. Mamoru ran to her. "Usako, did he hurt you?"
Usagi shook her head, unable to look at him, she just kept staring at the last spot the hooded one had been. "I'm fine." She said in a small voice.
"What did he say to you?" Mars demanded.
"The dream is my reality." Usagi replied, unable to say more. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.
So that ends chapter 2! I hope I made it interesting enough for everyone. I'm trying to add a bit of mystery in here to see how it goes over. For those who are still interested in reading my other fanfic 'What if I do?' I'm going to be posting it on my websites and also on Lady Cosmos Fanfiction Page so you can check for it there. I'm still writing the story, but I'm not putting it up on fanfic net, unless demand is great. So read and review but be kind! Remember I write based on reviews so let's keep them rolling in! Thanks again for all your touching concern. Anyone who shares the urban dream of killing your boss raise your hand and dance with me! Ah it's nice to dream…
Until later! ~_^
The first thing Usagi came aware of was the arms of Mamoru around her calming her as she bolted awake. Disoriented, she knew nothing other than she was safe for the moment. She still heard the mocking laughter from her dream and she was convinced she knew the voice that was causing her this pain. "Mamo-chan?" she asked softly.
"I'm here Usako," He said firmly, reassuring. "I'm not going anywhere."
Usagi breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed in his grip. The door slammed open as her senshi stampeded in. "Are you ok?" Rei asked, her eyes wild with fear.
Usagi nodded. "Thank you for your concern, I think I'm ok now. It's been such a wretched day."
Makoto smoothed some hair from Usagi's flushed face. "I could kill Ingra and Merltak." She fumed.
Usagi shook her head. "I have to learn to fight for myself Makoto."
Makoto pounded one fist into the bed. "But you never fight back Usagi! All you do is stand there and take and I can't for the life of me figure out why!"
Usagi dropped her eyes. "Because perhaps on some level I feel I deserve it." She said softly.
"Are you serious?" Ami questioned, her eyes wide. "Usagi what happened to you today no one deserved. You were upset before you ever came to school. What happened at home?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Usagi averted her eyes. "Luna got angry at me again. I swear Ami that I can't take living with her anymore."
"Why was she so angry? Did you oversleep?"
"I think she was just looking for a reason. When worse comes to worse, there's always Chibi Usa. She's reason enough for Luna to scream at me." Usagi admitted. "I'm at the point where I don't even want to go home anymore because I know they are there and I can't take it."
"Then don't go home anymore." Mamoru said quietly. "Stay here with me."
Rei's eyes widened. "That's not proper Mamoru!"
Mamoru sighed in exasperation. "She could stay in the spare bedroom Rei! Get those ecchi thoughts out of your head."
Usagi smiled. "I'd like that very much Mamoru, but you know I can't, not yet."
Mamoru shook his head. "I'd like you consider it Usako. With your emotional state right now, I really don't want to be too far from you, in case you have another episode like this again."
Usagi laughed shortly. "I'm hoping to be better Mamo-chan. Minna, Arigatou for your help but I have to learn to take my lumps like everyone else."
"Lumps yes," Makoto agreed. "But not a full fledged body beating. No Usagi, I don't agree with you on this. Don't let yourself feel sorry for yourself."
Usagi raised her eyes to the clear ones of her friend. "I can't help it. There's something inside my mind that won't let me rest, won't give me peace. It tortures and torments me, deriding me and hurting me. I can't explain it."
Ami and Rei eyed Usagi speculatively. "Isn't it your inner voice that's doing that?" Rei asked delicately.
"Not just." Usagi sighed. "Sorry, I never should have brought it up. I'd like to go home now please."
Minako poked her head in the room. "The Outers are on their way."
Usagi groaned. "You didn't tell them about this did you?"
"Ever word." Minako said cheerfully. "Usagi, you aren't going through this alone."
Usagi smiled weakly. "Arigatou, I think."
From the darkness a voice cackled, rejoicing in her pain. The sweet pain and agony that she suffered. She deserved nothing less for what she had done to him. Once so strong and powerful, now reduced to existing as nothing more than a shadow, but a malevolent one. Blackness surrounded him and he embraced it. Once he had been a shining star in the sky, had everything to live for, everything going his way, until SHE had crossed his path. She had turned his family members against him, had abandoned him to his fate. He had once served one of the most malevolent evil forces that ever existed and had nearly won against her, yet he had been damned both in his future life and in his present one. He had learned much during that time when he had been trapped between life and death, stuck between planes of existence. He learned how to infiltrate the mind where she could not fight him. Her deepest insecurities were laid bare to him as he planned to use it to his advantage, planned to make her suffer and know agony on a level she had never dreamed.
He rubbed his burned and blackened hands together. He was back and he would get even with her. She would pay in blood for all she had done to him.
Usagi lay on her bed with her eyes shut and sighed deeply. She had not expected Mamoru to be so concerned, and it amused her. He had been frantic with worry over her and though she loved him, she somewhat resented how everyone had suddenly decided that she wasn't able to take care of herself. She had been through much. She felt the gentle hand of sleep stretching out to her, her refuge from the world, her ability to escape the hell that was her everyday life. It seduced her into evening out her breathing as she began to dream. Realizing she was falling asleep, she pinched herself firmly and leapt off her bed. She could not sleep. Strange things lurked in the shadows of her dreams and she was afraid to sleep. She had discovered coffee, a substance she considered vile and horrid (A.N – personally I can't live without it…) just to stay awake. She sighed.
It was a catch-22 really. If she stayed awake then she left herself open for lectures and scoldings from Luna or derision and taunting from Chibi Usa who still declared that Mamoru was hers. Usagi shook her head. What a screwed up life this was! If only things could be easy, but when she looked back on it, her childhood hadn't been easy or happy. She had always been in trouble thanks to Shingo, had always been teased and taunted for being 'different.' Different. Such a small word but one that made her life hell. The alone tormented her days, the difference opening her up to scorn and ridicule. She wanted to say she hated her life, but she could not form the words, thinking them too selfish. Her life didn't belong to her, it belonged to everyone on earth. They controlled her life. She supposed she loved each person alive, she must since she had died for them countless times, but the sense of normality that she yearned for would forever be beyond her reach.
Chibi Usa eyed her future mother through the doorway, smiling in glee as she realized that she looked upset and miserable. This was a perfect opportunity to torment her. Usagi was much more fun when she wasn't being introspective, and she loved to wind her up and hurt her. She didn't consider Usagi to really be her mother and so with that in mind, Mamoru wasn't really her father. Anything she did here wouldn't affect the future. Foolish thoughts from a little girl who had no concept that time was fluid, no idea that the future was not set and what was done could be undone. Opening the door a little wider, she prepared to strike, forming a blade with words that would cut to the soul of the girl who had almost died for her.
Luna stared curiously at Chibi Usa who was watching Usagi. What a ridiculous household and one she longed to leave. But Chibi Usa required her loyalty, required her protection. What could Usagi do to help her? She was unskilled and unworthy of her titles. The instant Chibi Usa had been revealed as the future Queen, Luna's allegiance had shifted to her. The mother was no longer worthy of her notice, useful only for feeding her. Chibi Usa was the future and Usagi was the past. She had watched Usagi sleep at night, heard her say she heard a voice in her head. Foolishness. The girl had an overactive imagination, not having anything relevant to say. Luna had snooped through her private writings, the writing no one ever read, with the exception of her closest friends from time to time. Usagi hid much and Luna had had enough of it. The girl deserved being yelled at this morning. It didn't matter that she had done nothing wrong, it didn't matter that Artemis had rejected Luna's advances the night before, didn't matter that he wasn't certain he wanted to be 'that way' with her. None of that mattered. It mattered that she had to yell at someone and Usagi was as good a target as any.
Usagi's thoughts were broken by the beeping of her communicator. "Moon here." She reported.
Minako's face appeared. "Youma by the lake." She reported.
"In the park?" Usagi arched an eyebrow.
Minako giggled. "I get so tired of saying that, so I changed the wording. Anyway hurry up! It's slimy and I don't like it."
"Did you call the Outers?"
"They'll show up if we're in danger. Hurry up Usagi!"
"On my way." Usagi closed her communicator and transformed. As she transformed she felt a tugging, something changing inside her, as if there was some resistance to the henshin. Once she was transformed she leapt out the window and into the night.
Luna and Chibi Usa followed her closely, anxious to watch her fail once more. What they saw when they got to the park took them quite by surprise. Usagi and the senshi had apparently taken care of the youma and it's cohorts, for there were piles of dust from Usagi's attacks everywhere and the result of Uranus and Mars firing their strongest attacks, but it was another enemy who had Usagi on her knees that drew their attention.
Usagi had found it odd. The youma were almost too easy to beat, too easy to destroy. All of her senshi were there with Tuxedo Kamen in the background supporting her as he always had. She was grateful Chibi Moon wasn't there, since she had taken the ginzuishou from the future from her and given it to Setsuna who had returned it to her future self. Once the last youma was destroyed she felt a gust of wind. A black hooded shadow stood before her, menacing and threatening. Fear lanced through her as she heard a low chuckle – the same chuckle that haunted the worst of her dreams. She knew that laugh. The dream had suddenly become reality as her eyes locked on the unseen eyes under the hood. Through no will of her own she dropped to her knees, the shouts of her senshi fading as the hooded one drew nearer to her. "You will pay for what you have done to me." He promised in a whisper, his hood just brushing her cheek. "You see what I have become? Once a great warrior, one of THE greatest warriors on my planet, reduced to almost ash. I can never harm you enough for what you have done. You have survived the tests I have given you, but you must sleep sometime moon child and when you do, I will come for you. I will be there every time you close your eyes, haunting everything you do. Your dreams are now your reality. Once I have stripped everything from you, then I will start taking the rest of my revenge."
Usagi was unable to move, unable to feel anything other than the cold chill of fear. "Who are you?" she breathed.
"Don't you remember me?" the whisper was amused. "I caused your greatest heartbreak, I ruined one of the best things in your life."
"I don't understand." Usagi murmured.
"In time moon child you will. My servants surround you constantly, they watch you daily. I know everything about you….Tsukino Usagi. And when you least expect it, that is when I will strike. Rest assured that you will pay in blood for what you have done to me."
The hooded figure stepped back from her, deflecting Uranus' World Shaking attack, deflecting all roses and other attacks thrown at him. "I give you my word." He nodded at her, still speaking in that same quiet voice.
Usagi remained on her knees, shock of recognition going through her, her torment and torture starting to make sense. Mamoru ran to her. "Usako, did he hurt you?"
Usagi shook her head, unable to look at him, she just kept staring at the last spot the hooded one had been. "I'm fine." She said in a small voice.
"What did he say to you?" Mars demanded.
"The dream is my reality." Usagi replied, unable to say more. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.
So that ends chapter 2! I hope I made it interesting enough for everyone. I'm trying to add a bit of mystery in here to see how it goes over. For those who are still interested in reading my other fanfic 'What if I do?' I'm going to be posting it on my websites and also on Lady Cosmos Fanfiction Page so you can check for it there. I'm still writing the story, but I'm not putting it up on fanfic net, unless demand is great. So read and review but be kind! Remember I write based on reviews so let's keep them rolling in! Thanks again for all your touching concern. Anyone who shares the urban dream of killing your boss raise your hand and dance with me! Ah it's nice to dream…
Until later! ~_^