Part four
"Kayura's Phobia,"or
"The Secret of Road Construction"Written by Anna-mathe
All rights reserved, for I have none.
Dedicated to everyone who hates Yuli, likes Anubis, and loves . . . cheese.
A/N: I don't really have anything against Green Peace. You guys just have the worst timing ever!!!! And do you always have to be right outside Jimmy John's?! Can't you migrate or something?!?!
*
Ryo punched one hand into the other fist and seethed darkly.
"All this time . . . we should have known."
The other three remaining Ronin Warriors sighed appreciatively.
"How could we have known, Ryo?" Cye put forth sympathetically. "Rowen had all of us fooled. We never once suspected that he was really an evil alien being sent to spy on us, and never fathomed that he might brutally slaughter Mia and Anubis. Don't blame yourself so much."
"But – that whole floating in outer space thing? Doesn't that kinda make it obvious? The Armor of Strata, for crying out loud?! In any case, the hair and the accent should have alerted us. We shouldn't have been taken in by such an obvious evil ploy."
"But why?" Sage pondered. "After helping us defeat Talpa and everything – why would he turn on us now?"
"Man, I don't care!!" Kento yelled, kicking a wall. "I say we track him down and squish in his slimy alien head!"
"Yes!" chimed the others, and the Ronin Warriors set out on their Quest to find the Strata Warrior and maim him.
*
Meanwhile, back at Mia's house, Dais and Cale sat on the living room floor silently, warily eyeing their "host".
I don't like the looks of this whole scenario, Dais thought to himself. Something tells me I should say heck and flee for my life.
Of course, he needed the Ronin Warriors to help him defeat his archenemy, and they needed to discover what twisted force was at work in the Mortal World before it was too late to save it.
But perhaps I face here an enemy more vile and evil than the mighty Zorak himself . . .
Beside him, he noticed Cale shudder faintly, and knew that his fellow Warlord shared the same misgivings about this whole situation.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor across from them was the force of darkness: the brat known as Yuli. He sat there, forlorn expression in his huge, liquid, disgusting child's eyes, gazing blankly at the Warlords.
And so they sat there, staring at each other, for the better part of an hour. Then Dais decided to attempt once again his ill-fated greeting.
"Well, young human," he said, startling his two companions by breaking the silence so abruptly, "is it true that our former leader, the Warlord of Cruelty, now lives again among you?"
Yuli blinked.
"Is Anubis back from the dead?" Cale reiterated.
Yuli blinked again.
The Warlords exchanged glances.
"Where are your friends?" Dais asked.
Blink.
"We recently received a letter from the Ronin Warriors. We know they still live here. Where are they?" Cale demanded in a harsh tone.
Yuli blinked, and those awful eyes began to fill with tears.
"No!!" Dais squawked. "Don't start the screaming thing again!! I beg you!!"
The bottom lip began to quiver.
"Stop, heathen!"
The nose began to run.
"Don't do it to us!!"
The mouth opened, and a great breath was sucked in.
"NO!!" Cale cried, springing to his feet and grabbing two pillows from the couch and plastering them against his ears.
Dais only sighed, resigned to his fate, because he's Serene.
"WHY ARE YOU SCARING MEEEEE-HEEEEE-HEEEEEEE?!?!?!" Yuli bawled. "IT WASN'T ENOUGH WITH THE SOCK AND THE QUANTUM PHYSICIST!! NOW MIA AND ANUBIS HAVE BEEN KILLED BY ALIENS AND WHITE BLAZE IS GONE AND YOU'RE SCARYYYYYYY-HEEEEEEE-HEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
Sighing again, the Warlord of Illusion attempted to wipe the spatter from the little one's fit from his face and clothing and hide his disgust at being covered in Yuli-drool at the same time.
"Calm yourself, young human!" he snapped. "We will not hurt you – unless you keep carrying on like a stuck up little brat!!"
Yuli froze mid-yell, and a nasty glob of gooey stuff dripped from his nose. Dais fought the urge to ralph. He threw a glance to Cale, but the Warlord of Corruption was hiding behind the sofa.
"Where are the Ronin Warriors?" he demanded. "If you don't tell us . . . I will chop off your head and place it on a pike in the soft earth outside my front door tomorrow morning."
Yuli gulped.
" . . . they . . . "
"Yes?" Dais leaned in a bit closer, seeing that the kid was about to spill the beans.
" . . . . . . . they . . . . . "
"Well?" Cale actually came out from the couch to peer anxiously at the brat.
" . . . . . they went . . . . . . to . . . . . . . . . "
The two Warlords held their breaths, dripping with anticipation.
" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the store."
Dais blinked.
Cale blinked back.
"The . . . . store?"
Yuli blinked back.
"Yeah . . . . c'mon, don't you know what a store is?"
" . . . . . . . . listen, kid, we haven't had a day's leisure in the Mortal World for over 400 years. Elaborate," Cale snapped. "Where can we find this 'store'?"
" . . . "
Yuli looked flabbergasted.
"Gee . . . you Dark Warlords don't seem so scary now that I know you're stupid."
Dais lunged forward and grabbed him by the shirt collar, holding him several feet in the air, his vow to be civil to the mortals quite forgotten.
"Say that again, you puny Mortal punk. Go ahead and say it again!"
Yuli burst into tears.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAANT MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"Where is Mia?" Cale demanded as Dais shook Yuli in a frightening manner. "You said something about her and Anubis being killed by aliens?"
Yuli stifled his sniffles, fear re-asserted in his tiny thought complex.
"Y-yeah . . . the guys figured out that they were killed by aliens."
Dais's eyes narrowed.
"I find your story faulty, young human," he snapped. "I think it highly unlikely that Anubis is alive in the first place, and if indeed he were, than he wouldn't have been so foolish as to be killed by an illegal immigrant."
"A . . . what?"
"An alien. An alien. An illegal immigrant."
Cale muttered something in his ear, and the Warlord of Illusion blinked.
"From outer space?! That's preposterous."
"Nah-uh!!!!!" Yuli belted out. "Aliens are real, I've seen proof."
"Then show us this proof, puny creature."
"Put me down, and I'll show you."
Disgruntled, Dais roughly let the heathen down to the floor.
Yuli proceeded to put on his winter coat and mittens.
"Now, come with me. I'll show you where the aliens live – but they're not there now. They leave in the winter."
Still disgruntled, the two Warlords followed their evil guide out into the snowy wilderness, not a clue between them as to what was going to happen to them.
*
Rowen was running for his life.
After the initial attack on his person by his fellow Ronins earlier at Wal-Mart, he'd managed to give them the slip by falling into a manhole and landing in the sewers below. A highly-intelligent tactical maneuver. Or so he told himself.
So now here he was, covered in crap and slinking through deserted allies in the City.
And to think – this time yesterday, I was getting plastered with Anubis and the guys.
Ah! A thought!
I didn't kill Mia and Anubis . . . so they might still be alive! For cryin' out loud, we don't know what happened to them . . . I frankly am not so sure I still go for Kento's Alien theory . . . I wonder where they could be?
A series of strange suspicions crossed his mind.
They could have taken a walk. They could have fallen off a cliff. Maybe they didn't even disappear together. Maybe Mia vanished, and Anubis went looking for her, or some such thing. Maybe they're having a secret affair. Maybe . . . maybe they just got sick of Yuli.
Hm. Not such a bad idea.
Who knows? Maybe they really did get captured by aliens. Just not me.
He almost laughed out loud.
Me. An alien? Well . . . between Ryo and Sage, I'm sure they'll figure out pretty soon that I'm not an alien. After all, Sage is wise . . .
He wished he had some money, or at least a towel.
And so, sighing, the Warrior of Life continued skulking about dark alleys.
*
"GET BACK HERE YOU FILTHY . . . . . . . . THING!" Kayura bellowed as she chased White Blaze across the lawn, over the river, and through the woods. "Argh! I hate sword-stealing giant cats!!"
White Blaze, however, had no thoughts of compliance. He was, in truth, suffering from an acute case of boredom. So he ran swiftly through the snow, doing his darndest to lose his pursuer.
And he was doing a good job.
Kayura paused briefly in her chase to catch her breath, bent over and panting. After a moment, she straightened up to continue, but found that she could no longer find any trace of her target.
"Oh, for crying out loud!!! Why me?!" she wailed, taking note of her surroundings.
The tiger had led her through the woods – and now she looked in all directions and saw nothing but trees and wilderness.
An eerie silence settled over the forest as the Warlord stared about uncertainly.
"No!" she suddenly yelled. "I refuse to admit that I'm lost! I'll just retrace my steps back and . . . . . "
She turned the way she'd come, only to find that due to a stiff wind, all tracks had been drifted over.
"Darn it."
Uncertain as to what course of action she should pursue, Lady Kayura flopped down into the snow with a huff.
" . . . darn stupid Ronin Warriors always causing me trouble . . . "
A sudden burst of chatter reached her ears.
Twitching, the last of the Ancients turned warily towards the sound and saw - - - - -
Saw - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - --
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
Screaming in terror, Kayura leapt to her feet and all but flew from the scene, so great was her fear and horror.
The chattering continued, and a tiny creature began to follow her, leaping deftly from tree to tree.
A tiny creature known as . . .
An Albino Squirrel.
Kayura ran as fast as she possibly could. Behind her, she could hear the chattering closing in, coming closer, nearly upon her . . . .
It was not the squirrel she feared, oh no! It was what she knew would be with the squirrel that set her running.
FLASHBACK
As a small child in Talpa's realm, Kayura had found great solace wandering the vast gardens surrounding the Castle. She was, after all, not a native to the Nether Realms. Therefore, many days found her spending hours in the afternoon in these gardens after her training/brainwashing was complete for the day. Such was the case on this day – a very nice day, a happy day, if such things ever happen in the Nether Realm.
Little Kayura was sitting happily under a cherry tree chewing on a blade of grass and singing "Mary's Moogle" when a strange little voice reached her. Curious, she searched for the source of the sound.
After some peering, she finally located a tiny little animal sitting in the tree branches above her – a cute little white thing with a big, furry tail. He chattered on in a happy little voice, and Kayura laughed at the sound.
Ah! Such joy!
She named him Squid and vowed to love him forever.
Squid continued chattering and ran easily down the tree trunk, standing on two legs in front of her, just out of reach. She offered him a pickled sausage, which he promptly buried, much to her delight.
Then Squid took three great jumps away, making much distance between them.
Saddened at the thought of losing her new companion so quickly, Kayura tempted his return with another pickled sausage, but alas, to no avail! Squid chattered brightly and took another leap away.
With sudden resolution, little Kayura climbed to her little feet and tottered after him, still holding out the sausage.
Just as she came quite close, Squid again took three jumps away. And again, she followed him.
This went on for longer than she realized – indeed, young Kayura didn't even notice when she and her new pet passed through the Castle Gates and entered the city at large.
She didn't notice as the happy chase led the pair farther and farther away from the magnificent center of the city. Didn't notice as the buildings and streets grew dingier and more foreboding.
In fact, she noticed nothing but the tiny Squid who ran before her, pausing every three leaps to look back and make sure she was still following.
All at once, Squid stopped jumping!
Overjoyed, Kayura ran forward towards him, assuming with her childish naïveté that her little friend was done with this game and wished to start another.
But someone moved in front of her, cutting her off from the little white squirrel!
Startled, but not to be daunted, Kayura maneuvered herself around this intruder, only to find another in her way.
Suddenly feeling danger, the tiny Nether-Princess looked up and found herself completely surrounded by . . .
By . . . . . . .
"Excuse me, miss! Do you have a moment for Green Peace?"
The horror!!!!!!! It felt as if someone had kicked her in the stomach. She stood there, winded, frozen in shock at the sudden attack.
"Perhaps you would like to make a donation?"
She looked around in sudden terror. No longer was she in the safe gardens of Talpa's Castle! No longer were there four Warlords to cry out to for help! No longer were there high walls cutting her off from danger!
All around were dark buildings, some boarded up, some currently burning to the ground. The streets were strewn with random items she couldn't name.
"Or maybe sign a petition to stop draining the Nether-Wetlands!"
Desperately seeking an exit from the enclosing team of Green Peace activists, she managed an entreating peek to some outside pedestrians.
They paid her no heed – simply walked on, eyes averted.
"Are you a registered voter? If not, fill out this form!"
Just beyond them sat Squid.
Chattering merrily.
Taunting her.
He had led her here!
It had been a trap!!!
The full implication set in upon her as the pickled sausage fell from her hand.
There was no escaping Green Peace.
"Sign here, here, and here, and fill in your social security number here, date of birth, mother's maiden name – "
"Excuse me!" Kayura suddenly snapped in her most menacing voice. After all, she didn't need to take this! "I am Lady Kayura, from the household of Emperor Talpa! Release me or face imperial wrath!"
"Ah, but Miss Kayura, the environment affects all of us."
There it was.
The great equalizer.
No one was safe from the Green Peace wrath . . .
PRESENT
Kayura gritted her teeth and ran even faster. The albino squirrel could only mean one thing.
They were back.
But how?! she wondered frantically. How could Green Peace have returned??
For she had been incorrect in her childish revelation that no one was safe from Green Peace. Just a moment later, as her young self had braced for the end, there was a sudden slicing noise and she'd looked up to find the entirety of Green Peace headless.
Anubis had then come up to her, wiping blood off his blade.
"I hate those guys!" he'd confided in her before picking her up and carrying her back to the gardens for another round of brainwashing.
Green Peace is no more! Anubis destroyed them centuries ago! They cannot have returned – yet here is their emissary, closing in on me as I think!
Unless . . .
Unless the crazy story about Fred was true! The resurrections had really taken place! First Nixon, then Anubis – then Dais said his archenemy had returned, and now hers as well??
Who knew just what other evils might now be once again loose in the world?!
Man – that Fred guy must have been really sick.
The chattering was louder than ever.
Kayura looked up and found, to her horror, that she was approaching the city.
If they're back, that's where they'd be! she realized with a start. I've done it again! I've run right into their trap!
Just as she made to alter her course, however, she collided head on with another figure that popped up out of nowhere and went sprawling out in the snow.
*
"Just where is the little brat taking us?!" Cale hissed to Dais as the Warlords trudged unhappily along after Yuli through the snow.
"How should I know?!" Dais sulked back.
"Well, we'd better get there soon. We must have been walking for at least an hour, and it's @#$%ing cold out here!!!!!!!!"
"Listen – these 'aliens' of which the human speaks are the only lead we have to Anubis's whereabouts. We have to follow him on the slim chance that he might actually be onto something. Now shut up."
Just then, Yuli stopped and raised his arm, pointing forward with one mitten.
"There," he said ominously.
The Warlords followed the mitten and saw - - - the freeway?
But something was wrong! Gone was the perpetual drone of heavy traffic! Gone were the bleating of horns and the shouts of angry drivers! Gone were, in fact, any signs of life at all!
For there were no cars on this freeway, oh no.
In there place was a sea of strange objects. Strange orange objects. Each with two white stripes and a glittering gem on top.
It was not unlike a graveyard.
"What . . . . is this place?" Cale finally demanded, voice cutting through the deathly silence.
Yuli turned to regard the Warlords with great solemnity.
"I'm gonna tell you guys a secret. You have to swear not to tell anyone!"
Dais rolled his eyes.
"Tell us, human, or we'll pop your eyes out."
" . . . okay, fine. Be that way."
Yuli took a deep, composing breath, and began his tale.
"I learned this from my dad1, so I know it's true. You see those orange things?"
The Warlords conceded that they did, indeed, see the orange things.
"Well, they're called 'Orange Barrels'. Most people believe that they're put up by workers to warn drivers that there's construction being done on the road, and to warn them away from the dangerous areas. Sometimes, like in cases like this, they're put up to close a road so that the road can be fixed. At least, that's what we're supposed to believe."
Dais and Cale exchanged a suspicious glance.
"Continue," Dais ordered in his most menacing tone.
Yuli blew on his hands to warm them.
"The truth is," he said to the Warlords in a confidential tone, "they're not just Orange Barrels. They're spaceships." He gestured dramatically. "The aliens have been here! And these are their ships!!"
Dais folded his arms.
"I am doubting your tale, mortal."
"No, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally! My dad did the math. He took the population of the world, plus the global unemployment rate, and made a graph. Then he figured in the number of road construction workers and realized that it's a mathematical impossibility! There are not enough citizens on this planet to account for the workers!"
Cale mulled this over, but Dais was still not convinced.
"They come here in their Orange Spaceships and steal our jobs!" Yuli yelled melodramatically, spitting everywhere as he spoke.
"And for what purpose would they come to a pitiful planet like this?!" Dais snapped.
"Oh. I forgot. You see," and Yuli put on his wisest expression, "they're not fixing the roads at all. The roads aren't broken to begin with. They land their ships so that everyone will think the roads are bad, seal them off, and then they eat the asphalt!!!!"
Dais took a step back, shocked.
"What?!"
"They eat it!! They eat it all, then replace it with new concrete. You see, they only like it seasoned. That's why they don't just make it for themselves."
The Warlords again looked over the sea of orange before them. Could it be true?
"I see no one eating concrete, human," Dais snapped, although his confidence was beginning to waver.
"Of course not! They hibernate in the winter. Those that don't leave, anyway. They hate the cold."
"If they hate the cold so much," Cale reasoned, "then why did they come back to capture Anubis?"
Yuli shrugged.
"I don't know. But I said I'd show you their ships, and I did. Now I'm cold. Carry me home!"
Dais and Cale both took involuntary steps backwards.
They were spared trying to weasel out of this new dilemma, however, by the approach of another.
Dais may have been missing an eye, but his hearing was more than acute, and a faint sound reached him.
A sound coming from the empty freeway.
"What's that?" he hissed, motioning for his companions to be silent and drawing his weapon. Cale did likewise.
For many long, tense minutes, the three stood there, frozen, poised to attack, staring at the Orange Spaceships.
Waiting.
However, patience was an attribute not many Dark Warlords managed to hone very well.
"Whoever you are! Come out now, or we'll destroy the whole freeway! Then you'll really have to fix it!" Cale snarled.
And a legion of figured rose from the shadows of the Barrels.
Dais gasped.
"It - - - it can't be! You were destroyed centuries ago!!!!!!!"
Yuli blinked, not understanding the horror, as Cale began to whimper like a sissy.
The figures quickly closed in around them.
"Excuse me, sirs! Do you have a moment for Green Peace?"
Cale burst into tears as Dais let out a horrible scream of agony.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
___________________________________________________________________
Will Dais and Cale escape Green Peace?
Will Kayura escape the albino squirrel?
Will the Ronins learn the truth about Rowen?
What is the truth about Rowen?
What happened to Mia and Anubis, anyway?
How is Sekhmet holding up in the Nether Realm?
Find out next time!1 Yuli's father isn't actually the origin of this tale. My father is. Yes, my whole life I have been told the truth about road construction. To think – the things that go on in our happy little world . . . . . . .