A/N: Same old disclaimer stuff. All characters belong to Jonathan Larson. No point in anyone suing me.
This chapter is veeeeery long (hence, the plethora of e's.) The little sticky-sweetness in the middle of the chapter is just something I felt like throwing in there- a bit of April/Mark interaction.
Chapter 10- Lies
Mark woke up when April pulled her hand away.
He jerked back, gasped at the sudden loss and opened his eyes.
"April, no." he groaned, before he really knew what was happening. All he knew was that his hand felt horribly cold and empty and he started to panic without any real thought behind it.
"Mark?"
She slid down on the floor next to him. Her arms gently wound themselves around him and he fell into them gratefully. The events of the night before flew back into his mind at lightspeed and he choked back a sob.
"Mark, shh." she murmured. Her hand rubbed his back. "It's okay. You're okay."
"No." he said.
He pressed his face against the warm curve of her neck and breathed her in. She hugged him tighter and his ribs ached with the pressure. He whimpered softly but pushed himself against her even more, afraid to be let go.
"Mark, it's okay." he heard April's voice murmur into his ear. "You fell asleep on the floor, that's all. You're okay."
He nodded into her hair, not really listening, only taking in the comfort of her voice and touch.
After awhile she pushed him away and Mark let her go reluctantly but without protest.
She looked him over and frowned.
"Mark, what happened to you?" she asked.
Mark looked down at his clothes and felt his ears burn with shame and embarrassment. His pants were torn and stained with dried mud and his sweater felt like steel wool against his skin. He felt as if his entire body was coated with dirt.
April reached up and Mark felt her pull something out of his hair.
She handed him a small twig.
"Where'd you go, Mark?" she asked softly. "What happened to you?"
He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
"Mark."
"I... um, I just.."
Half truths and full-out lies spun in his mind and he sat, staring at the twig in his hands, trying to decide what to tell her.
"You went out." she said after a long pause.
"Well, I.... yeah, I did." he said.
Her eyes strayed down to the bottom of his pants. Mark tucked his legs in self-consciously.
"You went to Central Park." she said softly.
Mark nodded, feeling sick.
"Did you find him?"
I should tell her the truth, Mark thought. Tell her I found Roger and that...
And that he ran away again?
No, I can't tell her that, Mark decided.
I shouldn't tell her I found him at all. Just that I spent the night looking but never ran into him....
But how will she know that he's sorry?
She needs to hear that, needs to know that Roger still loves her and that he never meant what he said about her.
But then she'd know that he ran away from us, from her, again.
"Mark, did you find him?" she asked again. Mark finally raised his eyes and nodded.
"Yeah, he was there." Mark said. "He, uh.. I... we..."
He turned his head away and stared hard at Collins' bedside table. The red numbers of his clock flashed at him like an accusation in digital lights.
7:47 A.M.
"Mark, please." April said. She touched his face and slowly pulled it back towards her.
"Tell me, Mark. Did he say anything to you? Where is he? Mark, please?"
Her eyes.
It was her eyes that undid him.
That look.
That innocent yet jaded, hopeful yet hopeless expression in her eyes that made Mark feel lower than low. But still... they were such pretty eyes- despite the pain they reflected. Such beautiful eyes- despite the ever growing misery that lurked in their depths.
Mark had chronicled the growth of that shadow through his lens.
It was at that moment Mark made his decision.
He took a deep breath and told the biggest lie had had ever told in his life.
Mark closed his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look into her eyes.
"I found him. We talked. For a long time. And... and I took him to the clinic I went to before the intervention."
His head began to spin.
"I took him to get help, April. He's in rehab now."
Mark scrubbed his body as hard as he could.
He wanted all the lies he had told to wash away and spiral down into the drain along with the rest of the dirt that had been on him. The shower water was as hot as he could stand but he wanted it hotter.
Now, not only was he a failure and a betrayer- he was also a liar.
( "Mark, are you serious? Oh Mark, are you serious? He's in rehab?" )
She had looked so fucking happy....
( "I called Benny and he said he'd pay for it. Everything will be okay now, April." )
Her eyes had looked so....
Mark leaned his head against the tiles and tilted his head up, letting the hot water run over his face. His arms were weary from the relentless scrubbing he had inflicted on his body and every single muscle seemed to throb.
There was a large bruise across his stomach and he was sure that another one was forming on his lower back.
Just more to add to my collection, Mark thought bitterly.
His scalp burned. He had shampooed three times, scraping his fingernails across his head, trying to cleanse his mind of all his thoughts and memories.
But it was all in vain.
( "When can I see him, Mark? I want to go now. Please? I really need to see him." )
Oh God, her face...
( "Um, he's not allowed visitors. Yet. I'm sorry, April." )
I haven't seen her smile like that in months....
( "Mark, you're such a good friend. Roger's so lucky to have you. So am I." )
When she finds out I lied to her....
( "He wanted to tell you... he told me to tell you that he loves you. And that he's sorry for everything." )
She won't find out, Mark thought. I'll just have to find Roger and drag him to rehab before she finds out.
Sure.
Why not?
"Easier said than done." he muttered out loud. "After that, I can start on ending world hunger."
The water began to grow cold and Mark turned the water off. He grabbed the towel he had flung across the curtain rod and dried himself off as quickly as he could.
He didn't want to see or touch his body.
He stared at the tiles as he drew the towel around his waist and ran his fingers through his wet hair. He picked his glasses up from the sink and wiped them quickly with his hand before slipping them on.
He didn't bother to look in the mirror.
Mark opened the door and shivered as he stepped into the cool air of the livingroom.
He blinked in surprise.
The room was flooded with morning sunlight and it made everything seem cheery and bright. April had drawn back the curtains and Mark smelled something good cooking from the kitchen. His stomach growled, coming alive with the anticipation of food.
He turned his head towards the kitchen and listened.
She was humming.
It made him feel horrible.
He turned around to walk to the bedroom when April hopped out of the kitchen.
"You were in there for almost half an hour!" she said, giggling. "I thought you fell asleep in there or something."
Mark stared at her in amazement.
She had pulled her hair back into a ponytail and it hung down her back, amazingly shiny and thick. Her cheeks were pink and her mouth was turned up in a half grin. She was wearing one of his sweaters and both sleeves hung past her hands.
She had changed so much within the space of one hour.
She looked so alive and...
Happy, Mark thought. She's happy.
God, please just give her this moment to be happy.
Don't take it away from her again.
Let it last.
Please.
"That's my sweater." he said, not really recognizing his voice. He stared at the loose threads that hung from the frayed sleeves.
April blushed, deepening the color in her cheeks. Her eyes grew shy but the smile lingered on her lips.
"Sorry." she said, walking towards him. "I didn't have anything to wear and I got cold and..."
"It's okay." he muttered, trying to smile back but failing. "It looks better on you then it does on me anyway."
She giggled again and her eyes traveled down his body. The smile quickly disappeared as she stared at his torso.
"Mark...?"
He looked down and jerked back. He had forgotten that he was still half naked, that his body was exposed. Mark was thin and his ribs jutted out like wooden sticks on his body. But that wasn't the worst aspect of him.
The bruise spanned across his stomach, darkening his pale skin to an ugly, freakish blue-black.
April stared at him and Mark drew his arms around his waist in an effort to hide. He backed up towards the bedroom door and winced when his back hit the frame.
"Oh, Mark, you poor thing..." April said, moving towards him but he shook his head violently.
"N-no." he stammered, trying to find the doorknob with one hand and covering himself with the other. "Just d-don't. Stay there."
"But Mark, you're hurt."
His hand finally found the doorknob and he almost fell inside the room when he pushed the door open. As quickly as he could move, he slammed the door shut and locked it.
A few seconds later, he heard her tap meekly on the door.
"Mark?"
"I'm getting dressed." he called out, trying to stop the quiver in his voice. "I'll be right out."
"Mark, what happened to you?"
Mark grabbed his clothes from the bag without really looking at them and dressed himself hurriedly.
She tapped on the door again and Mark jumped away from it, still in the process of pulling down his shirt.
She had seen him, seen his body and everything that he was ashamed of.
He couldn't face her again.
He had lied to her and she had seen him for the ugly thing that he was.
How could he ever look at her again?
"Mark, open the door, please?"
He sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the door.
"Mark, please?"
He brought his fingers up to his mouth and started to bite down on his fingernails.
"Mark?"
After a few minutes, he heard her sniffle. The light underneath the door shifted, grew darker, and he saw a very thin sliver of her jeans through the opening.
"Mark, I'm sorry."
His eyes started to burn with tears and he bit down until his jaw began to hurt again.
"I'm sorry if I... I don't know. I'm sorry, Mark." she said through the door. "Don't feel bad about... I just wanted to help you. You're hurt and... Mark, please come out."
Mark walked to the door and sat down beside it.
"Mark, aren't you hungry? I made breakfast. At least take a bite of some toast. You can take a painkiller afterwards."
He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
Her voice grew soft and sad.
"Mark, please don't shut me out now. Especially now."
"I don't want you to see me, April." he said.
"Why not?"
"Because..." he trailed off.
Silence.
And then...
"I know you and Roger are bestfriends. You guys have a history together that I'll probably never really understand, even if you told me everything. But... I think of you as my bestfriend too, Mark. Does that sound stupid? We've only known each other for less than a year, right?"
She coughed but Mark could hear the tears that hid behind it.
"Yeah, it's stupid. Less than a year. But it's just... I feel like... you've been with me throughout this whole thing with Roger. I've never seen anyone so devoted to another person. Most people I know would have left a long time ago, left Roger and just let him...."
She sniffled.
"Just let him die, I mean. And you've taken care of the both of us. Of me. You don't even know how many times you've saved me by just being there. Everytime I wanted to give up, you'd be there. Trying to make me drink tea or something even though you knew how much I hated the stuff."
Mark opened his eyes.
"I miss my family so much, Mark. It just... makes me feel sick sometimes. But when you're around, it doesn't hurt so much. You feel like... like home, I guess, as corny as that sounds. You always make things better. You know how to fix things that are broken and make them right. Like Roger... like me. You've seen us both at our worst and you never left. You were always there. For once, Mark, let me take care of you. That's all I'm asking. Let me try to take care of you like you've taken care of us."
Tears sprung into his eyes and Mark shook his head.
"Mark?"
He didn't answer.
He heard her shuffling outside and then looked down at the small space underneath the door. Three of her fingers wiggled up at him in a small wave. He smiled, despite the tears.
"Hi, Mark. Still there?"
He nodded in response though he knew she couldn't see, and touched her fingers with his own.
They curled around his index finger.
"I love you, Mark."
He pulled back his fingers and watched as her fingers slid back underneath the door.
He reached up and unlocked the door, pushing himself backwards on the floor with his legs.
April peered in cautiously and looked relieved when she saw him looking back at her. She looked as if she had wilted a little, the tired shadows around her eyes had begun to creep back. She smiled at him and sat down on the floor next to him.
For a moment, they looked at each other in silence. The small, simple smile never left her lips.
April held out her hand to him and Mark stared at it for a moment before placing his hand, shaking slightly, over it.
When Collins got home, Mark and April were still sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hello! Anyone home?" Collins' deep voice boomed out into the apartment and April looked at Mark with wide eyes.
She giggled in mid-chew and covered her mouth before any crumbs could spill out.
"We're in here!" Mark called out and he smiled weakly at April.
She seemed almost manic in her happiness and it worried Mark. Her eyes were perhaps a little too bright and her smile was a little too wide. She seemed to have regained all the lost energy of the past nine months in one morning and Mark knew it wasn't possible for her to keep it up.
Collins walked into the kitchen with a smile on his face. He was carrying two large grocery bags and April jumped up from her chair to help him.
"I bought some breakfast..." Collins said, and then he saw the small mess on the table. "But I guess the both of you have beat me to the punch."
April took one of the bags from him and set them down on the kitchen counter. She danced around Collins and hugged him from behind.
"I made enough for an army, Collins!" she said, winking at Mark. "Have a seat! Eat, drink and be merry, right?"
April moved to get him a plate from one the cabinets and Mark could see Collins' smile faltering on his lips. He looked at April and then at Mark.
His eyes spoke to Mark across the table as he sat down.
What happened?
Why is she acting like that?
Mark shook his head and made a gesture with his hand.
Later.
Just play along.
Collins nodded just as April turned around. She set down a plate and a fork in front of him and sat down next to Mark.
"Thank you." Collins said, smiling warmly at her.
He glanced around the table.
"My God, everything looks so good!" Collns exclaimed sincerely. His eyes took in the omelets and pancakes and hashed browns on the table and his stomach growled loudly.
Mark knew the feeling.
When April had led him out of the bedroom, Mark didn't think he could eat a bite, much less an entire meal.
He was proven wrong.
Mark had eaten so much that his stomach hurt pleasantly but April had only taken a few bites of her toast and eggs.
Collins laughed and shook his head at April.
"I don't even know where to begin. Thank you."
"No prob." she said, blushing. She waved her hand in the air as if she were waving away his compliment. "I like to cook. It's probably the only thing I'm really good at. My brother was a football player in high school and he ate like a horse! He'd eat like four or five big meals a day. After school, Adam and I would...."
A shade of sadness crept into her eyes as she spoke about her brother and the rest of her family. Mark's observant eyes took her in as she talked. Her smile was hanging on bravely by a thread and her eyes were growing glassy and even more distant.
She's remembering, Mark thought.
She's remembering that she had a life before this one.
Mark's eyes traveled from April's face to Collins's eyes. Collins was staring at April, studying her with that look- that curious, thoughtful look and Mark knew that Collins was thinking the same thing.
"....and then she grabbed the canister and all this flour came down over her! Me and Adam started laughing... until we realized that our parents were pulling up to the driveway."
April stopped and smiled wistfully. She hugged herself and leaned back. Mark got the feeling that she was pulling back in her mind, away from Collins and Mark, away from Collins' kitchen and New York.
"I think... I think I'm going to take a shower now." she said, looking at Mark. "Um, you and Collins can catch up."
The smile returned to her lips in full force as she stood up.
"And you can tell him the good news."
"What good news?" Collins asked, chewing. He looked at Mark and Mark felt a tidalwave of nausea in his stomach.
"Mark found Roger last night." she said happily.
"He got Roger to go to rehab."
This chapter is veeeeery long (hence, the plethora of e's.) The little sticky-sweetness in the middle of the chapter is just something I felt like throwing in there- a bit of April/Mark interaction.
Chapter 10- Lies
Mark woke up when April pulled her hand away.
He jerked back, gasped at the sudden loss and opened his eyes.
"April, no." he groaned, before he really knew what was happening. All he knew was that his hand felt horribly cold and empty and he started to panic without any real thought behind it.
"Mark?"
She slid down on the floor next to him. Her arms gently wound themselves around him and he fell into them gratefully. The events of the night before flew back into his mind at lightspeed and he choked back a sob.
"Mark, shh." she murmured. Her hand rubbed his back. "It's okay. You're okay."
"No." he said.
He pressed his face against the warm curve of her neck and breathed her in. She hugged him tighter and his ribs ached with the pressure. He whimpered softly but pushed himself against her even more, afraid to be let go.
"Mark, it's okay." he heard April's voice murmur into his ear. "You fell asleep on the floor, that's all. You're okay."
He nodded into her hair, not really listening, only taking in the comfort of her voice and touch.
After awhile she pushed him away and Mark let her go reluctantly but without protest.
She looked him over and frowned.
"Mark, what happened to you?" she asked.
Mark looked down at his clothes and felt his ears burn with shame and embarrassment. His pants were torn and stained with dried mud and his sweater felt like steel wool against his skin. He felt as if his entire body was coated with dirt.
April reached up and Mark felt her pull something out of his hair.
She handed him a small twig.
"Where'd you go, Mark?" she asked softly. "What happened to you?"
He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
"Mark."
"I... um, I just.."
Half truths and full-out lies spun in his mind and he sat, staring at the twig in his hands, trying to decide what to tell her.
"You went out." she said after a long pause.
"Well, I.... yeah, I did." he said.
Her eyes strayed down to the bottom of his pants. Mark tucked his legs in self-consciously.
"You went to Central Park." she said softly.
Mark nodded, feeling sick.
"Did you find him?"
I should tell her the truth, Mark thought. Tell her I found Roger and that...
And that he ran away again?
No, I can't tell her that, Mark decided.
I shouldn't tell her I found him at all. Just that I spent the night looking but never ran into him....
But how will she know that he's sorry?
She needs to hear that, needs to know that Roger still loves her and that he never meant what he said about her.
But then she'd know that he ran away from us, from her, again.
"Mark, did you find him?" she asked again. Mark finally raised his eyes and nodded.
"Yeah, he was there." Mark said. "He, uh.. I... we..."
He turned his head away and stared hard at Collins' bedside table. The red numbers of his clock flashed at him like an accusation in digital lights.
7:47 A.M.
"Mark, please." April said. She touched his face and slowly pulled it back towards her.
"Tell me, Mark. Did he say anything to you? Where is he? Mark, please?"
Her eyes.
It was her eyes that undid him.
That look.
That innocent yet jaded, hopeful yet hopeless expression in her eyes that made Mark feel lower than low. But still... they were such pretty eyes- despite the pain they reflected. Such beautiful eyes- despite the ever growing misery that lurked in their depths.
Mark had chronicled the growth of that shadow through his lens.
It was at that moment Mark made his decision.
He took a deep breath and told the biggest lie had had ever told in his life.
Mark closed his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look into her eyes.
"I found him. We talked. For a long time. And... and I took him to the clinic I went to before the intervention."
His head began to spin.
"I took him to get help, April. He's in rehab now."
Mark scrubbed his body as hard as he could.
He wanted all the lies he had told to wash away and spiral down into the drain along with the rest of the dirt that had been on him. The shower water was as hot as he could stand but he wanted it hotter.
Now, not only was he a failure and a betrayer- he was also a liar.
( "Mark, are you serious? Oh Mark, are you serious? He's in rehab?" )
She had looked so fucking happy....
( "I called Benny and he said he'd pay for it. Everything will be okay now, April." )
Her eyes had looked so....
Mark leaned his head against the tiles and tilted his head up, letting the hot water run over his face. His arms were weary from the relentless scrubbing he had inflicted on his body and every single muscle seemed to throb.
There was a large bruise across his stomach and he was sure that another one was forming on his lower back.
Just more to add to my collection, Mark thought bitterly.
His scalp burned. He had shampooed three times, scraping his fingernails across his head, trying to cleanse his mind of all his thoughts and memories.
But it was all in vain.
( "When can I see him, Mark? I want to go now. Please? I really need to see him." )
Oh God, her face...
( "Um, he's not allowed visitors. Yet. I'm sorry, April." )
I haven't seen her smile like that in months....
( "Mark, you're such a good friend. Roger's so lucky to have you. So am I." )
When she finds out I lied to her....
( "He wanted to tell you... he told me to tell you that he loves you. And that he's sorry for everything." )
She won't find out, Mark thought. I'll just have to find Roger and drag him to rehab before she finds out.
Sure.
Why not?
"Easier said than done." he muttered out loud. "After that, I can start on ending world hunger."
The water began to grow cold and Mark turned the water off. He grabbed the towel he had flung across the curtain rod and dried himself off as quickly as he could.
He didn't want to see or touch his body.
He stared at the tiles as he drew the towel around his waist and ran his fingers through his wet hair. He picked his glasses up from the sink and wiped them quickly with his hand before slipping them on.
He didn't bother to look in the mirror.
Mark opened the door and shivered as he stepped into the cool air of the livingroom.
He blinked in surprise.
The room was flooded with morning sunlight and it made everything seem cheery and bright. April had drawn back the curtains and Mark smelled something good cooking from the kitchen. His stomach growled, coming alive with the anticipation of food.
He turned his head towards the kitchen and listened.
She was humming.
It made him feel horrible.
He turned around to walk to the bedroom when April hopped out of the kitchen.
"You were in there for almost half an hour!" she said, giggling. "I thought you fell asleep in there or something."
Mark stared at her in amazement.
She had pulled her hair back into a ponytail and it hung down her back, amazingly shiny and thick. Her cheeks were pink and her mouth was turned up in a half grin. She was wearing one of his sweaters and both sleeves hung past her hands.
She had changed so much within the space of one hour.
She looked so alive and...
Happy, Mark thought. She's happy.
God, please just give her this moment to be happy.
Don't take it away from her again.
Let it last.
Please.
"That's my sweater." he said, not really recognizing his voice. He stared at the loose threads that hung from the frayed sleeves.
April blushed, deepening the color in her cheeks. Her eyes grew shy but the smile lingered on her lips.
"Sorry." she said, walking towards him. "I didn't have anything to wear and I got cold and..."
"It's okay." he muttered, trying to smile back but failing. "It looks better on you then it does on me anyway."
She giggled again and her eyes traveled down his body. The smile quickly disappeared as she stared at his torso.
"Mark...?"
He looked down and jerked back. He had forgotten that he was still half naked, that his body was exposed. Mark was thin and his ribs jutted out like wooden sticks on his body. But that wasn't the worst aspect of him.
The bruise spanned across his stomach, darkening his pale skin to an ugly, freakish blue-black.
April stared at him and Mark drew his arms around his waist in an effort to hide. He backed up towards the bedroom door and winced when his back hit the frame.
"Oh, Mark, you poor thing..." April said, moving towards him but he shook his head violently.
"N-no." he stammered, trying to find the doorknob with one hand and covering himself with the other. "Just d-don't. Stay there."
"But Mark, you're hurt."
His hand finally found the doorknob and he almost fell inside the room when he pushed the door open. As quickly as he could move, he slammed the door shut and locked it.
A few seconds later, he heard her tap meekly on the door.
"Mark?"
"I'm getting dressed." he called out, trying to stop the quiver in his voice. "I'll be right out."
"Mark, what happened to you?"
Mark grabbed his clothes from the bag without really looking at them and dressed himself hurriedly.
She tapped on the door again and Mark jumped away from it, still in the process of pulling down his shirt.
She had seen him, seen his body and everything that he was ashamed of.
He couldn't face her again.
He had lied to her and she had seen him for the ugly thing that he was.
How could he ever look at her again?
"Mark, open the door, please?"
He sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the door.
"Mark, please?"
He brought his fingers up to his mouth and started to bite down on his fingernails.
"Mark?"
After a few minutes, he heard her sniffle. The light underneath the door shifted, grew darker, and he saw a very thin sliver of her jeans through the opening.
"Mark, I'm sorry."
His eyes started to burn with tears and he bit down until his jaw began to hurt again.
"I'm sorry if I... I don't know. I'm sorry, Mark." she said through the door. "Don't feel bad about... I just wanted to help you. You're hurt and... Mark, please come out."
Mark walked to the door and sat down beside it.
"Mark, aren't you hungry? I made breakfast. At least take a bite of some toast. You can take a painkiller afterwards."
He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
Her voice grew soft and sad.
"Mark, please don't shut me out now. Especially now."
"I don't want you to see me, April." he said.
"Why not?"
"Because..." he trailed off.
Silence.
And then...
"I know you and Roger are bestfriends. You guys have a history together that I'll probably never really understand, even if you told me everything. But... I think of you as my bestfriend too, Mark. Does that sound stupid? We've only known each other for less than a year, right?"
She coughed but Mark could hear the tears that hid behind it.
"Yeah, it's stupid. Less than a year. But it's just... I feel like... you've been with me throughout this whole thing with Roger. I've never seen anyone so devoted to another person. Most people I know would have left a long time ago, left Roger and just let him...."
She sniffled.
"Just let him die, I mean. And you've taken care of the both of us. Of me. You don't even know how many times you've saved me by just being there. Everytime I wanted to give up, you'd be there. Trying to make me drink tea or something even though you knew how much I hated the stuff."
Mark opened his eyes.
"I miss my family so much, Mark. It just... makes me feel sick sometimes. But when you're around, it doesn't hurt so much. You feel like... like home, I guess, as corny as that sounds. You always make things better. You know how to fix things that are broken and make them right. Like Roger... like me. You've seen us both at our worst and you never left. You were always there. For once, Mark, let me take care of you. That's all I'm asking. Let me try to take care of you like you've taken care of us."
Tears sprung into his eyes and Mark shook his head.
"Mark?"
He didn't answer.
He heard her shuffling outside and then looked down at the small space underneath the door. Three of her fingers wiggled up at him in a small wave. He smiled, despite the tears.
"Hi, Mark. Still there?"
He nodded in response though he knew she couldn't see, and touched her fingers with his own.
They curled around his index finger.
"I love you, Mark."
He pulled back his fingers and watched as her fingers slid back underneath the door.
He reached up and unlocked the door, pushing himself backwards on the floor with his legs.
April peered in cautiously and looked relieved when she saw him looking back at her. She looked as if she had wilted a little, the tired shadows around her eyes had begun to creep back. She smiled at him and sat down on the floor next to him.
For a moment, they looked at each other in silence. The small, simple smile never left her lips.
April held out her hand to him and Mark stared at it for a moment before placing his hand, shaking slightly, over it.
When Collins got home, Mark and April were still sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hello! Anyone home?" Collins' deep voice boomed out into the apartment and April looked at Mark with wide eyes.
She giggled in mid-chew and covered her mouth before any crumbs could spill out.
"We're in here!" Mark called out and he smiled weakly at April.
She seemed almost manic in her happiness and it worried Mark. Her eyes were perhaps a little too bright and her smile was a little too wide. She seemed to have regained all the lost energy of the past nine months in one morning and Mark knew it wasn't possible for her to keep it up.
Collins walked into the kitchen with a smile on his face. He was carrying two large grocery bags and April jumped up from her chair to help him.
"I bought some breakfast..." Collins said, and then he saw the small mess on the table. "But I guess the both of you have beat me to the punch."
April took one of the bags from him and set them down on the kitchen counter. She danced around Collins and hugged him from behind.
"I made enough for an army, Collins!" she said, winking at Mark. "Have a seat! Eat, drink and be merry, right?"
April moved to get him a plate from one the cabinets and Mark could see Collins' smile faltering on his lips. He looked at April and then at Mark.
His eyes spoke to Mark across the table as he sat down.
What happened?
Why is she acting like that?
Mark shook his head and made a gesture with his hand.
Later.
Just play along.
Collins nodded just as April turned around. She set down a plate and a fork in front of him and sat down next to Mark.
"Thank you." Collins said, smiling warmly at her.
He glanced around the table.
"My God, everything looks so good!" Collns exclaimed sincerely. His eyes took in the omelets and pancakes and hashed browns on the table and his stomach growled loudly.
Mark knew the feeling.
When April had led him out of the bedroom, Mark didn't think he could eat a bite, much less an entire meal.
He was proven wrong.
Mark had eaten so much that his stomach hurt pleasantly but April had only taken a few bites of her toast and eggs.
Collins laughed and shook his head at April.
"I don't even know where to begin. Thank you."
"No prob." she said, blushing. She waved her hand in the air as if she were waving away his compliment. "I like to cook. It's probably the only thing I'm really good at. My brother was a football player in high school and he ate like a horse! He'd eat like four or five big meals a day. After school, Adam and I would...."
A shade of sadness crept into her eyes as she spoke about her brother and the rest of her family. Mark's observant eyes took her in as she talked. Her smile was hanging on bravely by a thread and her eyes were growing glassy and even more distant.
She's remembering, Mark thought.
She's remembering that she had a life before this one.
Mark's eyes traveled from April's face to Collins's eyes. Collins was staring at April, studying her with that look- that curious, thoughtful look and Mark knew that Collins was thinking the same thing.
"....and then she grabbed the canister and all this flour came down over her! Me and Adam started laughing... until we realized that our parents were pulling up to the driveway."
April stopped and smiled wistfully. She hugged herself and leaned back. Mark got the feeling that she was pulling back in her mind, away from Collins and Mark, away from Collins' kitchen and New York.
"I think... I think I'm going to take a shower now." she said, looking at Mark. "Um, you and Collins can catch up."
The smile returned to her lips in full force as she stood up.
"And you can tell him the good news."
"What good news?" Collins asked, chewing. He looked at Mark and Mark felt a tidalwave of nausea in his stomach.
"Mark found Roger last night." she said happily.
"He got Roger to go to rehab."