Voldie Goes to Mordor
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties
I don't have anything to babble about! Oh, wait. Yes I do. I was reading the Appendix of Return of the King (as I just skimmed it last time) and now I'm even more depressed. I've decided that I like the movie better than the book not just because there are certain points that are hard to get through, but also because the ending is so depressing to me. I started crying again when I read the end over. I know the movies will get there eventually too and I know I'll cry for that. I've also realized that's why I like Sam. I feel so bad for him when Frodo leaves. It's almost the same reason I like Remus. They both lost all their friends really. It doesn't seem like Pippin and Merry hang around much and everyone else is gone so it's just Sam. So that's why I like the movie. It doesn't talk about Frodo leaving and Bilbo going all senile. And the worst thing is it makes so much sense! I would have been upset if it ended happy too. Ugh! Okay, I'm done ranting. Now, for some serious stuff.
Death is introduced in this chapter. He is owned by Terry Pratchett and I capitalized everything he says for my ignorant friends who don't know Death speaks only in caps. They need to read more Pterry.
Part 21
By: Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, and more Paw Greenleaf and Angua27
Suggestion Box: Hi everybody! I would like to say that if anybody reading this has a suggestion, tell us what it is by reviewing this story! Whoever has the suggestion for the most random character, we'll put them in the story! Yay!
Paw Greenleaf: I dunno, I still think I had a pretty random character with Random Mammoth Tusk!
*
Frodo: I am not an anti-Semite!
Sam: Of course you're not. I know you love me.
Frodo: I said anti-Semite not anti-Samite! An anti-Semite is... is... well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but Whoopi Goldberg called me one. (a/n Read my Reinvented Academy Awards for more of this kind of thing. Actually, it's almost the same...)
Gimli: At least you didn't have Ben Stiller dressing up as you. He didn't even braid the beard properly! He's a disgrace to dwarves everywhere.
Harry: Oh, stuff it Shorty. I had Scary Nasal Dude dressing up as me. And I won nothing! Nothing!
Random Pencil: Somebody's a bit bitter. Take deep calming breathes.
Harry: I'll give you "deep, calming breathes" you egotistical stick of kindling.
Random Pencil: You watch your mouth, Scarface. Your wand is my great uncle.
Draco: Hah! Squib!
Hermione: I couldn't choose my parents, but even if I did, I'd rather be a mudblood than a squib.
She-who-must-not-be-named: Yee haw!
Random Pencil: Stop making fun of me! I can't help what sort of family I was born into.
Saruman: Well, you know what they say -
Random Pencil: No, I don't.
Saruman: The pencil doesn't splinter to fall from the tree!
All: *groan*
Maw: I'm Death! I'm Death! I'm Death!
Death: NO YOU'RE NOT. I AM.
Maw: *steals Death's scythe*
Death: HEY! THAT'S MINE!
Maw: Not anymore! *begins swinging scythe around*
Death: THAT'S PROBABLY NOT SUCH A - OH.
Boromir: Ah! You hit me!
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahaha! Mwhahahahahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Death: IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE ANTHROPROMORPHIC PERSONIFICATIONS A BAD NAME.
Frodo: Aw, suck it up Boromir. You're already dead.
Boromir: But my leg just fell off! You don't know how hard it is to function when your leg falls off. I need all the appendages I can get.
Frodo: I only have 9 fingers.
Boromir: Whiner. Damn! There goes my ear.
Voldie: I'm thinking of going on vacation by myself. You guys annoy the hell out of me.
Madame Hooch: You can't go on vacation alone! We have to go too!
Voldie: I don't remember inviting you. Then again, I don't remember inviting Random Pencil or Random Mammoth Tusk. Yes, that settles it. I'm going to Florida alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And we're coming with you.
Voldie: I just can't win, can I?
Legolas: One more week! One more week! (a/n Actually only 3 more days at the time of typing this, but by the time you're reading it we'll be back. Confused?)
Voldie: You are too excitable, elf.
Harry: I'm getting bored. Something exciting needs to happen.
Angua27: It's blizzarding again. That's kind of exciting.
Harry: Actually, it's not.
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!
Paw: Would someone take that scythe away from her?
Ron: I'm not getting within 30 feet.
Gimli: 'Twill! 'Twill 'twill 'twill! Isn't that one of the coolest words?
Angua27: Somehow it doesn't sound the same when you say it. Ugh! I'm soooo bored! Don't you have anything to do around here, Elrond?
Elrond: Not really. Mostly, we elves are happy to walk around uttering mysterious phrases in Quenya and gazing at ourselves in mirrors.
Legolas: And picking out new outfits. I LOVE picking out new outfits.
Arwen: Yeah, from my closet. And are you wearing my perfume? My grandmamma bought me that for my 1,031st birthday.
Legolas: But it makes me smell so pretty!
*
Voldie: Hey guys, if we're going to be in that Disney parade shouldn't we get working on our float?
Legolas: Ooo! Yay! Can we have an Elvish float?
Gimli: Um, no! Dwarven all the way!
Harry: No! It's got to be a wizard float!
Random Pencil: Think again! It's going to be the noble history of pencils!
Random Mammoth Tusk: The noble history of the great, but extinct race of Mammoths! And they have to be in a conga line! And drinking piña coladas with little umbrellas in them! *everyone stares*
Voldie: Ok, enough with the stupid ideas! We're making a Dark Lord float and THAT'S FINAL! ANY QUESTIONS?????
Saruman: *timidly raises hand into the air* Could we have the Cuyahoga River running through the middle to symbolize that I'm straighter than -
Voldie: NO! Any more questions?
Everyone Else: Uh-uh.
Voldie: Simply spiffing. Now, here's what we're going to do. All of us dark lords, and I mean me, Saruman, and Sauron will sit in our thrones in the middle. We will be smiling and waving and Saruman will also be tossing his oh-so-shiny hair over his shoulders, advertising Legolas's new line of hair care products. Of course we'll also have a sign on the back, Legolas.
Legolas: *smiles contentedly*
Voldie: Now, as for the hobbits, you'll all be dressed up as turnips, handing out candy to the crowed.
Hobbits: *look scandalized*
Voldie: Last, but not least, the wizards will be standing on the float, sending up multicolored sparks from their wands.
Gimli: And the dwarfs will be...?
Voldie: Hovering somewhere in the background.
*
Legolas: Where they should be! Hey, wait, you can advertise my hair care products too. They'll make your beard a lot more manageable.
Gimli: Don't even think it.
**
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties
I don't have anything to babble about! Oh, wait. Yes I do. I was reading the Appendix of Return of the King (as I just skimmed it last time) and now I'm even more depressed. I've decided that I like the movie better than the book not just because there are certain points that are hard to get through, but also because the ending is so depressing to me. I started crying again when I read the end over. I know the movies will get there eventually too and I know I'll cry for that. I've also realized that's why I like Sam. I feel so bad for him when Frodo leaves. It's almost the same reason I like Remus. They both lost all their friends really. It doesn't seem like Pippin and Merry hang around much and everyone else is gone so it's just Sam. So that's why I like the movie. It doesn't talk about Frodo leaving and Bilbo going all senile. And the worst thing is it makes so much sense! I would have been upset if it ended happy too. Ugh! Okay, I'm done ranting. Now, for some serious stuff.
Death is introduced in this chapter. He is owned by Terry Pratchett and I capitalized everything he says for my ignorant friends who don't know Death speaks only in caps. They need to read more Pterry.
Part 21
By: Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, and more Paw Greenleaf and Angua27
Suggestion Box: Hi everybody! I would like to say that if anybody reading this has a suggestion, tell us what it is by reviewing this story! Whoever has the suggestion for the most random character, we'll put them in the story! Yay!
Paw Greenleaf: I dunno, I still think I had a pretty random character with Random Mammoth Tusk!
*
Frodo: I am not an anti-Semite!
Sam: Of course you're not. I know you love me.
Frodo: I said anti-Semite not anti-Samite! An anti-Semite is... is... well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but Whoopi Goldberg called me one. (a/n Read my Reinvented Academy Awards for more of this kind of thing. Actually, it's almost the same...)
Gimli: At least you didn't have Ben Stiller dressing up as you. He didn't even braid the beard properly! He's a disgrace to dwarves everywhere.
Harry: Oh, stuff it Shorty. I had Scary Nasal Dude dressing up as me. And I won nothing! Nothing!
Random Pencil: Somebody's a bit bitter. Take deep calming breathes.
Harry: I'll give you "deep, calming breathes" you egotistical stick of kindling.
Random Pencil: You watch your mouth, Scarface. Your wand is my great uncle.
Draco: Hah! Squib!
Hermione: I couldn't choose my parents, but even if I did, I'd rather be a mudblood than a squib.
She-who-must-not-be-named: Yee haw!
Random Pencil: Stop making fun of me! I can't help what sort of family I was born into.
Saruman: Well, you know what they say -
Random Pencil: No, I don't.
Saruman: The pencil doesn't splinter to fall from the tree!
All: *groan*
Maw: I'm Death! I'm Death! I'm Death!
Death: NO YOU'RE NOT. I AM.
Maw: *steals Death's scythe*
Death: HEY! THAT'S MINE!
Maw: Not anymore! *begins swinging scythe around*
Death: THAT'S PROBABLY NOT SUCH A - OH.
Boromir: Ah! You hit me!
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahaha! Mwhahahahahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Death: IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE ANTHROPROMORPHIC PERSONIFICATIONS A BAD NAME.
Frodo: Aw, suck it up Boromir. You're already dead.
Boromir: But my leg just fell off! You don't know how hard it is to function when your leg falls off. I need all the appendages I can get.
Frodo: I only have 9 fingers.
Boromir: Whiner. Damn! There goes my ear.
Voldie: I'm thinking of going on vacation by myself. You guys annoy the hell out of me.
Madame Hooch: You can't go on vacation alone! We have to go too!
Voldie: I don't remember inviting you. Then again, I don't remember inviting Random Pencil or Random Mammoth Tusk. Yes, that settles it. I'm going to Florida alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And we're coming with you.
Voldie: I just can't win, can I?
Legolas: One more week! One more week! (a/n Actually only 3 more days at the time of typing this, but by the time you're reading it we'll be back. Confused?)
Voldie: You are too excitable, elf.
Harry: I'm getting bored. Something exciting needs to happen.
Angua27: It's blizzarding again. That's kind of exciting.
Harry: Actually, it's not.
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!
Paw: Would someone take that scythe away from her?
Ron: I'm not getting within 30 feet.
Gimli: 'Twill! 'Twill 'twill 'twill! Isn't that one of the coolest words?
Angua27: Somehow it doesn't sound the same when you say it. Ugh! I'm soooo bored! Don't you have anything to do around here, Elrond?
Elrond: Not really. Mostly, we elves are happy to walk around uttering mysterious phrases in Quenya and gazing at ourselves in mirrors.
Legolas: And picking out new outfits. I LOVE picking out new outfits.
Arwen: Yeah, from my closet. And are you wearing my perfume? My grandmamma bought me that for my 1,031st birthday.
Legolas: But it makes me smell so pretty!
*
Voldie: Hey guys, if we're going to be in that Disney parade shouldn't we get working on our float?
Legolas: Ooo! Yay! Can we have an Elvish float?
Gimli: Um, no! Dwarven all the way!
Harry: No! It's got to be a wizard float!
Random Pencil: Think again! It's going to be the noble history of pencils!
Random Mammoth Tusk: The noble history of the great, but extinct race of Mammoths! And they have to be in a conga line! And drinking piña coladas with little umbrellas in them! *everyone stares*
Voldie: Ok, enough with the stupid ideas! We're making a Dark Lord float and THAT'S FINAL! ANY QUESTIONS?????
Saruman: *timidly raises hand into the air* Could we have the Cuyahoga River running through the middle to symbolize that I'm straighter than -
Voldie: NO! Any more questions?
Everyone Else: Uh-uh.
Voldie: Simply spiffing. Now, here's what we're going to do. All of us dark lords, and I mean me, Saruman, and Sauron will sit in our thrones in the middle. We will be smiling and waving and Saruman will also be tossing his oh-so-shiny hair over his shoulders, advertising Legolas's new line of hair care products. Of course we'll also have a sign on the back, Legolas.
Legolas: *smiles contentedly*
Voldie: Now, as for the hobbits, you'll all be dressed up as turnips, handing out candy to the crowed.
Hobbits: *look scandalized*
Voldie: Last, but not least, the wizards will be standing on the float, sending up multicolored sparks from their wands.
Gimli: And the dwarfs will be...?
Voldie: Hovering somewhere in the background.
*
Legolas: Where they should be! Hey, wait, you can advertise my hair care products too. They'll make your beard a lot more manageable.
Gimli: Don't even think it.
**