May I make a point of saying that disclaimer's are highly overrated? I mean, the site is called Fanfiction.Net. Why, pray tell, do we need disclaimers? We all know I don't own this. I dearly wish I did but…I don't. And now that my rant is done, let the fic begin.
** Another fic for Severitus'
challenge. **
* * *
Make no promises to me you're slowly melting
Wake up then fall back asleep you're quickly failing
Hey man you'll have to wait you're turn
I can see that you're jonesing
Taste no flavors on my tongue they've evaporated you've desenegrated
- Bring Me Down, Puddle of Mudd -
* * *
Chapter 6
…slowly melting…
"Granger!"
Hermione jerked and looked up into dark coal like eyes, blinking. Where was she?
"Granger, wake up!"
That voice sounded oddly familiar yet far away wait!
Snape in her house…Dumbledore's reply…Harry!!!
"Sir?"
Snape sighed and growled, "It's about bloody time. I have work to do and I cannot do it while you are sitting here daydreaming."
Hermione wrinkled her nose then stretched, yawning. She rose slowly from the position she had occupied on the bench for the past half-hour while Snape had been inside the Muggle bookstore.
"Are we going to Hogwarts now, professor?" she asked in the quiet voice that the potions master always seemed to bring out in her.
Snape only nodded, scowling at an old couple across the street that was staring at them. The couple looked away quickly at the cold look and picked up their pace. A moment later Snape grabbed Hermione's wrist with one large, long fingered hand and suddenly Apparated before the girl could say anything.
* * * * * * * * *
"Severus, are you trying to kill Miss Granger?"
Hermione blinked the stars out from in front of her eyes trying to regain focus and equilibrium. After a few shaky moments she saw Dumbledore standing a few feet away from them, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon glasses. Snape released her wrist and turned towards the headmaster.
"Of course not, headmaster," said Snape. "If you will excuse me…"
Dumbledore nodded and Snape stalked off down the hallway in his usual hurried pace. Hermione could only guess he was heading for the dungeons.
"Miss Granger?"
Hermione blinked. She had spaced out again, but this time the wake up call she received was in a much gentler voice.
Dumbledore smiled at her and said, "Would you like to see Harry?"
Hermione nodded and said, "Yes, sir."
"Come with me then."
* * * * * * * * *
Dumbledore pushed open the infirmary door, motioning Hermione inside. She crept past him and saw that there was only one occupant residing in the large white room. Shoulder-length hair of inky black crested the thin shoulder blades of the boy on the bed, framing the thin but familiar face of her friend. She could see the pale marks of bruises on the equally pale skin, along with faded scars. The bright green eyes were focused away from her on a book held in his hands, which were also lined with scars. He seemed to be in his own world, until she let out a surprised gasp, that is.
Harry jerked, the book tumbling from his fingers, and looked up, fear flickering in his eyes. A smile then broke across his face as he said, "Mione."
Hermione held a hand to her mouth and gasped, "Oh, God, Harry…. What did they do to you?"
Harry simply motioned her forward, picking up the book and setting it aside. Hermione walked over to him slowly. She could see in a mirror on the far wall that Dumbledore had already left the room. She moved carefully over to her friend, eyes wide. Harry smiled and shifted his position, patting the bed softly.
"Have a seat."
"No, what if I…"
"Mione, you won't hurt me." Said Harry in a quiet matter-of-fact voice, reminiscent of Snape's, his emerald eyes locking with her brown ones. Hermione sighed and pulled herself up to sit on the bed beside her friend. They sat in silence for a moment until she spoke.
"So…"
"So," said Harry.
"What happened?"
Harry looked at her for a moment then turned away.
"Like I said, Uncle Vernon got drunk. He took his rage out on me."
"And…you…"
"Survived? I suppose." Harry smiled slightly and added sullenly, "If you call this surviving." He said this while looking at his pale, scarred hands.
"Harry…" Hermione laid a hand on her friends arm.
Harry slammed his fist down on the mattress, jaw clenched.
"I just don't get it! This doesn't make any bloody sense!"
"Harry, calm down."
Fierce emerald green eyes met her cinnamon brown ones with an intensity that Hermione could not believe and she pulled back. Harry glared at her and Hermione swore she saw his face flicker for a moment. His expression then softened and he sighed, leaning back against the headboard, wincing slightly.
"I'm sorry, Mione. I shouldn't…"
Hermione hushed him by pressing her finger against his mouth. She smiled gently and said, "Its okay, Harry. You're confused and upset."
"Confused and upset are hardly the words I would use but they work well enough, I guess."
"Oh?" said Hermione, arching an eyebrow. "And what would you use?"
"Bloody lost and at my wit's end."
Hermione looked at him for a moment then laughed. Harry smiled and said, "I'm glad you're here, Mione."
Hermione took her friend's hand and squeezed it gently.
"So'm I, Harry. So'm I."
* * *
Charms come around two times so you better be good
Watch out for unfamiliar signs when you're going the wrong way
Look back to the devious minds they keep pushing me pulling
Baby Jesus never sleeps when you're being a sinner and hell eat you for dinner
- Bring Me Down, Puddle of Mudd -
* * *
Chapter 7
…unfamiliar signs…
"Harry, your insane!"
Harry frowned at Hermione.
"I don't appreciate that comment."
"I didn't mean it seriously, silly. But you have to tell Ron."
"ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN!?"
Hermione frowned at him now. Harry pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and groaned.
"Mione, I can't tell Ron. You know how he is. Who knows what he'd do, what he'd say." Harry said with a sigh into his hands.
"So what are you going to do? Go on as if nothing has happened?"
"Something like that," came the muttered reply.
"Harry!"
"What?" snapped Harry. "What the bloody hell do you want me to do, Mione? Announce to the entire wizarding world that my entire life has been a lie? Hmm? Is that what you want? Do you expect me to just tell them all that my real father is Severus Snape, ex-Death Eater and spy? I'm sure that would settle real well with Voldemort."
Hermione searched her friends face and said, "You sound so much like him."
Harry scowled, knowing whom she was talking about. He growled, "I do not!"
"He's your father, Harry."
"I DON'T BLOODY WANT HIM TO BE!" Harry growled and pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes again. "Why does everything have to happen to me? Why? Tell me that, Mione. What did I do to deserve this?"
Hermione looked sympathetically at her friend and replied simply, "You're the Boy-Who-Lived."
"Oh, yes," said Harry harshly. "The mighty Boy-Who-Lived. The boy who lived while his parents, oh sorry his mother and her husband died, the boy who lived while his friend died right next to him." Harry sighed, "Maybe I do deserve this."
Hermione frowned. She had never heard Harry so disheartened. Either the situation was really getting to him or…
"Harry, were there any spells placed on you?"
"What?" said Harry, he was right in the middle of a serious guilt trip and hadn't heard the question Hermione had asked him.
"Spells. To hide your appearance."
"I – I don't know. You'd have to ask Dumbledore."
Hermione nodded and said, "I'll be right back."
"I'll be right here." He said as he slumped back against the backboard.
With a nod, she sprinted from the room.
* * * * * * * * *
"Professor!"
Dumbledore turned to look down at Hermione, who came to a halt in front of him, panting.
"Yes, Miss Granger?"
"I was wondering if there were any spells on Harry. To hide his appearance. I mean, if Snape…"
"Professor Snape," corrected Dumbledore.
"…is his real father," continued Hermione without skipping a beat, "then he shouldn't look so much like James Potter. Should he?"
Dumbledore smiled slightly and said, "Correct, Miss Granger. There were two spells placed on Harry and a potion. We could remove the spells but the potion is going to have to drain from his system on its own."
"Would you remove the spells, please?" She added please as an after thought, she was more concerned with Dumbledore's answer than manners at the moment.
"Only if Harry wants me to."
"Alright. Thank you, professor!" Hermione sprinted back down the hall towards the infirmary. Dumbledore shook his head after her thinking that Harry was lucky to have such a good friend then he continued on to his office.
* * * * * * * * *
"Harry!" Hermione called as soon as she entered the infirmary.
"Mione? What's going on?"
Hermione panted for a moment then said quickly, "IwantyoutoletProfessorDumbledoreremovethespellscastonyou."
Harry blinked and held up his hands to stop her from continuing.
"Okay, first, slow down. Second, what spells?"
"On your appearance. If Snape really is your father, then you shouldn't look like James."
Harry's face hardened and he growled, "I don't want to look like him.
"Harry, please…"
"No, Mione. If you want to remove the spells, then fine. You figure out how to do it. I don't need any counter spell to know what I look like underneath them."
Hermione blinked and stared at her friend. "What? How can you…?"
"I can see through the spells," replied Harry, looking down at his hands. "Dumbledore said some wizards are powerful enough that they can see through some spells. Since the one's on me are falling apart, a powerful wizard, like me apparently, can see through them."
"Professor Dumbledore can too?"
Harry nodded and looked over at a mirror on the wall. He shuddered then turned back to Hermione, not looking at her as he asked, "So, are you going to figure out how to remove the spells?"
"Not unless you want me too."
Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Go ahead. They're going to fall apart anyway. Might as well get it the hell over with."
Hermione reached out to touch her friend's arm but he jerked it away, still not looking at her. She frowned and pulled her hand back, hurt. Harry seemed to notice this and lifted his head, reaching out his hand to touch her shoulder.
"Mione…"
Hermione waved his hand away and took a step back. Harry slowly let his arm fall and whispered, "I'm sorry."
"I know," whispered Hermione. She then turned and left a small tear running down her cheek. Harry watched her as she went, and then he returned to staring at the whitewashed walls, thinking that at least this day couldn't possibly get any worse.
* * *
What is wrong with all my friends
I know that I am unlike them
Just another situation
Don't hold me back I don't look up to them
They always act so dirty they keep themselves so clean
Why can't they find the answers to the questions that are
Right in front of me
- Out of My Head, Puddle of Mudd -
* * *
Chapter 8
…another situation…
"He'll do it."
Dumbledore looked up as Hermione stepped into his office, wringing her hands nervously and not meeting his eyes. He nodded slowly.
"Then we shall remove them tonight."
"I'll tell him," said Hermione simply and then she turned and left.
Dumbledore watched the spot where she had stood for a moment then turned to look at the beautiful fiery red bird that was perched on it's stand. He asked, "Fawkes, Do you think Miss Granger is helping Harry any?"
The phoenix trilled a sweet note in response and rustled his feathers.
"Yes, I thought so too."
* * * * * * * * *
"Tonight?"
"That's what Professor Dumbledore said."
Harry sagged against the headboard, staring down at his hands. He ran his thumb over the pads on his index finger, chewing on his lip as his mind wandered. Hermione watched him for a few moments then left, muttering something about a book. Harry barely nodded in response.
"Tonight." He said to himself again in disbelief.
After tonight everyone else would see what he and Dumbledore saw.
After tonight everyone would see the real Harry.
* * *
No one's ever listening the lines I've crossed somewhere
Between
My head is spinning like a top I don't know when this **** is going to stop
They always act so dirty they keep thereselves REAL CLEAN
Why can't they find the answers to the questions that are right in front of me
- Out of My Head, Puddle of Mudd -
* * *
Chapter 9
…spinning like a top…
Hermione chewed nervously on the end of her quill. She had been sitting in the library for an hour, a large tome lying open on the table before her and her quill between her teeth. By now the feather was bent and battered, bits of it missing. Hermione winced and tried to straighten it as best she could before finally using the Reparo spell on it.
"Miss Granger."
Hermione jumped about three feet and fell back into her chair with a squeal. She looked up at a rather terse looking Professor McGonagall and smiled sheepishly.
"Hello, professor."
McGonagall gave her a tight-lipped smile and said, "The Headmaster wants to see you in the Hospital Wing. Now."
Hermione nodded and got up, righting the chair as she glanced at her watch. The face read '7:12'. She sighed and closed the heavy tome before returning it to its place in the bookshelves.
It was time.
* * * * * * * * *
Oh no.
Harry swallowed hard as Dumbledore entered the Hospital Wing, Fawkes perched on his shoulder. The phoenix flew over to land on Harry's knee, chirping in a reassuring tone. This would usually have cheered Harry up immediately but not even phoenix song could do that tonight. Dumbledore smiled gently and said, "Hello, Harry."
"Professor," said Harry quickly. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as he could.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, this isn't happening.
Hermione slipped between the doors and crept over to the bed, her eyes focusing on Harry. She smiled weakly at him and he attempted to return it. His probably looked more like a grimace than a smile but right now that was the least of his worries.
"Ready, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, drawing his wand.
Harry swallowed hard.
Hell no.
"Yes, sir."
Damnit, can't we just forget about it and call it a night?
"Alright then. You understand that the effects of the Verto Potion will have to wear off?"
"Yes, sir."
Dumbledore nodded and lifted his wand, pointing it at a spot between Harry's eyes.
"Patesco Veritas1."
A strand of golden lights flowed out of the old wizard's wand and hovered over Harry's skin. He eyed the golden motes warily as they danced about his face.
"Resero2."
A beam of lime green light shot out of the wand and struck Harry in the chest. There was a bright flash that blinded Dumbledore and Hermione for a moment before it cleared. The figure on the bed moaned and Fawkes trilled a soft note.
"Uhhn…"
"Harry?" breathed Hermione, staring at the unfamiliar figure on the bed.
"Uhn," moaned the figure as he sat up, reaching up a hand to rub at a face hidden behind a curtain of dark hair. A pale, long fingered hand brushed the hair back, revealing a thin, pale face with sharp cheekbones, thin lips, an aristocratic sort of nose, slightly slanted eyes of brilliant emerald green, and dark eyebrows that arched gracefully over the aforementioned eyes. Hermione gasped.
"Harry."
Harry smiled sheepishly, ducking his head so his long hair fell over his face again. He stroked Fawkes' feathers idly.
Hermione blinked a few times as she tried to gather her wits and scrape her jaw up off the floor. The boy before her looked nothing like her friend except for the half-healed bruises and scars that were new additions to the older scars that she remembered. If anyone wanted to know who he was, they could just look at his forehead, where the telltale lightning bolt shone clear, no longer hidden by an untamable fringe of dark hair.
Dumbledore smiled and tucked his wand up his sleeve, leaving silently and swiftly. Fawkes however stayed, rubbing his crested head against Harry's hand, crooning in content.
"Well?"
Hermione looked up in surprise as Harry addressed her. She found herself staring into his eyes, as he looked straight at her; she could drown in those emerald green pools.
"What do you think?" asked Harry.
"I-I…" began Hermione then stopped. She smiled and whispered, "Your beautiful."
Bright pink tinged Harry's pale cheeks, the scowl that crossed his features marring it.
"That also implies other things, you know."
"Oh, Harry," said Hermione, stepping forward and placing a hand on her friend's arm. He didn't pull away this time but he didn't look at her either.
"Harry, you can't help who you are. You are who you are."
Harry looked up now, stopping in his stroking of Fawkes as he turned towards her.
"And who am I? Tell me, Hermione Granger, who I am."
"You're the Boy-Who-Lived. You're a Star Seeker. You're the Youngest Tri-Wizard Champion ever. You're a defender of the Light. And you're my friend – my sweet, courageous, noble friend.
You're everything you have always been, and being the son of Severus Snape does not change that."
Harry took her hand in his own and stared her straight in the eyes as he asked – no – pleaded, "But who am I?"
Hermione reached up with her other hand and cupped his cheek.
"You are who you are. That's
all that matters. And that's all you have to be."
* * *
Met a girl thought she was grand fell in love found out first hand
It went well for a week or two then it all came unglued
In a ***** trip I can't grip never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize I was living one big lie!!!
- She Hates Me, Puddle of Mudd -
* * *
Chapter 10
…one big lie…
Breathe. Breathe. Just be calm. It'll be okay. Everything'll be fine. Just…
"I can't do this," whispered Harry as he watched the carriages approach. He turned to walk off but Hermione caught his arm in an iron grip, turning him around and looking up at him.
"You can do this, Harry. Don't worry, I know you can do it."
"Damnit, Mione, how can you be so calm?"
Hermione smiled and replied mischievously, "Whoever said I was calm?"
The weeks after Hermione had arrived had gone by quickly. Harry had recovered enough that Madam Pomfrey released him from the Hospital Wing and he moved back into the Gryffindor Tower with her. The two of them spent their time in the library or wandering about the castle. They tried to avoid the professors and whenever they saw one, Harry would duck his head, hiding his face behind a curtain of dark hair. Hermione would simply touch his arm and smile gently.
"You seem calm enough to me."
"Haven't we had this conversation before?"
"I think so," replied Harry with a wry smile.
"Hmm. Well, will you look at that, there's Ron!"
Harry swallowed so hard that Hermione could see his Adam's apple rise and fall. She squeezed his hand and said reassuringly, "Everything will be fine."
"He's not going to recognize me," muttered Harry. "He's going to want to know what happened."
"You'll have to tell him eventually."
"I know."
They stood in silence for a few moments until the first student mounted the steps. Unfortunately, that student was Draco Malfoy. The blond sneered at Hermione then turned his gaze to Harry, blinking.
"I don't think I've seen you before."
Harry couldn't help but smirk as he said, "Exchange student."
"Oh. I'm Draco Malfoy. Nice to meet you."
"Yeah, You two." Harry said in a condescending tone that would have given Snape a run for his galleons.
Draco frowned then shook his head and continued on past them. Hermione gave Harry a questioning look a moment later.
"Exchange student?"
Harry shrugged his thin but broad shoulders, his lips quirking into a half smile. "Yeah. How long do you think it'll take him to figure it out?"
Hermione smiled and said, " I don't care how long it takes him to figure it out. I just want to be there to see his reaction."
Harry had also managed to get Hermione into more of a joking spirit over the weeks they had spent together.
He smiled at her for a moment before turning back to the carriages and paling to a pasty shade of white. "Oh hell…"
Hermione looked and paled slightly as well but quickly regained her composure. She squeezed Harry's fingers reassuringly and whispered, "It'll be okay."
Harry swallowed and said, "I'm just…I'm worried that he'll hate me. Mione, he's my best friend."
"I know."
"I can't lose him. Not now."
Hermione took his other hand and turned him towards her. She looked straight up at him and said, "You won't. Because I swear if he hurts you, I'm going to seriously hurt him."
Harry looked at her for a moment, his eyes searching her face, then he smirked.
"Why, Mione. It almost sounds as though you have a crush on me."
Hermione's cheeks flushed but she batted Harry's arm and scolded, "Stop thinking such nasty thoughts."
Harry cackled and said, "I'm a baaaad boy."
Hermione laughed and batted his arm again.
"You're insane, that's what you are."
"'Insanity is natural. Everyone has it.'3"
"Where did you hear that?"
"A book."
"Quidditch?"
"Vampires," said Harry with another smirk. Hermione laughed then turned to see Ron coming up the stairs. He looked very worried but his look of concern was nothing compared to Ginny, who was sobbing into George's shoulder. Fred was walking behind Ron and was the first to see them.
"Oi, Herm!"
Harry froze, fear flashing through his eyes. Hermione felt his fingers tense in her hand and she clenched the long digits, glaring at him out of the corner of her eyes. He returned the glare with a scowl but did not try and run again.
"Have you seen Harry?" asked Ron as the four of them reached the top of the stairs. "And why weren't you on the train?"
Hermione smiled and replied, "Prefect duties." The silver 'P' badge gleamed from where she had pinned it above the Gryffindor crest on her robes. "And, yes, I've seen Harry."
"Really?" asked Ginny, lifting her head. Harry blanched when he saw her tear-streaked face and red eyes. Fred caught it and frowned at him, eyes narrowed. Harry returned the suspicious gaze coolly, noting that now he was a little taller than the three boys.
"Yeah."
"Why wasn't he on the train?" asked Ron. He suddenly seemed to notice Harry standing there, though what he really saw was a tall, pale, broad-shouldered boy with shoulder length black hair and a few faded scars across his thin face. "And who are you?"
Harry looked at Hermione out of the corner of his eye and she nodded. He swallowed hard then gathered all his composure and said the thing that he had dreaded saying for so long.
"I'm Harry Potter."
* * * * * * * * *
There was silence. A very long, drawn out silence.
Harry waved his hand in front of Ron's face then snapped his fingers, causing the other boy to blink.
"Erm, did you just say you were Harry Potter?"
Harry rolled his eyes and looked at Hermione for help. She stepped forward and said, "Yes, Ron, he did."
Ron leaned over to Hermione and said, "Mione, is your friend off his rocker?"
Hermione sighed and said, "No! Ron, he is Harry!"
Ron blinked and looked Harry up and down.
"Wha'? How?"
"It's a long story." Replied Harry
"One I am sure you are willing to share with your Housemates inside your common room after the Sorting."
Six sets of eyes turned to look at Snape, who was glowering at them. Harry narrowed his eyes and sneered at his father. Hermione grabbed his wrist – which had been reaching for the wand tucked into his belt – and dug her nails into it. Harry didn't make any sound, just glared down at her before turning his icy gaze to Snape. The dark professor returned it inch for inch.
"Excuse us, professor. We were just going inside to find out seats. C'mon, Harry."
With that she dragged him past Snape, not seeing the look of surprise that flashed across the Potions Master's face. Neither did Ginny, Ron, or the twins as they followed Harry and Hermione through the entrance hall and into the Great Hall.
Snape stood numbly for a moment, staring after them. He watched as the tall, lanky form of his son vanished through the doors; he shook all over. He had seen his features on his son's face. His and Lily's mixed together on his son's face.
His son.
The son who hated him.
Snape scowled and snapped at a pair of second year Hufflepuffs going by. They quickly scurried into the Hall and he smirked halfheartedly. He had more things on his mind than scaring the wits out of second years.
In a swirl of dark robes, he turned and headed for the dungeons.
Damn the feast. He thought.
He walked quickly down to his rooms and muttered the password. Throwing his cloak over a chair, he collapsed into another chair by the merrily crackling fire. Sitting there in almost complete silence he pulled out a tattered picture and unfolded it carefully.
Lily – alive, vibrant, and beautiful – beamed up at him, green eyes shining as she smiled and leaned against the other person in the picture. A younger version of himself had his arms about her waist holding her close, his black eyes gleaming with an emotion he hadn't felt in years.
Happiness.
The younger him turned Lily about in his arms and kissed her soundly. She wrapped her arms about his neck and returned it wholeheartedly.
Severus watched the two young wizards in the photo for a long time. After a while something trickled down onto his sallow cheeks.
Some would have said it was a trick of the light.
Others would have said it was a tear.
A/N: There ye are folks! Next par' written and beta read and corrected. Next chap, Harry and Herm's explanation to the Weasley clan (part of it that is) and who knows what else.
And many hugs and chocolate frogs to my beta, Laura! ^___^