Thanks to those who left the nice reviews after I got flamed!! I'll post
chapter 4 tomorrow!!
Disclaimers in Part 1
Title: Chapter 3: Unfinished Business
Author: Nala (wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)
7 months later
Sheik Al-Farabi's Palace
It's been 7 months since I slipped that first bit of information to my contact. I'm getting tired of this charade, but we don't have enough information to determine who all of the major players are. There has also been talk of one of Bin Laden's top men coming to Al-Farabi's palace to help make plans for a large attack on American interests. Fortunately, my information allowed Webb to stop the first attempt by Al-Farabi to gain the nuclear warhead. But the danger is still too real and I've become too invaluable on the inside. So far no one has really paid me any attention, except Sheik Raihan's son, Jabir. He always watches quietly, but has never spoken to me directly. At first his constant attention scared me. I thought maybe he was onto me. But the look in his eyes isn't one of suspicion. He actually seems kind, which I tell myself is a mistake to think. If I let my guard down, it could easily cost me my life.
My life? I wonder what is left of that? I've been here so much longer than I would have thought and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I've been wondering lately what everyone is involved in and how they are doing. I'll bet lil AJ is getting so big. Ok, I'm having a self pity moment. I can't help but wonder if they miss me? Harm, especially. Is he dating anyone? Yeah, probably another blonde bimbo. Hell, at this rate he could be married with kids by the time I get back. The thought brings painful images to my mind.
My distraction causes me to almost overfill a glass of wine and I silently curse my carelessness. Once again I feel his eyes on me, but today his usual look of kindness has been replaced with something else. Something more primal. I can feel the heat of his gaze as he follows my movements around the room. As I come to serve him, he lightly strokes my hand. I raise my eyes to his in surprise and I see the hunger and desire there. What shocks me most is my own reaction as his fingers trail a hot path down my hand. I barely suppress a shiver of desire and move quickly to serve the man sitting next to him. The rest of the meeting is torture as I feel him once again follow my movements through the room. I silently rebuke myself for feeling so much when he touched me. I can't allow myself to be distracted by those kinds of feelings.
The knock at the door is a welcome distraction and I notice with some shock that Sheik Raihan and another man enter the room. Sheik Raihan hasn't been here for months since his son has been coming in his place. It's been my opinion that Al-Farabi isn't the one fronting most of the money. This suspicion and the need to know who is the major player, is one of the reasons I am still here. Raihan really is the more plausible key figure in this. Al-Farabi again dismisses everyone and I leave the room, noticing that Jabir stays behind. I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get back into that room, when suddenly the door opens and I'm called back in. My stomach clenches as I wonder what could possibly be wanted of me. Al- Farabi orders me to remove the plates and dishes from the room and I nod and set to work. Fortunately, they are speaking mostly in Russian. I try to appear uninterested and deaf to the conversation, as I gather the remnants of the last meeting. My heart beats excitedly as I realize they are making plans for another buy. From what I am hearing, Sheik Raihan is definitely the one organizing and arranging the buy. This confirmation should help us track down the money trail and find others involved. Mentally I'm filing every word away so that I can slip it to my contact later. I try to fill the tray so that I can have the excuse of one more trip. As I hurry back out and in I notice that the meeting has concluded and only Jabir sits in the room. I silently swear to myself as I realize the third man has left and I don't know who he is. At least I have the meeting time and place. Hopefully that will be enough. I try to quickly remove the rest of the dishes as I feel Jabir's eyes on me.
"Amirah" My name is barely a whisper on his lips. I freeze as I realize he is standing just behind me. My mind races as I try to think of how to take my leave without angering him. I've learned in the meetings that he gets what he wants as the Sheik's son. He has always been considerate of others, without being too demanding. But no one denies him something he wants. I vaguely realize he is speaking to me in Farsi as he moves to face me. His eyes capture mine again and I have a hard time concentrating on how to get out of the room. Unless you've been subjected to wearing a burqua, you could never understand how dehumanizing these garments are to a woman. They make you invisible and undesirable. And right now, I am neither to the man standing in front of me and I can't help the desire that races through me. What is happening to me?
"Amirah, do you know your name means princess?" I shake my head slightly not trusting my voice at this point. "I see strength in your eyes, and intelligence." As he moves closer, he traces his finger down my jaw and I hear the fabric rustle under his fingers. "It is such a shame that you must cover your beauty like this. Perhaps you will let me see your face?" As he says it I feel his fingers lift the material up and away from me. The warning bells are going off in my head. Move, do something! But what? I'm a marine, but I can't exactly flip him and walk away. This is a whole different game I am playing.
As he uncovers my face, I see a smile tug at his mouth. His lips look so soft and inviting. The feelings Jabir is awakening in me frighten me. I stand here still frozen not knowing how to get out of this situation. He moves his hand to once again caress my face with his fingers, but this time there are no barriers between us. My eyes flutter closed as he lightly touches my lips and I swallow a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what else I see in your eyes?" His question makes me force my eyes back open as I wait for him to finish. "So much pain. You have been betrayed by love?" How can he possibly see that in my eyes? How can this man whom I've never said a word to read me so well? The thought scares me and excites me at the same time. I watch as Jabir studies me intently for a few moments more.
"Will you say nothing to me? Will you not let me hear the way my name sounds on your lips?" How he can make that simple request sound so incredibly sexual, is a mystery to me. I realize he wants me to say something and my alarm must register as he looks closer at me. "Are you afraid of me, Amirah?" My half nod seems to cause him discomfort at the thought that I would fear him. As he starts to move closer again I hear his father and Al-Farabi talking as they move towards the room. Jabir quickly replaces my burqua and moves away. I take that as my cue to gather the remaining dishes and exit just as the other two men enter the room from another door. My first objective is to get the information to my contact, but I know it is too late to go to the market without arising suspicion. Retiring to my tiny room I lay down exhausted and remove the heavy garments. The look in his eyes are burned into my mind. My lips still tingle from the feel of his fingers. I groan in frustration as I try to go to sleep, but my dreams are filled with Jabir's touch.
Next morning.
As soon as I can, I make my way to the market and spend the usual time looking through the different vendor's carts. I always try to buy something from other carts to make sure that if someone is watching it will look normal. As I reach my contact, I make a pretense of bartering with him and then after agreeing upon a price I slip him the money and tiny slip of information. Once again, I can only pray they get the information in time. As I make my way back through the market I sense that I am being watched and icy fear pricks the back of my neck. Damn it, if my contact is discovered both of our lives will be over before Webb can even think of getting to us. I feel my heart speed up as I try to pick my way through the carts, stopping at different ones. As I'm looking at some finely woven scarves I hold them up while trying to look around to find my tail. I think I see someone duck around a corner but I can't be certain. Do I go back to Al-Fabir's place? I can't exactly run to the nearest American embassy since there aren't any in Iraq. I mentally go through my options while I continue to look at different scarves, all the while trying to keep my breathing under control. I know I have no choice but to return to Al- Fabir's. As I put the scarf back down, I hear Jabir's voice negotiating the sale of the scarf I was looking at. I turn to him in surprise as he completes the sale and then hands it to me. I know my eyes must show my confusion because he just laughs softly and tells me that I should have something beautiful to match my eyes. He walks away with me holding the scarf and I stare after him.
I'm admittedly confused at his actions. This is the last place I expected to find kindness and the type of attention he is showing me. I'm not saying that all the men are cruel here, because that isn't true. But women hold a lower place in most of this society. Sure the Quran talks of equality between the sexes, but something seems to get lost in the actual implementation of it. What makes me more wary is that I am in one of the lowest social classes of their system, while he enjoys one of the highest roles. The only logical explanation is that something must be going on. I mentally go through everything I have done trying to determine if I have blown my cover. I am sure now that he was the one watching me in the market and I can only hope that he doesn't know about my contact.
The last few days have been agonizing as I wait, certain that I will be discovered. The thought to pass my contact word that we may be exposed has entered my mind a hundred times, but I can't risk going to see him if someone is watching. I have woken in a cold sweat the last 3 nights with nightmares of torture and death. Today I hope to find out if Webb was successful in getting my information. I know the exchange was to take place last night and I should be able to tell if Al-Fabir was successful. I haven't seen Jabir since that day in the market, but as I walk into the room to serve the men I sense his eyes on me immediately. I can also tell that Al-Fabir is barely containing his anger as he keeps looking at Jabir suspiciously. Half way through the meeting I get the answer I was waiting for as Sheik Raihan bursts into the room shouting at Al-Fabir. The best I can tell they are accusing each other of leaking the information for the exchange, which was unsuccessful again. The confirmation makes me incredibly relieved. The shouting gets louder as Jabir rises to his father's defense that he would never betray his friends. A strange feeling of fear for Jabir enters me as I realize that Al-Fabir is now accusing him of leaking the information. Al-Fabir quickly points out that the first botched attempt happened the first day that Jabir started to come in his father's place. I stand frozen again as everyone but Jabir, and the two sheiks exit the room. I slowly make my way to one of the back doors as I hear Sheik Raihan explode at Al-Fabir in anger. Watching these men interact for 7 months has shown me that Sheik Raihan holds a slightly more powerful and influential position in society than Al-Fabir does. I quietly slip to the door as I hear Raihan demand an apology and 'some sort of payment or retribution' for his accusation against his son. His request for payment catches me completely off-guard as I realize they are both waiting for Jabir to make his demands. The tension in the room grows and my heart completely stops as I hear my name.
I am halfway out the door and I'm pretty sure they can't see me. As I slip out the rest of the way I hear Jabir demand that I be given to him as payment. The last I hear is his father trying to talk him out of it, not understanding what he could want with a servant. I breathe in relief as I realize they didn't notice my exit and rush to my room. I have to leave now or I know I won't get out of this country. I gather a few tiny things and hide them under my heavy garments, intending to go to the market and then hide wherever if needed. I walk as calmly as I can towards the servants exit when I hear my name. I stop and turn slowly to see Jabir and the two sheiks staring at me. I keep my eyes downward as I wait for them to explain, hoping that Jabir's request hasn't been approved. My mouth goes dry as I hear Sheik Al-Fabir inform me that I have been 'given' to Jabir and will leave with him immediately. His father takes one look at me and walks away with Al-Fabir, leaving me alone with Jabir.
"Amirah, you don't need to fear me. I won't hurt you." As he guides me with him I feel my last hope for freedom shrinking away in the background. I realize my nightmares of disappearing are coming true. How will Webb find me now?
Friday 5 days later Harm's office
It's been 8 months since Mac left for this mission. Everyday I've hoped to hear the news that she would be returning. And everyday I've waited in vain. From the little that the Admiral has shared I know that she has already helped them stop two attempts to purchase nuclear warheads from different Russian groups. I found out through my own sources that she is actually in Iraq. Iraq, where there are no US embassies and a mad man reigns in power. Now I understand why the Admiral was so unsure that she would return from this mission. If her cover is blown, there is no one to help her.
2 months ago she was officially re-assigned to the State department indefinitely and I'm starting to think I'll never see her sweet smile again. I spend hours staring at pictures of her, but when I close my eyes I can only see the pain etched into her beautiful face. Pain that I am solely responsible for. I would give anything to hold her in my arms and tell her that I love her. I realized that I do and there isn't anything more important than being with her. Hell, I realized that as soon as the Admiral told me that he didn't know if Mac would come back. It's pathetic that it took losing her to make me see how much I need her in my life.
Harriet and Bud miss her and worry about her constantly. They're always asking if I've heard anything. Whenever I see lil AJ he asks me where Aun Mac is. Harriet told me he prays every night that she will come back and play with him. I didn't tell them but I pray every night for her too. Some nights I have the most incredible dreams about us. She's in my arms and her skin is so soft against mine. Her face is filled with love for me as I caress her. Other nights I have nightmares as my harsh words to her echo through my ears. If I'm honest, it's mostly the nightmares that I have.
Work seems empty without her. It's not just me either. I've heard others comment on how things have changed since she's been gone. I'll bet Mac would never believe me if I told her. She always saw herself as less important than she was. My melancholy is disrupted as I see Webb make his first appearance in 8 months. I know he's called the Admiral several times with updates, but I don't think he's talked to him in person. I tried getting information out of him at first as well, but I got the same answer every time. "It's classified"
I feel Webb's nervousness as he enters the bullpen and looks towards Mac's old office and then mine. He quickly looks away from me but in that instant I see fear in his eyes. I start to go after him, but he escapes quickly into the Admiral's office. At first everything is quiet, but then I hear a crash and the Admiral is yelling loudly at Webb. I can't tell exactly what is being said but the whole bullpen has stopped with the noise going on in the Admiral's office. Moments later Webb walks out holding his eye and beats a hasty retreat out of the office. As he is leaving the Admiral yells after him. "You sure as hell better find her Webb or I will make you regret the day you asked for her help." Looking around he glares at everyone and barks at them to get back to work. Harriet, Bud and I are frozen as we realize that he has to be talking about Mac. Just as the admiral gets to his office door, he calls for us to come in.
The silence stretches on forever as I watch the Admiral try to control his emotions. He's been extra irritable while Mac has been gone. Mostly I think he's just worried about her, but I can see some guilt at allowing her to take the assignment. As he slips into his chair, he motions for us to sit as well. As he drops his head in his hands, my heart sinks further at his hopelessness.
"Sir?" Harriet quietly speaks up. "Is this about Colonel Mackenzie?"
"Yes Lt." The admiral looks at each of us and I can see the pain in his eyes. He turns away from us as he relates the news from Webb. "Colonel Mackenzie has disappeared. No one knows where she is or if she is even still alive." His last statement brings a gasp from Harriett and I watch as the Admiral silently berates himself for sharing that last bit.
I feel numb as I hear the Admiral tell us that Mac is missing. I listen as he explains that she had been placed in the home of a sheik we suspected was fronting the money for the nuclear arms sales. The only information they have is that there was a confrontation at the Sheiks home after the second botched arms deal and now Mac is missing. Not knowing if her cover has been blown they can't overtly ask too many questions, and she was the only inside operative so there is no other source from which to get information.
The admiral turns away again and I hear Harriet crying as Bud tries to comfort her. Hearing her distress, he turns back to her. "We all know how tough she is and if there is anyone who can make it out of this it is her. I'm not giving up on her so I don't expect you to either."
I hear a muffled "yes, sir" from Harriet and I know I should say something but I'm still numb. Mac is gone?
"Is there anything we can do to help, Sir?" Bud quietly asks
"Not right now, but I'll let you know." Bud silently gains permission from his CO and he gently escorts Harriet to his office where he can comfort her in private.
I'm still sitting here trying to accept what I've been told. I vaguely register the Admiral's eyes on me.
"Rabb, when we find her I want you with the team that goes to pick her up."
I give a half nod and as I stand up he moves in front of me. "Dammit, Rabb. Don't you dare give up on her. We will find her. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, sir." I wait for him to dismiss me and stop at my office just long enough to pick up my briefcase and cover. I hear whispers as I walk out the door but mostly all I hear is the Admiral telling me that she's missing and doesn't even know if she is still alive.
I'm not sure how I made it home, but I proceed to get completely drunk once I'm safely in my apartment. Right now I can't deal with all the voices in my head. I keep relieving all the chances I've had with her that I let slip through my fingers. I keep seeing the hope in her eyes and then the pain, as I tell her not yet time after time.
END CHAPTER 3
Disclaimers in Part 1
Title: Chapter 3: Unfinished Business
Author: Nala (wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)
7 months later
Sheik Al-Farabi's Palace
It's been 7 months since I slipped that first bit of information to my contact. I'm getting tired of this charade, but we don't have enough information to determine who all of the major players are. There has also been talk of one of Bin Laden's top men coming to Al-Farabi's palace to help make plans for a large attack on American interests. Fortunately, my information allowed Webb to stop the first attempt by Al-Farabi to gain the nuclear warhead. But the danger is still too real and I've become too invaluable on the inside. So far no one has really paid me any attention, except Sheik Raihan's son, Jabir. He always watches quietly, but has never spoken to me directly. At first his constant attention scared me. I thought maybe he was onto me. But the look in his eyes isn't one of suspicion. He actually seems kind, which I tell myself is a mistake to think. If I let my guard down, it could easily cost me my life.
My life? I wonder what is left of that? I've been here so much longer than I would have thought and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I've been wondering lately what everyone is involved in and how they are doing. I'll bet lil AJ is getting so big. Ok, I'm having a self pity moment. I can't help but wonder if they miss me? Harm, especially. Is he dating anyone? Yeah, probably another blonde bimbo. Hell, at this rate he could be married with kids by the time I get back. The thought brings painful images to my mind.
My distraction causes me to almost overfill a glass of wine and I silently curse my carelessness. Once again I feel his eyes on me, but today his usual look of kindness has been replaced with something else. Something more primal. I can feel the heat of his gaze as he follows my movements around the room. As I come to serve him, he lightly strokes my hand. I raise my eyes to his in surprise and I see the hunger and desire there. What shocks me most is my own reaction as his fingers trail a hot path down my hand. I barely suppress a shiver of desire and move quickly to serve the man sitting next to him. The rest of the meeting is torture as I feel him once again follow my movements through the room. I silently rebuke myself for feeling so much when he touched me. I can't allow myself to be distracted by those kinds of feelings.
The knock at the door is a welcome distraction and I notice with some shock that Sheik Raihan and another man enter the room. Sheik Raihan hasn't been here for months since his son has been coming in his place. It's been my opinion that Al-Farabi isn't the one fronting most of the money. This suspicion and the need to know who is the major player, is one of the reasons I am still here. Raihan really is the more plausible key figure in this. Al-Farabi again dismisses everyone and I leave the room, noticing that Jabir stays behind. I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get back into that room, when suddenly the door opens and I'm called back in. My stomach clenches as I wonder what could possibly be wanted of me. Al- Farabi orders me to remove the plates and dishes from the room and I nod and set to work. Fortunately, they are speaking mostly in Russian. I try to appear uninterested and deaf to the conversation, as I gather the remnants of the last meeting. My heart beats excitedly as I realize they are making plans for another buy. From what I am hearing, Sheik Raihan is definitely the one organizing and arranging the buy. This confirmation should help us track down the money trail and find others involved. Mentally I'm filing every word away so that I can slip it to my contact later. I try to fill the tray so that I can have the excuse of one more trip. As I hurry back out and in I notice that the meeting has concluded and only Jabir sits in the room. I silently swear to myself as I realize the third man has left and I don't know who he is. At least I have the meeting time and place. Hopefully that will be enough. I try to quickly remove the rest of the dishes as I feel Jabir's eyes on me.
"Amirah" My name is barely a whisper on his lips. I freeze as I realize he is standing just behind me. My mind races as I try to think of how to take my leave without angering him. I've learned in the meetings that he gets what he wants as the Sheik's son. He has always been considerate of others, without being too demanding. But no one denies him something he wants. I vaguely realize he is speaking to me in Farsi as he moves to face me. His eyes capture mine again and I have a hard time concentrating on how to get out of the room. Unless you've been subjected to wearing a burqua, you could never understand how dehumanizing these garments are to a woman. They make you invisible and undesirable. And right now, I am neither to the man standing in front of me and I can't help the desire that races through me. What is happening to me?
"Amirah, do you know your name means princess?" I shake my head slightly not trusting my voice at this point. "I see strength in your eyes, and intelligence." As he moves closer, he traces his finger down my jaw and I hear the fabric rustle under his fingers. "It is such a shame that you must cover your beauty like this. Perhaps you will let me see your face?" As he says it I feel his fingers lift the material up and away from me. The warning bells are going off in my head. Move, do something! But what? I'm a marine, but I can't exactly flip him and walk away. This is a whole different game I am playing.
As he uncovers my face, I see a smile tug at his mouth. His lips look so soft and inviting. The feelings Jabir is awakening in me frighten me. I stand here still frozen not knowing how to get out of this situation. He moves his hand to once again caress my face with his fingers, but this time there are no barriers between us. My eyes flutter closed as he lightly touches my lips and I swallow a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what else I see in your eyes?" His question makes me force my eyes back open as I wait for him to finish. "So much pain. You have been betrayed by love?" How can he possibly see that in my eyes? How can this man whom I've never said a word to read me so well? The thought scares me and excites me at the same time. I watch as Jabir studies me intently for a few moments more.
"Will you say nothing to me? Will you not let me hear the way my name sounds on your lips?" How he can make that simple request sound so incredibly sexual, is a mystery to me. I realize he wants me to say something and my alarm must register as he looks closer at me. "Are you afraid of me, Amirah?" My half nod seems to cause him discomfort at the thought that I would fear him. As he starts to move closer again I hear his father and Al-Farabi talking as they move towards the room. Jabir quickly replaces my burqua and moves away. I take that as my cue to gather the remaining dishes and exit just as the other two men enter the room from another door. My first objective is to get the information to my contact, but I know it is too late to go to the market without arising suspicion. Retiring to my tiny room I lay down exhausted and remove the heavy garments. The look in his eyes are burned into my mind. My lips still tingle from the feel of his fingers. I groan in frustration as I try to go to sleep, but my dreams are filled with Jabir's touch.
Next morning.
As soon as I can, I make my way to the market and spend the usual time looking through the different vendor's carts. I always try to buy something from other carts to make sure that if someone is watching it will look normal. As I reach my contact, I make a pretense of bartering with him and then after agreeing upon a price I slip him the money and tiny slip of information. Once again, I can only pray they get the information in time. As I make my way back through the market I sense that I am being watched and icy fear pricks the back of my neck. Damn it, if my contact is discovered both of our lives will be over before Webb can even think of getting to us. I feel my heart speed up as I try to pick my way through the carts, stopping at different ones. As I'm looking at some finely woven scarves I hold them up while trying to look around to find my tail. I think I see someone duck around a corner but I can't be certain. Do I go back to Al-Fabir's place? I can't exactly run to the nearest American embassy since there aren't any in Iraq. I mentally go through my options while I continue to look at different scarves, all the while trying to keep my breathing under control. I know I have no choice but to return to Al- Fabir's. As I put the scarf back down, I hear Jabir's voice negotiating the sale of the scarf I was looking at. I turn to him in surprise as he completes the sale and then hands it to me. I know my eyes must show my confusion because he just laughs softly and tells me that I should have something beautiful to match my eyes. He walks away with me holding the scarf and I stare after him.
I'm admittedly confused at his actions. This is the last place I expected to find kindness and the type of attention he is showing me. I'm not saying that all the men are cruel here, because that isn't true. But women hold a lower place in most of this society. Sure the Quran talks of equality between the sexes, but something seems to get lost in the actual implementation of it. What makes me more wary is that I am in one of the lowest social classes of their system, while he enjoys one of the highest roles. The only logical explanation is that something must be going on. I mentally go through everything I have done trying to determine if I have blown my cover. I am sure now that he was the one watching me in the market and I can only hope that he doesn't know about my contact.
The last few days have been agonizing as I wait, certain that I will be discovered. The thought to pass my contact word that we may be exposed has entered my mind a hundred times, but I can't risk going to see him if someone is watching. I have woken in a cold sweat the last 3 nights with nightmares of torture and death. Today I hope to find out if Webb was successful in getting my information. I know the exchange was to take place last night and I should be able to tell if Al-Fabir was successful. I haven't seen Jabir since that day in the market, but as I walk into the room to serve the men I sense his eyes on me immediately. I can also tell that Al-Fabir is barely containing his anger as he keeps looking at Jabir suspiciously. Half way through the meeting I get the answer I was waiting for as Sheik Raihan bursts into the room shouting at Al-Fabir. The best I can tell they are accusing each other of leaking the information for the exchange, which was unsuccessful again. The confirmation makes me incredibly relieved. The shouting gets louder as Jabir rises to his father's defense that he would never betray his friends. A strange feeling of fear for Jabir enters me as I realize that Al-Fabir is now accusing him of leaking the information. Al-Fabir quickly points out that the first botched attempt happened the first day that Jabir started to come in his father's place. I stand frozen again as everyone but Jabir, and the two sheiks exit the room. I slowly make my way to one of the back doors as I hear Sheik Raihan explode at Al-Fabir in anger. Watching these men interact for 7 months has shown me that Sheik Raihan holds a slightly more powerful and influential position in society than Al-Fabir does. I quietly slip to the door as I hear Raihan demand an apology and 'some sort of payment or retribution' for his accusation against his son. His request for payment catches me completely off-guard as I realize they are both waiting for Jabir to make his demands. The tension in the room grows and my heart completely stops as I hear my name.
I am halfway out the door and I'm pretty sure they can't see me. As I slip out the rest of the way I hear Jabir demand that I be given to him as payment. The last I hear is his father trying to talk him out of it, not understanding what he could want with a servant. I breathe in relief as I realize they didn't notice my exit and rush to my room. I have to leave now or I know I won't get out of this country. I gather a few tiny things and hide them under my heavy garments, intending to go to the market and then hide wherever if needed. I walk as calmly as I can towards the servants exit when I hear my name. I stop and turn slowly to see Jabir and the two sheiks staring at me. I keep my eyes downward as I wait for them to explain, hoping that Jabir's request hasn't been approved. My mouth goes dry as I hear Sheik Al-Fabir inform me that I have been 'given' to Jabir and will leave with him immediately. His father takes one look at me and walks away with Al-Fabir, leaving me alone with Jabir.
"Amirah, you don't need to fear me. I won't hurt you." As he guides me with him I feel my last hope for freedom shrinking away in the background. I realize my nightmares of disappearing are coming true. How will Webb find me now?
Friday 5 days later Harm's office
It's been 8 months since Mac left for this mission. Everyday I've hoped to hear the news that she would be returning. And everyday I've waited in vain. From the little that the Admiral has shared I know that she has already helped them stop two attempts to purchase nuclear warheads from different Russian groups. I found out through my own sources that she is actually in Iraq. Iraq, where there are no US embassies and a mad man reigns in power. Now I understand why the Admiral was so unsure that she would return from this mission. If her cover is blown, there is no one to help her.
2 months ago she was officially re-assigned to the State department indefinitely and I'm starting to think I'll never see her sweet smile again. I spend hours staring at pictures of her, but when I close my eyes I can only see the pain etched into her beautiful face. Pain that I am solely responsible for. I would give anything to hold her in my arms and tell her that I love her. I realized that I do and there isn't anything more important than being with her. Hell, I realized that as soon as the Admiral told me that he didn't know if Mac would come back. It's pathetic that it took losing her to make me see how much I need her in my life.
Harriet and Bud miss her and worry about her constantly. They're always asking if I've heard anything. Whenever I see lil AJ he asks me where Aun Mac is. Harriet told me he prays every night that she will come back and play with him. I didn't tell them but I pray every night for her too. Some nights I have the most incredible dreams about us. She's in my arms and her skin is so soft against mine. Her face is filled with love for me as I caress her. Other nights I have nightmares as my harsh words to her echo through my ears. If I'm honest, it's mostly the nightmares that I have.
Work seems empty without her. It's not just me either. I've heard others comment on how things have changed since she's been gone. I'll bet Mac would never believe me if I told her. She always saw herself as less important than she was. My melancholy is disrupted as I see Webb make his first appearance in 8 months. I know he's called the Admiral several times with updates, but I don't think he's talked to him in person. I tried getting information out of him at first as well, but I got the same answer every time. "It's classified"
I feel Webb's nervousness as he enters the bullpen and looks towards Mac's old office and then mine. He quickly looks away from me but in that instant I see fear in his eyes. I start to go after him, but he escapes quickly into the Admiral's office. At first everything is quiet, but then I hear a crash and the Admiral is yelling loudly at Webb. I can't tell exactly what is being said but the whole bullpen has stopped with the noise going on in the Admiral's office. Moments later Webb walks out holding his eye and beats a hasty retreat out of the office. As he is leaving the Admiral yells after him. "You sure as hell better find her Webb or I will make you regret the day you asked for her help." Looking around he glares at everyone and barks at them to get back to work. Harriet, Bud and I are frozen as we realize that he has to be talking about Mac. Just as the admiral gets to his office door, he calls for us to come in.
The silence stretches on forever as I watch the Admiral try to control his emotions. He's been extra irritable while Mac has been gone. Mostly I think he's just worried about her, but I can see some guilt at allowing her to take the assignment. As he slips into his chair, he motions for us to sit as well. As he drops his head in his hands, my heart sinks further at his hopelessness.
"Sir?" Harriet quietly speaks up. "Is this about Colonel Mackenzie?"
"Yes Lt." The admiral looks at each of us and I can see the pain in his eyes. He turns away from us as he relates the news from Webb. "Colonel Mackenzie has disappeared. No one knows where she is or if she is even still alive." His last statement brings a gasp from Harriett and I watch as the Admiral silently berates himself for sharing that last bit.
I feel numb as I hear the Admiral tell us that Mac is missing. I listen as he explains that she had been placed in the home of a sheik we suspected was fronting the money for the nuclear arms sales. The only information they have is that there was a confrontation at the Sheiks home after the second botched arms deal and now Mac is missing. Not knowing if her cover has been blown they can't overtly ask too many questions, and she was the only inside operative so there is no other source from which to get information.
The admiral turns away again and I hear Harriet crying as Bud tries to comfort her. Hearing her distress, he turns back to her. "We all know how tough she is and if there is anyone who can make it out of this it is her. I'm not giving up on her so I don't expect you to either."
I hear a muffled "yes, sir" from Harriet and I know I should say something but I'm still numb. Mac is gone?
"Is there anything we can do to help, Sir?" Bud quietly asks
"Not right now, but I'll let you know." Bud silently gains permission from his CO and he gently escorts Harriet to his office where he can comfort her in private.
I'm still sitting here trying to accept what I've been told. I vaguely register the Admiral's eyes on me.
"Rabb, when we find her I want you with the team that goes to pick her up."
I give a half nod and as I stand up he moves in front of me. "Dammit, Rabb. Don't you dare give up on her. We will find her. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, sir." I wait for him to dismiss me and stop at my office just long enough to pick up my briefcase and cover. I hear whispers as I walk out the door but mostly all I hear is the Admiral telling me that she's missing and doesn't even know if she is still alive.
I'm not sure how I made it home, but I proceed to get completely drunk once I'm safely in my apartment. Right now I can't deal with all the voices in my head. I keep relieving all the chances I've had with her that I let slip through my fingers. I keep seeing the hope in her eyes and then the pain, as I tell her not yet time after time.
END CHAPTER 3