Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 7
Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net)
Disclaimers in part 1
Next day - Kuwait Air force Base Hospital
0800
Mac's POV***
My mouth feels like rough cotton and there is a constant ache in my chest and side. As I struggle to open my eyes, everything comes back to me. The images and sounds from that night flash through my mind. I don't think I will ever forget the look in Harm's eyes as he told me I had to come with him. At first I couldn't understand why they were standing there with guns pointed at Jabir and I. But then the accusation and disappointment in his eyes brought a flood of understanding and then anger. Is that what they really think of me?
I hear him softly breathing and turn my head to see Jabir asleep, hunched over in a chair next to my bed. Even in his sleep he looks troubled and scared. The breathing tube has been removed, but I can barely whisper his name. I try to moisten my lips with my tongue, but its no use. He isn't far from me, but my arms feel too heavy. A movement at the door catches my attention and I look up to see Harm staring at me. I can see the guilt and remorse etched into his face, along with exhaustion. Holding his gaze for more than a few seconds is too hard and I have to turn away. Tears slip down my face as I try to understand how he could believe I was a traitor.
He says nothing to me, but walks into the room and takes a small cup from a bedside table. Jabir is still soundly asleep next to me. Harm walks around to the other side of my bed and silently motions to the cup in his hands. He pulls out a small ice chip and waits for my approval. I manage a small nod, and he rubs it across my dry lips before placing it into my mouth. Taking another, he again does the same thing and I am grateful for the cool wet sensation trickling through my mouth and down my throat. The look in his eyes and his touch is so intimate that I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. Jabir starts to stir next to me and I turn to look over at him grateful for the excuse to turn away. His eyes open slowly, but as he sees Harm he immediately sits up and moves closer to me.
Once again the look of love and concern in his eyes tears at me. What is he going to think of me once he knows?
"Amirah, you are awake."
"Jabir, I have to tell you something." My voice is barely a whisper and fear courses through me as I struggle to find the words. "I have deceived you. I do not deserve you're love." When I raise my eyes to his I am amazed to see understanding and acceptance.
"Amirah, I know who you are. Your admiral told me. At first I was upset, but he helped me understand. I do not hate you. I could not; I love you too much." How can he still love me and forgive me. I don't understand, but the relief sends tears streaming down my face. How am I going to leave him?
"Jabir, I love you so much. Please know that. I would give anything for you." Sadness flickers through his eyes at my declaration of love.
"You have already given too much. If I had lost you." He shakes his head as if to banish those thoughts. "I cannot lose you. I know we cannot go back to Iraq. I will do anything to go with you to your home."
His next statement takes me completely by surprise as I struggle to understand the remorse in his eyes. "Can you forgive me for taking you away from your friends? For making them think you were dead? I have caused you so much pain."
"Its not your fault, Jabir. But what about your father? Won't he come after you?"
His eyes flash with pain and then hatred. "Amirah, my father is dead. The Russian arms dealer killed him." Seeing my guilt he shakes his head at me. "NO. This is not your fault."
He abruptly looks away from me and I turn to see what has taken his attention away. Harm must have left at some point and now the Admiral stands in the doorway. The Admiral is here? I struggle to sit up at least a little straighter, but he flashes me a grin and shakes his head at me.
"Don't even think about it Colonel. Rabb told me you were awake and I just wanted to check on you." His discomfort at his intrusion is obvious. Jabir seems to sense that the Admiral needs to talk to me in private and squeezes my hand.
"I will be back soon." I am amazed but pleased at the friendly nod the Admiral gives to Jabir as he walks out.
"Sir, It's good to see you again." Hell, that sounded lame but what do you say after this long. He must think it was lame too because he softly chuckles at me.
"Mac, I have no idea what you just said, but its good to see you awake. You had us all pretty worried, Marine."
"Sorry, sir." I'm blushing at my mistake in speaking Arabic to him.
"Mac, you don't need to apologize. We all know you will need time to adjust." His face gets a faraway look and sadness creeps across his features. "You've been gone a long time. I, we, thought we'd lost you."
I curse myself for the pain I have caused others. I want to let him know and I get frustrated as I struggle for the words. "I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to let someone know where I was."
"Mac! We know you couldn't do that. You would have blown your cover instantly. Don't feel guilty about that..." he pauses and then adds hesitatingly, "I haven't told anyone back at JAG that you're alive. I didn't want to until. Until I knew you were going to pull through. So far it's just me, Webb and Rabb that know you're here."
At the mention of their names, my face clouds over. I am still so hurt and a little angry. "Mac, I know you're upset about what happened. Hell, so am I. But those two men couldn't be any sorrier for what they did. You know they only fired because Jabir made that move first. They never meant to hit you. I think both of them would die before they would intentionally shoot you."
"I know sir, but how could they think I would betray my country? I would never do that."
"Mac, they were confused. They saw how you were with Jabir and how natural it was for you to speak Arabic. Added to that you told Webb you weren't sure if you should go back. And when Raihan waited so long to go to the meet, they just didn't know what to think. They made a mistake. A terrible one, but still a mistake."
Guilt sweeps through me. I hadn't even stopped to think what it must have looked like to Webb when I suggested maybe I should stay. Still, it hurts, but at least it makes a little more sense to me.
"I know that Jabir wants to come back with you, but I need to know what you want."
Hope floods through me at the thought that he could. "Is that possible?'
"It will be difficult and I can't make any guarantees, but I'll do anything I can to help make it happen. If that's what you want. Webb is already checking around to see what he can do."
"Webb is trying to help?" I can't hold back the astonishment in my voice.
"He feels pretty guilty. I think you'll be able to get him to do just about anything you want at this point. You might want to make a list" He laughs as he says the last part and his eyes sparkle.
"I think I just might." I grin, thinking of all the times this may come in handy. Oh Webb, you owe me big time.
"Mac, what do you want to do about JAG?"
"I really don't know. I need to talk with Jabir before I make any decisions."
"I understand. Why don't I transfer you back to JAG... Well, after I fill out the mounds of paperwork to bring you back from the dead. Then you can take some time to decide."
"Where was I transferred to, sir?"
The look of disgust on his face makes me laugh. "State, if you can believe it."
Laughing, I roll my eyes. "Oh, I really am a spook then?"
He nods and smiles. "Fraid so. But you did get a purple heart, and under the circumstances Webb and Rabb have just insured you will get to keep it. "
I laugh again, grateful that he is being so lighthearted about it. "Sir, I do have one request. I don't want anyone else to know what happened here. Can we just keep the details of who shot me, classified?"
He fixes another big smile at me and nods. "I think we can do that and I don't think you'll get any argument from either Webb or Rabb. I've got to go make some calls and a few arrangements. The doctor indicated we could bring you home in a couple of days."
"Home... Do I even have a home? It has been almost 2 years."
"Don't worry about that. Webb is taking care of it as we speak. Rabb had all of your things stored for you. I don't think he ever completely gave up hope that you would come back. He's a stubborn man. Do you feel up to seeing either one of them?"
I know I have to do this sooner or later, so I might as well get it over with. "Yes, but one at a time." He smiles at my grimace.
Before he walks out the door, he comes closer and takes my hand in his. "Mac, it really is good to have you back. You've been missed more than you could ever know." Not waiting for a response, he walks quickly away.
I don't have more than a few minutes to myself before Webb pokes his head in. He is nervous and his face still holds the guilt of what he did. As he approaches carefully, I have to laugh at him.
"Worried I'm going to get out of this bed and deck you, Webb?" my attempt at a humor falls a little flat and he stares back at me.
"Mac, I know an apology just isn't enough. But I am sorry. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, especially for doubting you. Everything was just so confusing and seem so different. I'm sorry I made Rabb doubt you too. He didn't believe me, but I just kept pointing things out until he couldn't think any other way. It's all my fault. Don't be mad at him." He looks at me, pleading for forgiveness and I am surprised to find that I have already given it.
"Clay, I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't hurt that you thought I could betray my country. I think I understand what happened from your point of view though." He looks relieved by what I say and I think I'm not going to let him off the hook entirely. Not yet. "However, you are going to owe me big for a long time."
"Yes ma'm!" he gives me a mock salute and gets up to leave "Mac, I have to leave and get back to the states."
"I understand.. Clay, thanks. For not giving up on me and coming to get me."
He nods softly and walks out the door. With his departure I know that I will have to deal with seeing Harm. This will be immeasurably harder and I hope I can handle this. There are so many feelings and emotions connected to him that I haven't had to deal with for so long. I wonder what is left between us? Clay said that I shouldn't blame Harm for doubting me, but it's still so hard for me to accept. He knew me better than anyone; making the betrayal hurt infinitely more.
Rabb POV*** I walk into the room to find her staring off, obviously deep in thought. The lines of her face are sad and I can tell that whatever she is thinking about hurts. I know more than likely that I am the cause of her pain. That seems to be all I give her, just pain.
"Sarah" my voice is barely a whisper, but she turns towards me. She raises her eyes to mine and time seems to slow. I find myself getting lost in the depths of her brown eyes. My chest constricts at the sadness I see. So much pain reflected back to me. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and soothe her. As I call her Sarah again her tears begin to fall, tracing jagged paths down her face. Her tears bring my own and I find myself kneeling at her bedside begging for her forgiveness. There are so many things that I need her forgiveness for. For nearly taking her life, for doubting her, but most of all for never telling her I love her. I sent her away letting her believe I didn't care and the knowledge has tortured me every day. It doesn't seem possible that I can ever gain her forgiveness, but as I look up into her eyes again I am overwhelmed. There is still so much pain there, but I don't find any blame in her eyes. No accusation or hate. I know that I will be lucky if I ever get her trust and friendship back, but I vow to myself that I will do whatever it takes. As for her love, that is an entirely different matter. But it is enough to know that Sarah Mackenzie doesn't hate me for what I have done. That simple truth in her eyes gives me hope.
END CHAPTER 7
I'm getting to shippy land, PLEASE be patient. =0) Everyone would shoot me and tell me it was unbelievable if I did it too quickly. I just came up with the final scene for this story and you're going to love it. How much depends on where you're reading this! ;0) This is the edited version, after all.. ;0)
Spoilers: For those wanting to know when they get shippy scenes, even in the tiniest amount.. Let me think. AH yes.. the next chapter has some tiny shipper scenes in it. Mac leaning on Harm a little.. but to get to the full blown stuff is in chapter 9 or 10. Can't remember.
Disclaimers in part 1
Next day - Kuwait Air force Base Hospital
0800
Mac's POV***
My mouth feels like rough cotton and there is a constant ache in my chest and side. As I struggle to open my eyes, everything comes back to me. The images and sounds from that night flash through my mind. I don't think I will ever forget the look in Harm's eyes as he told me I had to come with him. At first I couldn't understand why they were standing there with guns pointed at Jabir and I. But then the accusation and disappointment in his eyes brought a flood of understanding and then anger. Is that what they really think of me?
I hear him softly breathing and turn my head to see Jabir asleep, hunched over in a chair next to my bed. Even in his sleep he looks troubled and scared. The breathing tube has been removed, but I can barely whisper his name. I try to moisten my lips with my tongue, but its no use. He isn't far from me, but my arms feel too heavy. A movement at the door catches my attention and I look up to see Harm staring at me. I can see the guilt and remorse etched into his face, along with exhaustion. Holding his gaze for more than a few seconds is too hard and I have to turn away. Tears slip down my face as I try to understand how he could believe I was a traitor.
He says nothing to me, but walks into the room and takes a small cup from a bedside table. Jabir is still soundly asleep next to me. Harm walks around to the other side of my bed and silently motions to the cup in his hands. He pulls out a small ice chip and waits for my approval. I manage a small nod, and he rubs it across my dry lips before placing it into my mouth. Taking another, he again does the same thing and I am grateful for the cool wet sensation trickling through my mouth and down my throat. The look in his eyes and his touch is so intimate that I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. Jabir starts to stir next to me and I turn to look over at him grateful for the excuse to turn away. His eyes open slowly, but as he sees Harm he immediately sits up and moves closer to me.
Once again the look of love and concern in his eyes tears at me. What is he going to think of me once he knows?
"Amirah, you are awake."
"Jabir, I have to tell you something." My voice is barely a whisper and fear courses through me as I struggle to find the words. "I have deceived you. I do not deserve you're love." When I raise my eyes to his I am amazed to see understanding and acceptance.
"Amirah, I know who you are. Your admiral told me. At first I was upset, but he helped me understand. I do not hate you. I could not; I love you too much." How can he still love me and forgive me. I don't understand, but the relief sends tears streaming down my face. How am I going to leave him?
"Jabir, I love you so much. Please know that. I would give anything for you." Sadness flickers through his eyes at my declaration of love.
"You have already given too much. If I had lost you." He shakes his head as if to banish those thoughts. "I cannot lose you. I know we cannot go back to Iraq. I will do anything to go with you to your home."
His next statement takes me completely by surprise as I struggle to understand the remorse in his eyes. "Can you forgive me for taking you away from your friends? For making them think you were dead? I have caused you so much pain."
"Its not your fault, Jabir. But what about your father? Won't he come after you?"
His eyes flash with pain and then hatred. "Amirah, my father is dead. The Russian arms dealer killed him." Seeing my guilt he shakes his head at me. "NO. This is not your fault."
He abruptly looks away from me and I turn to see what has taken his attention away. Harm must have left at some point and now the Admiral stands in the doorway. The Admiral is here? I struggle to sit up at least a little straighter, but he flashes me a grin and shakes his head at me.
"Don't even think about it Colonel. Rabb told me you were awake and I just wanted to check on you." His discomfort at his intrusion is obvious. Jabir seems to sense that the Admiral needs to talk to me in private and squeezes my hand.
"I will be back soon." I am amazed but pleased at the friendly nod the Admiral gives to Jabir as he walks out.
"Sir, It's good to see you again." Hell, that sounded lame but what do you say after this long. He must think it was lame too because he softly chuckles at me.
"Mac, I have no idea what you just said, but its good to see you awake. You had us all pretty worried, Marine."
"Sorry, sir." I'm blushing at my mistake in speaking Arabic to him.
"Mac, you don't need to apologize. We all know you will need time to adjust." His face gets a faraway look and sadness creeps across his features. "You've been gone a long time. I, we, thought we'd lost you."
I curse myself for the pain I have caused others. I want to let him know and I get frustrated as I struggle for the words. "I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to let someone know where I was."
"Mac! We know you couldn't do that. You would have blown your cover instantly. Don't feel guilty about that..." he pauses and then adds hesitatingly, "I haven't told anyone back at JAG that you're alive. I didn't want to until. Until I knew you were going to pull through. So far it's just me, Webb and Rabb that know you're here."
At the mention of their names, my face clouds over. I am still so hurt and a little angry. "Mac, I know you're upset about what happened. Hell, so am I. But those two men couldn't be any sorrier for what they did. You know they only fired because Jabir made that move first. They never meant to hit you. I think both of them would die before they would intentionally shoot you."
"I know sir, but how could they think I would betray my country? I would never do that."
"Mac, they were confused. They saw how you were with Jabir and how natural it was for you to speak Arabic. Added to that you told Webb you weren't sure if you should go back. And when Raihan waited so long to go to the meet, they just didn't know what to think. They made a mistake. A terrible one, but still a mistake."
Guilt sweeps through me. I hadn't even stopped to think what it must have looked like to Webb when I suggested maybe I should stay. Still, it hurts, but at least it makes a little more sense to me.
"I know that Jabir wants to come back with you, but I need to know what you want."
Hope floods through me at the thought that he could. "Is that possible?'
"It will be difficult and I can't make any guarantees, but I'll do anything I can to help make it happen. If that's what you want. Webb is already checking around to see what he can do."
"Webb is trying to help?" I can't hold back the astonishment in my voice.
"He feels pretty guilty. I think you'll be able to get him to do just about anything you want at this point. You might want to make a list" He laughs as he says the last part and his eyes sparkle.
"I think I just might." I grin, thinking of all the times this may come in handy. Oh Webb, you owe me big time.
"Mac, what do you want to do about JAG?"
"I really don't know. I need to talk with Jabir before I make any decisions."
"I understand. Why don't I transfer you back to JAG... Well, after I fill out the mounds of paperwork to bring you back from the dead. Then you can take some time to decide."
"Where was I transferred to, sir?"
The look of disgust on his face makes me laugh. "State, if you can believe it."
Laughing, I roll my eyes. "Oh, I really am a spook then?"
He nods and smiles. "Fraid so. But you did get a purple heart, and under the circumstances Webb and Rabb have just insured you will get to keep it. "
I laugh again, grateful that he is being so lighthearted about it. "Sir, I do have one request. I don't want anyone else to know what happened here. Can we just keep the details of who shot me, classified?"
He fixes another big smile at me and nods. "I think we can do that and I don't think you'll get any argument from either Webb or Rabb. I've got to go make some calls and a few arrangements. The doctor indicated we could bring you home in a couple of days."
"Home... Do I even have a home? It has been almost 2 years."
"Don't worry about that. Webb is taking care of it as we speak. Rabb had all of your things stored for you. I don't think he ever completely gave up hope that you would come back. He's a stubborn man. Do you feel up to seeing either one of them?"
I know I have to do this sooner or later, so I might as well get it over with. "Yes, but one at a time." He smiles at my grimace.
Before he walks out the door, he comes closer and takes my hand in his. "Mac, it really is good to have you back. You've been missed more than you could ever know." Not waiting for a response, he walks quickly away.
I don't have more than a few minutes to myself before Webb pokes his head in. He is nervous and his face still holds the guilt of what he did. As he approaches carefully, I have to laugh at him.
"Worried I'm going to get out of this bed and deck you, Webb?" my attempt at a humor falls a little flat and he stares back at me.
"Mac, I know an apology just isn't enough. But I am sorry. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, especially for doubting you. Everything was just so confusing and seem so different. I'm sorry I made Rabb doubt you too. He didn't believe me, but I just kept pointing things out until he couldn't think any other way. It's all my fault. Don't be mad at him." He looks at me, pleading for forgiveness and I am surprised to find that I have already given it.
"Clay, I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't hurt that you thought I could betray my country. I think I understand what happened from your point of view though." He looks relieved by what I say and I think I'm not going to let him off the hook entirely. Not yet. "However, you are going to owe me big for a long time."
"Yes ma'm!" he gives me a mock salute and gets up to leave "Mac, I have to leave and get back to the states."
"I understand.. Clay, thanks. For not giving up on me and coming to get me."
He nods softly and walks out the door. With his departure I know that I will have to deal with seeing Harm. This will be immeasurably harder and I hope I can handle this. There are so many feelings and emotions connected to him that I haven't had to deal with for so long. I wonder what is left between us? Clay said that I shouldn't blame Harm for doubting me, but it's still so hard for me to accept. He knew me better than anyone; making the betrayal hurt infinitely more.
Rabb POV*** I walk into the room to find her staring off, obviously deep in thought. The lines of her face are sad and I can tell that whatever she is thinking about hurts. I know more than likely that I am the cause of her pain. That seems to be all I give her, just pain.
"Sarah" my voice is barely a whisper, but she turns towards me. She raises her eyes to mine and time seems to slow. I find myself getting lost in the depths of her brown eyes. My chest constricts at the sadness I see. So much pain reflected back to me. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and soothe her. As I call her Sarah again her tears begin to fall, tracing jagged paths down her face. Her tears bring my own and I find myself kneeling at her bedside begging for her forgiveness. There are so many things that I need her forgiveness for. For nearly taking her life, for doubting her, but most of all for never telling her I love her. I sent her away letting her believe I didn't care and the knowledge has tortured me every day. It doesn't seem possible that I can ever gain her forgiveness, but as I look up into her eyes again I am overwhelmed. There is still so much pain there, but I don't find any blame in her eyes. No accusation or hate. I know that I will be lucky if I ever get her trust and friendship back, but I vow to myself that I will do whatever it takes. As for her love, that is an entirely different matter. But it is enough to know that Sarah Mackenzie doesn't hate me for what I have done. That simple truth in her eyes gives me hope.
END CHAPTER 7
I'm getting to shippy land, PLEASE be patient. =0) Everyone would shoot me and tell me it was unbelievable if I did it too quickly. I just came up with the final scene for this story and you're going to love it. How much depends on where you're reading this! ;0) This is the edited version, after all.. ;0)
Spoilers: For those wanting to know when they get shippy scenes, even in the tiniest amount.. Let me think. AH yes.. the next chapter has some tiny shipper scenes in it. Mac leaning on Harm a little.. but to get to the full blown stuff is in chapter 9 or 10. Can't remember.