Title: Unfinished Business: Ch 9
Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net)
Disclaimers in Pt 1.
3 days later
0800
Mac's Apt
I stretch lazily under my covers as the images of my dream replay in my mind. I groan in frustration and hope that Jabir gets here soon. The phone's insistent ringing pulls me out of bed and I manage to grab it just before my machine picks up.
"Hello?" My voice is groggy and I barely manage to mumble it in English.
"Mac? Is that you?" The hopefulness in Chloe's sweet voice nearly makes me cry.
"Chloe? Sweetie. I'm so glad you called. I've missed you so much!" Her response is muffled by her tears as she tries to tell me how much she has missed me too. Guilt rages through me again as I think of all the pain that I have put my friends through.
"So, you're really ok and everything?" She sniffs.
"Yeah, I'm better than ok now that you've called. How are you? There's so much I want to know about the last two years."
"I know. Can you come visit?"
"I'll try, but it's going to be difficult for me to leave here anytime soon. Do you think you could come down here?" Chloe tells me that she'll ask her grandma when she comes home. The hour is spent catching each other up as much as possible and she tells me all about the camping trip she just barely returned from. She seems all grown up and I hate that I have missed out on so much of her life. When she asks me about what happened while I was gone, I pause and wonder what I can and should tell her.
"Oh Chloe, that's a long story. And I'm not sure what is still classified. But I do have big news." I bite my lip unconsciously as I wonder what her reaction will be. She struggled with Mic at first and then when I didn't marry him she was mad at me for it. Well, she was mad at Harm too. I take a deep breath and try to remember that she's still young and it might be hard for her to understand. "I'm married."
"You're married?!" her exasperation and complete disbelief are evident. I struggle with how to explain that I am married to the man who essentially made me disappear from everyone's lives. Sometimes it still strikes ME as strange and I don't know how to explain to everyone else. I reassure myself that they'll understand as soon as they meet him.
"It's not Harm, is it?" she already knows the answer and seems crestfallen
"No, but I think you'll like him. He's so kind and he's really handsome and."
She cuts me off with a frustrated sigh. "Mac, you were supposed to marry Harm."
I feel a tinge of loss and regret at her comment, but then I see Jabir's smile in my mind and I think of how much I love him.
"Chloe, Harm and I weren't going to work out. He just didn't feel the same way that I did. But that's all in the past. I love Jabir and he makes happy."
"But Mac. Harm does too love you. He even said so at the funeral."
My heart stops at her revelation and I feel lightheaded. "Chloe, what are you talking about?"
"At your funeral. He told everyone how much he loved you and how sorry he was and.."
Understanding dawns on me as she keeps talking. She's mistaking being in love with loving me as a friend. He was probably feeling guilty too for the way he acted before I left, but that's all. How can I make her understand?
"Chloe, Harm only loves me as a friend. Not as someone he wants to marry."
"Mac, that's not true!.. oh, hang on." I can hear her grandma calling to her in the background. She asks her grandma if she can come visit me and breathlessly tells me that it's up to me when she comes. I assure her that we'll do it soon and I hear her grandmother telling her that they have to leave or she'll be late.
"I gotta go, but we'll talk again soon and figure out when I can come, right?"
"Yeah. Chloe, I love you." As I hang up the phone, I wonder how I could have ever struggled with coming back. In some ways being here is still strange and I know there will be adjustments, but I don't think I realized how badly I missed my friends.
The last few days I've kept myself busy looking up laws and policy to try and help get Jabir here faster. There isn't much that I can do, but Webb dropped by yesterday and let me know that he felt he was making good progress in bringing Jabir here as a political refuge. He could have told me that on the phone, but I think he was trying to check up on me too. I just hope there isn't anything he isn't telling me. If he gets Jabir involved with the CIA in ANY way I will do serious bodily harm to him. Clay also brought my vette by that I guess Harm had stored for me as well. I look around the room again and notice that there aren't hardly any pictures of mine here. That seems strange. Harm did mention that he had a few things of mine, but why would he have my pictures? He was supposed to bring my things by the night after I got back but he got called away on an investigation to Norfolk.
I have talked with Jabir everyday since I've been here. If its possible, I think he is suffering more than I am in being apart from each other. He's been so supportive of me in my struggle to make a decision about returning to active military status and fully agrees with me that I should go back to JAG for a few weeks before I decide. I think I'll go in today to talk with the Admiral. It will be the first time I've been back to the office and I'm a little nervous about how I will feel once I get there, but better now than putting it off.
I shower and get ready as quickly as I can. I walk out my apartment and feel strange that I'm not covered practically from head to toe and that I'm alone. As I look at my car I have a strange sense of freedom for the first time in months. I relish the thought of being out on my own, racing though the streets in my vette. That is something I definitely missed while in Iraq and even with Jabir. Here, I can go and do anything I want, when I want.
I make it to JAG HQ in record time; okay I might have sped a little bit. What can I say? Being behind the engine of a powerful machine is exhilarating to me. I never felt that way until I got this car, before it was just about transportation. I didn't wear my uniform into the office so the guard stops me and I have to get a visitor's badge. Truthfully, it still feels a little weird to look at all the uniforms hanging in my closet and even stranger to look at myself in the mirror when I'm wearing it. As I walk into the bullpen, I mentally gear myself up for the feelings that I know are going to flood through me. Ok, I can do this.
Harriet's POV*** Today has been crazy. Lt Singer and my husband just went up against each other in court again. She was her devious nasty self as usual, but this time Bud kicked her six. I can't hold back the smirk I have as she huffs past me grumbling and slams the door to her office. I still relish the day I gave her a black eye. Nothing has ever felt so right than when I smacked her a good one for her attitude that night. She pretended to be sorry when Colonel Mackenzie went missing, but I think she was secretly glad that the Colonel wouldn't be standing in her way of becoming the first female JAG. As if that is ever going to happen. Whoa, speaking of. Colonel Mackenzie is here, in civvies, and is looking around the bullpen. At least there are still a few of us here from before she left. Hopefully that will help her not feel too out of place. I'm glad that she's looking physically stronger today, but the differences in her appearance are more visible too. Her hair is longer and she has a softer aura about her than she used to. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't look like a pushover... But there are definite changes in her bearing. I look closer and find that in spite of her discomfort at being here, there is an underlying peace to her.
"Ma'm. How are you?" I rush over and give her a soft hug.
"Harriet, its Mac. Especially when I am out of uniform." She looks around nervously. "Is the Admiral in? I need to talk with him for a few minutes."
Oh, she must be here to give him a decision. I wonder what she'll do. I want to ask, but I don't want to pry either. "I think so. Let's just check with his yeoman." As we walk to his office, I hear an enthusiastic hello from Tiner.
"Colonel Mackenzie. You're back! Its so good to see you Ma'm." He stands there beaming in the most eager way, as only Tiner can. I can tell he is waiting for her to notice that he has been promoted to Lt. JG. Tiner went through OCS after he completed his pre-law degree. The Colonel notices and smiles broadly at him when he explains that he is in his first year of law school. They exchange a few words but then he gets notified of an appt and he has to leave.
"Hinckley, is the Admiral available? Colonel Mackenzie is here to see him." Hinckley's eyes widen as she recognizes the name and stares at the Colonel. She seems to catch herself and calls the Admiral, gaining permission for her to come in. I watch as the Colonel somewhat hesitatingly enters the office and closes the door behind her. I just hope she has decided to come back and at least give it a try. I am still dying to talk with her and get all the details of what happened while she was gone, but I think she is still trying to adjust to everything.
Same time
Admiral Chegwidden's office (and his POV*** LOL)
Mac's here? Didn't I give her the week off to make a decision and recuperate? Wariness floods through me as I realize she is probably here to give me her decision. This can't be easy for her, but I really hope she doesn't give up the Marines and JAG. I think she will be making a mistake if she lets go entirely of her old life. I know part of my hope that she stays is selfish, she is or was one of my top attorneys. I have no doubt that she will be again, if she comes back.
I watch her walk into my office. She's looking better, but I'm amazed at how beautiful she is. She is still a little pale, but her hair is longer and she has a softer look to her. She just has that inner contentment that only loving and being loved back brings to a person. I have always thought Mac was beautiful, but she often hid it under her uniform. She seemed almost uncomfortable with her looks. But now, she exudes quiet contentment and unassuming beauty. She's dressed in civilian clothes today and I frown to myself thinking that's probably not a good sign.
"Mac. You're looking better." I smile and motion for her to have a seat. She's looking around at everything and I wonder if she feels out of place here.
"Thank you sir. You're office hasn't changed much and I see Tiner is on his way to becoming a lawyer." Her words come out a little slow and there's still a trace of an accent. She must still be struggling with the transition to speaking English.
"I know. Would you have ever thought he would make it into law school?" She grins and shakes her head.
"How are you doing?" Her only response is a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Mac, I know there's a lot for you to adjust to. Just give yourself some time. It'll come to you and you'll know what to do."
"Well actually. I have made a decision about my military status. Jabir and I have talked and we both feel strongly that I should spend some time back here before coming to a final decision." She looks up at me nervously. "I know that you want a firm commitment, but I don't know that I can honestly give that to you until I've been back for a while." She's obviously unsure about my response to her request. I, however, am relieved that she wants to give it a try and find myself letting go of a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"I couldn't expect anymore from you than that. I was hoping you would at least give us a chance. How do you feel about starting back on Monday?" She smiles gratefully and nods.
I fix a steely gaze at her as I try to determine if she is physically up to it.
Seemingly reading my mind, "I'm going to go insane with boredom if I stay home any longer. I might need to take it easy physically for the first few days, but I think I'm up to it." She hesitatingly adds, "Um, Sir. It's been a long time since I tried a case."
"I understand. I'll have you sit second chair for the first few until you get comfortable again. Actually, Rabb doesn't have a partner right now and he could use the help." At my mention of Rabb she looks a little uncomfortable. I know I might be pushing it to put those two back together and I start to think better of it. "Or, Lt. Commander Roberts is available, but I hate to have you sit second chair to a junior officer."
"I'll leave that up to your judgment, Sir. But if you can avoid putting me with Singer I would appreciate it." The smile she gives me lets me know she is only half joking.
"I'd only do that if I was mad at you. Besides she's going to be furious once I kick her out of your old office." We both laugh and she seems more relieved than when she walked into my office. "Any word on Jabir?"
"Nothing concrete sir. I just hope it's soon. Due to some legal technicalities with our marriage, he can't get resident status based on that. Webb is trying for political refuge." I give her an understanding smile and my new yeoman buzzes me that my 1300 apt is here.
"Colonel, I'll see you at 0800 on Monday. Singer will be out of your office by Friday so feel free to come in on the weekend if you want to get things set up." She smiles her thanks and leaves my office. I grin widely as I think that things around here are definitely looking up.
Mac's POV**
Well, that went better than I thought. I start on Monday and I feel no small amount of pleasure that I get my old office back and Singer gets kicked out of it. As I'm walking out, I see Harm's office. The light is off so I know he must still be out on the investigation. Looking in I can see that his office is full of pictures. They're everywhere. I wonder who they're of, but I don't want to be nosy and just walk into his office without him here.
"Hello, Ma'm. If you're looking for Captain Rabb, he's on an investigation." I don't even have to turn around to know who belongs to that annoying voice. I turn and fix her with my best fake smile.
"Yes, Lt. Singer. I am aware of that."
"Its good to see you again Ma'm. I hope you won't be a stranger around here now that you've come back." She smiles smugly and walks away. Hah, don't count on it; starting on Monday.
As I turn away from Singer, I see Harriet watching me closely. I can tell she's dying for me to tell her what I just told the Admiral. Bless Harriet's heart. I know she is anxious to ask me a million questions and I'm actually looking forward to telling her all about Jabir.
"Ma'm. Do you have to leave or do you have a few minutes to chat?"
"Yeah, I'd like that. Where can we go to talk?"
"Oh, I'm sure Captain Rabb won't mind if we use his office. He won't be back until tomorrow."
Well, I did want to see who all the pictures are of. Why not? I nod my head yes and follow her in. She starts to ask me how my meeting went with the Admiral, but as I start to look around at the pictures the room seems to close in on me. So far every single one of them is of me or of Harm and I together. My eyes fix on one that literally takes my breath away. It's a picture of Sergei, Harm, and I at a county fair. Sergei is laughing his head off and Harm has a full-blown flyboy grin on his face. But I am looking up at him and its obvious to anyone that I am completely in love with him. I feel the blood drain from my face and my hands start to shake. I look up to Harriet and see concern in her face.
I struggle to regain my composure. It's been awhile since I had to deal with those feelings for him. I've accepted that Harm and I were never meant to be, but I don't understand why there are so many pictures of me here. Did he really miss me that much?
Harriet seems to read my mind as she softly explains, "Ma'm. He missed you a lot when you were gone. When they declared you MIA and had your memorial service.." She stops and seems to be debating on telling me something. "I thought we were going to lose him as well. This was his way of keeping you close."
"But Harriet. He doesn't care about me that way. He made that clear before I left." Before she has a chance to respond, I feel his presence at the door. I'm afraid to look at him and Harriet suddenly remembers something that needs to be done right away. I sit numbly as he walks in and closes the door behind him. Silence envelopes us and he sits down in his chair, turning to his window.
I feel his gaze come back to me and his voice is full or regret. "I'm sorry I let you think that, Mac. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life when I let you leave not knowing how I really felt. I've been paying for it every day that you've been gone. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you."
His statement stuns me. Is he telling me what I think he is? He gets up from behind his desk and takes the chair next to me. I can't meet his eyes and I stare at my hands. "Harm, I.. I'm married and I'm happy." My voice pleads with him to understand. Why now?
"I know Sarah. And I don't want to push anything on you, but I can't help how I feel. When you were declared MIA, I swore to myself that I would never leave anything important unsaid again. I vowed that if I ever got to see your beautiful face again, I would tell you what a fool I was the night before you left, and so many other times."
No, he can't be doing this now. I can't handle this. "Please don't do this Harm. We have to work together."
"You're coming back to JAG?" His voice is soft, but I can hear the happiness in it.
I nod my head, grateful for the departure in our conversation. "Jabir and I felt it would be best for me to come back for awhile before I make a final decision."
"Oh, so you're still not sure you want to come back for good?"
"How can I be? It's been almost 2 years since I walked into a courtroom. I may not have what it takes anymore. I just don't know. Look, I've got to go." I feel trapped and overwhelmed and my only instinct is to get away from him, from what he's trying to tell me. I stand and open the door as quickly as I can; hoping to discourage him from going back to our earlier conversation.
"Mac."
His sentence is interrupted as Sturgis walks up. "Hey Mac! Good to see you! So, are you coming back to keep us sailors in line?"
I am SO grateful for Sturgis' timing right now. I flash him my best grin, "You better believe it. Starting Monday this Marine is going to be whipping you squids back into shape." He laughs and tells he me doesn't doubt it. As he asks Harm about a case, I escape through the door and am grateful that Harriet's observant eyes are pointed in the opposite direction.
As I drive home, all I can think about is that Harm is in love with me. I know he didn't say it, but he didn't have to. I'm torn by the fact that what I wanted most in my life is now right in front of me. I never expected to be faced with this and I wonder what do I do now? I thought I was over my feelings for Harm, but his confession brought them all to the surface again. Where do I go from here? My heart aches and I know there's only one answer. I just hope that I have the strength to let go of the love of a good man.
END CHAPTER 9
All I can say, is this is getting MUCH longer than I ever intended. LOL. Can I beg for NICE reviews from those who feel inclined to post one here?? I want to reach a 100. =0)
Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net)
Disclaimers in Pt 1.
3 days later
0800
Mac's Apt
I stretch lazily under my covers as the images of my dream replay in my mind. I groan in frustration and hope that Jabir gets here soon. The phone's insistent ringing pulls me out of bed and I manage to grab it just before my machine picks up.
"Hello?" My voice is groggy and I barely manage to mumble it in English.
"Mac? Is that you?" The hopefulness in Chloe's sweet voice nearly makes me cry.
"Chloe? Sweetie. I'm so glad you called. I've missed you so much!" Her response is muffled by her tears as she tries to tell me how much she has missed me too. Guilt rages through me again as I think of all the pain that I have put my friends through.
"So, you're really ok and everything?" She sniffs.
"Yeah, I'm better than ok now that you've called. How are you? There's so much I want to know about the last two years."
"I know. Can you come visit?"
"I'll try, but it's going to be difficult for me to leave here anytime soon. Do you think you could come down here?" Chloe tells me that she'll ask her grandma when she comes home. The hour is spent catching each other up as much as possible and she tells me all about the camping trip she just barely returned from. She seems all grown up and I hate that I have missed out on so much of her life. When she asks me about what happened while I was gone, I pause and wonder what I can and should tell her.
"Oh Chloe, that's a long story. And I'm not sure what is still classified. But I do have big news." I bite my lip unconsciously as I wonder what her reaction will be. She struggled with Mic at first and then when I didn't marry him she was mad at me for it. Well, she was mad at Harm too. I take a deep breath and try to remember that she's still young and it might be hard for her to understand. "I'm married."
"You're married?!" her exasperation and complete disbelief are evident. I struggle with how to explain that I am married to the man who essentially made me disappear from everyone's lives. Sometimes it still strikes ME as strange and I don't know how to explain to everyone else. I reassure myself that they'll understand as soon as they meet him.
"It's not Harm, is it?" she already knows the answer and seems crestfallen
"No, but I think you'll like him. He's so kind and he's really handsome and."
She cuts me off with a frustrated sigh. "Mac, you were supposed to marry Harm."
I feel a tinge of loss and regret at her comment, but then I see Jabir's smile in my mind and I think of how much I love him.
"Chloe, Harm and I weren't going to work out. He just didn't feel the same way that I did. But that's all in the past. I love Jabir and he makes happy."
"But Mac. Harm does too love you. He even said so at the funeral."
My heart stops at her revelation and I feel lightheaded. "Chloe, what are you talking about?"
"At your funeral. He told everyone how much he loved you and how sorry he was and.."
Understanding dawns on me as she keeps talking. She's mistaking being in love with loving me as a friend. He was probably feeling guilty too for the way he acted before I left, but that's all. How can I make her understand?
"Chloe, Harm only loves me as a friend. Not as someone he wants to marry."
"Mac, that's not true!.. oh, hang on." I can hear her grandma calling to her in the background. She asks her grandma if she can come visit me and breathlessly tells me that it's up to me when she comes. I assure her that we'll do it soon and I hear her grandmother telling her that they have to leave or she'll be late.
"I gotta go, but we'll talk again soon and figure out when I can come, right?"
"Yeah. Chloe, I love you." As I hang up the phone, I wonder how I could have ever struggled with coming back. In some ways being here is still strange and I know there will be adjustments, but I don't think I realized how badly I missed my friends.
The last few days I've kept myself busy looking up laws and policy to try and help get Jabir here faster. There isn't much that I can do, but Webb dropped by yesterday and let me know that he felt he was making good progress in bringing Jabir here as a political refuge. He could have told me that on the phone, but I think he was trying to check up on me too. I just hope there isn't anything he isn't telling me. If he gets Jabir involved with the CIA in ANY way I will do serious bodily harm to him. Clay also brought my vette by that I guess Harm had stored for me as well. I look around the room again and notice that there aren't hardly any pictures of mine here. That seems strange. Harm did mention that he had a few things of mine, but why would he have my pictures? He was supposed to bring my things by the night after I got back but he got called away on an investigation to Norfolk.
I have talked with Jabir everyday since I've been here. If its possible, I think he is suffering more than I am in being apart from each other. He's been so supportive of me in my struggle to make a decision about returning to active military status and fully agrees with me that I should go back to JAG for a few weeks before I decide. I think I'll go in today to talk with the Admiral. It will be the first time I've been back to the office and I'm a little nervous about how I will feel once I get there, but better now than putting it off.
I shower and get ready as quickly as I can. I walk out my apartment and feel strange that I'm not covered practically from head to toe and that I'm alone. As I look at my car I have a strange sense of freedom for the first time in months. I relish the thought of being out on my own, racing though the streets in my vette. That is something I definitely missed while in Iraq and even with Jabir. Here, I can go and do anything I want, when I want.
I make it to JAG HQ in record time; okay I might have sped a little bit. What can I say? Being behind the engine of a powerful machine is exhilarating to me. I never felt that way until I got this car, before it was just about transportation. I didn't wear my uniform into the office so the guard stops me and I have to get a visitor's badge. Truthfully, it still feels a little weird to look at all the uniforms hanging in my closet and even stranger to look at myself in the mirror when I'm wearing it. As I walk into the bullpen, I mentally gear myself up for the feelings that I know are going to flood through me. Ok, I can do this.
Harriet's POV*** Today has been crazy. Lt Singer and my husband just went up against each other in court again. She was her devious nasty self as usual, but this time Bud kicked her six. I can't hold back the smirk I have as she huffs past me grumbling and slams the door to her office. I still relish the day I gave her a black eye. Nothing has ever felt so right than when I smacked her a good one for her attitude that night. She pretended to be sorry when Colonel Mackenzie went missing, but I think she was secretly glad that the Colonel wouldn't be standing in her way of becoming the first female JAG. As if that is ever going to happen. Whoa, speaking of. Colonel Mackenzie is here, in civvies, and is looking around the bullpen. At least there are still a few of us here from before she left. Hopefully that will help her not feel too out of place. I'm glad that she's looking physically stronger today, but the differences in her appearance are more visible too. Her hair is longer and she has a softer aura about her than she used to. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't look like a pushover... But there are definite changes in her bearing. I look closer and find that in spite of her discomfort at being here, there is an underlying peace to her.
"Ma'm. How are you?" I rush over and give her a soft hug.
"Harriet, its Mac. Especially when I am out of uniform." She looks around nervously. "Is the Admiral in? I need to talk with him for a few minutes."
Oh, she must be here to give him a decision. I wonder what she'll do. I want to ask, but I don't want to pry either. "I think so. Let's just check with his yeoman." As we walk to his office, I hear an enthusiastic hello from Tiner.
"Colonel Mackenzie. You're back! Its so good to see you Ma'm." He stands there beaming in the most eager way, as only Tiner can. I can tell he is waiting for her to notice that he has been promoted to Lt. JG. Tiner went through OCS after he completed his pre-law degree. The Colonel notices and smiles broadly at him when he explains that he is in his first year of law school. They exchange a few words but then he gets notified of an appt and he has to leave.
"Hinckley, is the Admiral available? Colonel Mackenzie is here to see him." Hinckley's eyes widen as she recognizes the name and stares at the Colonel. She seems to catch herself and calls the Admiral, gaining permission for her to come in. I watch as the Colonel somewhat hesitatingly enters the office and closes the door behind her. I just hope she has decided to come back and at least give it a try. I am still dying to talk with her and get all the details of what happened while she was gone, but I think she is still trying to adjust to everything.
Same time
Admiral Chegwidden's office (and his POV*** LOL)
Mac's here? Didn't I give her the week off to make a decision and recuperate? Wariness floods through me as I realize she is probably here to give me her decision. This can't be easy for her, but I really hope she doesn't give up the Marines and JAG. I think she will be making a mistake if she lets go entirely of her old life. I know part of my hope that she stays is selfish, she is or was one of my top attorneys. I have no doubt that she will be again, if she comes back.
I watch her walk into my office. She's looking better, but I'm amazed at how beautiful she is. She is still a little pale, but her hair is longer and she has a softer look to her. She just has that inner contentment that only loving and being loved back brings to a person. I have always thought Mac was beautiful, but she often hid it under her uniform. She seemed almost uncomfortable with her looks. But now, she exudes quiet contentment and unassuming beauty. She's dressed in civilian clothes today and I frown to myself thinking that's probably not a good sign.
"Mac. You're looking better." I smile and motion for her to have a seat. She's looking around at everything and I wonder if she feels out of place here.
"Thank you sir. You're office hasn't changed much and I see Tiner is on his way to becoming a lawyer." Her words come out a little slow and there's still a trace of an accent. She must still be struggling with the transition to speaking English.
"I know. Would you have ever thought he would make it into law school?" She grins and shakes her head.
"How are you doing?" Her only response is a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Mac, I know there's a lot for you to adjust to. Just give yourself some time. It'll come to you and you'll know what to do."
"Well actually. I have made a decision about my military status. Jabir and I have talked and we both feel strongly that I should spend some time back here before coming to a final decision." She looks up at me nervously. "I know that you want a firm commitment, but I don't know that I can honestly give that to you until I've been back for a while." She's obviously unsure about my response to her request. I, however, am relieved that she wants to give it a try and find myself letting go of a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"I couldn't expect anymore from you than that. I was hoping you would at least give us a chance. How do you feel about starting back on Monday?" She smiles gratefully and nods.
I fix a steely gaze at her as I try to determine if she is physically up to it.
Seemingly reading my mind, "I'm going to go insane with boredom if I stay home any longer. I might need to take it easy physically for the first few days, but I think I'm up to it." She hesitatingly adds, "Um, Sir. It's been a long time since I tried a case."
"I understand. I'll have you sit second chair for the first few until you get comfortable again. Actually, Rabb doesn't have a partner right now and he could use the help." At my mention of Rabb she looks a little uncomfortable. I know I might be pushing it to put those two back together and I start to think better of it. "Or, Lt. Commander Roberts is available, but I hate to have you sit second chair to a junior officer."
"I'll leave that up to your judgment, Sir. But if you can avoid putting me with Singer I would appreciate it." The smile she gives me lets me know she is only half joking.
"I'd only do that if I was mad at you. Besides she's going to be furious once I kick her out of your old office." We both laugh and she seems more relieved than when she walked into my office. "Any word on Jabir?"
"Nothing concrete sir. I just hope it's soon. Due to some legal technicalities with our marriage, he can't get resident status based on that. Webb is trying for political refuge." I give her an understanding smile and my new yeoman buzzes me that my 1300 apt is here.
"Colonel, I'll see you at 0800 on Monday. Singer will be out of your office by Friday so feel free to come in on the weekend if you want to get things set up." She smiles her thanks and leaves my office. I grin widely as I think that things around here are definitely looking up.
Mac's POV**
Well, that went better than I thought. I start on Monday and I feel no small amount of pleasure that I get my old office back and Singer gets kicked out of it. As I'm walking out, I see Harm's office. The light is off so I know he must still be out on the investigation. Looking in I can see that his office is full of pictures. They're everywhere. I wonder who they're of, but I don't want to be nosy and just walk into his office without him here.
"Hello, Ma'm. If you're looking for Captain Rabb, he's on an investigation." I don't even have to turn around to know who belongs to that annoying voice. I turn and fix her with my best fake smile.
"Yes, Lt. Singer. I am aware of that."
"Its good to see you again Ma'm. I hope you won't be a stranger around here now that you've come back." She smiles smugly and walks away. Hah, don't count on it; starting on Monday.
As I turn away from Singer, I see Harriet watching me closely. I can tell she's dying for me to tell her what I just told the Admiral. Bless Harriet's heart. I know she is anxious to ask me a million questions and I'm actually looking forward to telling her all about Jabir.
"Ma'm. Do you have to leave or do you have a few minutes to chat?"
"Yeah, I'd like that. Where can we go to talk?"
"Oh, I'm sure Captain Rabb won't mind if we use his office. He won't be back until tomorrow."
Well, I did want to see who all the pictures are of. Why not? I nod my head yes and follow her in. She starts to ask me how my meeting went with the Admiral, but as I start to look around at the pictures the room seems to close in on me. So far every single one of them is of me or of Harm and I together. My eyes fix on one that literally takes my breath away. It's a picture of Sergei, Harm, and I at a county fair. Sergei is laughing his head off and Harm has a full-blown flyboy grin on his face. But I am looking up at him and its obvious to anyone that I am completely in love with him. I feel the blood drain from my face and my hands start to shake. I look up to Harriet and see concern in her face.
I struggle to regain my composure. It's been awhile since I had to deal with those feelings for him. I've accepted that Harm and I were never meant to be, but I don't understand why there are so many pictures of me here. Did he really miss me that much?
Harriet seems to read my mind as she softly explains, "Ma'm. He missed you a lot when you were gone. When they declared you MIA and had your memorial service.." She stops and seems to be debating on telling me something. "I thought we were going to lose him as well. This was his way of keeping you close."
"But Harriet. He doesn't care about me that way. He made that clear before I left." Before she has a chance to respond, I feel his presence at the door. I'm afraid to look at him and Harriet suddenly remembers something that needs to be done right away. I sit numbly as he walks in and closes the door behind him. Silence envelopes us and he sits down in his chair, turning to his window.
I feel his gaze come back to me and his voice is full or regret. "I'm sorry I let you think that, Mac. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life when I let you leave not knowing how I really felt. I've been paying for it every day that you've been gone. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you."
His statement stuns me. Is he telling me what I think he is? He gets up from behind his desk and takes the chair next to me. I can't meet his eyes and I stare at my hands. "Harm, I.. I'm married and I'm happy." My voice pleads with him to understand. Why now?
"I know Sarah. And I don't want to push anything on you, but I can't help how I feel. When you were declared MIA, I swore to myself that I would never leave anything important unsaid again. I vowed that if I ever got to see your beautiful face again, I would tell you what a fool I was the night before you left, and so many other times."
No, he can't be doing this now. I can't handle this. "Please don't do this Harm. We have to work together."
"You're coming back to JAG?" His voice is soft, but I can hear the happiness in it.
I nod my head, grateful for the departure in our conversation. "Jabir and I felt it would be best for me to come back for awhile before I make a final decision."
"Oh, so you're still not sure you want to come back for good?"
"How can I be? It's been almost 2 years since I walked into a courtroom. I may not have what it takes anymore. I just don't know. Look, I've got to go." I feel trapped and overwhelmed and my only instinct is to get away from him, from what he's trying to tell me. I stand and open the door as quickly as I can; hoping to discourage him from going back to our earlier conversation.
"Mac."
His sentence is interrupted as Sturgis walks up. "Hey Mac! Good to see you! So, are you coming back to keep us sailors in line?"
I am SO grateful for Sturgis' timing right now. I flash him my best grin, "You better believe it. Starting Monday this Marine is going to be whipping you squids back into shape." He laughs and tells he me doesn't doubt it. As he asks Harm about a case, I escape through the door and am grateful that Harriet's observant eyes are pointed in the opposite direction.
As I drive home, all I can think about is that Harm is in love with me. I know he didn't say it, but he didn't have to. I'm torn by the fact that what I wanted most in my life is now right in front of me. I never expected to be faced with this and I wonder what do I do now? I thought I was over my feelings for Harm, but his confession brought them all to the surface again. Where do I go from here? My heart aches and I know there's only one answer. I just hope that I have the strength to let go of the love of a good man.
END CHAPTER 9
All I can say, is this is getting MUCH longer than I ever intended. LOL. Can I beg for NICE reviews from those who feel inclined to post one here?? I want to reach a 100. =0)