Changed my profile name on the yahoo groups from Wildwoman28_2001 to
nala_jagnut. Hopefully that won't throw anyone off.
Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 10/? Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net, wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)
Disclaimers in Part 1
Denotes conversation in Arabic
1 week later
1730 EST
Mac's office
I sit back in my chair and stretch the kinks out. Sighing, I realize I made it through the first week back. The Admiral partnered me with Harm on a case he was already working on. I have tried to put it out of my mind, that Harm loves me. I've even managed to rationalize most of it away, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To let go of him and move on in my life with Jabir. I do love Harm, but my future is with Jabir.
***( I think I can hear the moans and shrieks of shippers all over. Hang in there. I know, as if you haven't been hanging on for awhile!)
I look across the bullpen to see Harm deep in thought at his computer. I feel a little guilty for noticing how good he still looks to me. I sigh thinking of how much I miss Jabir. The look in his eyes when he talks to me and the tender things he does without realizing it... Yeah, I've got it bad.
I'm still struggling some with speaking everything in English. Sometimes I still let something slip in Arabic; usually when I am deep in thought. Fortunately, everyone just thinks its funny and a source of good ribbing. Of course there are advantages to forgetting and saying something in Arabic... Especially when its in frustration directed towards Singer.
I have to admit now that I am back that I REALLY missed this. The camaraderie and the sense of purpose in feeling like I am doing something worthwhile with my time is. well, satisfying to say the least.
My internal clock beeps at me to let me know that I need to get moving. My 'welcome back' party is tonight and I am truthfully half looking forward to it and half dreading it. I have shared the unclassified details of what happened to me while I was gone with most everyone. I've had to tell the story so many times that I should have just written a memo and given it to the office.
Grabbing my things I close my office up and walk out. I hesitate at the thought of saying good night to Harm, but I'll see him later at the Admiral's. At least, I think he'll be there.
2030 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's Home: Mac's welcome home party
Rabb's POV***
She looks so beautiful tonight. She has a dress on that flatters her curves in exactly the right places. The top of the dress leaves her shoulders bare and her hair falls softly against them. I remember how soft her skin was and I long to run my fingers across it. I love the way she tilts her head when she laughs at something and the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles. She is absolutely stunning. Even more so than when she left, if that's possible. As much as it hurts, I am happy for her because she is truly happy. I don't question that at all like I did with that Australian bugme. Suck it up, Rabb. She belongs to someone else. I don't realize I'm staring until Sturgis comes up next to me.
"You ok, Harm?"
"Yeah, I just wish things were. different." I sigh.
"You know, you have to find a way to move on. She's, well she's happy and I'm guessing her husband is going to come here?"
"Yeah, its complicated but they're trying for that. Sturgis, how am I supposed to 'move on'? There isn't anyone else for me. Damn it. Why was I such a fool?"
"Harm, you can't keep beating yourself up over something that you can't change. I know it's hard, but you have to let go."
His last few words are like a stake being driven right into my heart. "I don't know how, Sturgis." I mumble and walk away.
Harriet's POV***
Wow, the Colonel, er Mac, looks beautiful. Captain Rabb has been watching her all night. I can tell he's hurting, but he has been sweet with her. He loves her enough to want her to be happy, even if it isn't with him. They seemed to work ok together this week, so it gives me hope that things will eventually be back to normal. If you could ever call anything between those two normal.
I see Clayton Webb just walked in and has someone with him. Wow, he's gorgeous. I wonder why he's here. He's walking up to Colonel Mackenzie and. he just put his arms around her from behind? Who. oh, that must be her husband! He's here!
Mac's POV*** "Caroline, you can't be serious. Your client actually did that, in court. He just dropped his trowsers as proof and mooned the judge?" As she just nods, Caroline Imes, Mattoni's wife and I dissolve into laughter.
I see their eyes move past me and their gazes grow curious. I start to turn to see what has caught their attention, but before I can move I feel his arms around me and a flood of joy and relief rushes through me.
"Jabir?"
"Amirah." His deep voice sends waves of pleasure through me. I turn to look up at him and everything else fades away. Neither of us says anything as we drink in the sight of each other. I touch his face just to make sure I'm not having another dream, but the feeling of his warm skin convinces me he is real.
"You're really here?" my voice is shaky and my eyes start to tear as I see his sweet smile.
Yes. Your Mr. Webb brought me. I am suddenly aware that Webb is standing just behind him trying his best to look nonchalant. Jabir moves to my side and places his arm around my waist. I look to Clay who has somewhere along the way become someone other than 'Webb' to me. I struggle to find the words to thank him.
"Clay, I don't even know what to say. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it." He just smiles and tells me softly that he knows. I look up to Jabir again and I can feel his love washing over me. In that same instant, I can feel Harm's pain and my heart breaks as I look across the room. His attempt at a smile letting me know he is happy for me never reaches his brilliant eyes. I am still so aware of his presence and I wonder if I will always be tortured by my love for the man I had to let go.
I look around to all the curious gazes and I smile again at Jabir. I try to calm my shaky voice before I introduce him to my friends. I know it's obvious by now who he is, but I want so badly for all of them to meet the man I love, my husband. I'm saved as the Admiral graciously walks up to Jabir and extends his hand.
"Jabir, its good to see you again. Your wife has been missing you something awful." His eyes twinkle and I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood. The Admiral talks with us for a while and then we slowly make our way through the rest of the group. I'm excited that my friends seem to take to him instantly, but that isn't hard with Jabir. His kindness always wins people over.
As I turn, I realize with dread that the only person I haven't introduced him to is Singer who seems to be locked onto us like a heat-seeking missile. As she approaches I try to paste on a smile but I mumble in Arabic a certain plague I wish would befall her.
"Ma'm. I just wanted the chance to meet your handsome husband." This woman just irks me and the way she is ogling Jabir makes me want to inflict serious pain!
"Lt. Singer, this is my husband, Jabir." I smile tersely and then look to Jabir. His eyes are still dancing with amusement at my previous mumblings.
"The lieutenant works in our office as another lawyer." I'm hoping to leave it at that but Singer presses on in her tacky way.
"I understand that you own several oil wells in Iraq and Kuwait. You must be very wealthy." My eyes narrow as I try to anticipate where she is taking this conversation. "I'm sure now that you are here your 'wife' will want to settle down and have a family. I believe in your culture the women don't really have careers."
Jabir senses me tense and I think he's mildly afraid I am going to attack her because he places his arm around me. As he turns his eyes to me, I can see his understanding of my dislike for the woman in front of us. "Oh, I'm not sure that Amirah will ever 'settle down' and I would never keep her from doing something that she loves. I think she will be at JAG for a long time."
The disappointed look on Singer's face makes it hard for me not to laugh. "Oh, of course. Well, it was nice to meet you." As she walks away I am reminded all over again why I love this man so much.
Jabir and I talk with Bud and Harriet for a few more minutes. I have been looking around to see if Harm is still here, but I haven't seen him for at least half an hour. I can't blame him if he left. I hate that he is hurting and it is because of me, but I know that I made the right decision.
Its getting late and would really like to be alone with my husband. Searching the group, I find the Admiral and we make our way over to him.
"Sir, I just wanted to thank you for everything. Tonight has been wonderful." I pause and look at Jabir. "We're going to go ahead and leave if you don't mind. Jabir is tired from the trip and..."
The Admiral merely smiles at my attempt to make an excuse to leave.
"Mac, I am happy for you. Now, you two get out of here. I'm sure you're anxious to have some time alone with each other."
A blush creeps up my neck to my face and I thank him again. I literally drag Jabir out of the Admiral's house but we don't even make it to the car before he has me in a passionate embrace. Breaking apart for air is the only thing that seems able to slow our need for each other.
Amirah, I have missed you. Promise me we will never be apart again. It is too hard for me to breathe without you beside me.
His simple declaration of love brings tears to my eyes. He kisses me again and I feel desperate for more of his touch. I barely manage to pull away from him and tug him after me to the car. We definitely need to take this somewhere else or everyone is going to get to know my husband way more than I want them to.
1 month later
1900 EST
Mac's office
I don't think in all the years of wishing that I knew I would actually be this happy. Jabir and I renewed our vows to make our marriage legal last week. We had a small private ceremony with just our close friends in attendance. Harm couldn't come. He was in the Indian Ocean dealing with a mid air collision between two of our pilots. As much as I wanted him to share that with me, I think it was better that he wasn't there.
When I first came back, I really hoped and believed that Harm and I could become friends again. But that was before I found out how he's in love with me. He's been so kind and has never said anything negative towards Jabir, but the pain is always there in his eyes. I don't think we'll be able to have much more than a casual friendship. Its too hard and I love him enough not to want to put him through that. I've thought about transferring to the Pentagon to make it easier on both of us, but nothing has been open.
I find myself staring at him from my office across the bullpen. He is sitting and just staring at one of the pictures in his office. Shortly after I returned, he took most of them out. But there are still a few left, one of them being the picture of Sergei, him and I. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet. My happiness could never be totally complete while Harm is hurting so much. A tear falls down my cheek as I watch him touch the picture tenderly. But it is the torture in his eyes as he raises his gaze to mine that brings my tears streaming down my face. The rawness of his pain makes me avert my gaze and I wonder how much longer I can stay here knowing I am the cause of it.
Harm's POV*** I can feel her eyes on me, wanting so badly to take away the pain but not being able to. I know that Mac isn't oblivious to what I feel. I think she is hurting over this almost as much as me. I have tried to stop loving her, but I don't know how. I really want her to be happy, and I think she is. But it won't ever be complete as long as she can feel my pain. As I raise my eyes to hers, I see the tears on her face. Seeing her hurting rips at my heart. As she turns away from me, I see her shoulders shaking as she cries for the other man she loves.
Yes, I know that she loves me. I can see it in her eyes, but she would never be unfaithful to Jabir. She is a stronger woman than the one that made a mistake with Farrow. And I would never want to do that to her. I love her too much. I know now that I have to let go of her, if only for her sake. My only other option is to leave JAG, and I don't think I could do that. Even if I can't be the one she wakes up to every morning, I still need to have something of her. And if its only seeing her at the office and working with her on an occasional case, that will have to be enough.
2 months later
1800 EST
Mac's office
I am trying so hard to concentrate on this appeal, but I've been having the most foreboding feeling all morning. I can't help but worry about Jabir. He left yesterday to go take care of some final business deals in Kuwait. His willingness to start his life over for me is humbling. I know the change in culture and ideals will take some getting used to, but at least it isn't totally foreign to him. I smile as I think of our plans for the weekend. We're going house hunting when he gets back. Ok, focus. I can do this. Maybe I'll grab some coffee. There's no point in rushing home with Jabir gone and it would be good to get this done. As I walk out, I notice that Harm is still here. I think he's trying to get ready for the Cox court martial. For the past 2 months things have steadily gotten better between us, which gives me hope. He seems to have moved on and I'm happy for him. I feel some of the closeness returning that we used to share. Of course it won't be like it used to, but it feels good to be able to go and talk to him when I'm frustrated with a case or something.
I fill my mug with coffee and walk back to my office to see Clay standing in the door. What does he want? As he turns, I feel my knees go weak at the look on his face. Please don't tell me that something happened to Jabir. Oh please no.
"Mac..."
He doesn't have to say anything. I can see the pain and hesitancy written into every part of him. "Mac, I'm so sorry. Jabir is dead."
His voice is barely a whisper but his final words tear at my soul and leave no chance that what I feel in my heart isn't true. I vaguely register my mug crashing to the floor and the feeling of the hot liquid on my legs. Jabir is gone? No, not when everything was fitting together so perfectly in my life.
Not now. This can't be happening. Shock and pain overwhelm me and I struggle to stay standing up. Just as I feel I'm about to collapse, strong arms reach around from behind me and I find myself in Harm's embrace.
Rabb's POV*** The sound of something breaking pulls my attention to just outside Mac's office. She's standing there looking like her world just ended. I look over to Webb and can see the pain on his face as well. My heart stops as I realize that it must have something to do with Jabir. She looks like she's about to fall and I find myself holding her up before I can register even getting out of my chair. She's crying uncontrollably and the sound rips my heart from my chest. I look to Webb and I don't need him to say anything to confirm that Jabir must be dead. As much as I have wished that Mac and I could have a chance, I've never wanted this. The sight of her in so much pain is almost too much for me to bear and I wonder why this had to happen now; just when she finally seemed to have found true and complete happiness.
2 months later
1530 EST
Mac's apartment
I know I should get out of bed, but it makes everything too real. Here somehow I'm safer from all the pain. It's been two months and I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door, to hear him calling to me, or to feel his touch. I'm probably still in shock and denial because I keep expecting someone to tell me that it was a mistake. Jabir really is ok and I'll wake up from this nightmare.
Clay told me as much as he had been able to find out. Jabir had been duped into meeting a man Sheik Al-Farabi had hired to exact revenge for Jabir's 'betrayal of the faith'. His death was quick and he probably didn't even know it was coming. For that at least I am grateful. The thought of him in pain makes me sick.
I can hear someone knocking on my door, but I don't feel like getting it. I don't really want to see anyone right now. The weekends are the only escape I have from sympathetic eyes and well meaning friends. I feel guilty for having that attitude. Harm has been my rock. He took care of most of the funeral arrangements for me and made sure that everyone was notified. Everyone was so kind, but I got tired of being told that I just needed to give myself time. How can there be enough time in the world to get over the death of the man you love. Tears come again as I realize I'll never see his sweet smile or hear my name on his lips.
Outside Mac's apartment
Rabb's POV*** I'm worried about her. She was supposed to meet me at the park so that we could play with lil AJ and baby Sarah, but she never showed. I saw her car so I know she's home and I debate about letting myself in. She hasn't really shut me out during this time, but she's not talking about how she feels. I don't think she's talking to anyone about it. Instead just shutting it up inside her. I know it will be difficult for me to hear her talk about him, but I want so badly to help.
I let myself in and notice that even though its late in the afternoon the lights are all still off. I have second thoughts about her being home until I hear her sobbing in her bedroom. Walking into her bedroom, I see her crying into her pillow. She seems so lost and the only thing I know to do is pull her into my arms. She seems to cry endlessly before her soft breathing tells me she's fallen asleep.
As I sit with her sleeping in my arms, I swear to myself that I'll do anything to make the pain go away. I know it's not that simple, but I have to see her smile again and hear her sweet laugh.
END CHAPTER 10
Sniffle, I hated killing Jabir off. He was such a sweetie..
Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 10/? Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net, wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)
Disclaimers in Part 1
Denotes conversation in Arabic
1 week later
1730 EST
Mac's office
I sit back in my chair and stretch the kinks out. Sighing, I realize I made it through the first week back. The Admiral partnered me with Harm on a case he was already working on. I have tried to put it out of my mind, that Harm loves me. I've even managed to rationalize most of it away, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To let go of him and move on in my life with Jabir. I do love Harm, but my future is with Jabir.
***( I think I can hear the moans and shrieks of shippers all over. Hang in there. I know, as if you haven't been hanging on for awhile!)
I look across the bullpen to see Harm deep in thought at his computer. I feel a little guilty for noticing how good he still looks to me. I sigh thinking of how much I miss Jabir. The look in his eyes when he talks to me and the tender things he does without realizing it... Yeah, I've got it bad.
I'm still struggling some with speaking everything in English. Sometimes I still let something slip in Arabic; usually when I am deep in thought. Fortunately, everyone just thinks its funny and a source of good ribbing. Of course there are advantages to forgetting and saying something in Arabic... Especially when its in frustration directed towards Singer.
I have to admit now that I am back that I REALLY missed this. The camaraderie and the sense of purpose in feeling like I am doing something worthwhile with my time is. well, satisfying to say the least.
My internal clock beeps at me to let me know that I need to get moving. My 'welcome back' party is tonight and I am truthfully half looking forward to it and half dreading it. I have shared the unclassified details of what happened to me while I was gone with most everyone. I've had to tell the story so many times that I should have just written a memo and given it to the office.
Grabbing my things I close my office up and walk out. I hesitate at the thought of saying good night to Harm, but I'll see him later at the Admiral's. At least, I think he'll be there.
2030 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's Home: Mac's welcome home party
Rabb's POV***
She looks so beautiful tonight. She has a dress on that flatters her curves in exactly the right places. The top of the dress leaves her shoulders bare and her hair falls softly against them. I remember how soft her skin was and I long to run my fingers across it. I love the way she tilts her head when she laughs at something and the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles. She is absolutely stunning. Even more so than when she left, if that's possible. As much as it hurts, I am happy for her because she is truly happy. I don't question that at all like I did with that Australian bugme. Suck it up, Rabb. She belongs to someone else. I don't realize I'm staring until Sturgis comes up next to me.
"You ok, Harm?"
"Yeah, I just wish things were. different." I sigh.
"You know, you have to find a way to move on. She's, well she's happy and I'm guessing her husband is going to come here?"
"Yeah, its complicated but they're trying for that. Sturgis, how am I supposed to 'move on'? There isn't anyone else for me. Damn it. Why was I such a fool?"
"Harm, you can't keep beating yourself up over something that you can't change. I know it's hard, but you have to let go."
His last few words are like a stake being driven right into my heart. "I don't know how, Sturgis." I mumble and walk away.
Harriet's POV***
Wow, the Colonel, er Mac, looks beautiful. Captain Rabb has been watching her all night. I can tell he's hurting, but he has been sweet with her. He loves her enough to want her to be happy, even if it isn't with him. They seemed to work ok together this week, so it gives me hope that things will eventually be back to normal. If you could ever call anything between those two normal.
I see Clayton Webb just walked in and has someone with him. Wow, he's gorgeous. I wonder why he's here. He's walking up to Colonel Mackenzie and. he just put his arms around her from behind? Who. oh, that must be her husband! He's here!
Mac's POV*** "Caroline, you can't be serious. Your client actually did that, in court. He just dropped his trowsers as proof and mooned the judge?" As she just nods, Caroline Imes, Mattoni's wife and I dissolve into laughter.
I see their eyes move past me and their gazes grow curious. I start to turn to see what has caught their attention, but before I can move I feel his arms around me and a flood of joy and relief rushes through me.
"Jabir?"
"Amirah." His deep voice sends waves of pleasure through me. I turn to look up at him and everything else fades away. Neither of us says anything as we drink in the sight of each other. I touch his face just to make sure I'm not having another dream, but the feeling of his warm skin convinces me he is real.
"You're really here?" my voice is shaky and my eyes start to tear as I see his sweet smile.
Yes. Your Mr. Webb brought me. I am suddenly aware that Webb is standing just behind him trying his best to look nonchalant. Jabir moves to my side and places his arm around my waist. I look to Clay who has somewhere along the way become someone other than 'Webb' to me. I struggle to find the words to thank him.
"Clay, I don't even know what to say. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it." He just smiles and tells me softly that he knows. I look up to Jabir again and I can feel his love washing over me. In that same instant, I can feel Harm's pain and my heart breaks as I look across the room. His attempt at a smile letting me know he is happy for me never reaches his brilliant eyes. I am still so aware of his presence and I wonder if I will always be tortured by my love for the man I had to let go.
I look around to all the curious gazes and I smile again at Jabir. I try to calm my shaky voice before I introduce him to my friends. I know it's obvious by now who he is, but I want so badly for all of them to meet the man I love, my husband. I'm saved as the Admiral graciously walks up to Jabir and extends his hand.
"Jabir, its good to see you again. Your wife has been missing you something awful." His eyes twinkle and I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood. The Admiral talks with us for a while and then we slowly make our way through the rest of the group. I'm excited that my friends seem to take to him instantly, but that isn't hard with Jabir. His kindness always wins people over.
As I turn, I realize with dread that the only person I haven't introduced him to is Singer who seems to be locked onto us like a heat-seeking missile. As she approaches I try to paste on a smile but I mumble in Arabic a certain plague I wish would befall her.
"Ma'm. I just wanted the chance to meet your handsome husband." This woman just irks me and the way she is ogling Jabir makes me want to inflict serious pain!
"Lt. Singer, this is my husband, Jabir." I smile tersely and then look to Jabir. His eyes are still dancing with amusement at my previous mumblings.
"The lieutenant works in our office as another lawyer." I'm hoping to leave it at that but Singer presses on in her tacky way.
"I understand that you own several oil wells in Iraq and Kuwait. You must be very wealthy." My eyes narrow as I try to anticipate where she is taking this conversation. "I'm sure now that you are here your 'wife' will want to settle down and have a family. I believe in your culture the women don't really have careers."
Jabir senses me tense and I think he's mildly afraid I am going to attack her because he places his arm around me. As he turns his eyes to me, I can see his understanding of my dislike for the woman in front of us. "Oh, I'm not sure that Amirah will ever 'settle down' and I would never keep her from doing something that she loves. I think she will be at JAG for a long time."
The disappointed look on Singer's face makes it hard for me not to laugh. "Oh, of course. Well, it was nice to meet you." As she walks away I am reminded all over again why I love this man so much.
Jabir and I talk with Bud and Harriet for a few more minutes. I have been looking around to see if Harm is still here, but I haven't seen him for at least half an hour. I can't blame him if he left. I hate that he is hurting and it is because of me, but I know that I made the right decision.
Its getting late and would really like to be alone with my husband. Searching the group, I find the Admiral and we make our way over to him.
"Sir, I just wanted to thank you for everything. Tonight has been wonderful." I pause and look at Jabir. "We're going to go ahead and leave if you don't mind. Jabir is tired from the trip and..."
The Admiral merely smiles at my attempt to make an excuse to leave.
"Mac, I am happy for you. Now, you two get out of here. I'm sure you're anxious to have some time alone with each other."
A blush creeps up my neck to my face and I thank him again. I literally drag Jabir out of the Admiral's house but we don't even make it to the car before he has me in a passionate embrace. Breaking apart for air is the only thing that seems able to slow our need for each other.
Amirah, I have missed you. Promise me we will never be apart again. It is too hard for me to breathe without you beside me.
His simple declaration of love brings tears to my eyes. He kisses me again and I feel desperate for more of his touch. I barely manage to pull away from him and tug him after me to the car. We definitely need to take this somewhere else or everyone is going to get to know my husband way more than I want them to.
1 month later
1900 EST
Mac's office
I don't think in all the years of wishing that I knew I would actually be this happy. Jabir and I renewed our vows to make our marriage legal last week. We had a small private ceremony with just our close friends in attendance. Harm couldn't come. He was in the Indian Ocean dealing with a mid air collision between two of our pilots. As much as I wanted him to share that with me, I think it was better that he wasn't there.
When I first came back, I really hoped and believed that Harm and I could become friends again. But that was before I found out how he's in love with me. He's been so kind and has never said anything negative towards Jabir, but the pain is always there in his eyes. I don't think we'll be able to have much more than a casual friendship. Its too hard and I love him enough not to want to put him through that. I've thought about transferring to the Pentagon to make it easier on both of us, but nothing has been open.
I find myself staring at him from my office across the bullpen. He is sitting and just staring at one of the pictures in his office. Shortly after I returned, he took most of them out. But there are still a few left, one of them being the picture of Sergei, him and I. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet. My happiness could never be totally complete while Harm is hurting so much. A tear falls down my cheek as I watch him touch the picture tenderly. But it is the torture in his eyes as he raises his gaze to mine that brings my tears streaming down my face. The rawness of his pain makes me avert my gaze and I wonder how much longer I can stay here knowing I am the cause of it.
Harm's POV*** I can feel her eyes on me, wanting so badly to take away the pain but not being able to. I know that Mac isn't oblivious to what I feel. I think she is hurting over this almost as much as me. I have tried to stop loving her, but I don't know how. I really want her to be happy, and I think she is. But it won't ever be complete as long as she can feel my pain. As I raise my eyes to hers, I see the tears on her face. Seeing her hurting rips at my heart. As she turns away from me, I see her shoulders shaking as she cries for the other man she loves.
Yes, I know that she loves me. I can see it in her eyes, but she would never be unfaithful to Jabir. She is a stronger woman than the one that made a mistake with Farrow. And I would never want to do that to her. I love her too much. I know now that I have to let go of her, if only for her sake. My only other option is to leave JAG, and I don't think I could do that. Even if I can't be the one she wakes up to every morning, I still need to have something of her. And if its only seeing her at the office and working with her on an occasional case, that will have to be enough.
2 months later
1800 EST
Mac's office
I am trying so hard to concentrate on this appeal, but I've been having the most foreboding feeling all morning. I can't help but worry about Jabir. He left yesterday to go take care of some final business deals in Kuwait. His willingness to start his life over for me is humbling. I know the change in culture and ideals will take some getting used to, but at least it isn't totally foreign to him. I smile as I think of our plans for the weekend. We're going house hunting when he gets back. Ok, focus. I can do this. Maybe I'll grab some coffee. There's no point in rushing home with Jabir gone and it would be good to get this done. As I walk out, I notice that Harm is still here. I think he's trying to get ready for the Cox court martial. For the past 2 months things have steadily gotten better between us, which gives me hope. He seems to have moved on and I'm happy for him. I feel some of the closeness returning that we used to share. Of course it won't be like it used to, but it feels good to be able to go and talk to him when I'm frustrated with a case or something.
I fill my mug with coffee and walk back to my office to see Clay standing in the door. What does he want? As he turns, I feel my knees go weak at the look on his face. Please don't tell me that something happened to Jabir. Oh please no.
"Mac..."
He doesn't have to say anything. I can see the pain and hesitancy written into every part of him. "Mac, I'm so sorry. Jabir is dead."
His voice is barely a whisper but his final words tear at my soul and leave no chance that what I feel in my heart isn't true. I vaguely register my mug crashing to the floor and the feeling of the hot liquid on my legs. Jabir is gone? No, not when everything was fitting together so perfectly in my life.
Not now. This can't be happening. Shock and pain overwhelm me and I struggle to stay standing up. Just as I feel I'm about to collapse, strong arms reach around from behind me and I find myself in Harm's embrace.
Rabb's POV*** The sound of something breaking pulls my attention to just outside Mac's office. She's standing there looking like her world just ended. I look over to Webb and can see the pain on his face as well. My heart stops as I realize that it must have something to do with Jabir. She looks like she's about to fall and I find myself holding her up before I can register even getting out of my chair. She's crying uncontrollably and the sound rips my heart from my chest. I look to Webb and I don't need him to say anything to confirm that Jabir must be dead. As much as I have wished that Mac and I could have a chance, I've never wanted this. The sight of her in so much pain is almost too much for me to bear and I wonder why this had to happen now; just when she finally seemed to have found true and complete happiness.
2 months later
1530 EST
Mac's apartment
I know I should get out of bed, but it makes everything too real. Here somehow I'm safer from all the pain. It's been two months and I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door, to hear him calling to me, or to feel his touch. I'm probably still in shock and denial because I keep expecting someone to tell me that it was a mistake. Jabir really is ok and I'll wake up from this nightmare.
Clay told me as much as he had been able to find out. Jabir had been duped into meeting a man Sheik Al-Farabi had hired to exact revenge for Jabir's 'betrayal of the faith'. His death was quick and he probably didn't even know it was coming. For that at least I am grateful. The thought of him in pain makes me sick.
I can hear someone knocking on my door, but I don't feel like getting it. I don't really want to see anyone right now. The weekends are the only escape I have from sympathetic eyes and well meaning friends. I feel guilty for having that attitude. Harm has been my rock. He took care of most of the funeral arrangements for me and made sure that everyone was notified. Everyone was so kind, but I got tired of being told that I just needed to give myself time. How can there be enough time in the world to get over the death of the man you love. Tears come again as I realize I'll never see his sweet smile or hear my name on his lips.
Outside Mac's apartment
Rabb's POV*** I'm worried about her. She was supposed to meet me at the park so that we could play with lil AJ and baby Sarah, but she never showed. I saw her car so I know she's home and I debate about letting myself in. She hasn't really shut me out during this time, but she's not talking about how she feels. I don't think she's talking to anyone about it. Instead just shutting it up inside her. I know it will be difficult for me to hear her talk about him, but I want so badly to help.
I let myself in and notice that even though its late in the afternoon the lights are all still off. I have second thoughts about her being home until I hear her sobbing in her bedroom. Walking into her bedroom, I see her crying into her pillow. She seems so lost and the only thing I know to do is pull her into my arms. She seems to cry endlessly before her soft breathing tells me she's fallen asleep.
As I sit with her sleeping in my arms, I swear to myself that I'll do anything to make the pain go away. I know it's not that simple, but I have to see her smile again and hear her sweet laugh.
END CHAPTER 10
Sniffle, I hated killing Jabir off. He was such a sweetie..