Note: This song was such a logical choice to spoof, I don't know why I didn't do it earlier. The only excuse I can offer is that I had an accident on my bike this summer but it was my own damn fault. Remember guys- even if a helmet looks like a salad bowl you still should wear one. Hah. And people think you can't learn from cartoons.
Disclaimer: Do re mi. Don't sue me.
ALL SHOOK UP
(Scene opens at a school assembly. The X-Men and the Brotherhood are all waiting in the stands, except for Lance. He makes a beeline for the loudspeakers while Principal Kelly addresses the crowd.)
KELLY: Well students, it's been an interesting year here at Bayville High. I know there's talk about shutting this school down next year (crowd cheers loudly) but I want to assure you that won't happen. The PTA has solved all the problems with dinosaurs, demons and earthquakes... (Lance trips over some wires, and involuntarily causes the field to shake. Kelly sobs openly.) Why me?
CROWD: Huh? What was that? What's going on?
SCOTT: (mutters) Alvers.
KURT: Joo don't tink he's going to talk about our... joo know (he looks uncomfortable) powers.
JEAN: I don't think so. Lance isn't dumb enough to try that twice. Besides, if he were, don't you think his friends would be in on it? Look at them. They're just as surprised as everyone else.
ROGUE: (glances at Brotherhood) Yer right. They seem even more clueless than usual.
KURT: Is zat possible? (The X-Guys laugh. Jean chuckles a little and even Rogue cracks a smile.)
KITTY: Shh. I wanna find out what Lance is gonna do.
SCOTT: I know what he's going to do. He's going to cause trouble, that's what! Those Brotherhood members are all the same, Kitty! They're nothing but a bunch of bums. You're better than them. You shouldn't... (Jean taps Scott's shoulder, causing him to stop mid-lecture.)
JEAN: (pointing at the scoreboard) Scott, do you see what I see?
SCOTT: (staring) I see it, but I don't believe it!
(Lance's face has appeared on the scoreboard but he look so different, everybody does a double-take. Not only has his long brown hair been slicked back and styled, but he is also wearing a white leather jacket with sequins.)
LANCE: Howdy! I'd like to sing a little number, dedicated to the only girl that don't make my brown eyes blue, the one and only Kitty Pryde. (He takes out a guitar and strums a few bars.)
KITTY: (blushes) Oh, Lance!
LANCE: (singing) Well, who'd have thunk I'd fall so fast?
It only took one look and yer spell was cast
Yer powers have made me helpless as a pup
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
My palms are sweaty, and my throat feels dry
These are the symptoms of a lucky guy
Cuz only romance can cause this stuff
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
Sometimes it seems we're worlds apart
But you're always with me right here in my heart
And there's nothing anyone could say
that would make those feelings go away
Your smile outshines the stars in the skies
No diamond could sparkle like your eyes
And your skin's the softest thing I've touched
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
As time goes by, I can hardly wait
To get a good job and to graduate
But what I look forward to most in my life
Is the day we become husband and wife
(Lance bows and the crowd bursts into applause. Scott glares at Kitty who is cheering louder than anybody. Lance turns off the equipment and races to the football field. Kitty rushes over to him and they share a long passionate kiss.)
KITTY: Bravo! Lance, that was amazing! You're wonderful!
LANCE: Thank you. Thank you very much. (Arm in arm, the march past Lance's Brotherhood buddies.)
TABBY: (whistles loudly) Way to go, Rocky!
TOAD: (nods in agreement) Yeah, you rule!
FREDDY: (confused) Uh.. go Lance?
PIETRO: (in an approving voice) Almost-worthy-of-me. (The two lovebirds wave farewell as they head toward Lance's Jeep.)
TABBY: Okay, everyone. Alvers has left the building! (The crowd laughs, and then they too walk away, leaving behind a sobbing principal and a horrified Scott Summers.)
THE END