Chapter 3: A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course . . . And This is a Pony,
Dudes
A/N: I'd like to thank the people who have stuck with me this far cause I don't think this is really going anywhere but if you people like it . . . I'll keep writing it.
All was quiet in the town of Bree, no movement broke the silence that seeped into the cold night air, everything was as it should have been.
Unless you counted one elf and two hobbits as blackness that is.
"We must be quiet, or all will be lost." Legolas muttered as he, Pippin and Merry weaved themselves in the darkness of midnight. "We need the subtle approach."
Of course Merry and Pippin's idea of subtle was different to everyone else's.
"So we're gonna steal him?" Merry asked.
"No," Legolas explained. "We're gonna borrow him, until we get to Moria that is."
"So we're gonna steal him?" Pippin continued.
The three walked into Bill Ferny's Stables and quickly located the skinny pony, who was dozing in a dream where he was a foal again. (What is it with this story and baby animals?)
Slowly Legolas lifted Bill's halter and slipped it onto the pony's face, careful not to startle him. Bill slowly opened his brown eyes and looked at the three in confusion.
He looked down and noticed that Fido had come long for the ride as well. Legolas picked him up and placed him on Bill's back, the only response was the pony flickering his ears.
Everything was going to plan.
Until Merry discovered the light switch, that is.
With that, a crazed and half asleep Ferny burst out with a shotgun and proceeded to scare the living daylights out of everyone and everything in sight.
"Damn Hobo's tryin' to steal me ponies and give 'em free rein. I'll show 'em free rein." With that he took aim at them and fired, he completely missed and hit a few bottles that had been sitting on the stall door of a runaway pony that had ran away a few months ago, he'd never been able to hit the blasted things, until then.
The hobbits, including Legolas, Bill and Fido, decided it was time to steal the pony and run like the wind.
"Why did I join these crazy idiots." The elf panted heavily as the four literally ran for their lives.
"Because I don't like you." The author called.
"Yes, you do." He yelled back.
"Too true." The author muttered. "Alright it's because I just loooooove seeing that ass of yours move."
"You seriously need help, you know that?"
"Yes. Yes I do."
Miraculously, they made it to where the others were hiding out without getting caught.
"You've got the pony?" Aragorn said.
"Yep. Can I have my bow and arrows back now?" he asked as he handed Sam the reins and Fido.
"Of course." And Aragorn handed the goods back.
"Can we go, please?" Merry asked. "I still have a feeling that Pippin and I are being hunted for food, if you know what I mean."
Fido knew EXACTLY what they meant, rolled his eyes and growled.
"Watch it or youll be a hot dog." Merry sniggered.
He beared his teeth.
His cousin hesitated. "Uh, I didn't really mean it." Then he stepped behind Borimor where he remained for a mile or so.
"NOW, can we go?" Pippin pleaded. "I want to try to get some sleep and I'm also cold."
Sam placed Fido on the pony's back, where he made himself comfortable and settled down for a nap. (He's a puppy so sue me) "Come on Bill, let's get going." The gardener said tuging on the ponies reins.
Bill didn't budge.
"I know how to make him move." Pippin grined and he slapped Bill's rump.
The pony reared then bolted with both puppy and Sam still attatched.
"PLEASE!!!" he screamed half an hour later. "SOMEONE HELP ME!!"
The reason no one did was because they were pissing themselves laughing at the sight.
"IZ!!!!" Sam finally screamed when he sensed that help was gonna be hard to come by.
"Yeeeesssssss." I drawled.
"HELP!!"
"Did somebody hear something?" I asked the fellowship.
"Nope." Said Aragorn.
"Didn't hear a thing." Legolas shook his head.
"Don't know what your talking about." Borimor muttered.
"Just my imagation playing on me again." Gandalf dimissed.
"I've just smoked so I'm still out of it, man." Merry slurred.
"Must be my stomach." Pippin shrugged.
"It's nothing more than a wind." Gimli proposed.
"DEAR GOD SAVE US!!!!" Sam screamed as Bill thundered past.
Five minutes later . . .
"I think we should help him now." Pippin said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Well, I don't know about you but his screaming is getting on my nerves and I hate to see what Frodo'll do when he's turned back into a human.
"That's true." I said, walked in front of Bill's path and the pony came to a screeching halt. Fido and Sam went sailing over head and Legolas and Aragorn caught boh of them safetly.
"I'm bored!!" Merry complained six minutes later.
"Well, I know where you people can go." I said and dissappeared again..
On Caradhras . . .
"Damn, and I thought we got snow in Mirkwood." Legolas complained as he walked passed the others who were struggling through the snow, he was walking on it.
The other glared.
"I feel like a snowman." Sam shivered.
"Hold on, I hear something . . ." Legolas strained his hearing. "OW MY EARS ARE BURNED!!!" he screamed as foul language stung his sensitive ears.
"IT'S THAT EVIL WIZARD DUDE!!!" Gandalf yelled.
Suddenly a heap of snow fell onto the group.
"And today's forecast is snow followed by a blizzard soon followed by a avalanche that will surly kill everyone but me." Legolas smiled. "God it's great to be an elf."
After the snow had stopped falling on them he was the first to appear.
"GOD! Now THAT is bloody COLD!!"
A few minutes later everyone was saftly out. They waited for orders.
"To Moria!" Aragorn called. Everyone brushed past him.
"Don't feel to bad Mr Aragorn, sir. I get that all the time." Sam said. Aragorn looked at him and without a word walked by.
Will Sam ever get any respect?
Will Merry and Pipping stop acting like children?
Will Fido discover the dog within?
Will Gandalf ever change his cloths
Will Gimli and Legolas ever make it up and be friends?
And where are all the bad guys?
Find out in Chapter 4: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Moria We Go
A/N: I'd like to thank the people who have stuck with me this far cause I don't think this is really going anywhere but if you people like it . . . I'll keep writing it.
All was quiet in the town of Bree, no movement broke the silence that seeped into the cold night air, everything was as it should have been.
Unless you counted one elf and two hobbits as blackness that is.
"We must be quiet, or all will be lost." Legolas muttered as he, Pippin and Merry weaved themselves in the darkness of midnight. "We need the subtle approach."
Of course Merry and Pippin's idea of subtle was different to everyone else's.
"So we're gonna steal him?" Merry asked.
"No," Legolas explained. "We're gonna borrow him, until we get to Moria that is."
"So we're gonna steal him?" Pippin continued.
The three walked into Bill Ferny's Stables and quickly located the skinny pony, who was dozing in a dream where he was a foal again. (What is it with this story and baby animals?)
Slowly Legolas lifted Bill's halter and slipped it onto the pony's face, careful not to startle him. Bill slowly opened his brown eyes and looked at the three in confusion.
He looked down and noticed that Fido had come long for the ride as well. Legolas picked him up and placed him on Bill's back, the only response was the pony flickering his ears.
Everything was going to plan.
Until Merry discovered the light switch, that is.
With that, a crazed and half asleep Ferny burst out with a shotgun and proceeded to scare the living daylights out of everyone and everything in sight.
"Damn Hobo's tryin' to steal me ponies and give 'em free rein. I'll show 'em free rein." With that he took aim at them and fired, he completely missed and hit a few bottles that had been sitting on the stall door of a runaway pony that had ran away a few months ago, he'd never been able to hit the blasted things, until then.
The hobbits, including Legolas, Bill and Fido, decided it was time to steal the pony and run like the wind.
"Why did I join these crazy idiots." The elf panted heavily as the four literally ran for their lives.
"Because I don't like you." The author called.
"Yes, you do." He yelled back.
"Too true." The author muttered. "Alright it's because I just loooooove seeing that ass of yours move."
"You seriously need help, you know that?"
"Yes. Yes I do."
Miraculously, they made it to where the others were hiding out without getting caught.
"You've got the pony?" Aragorn said.
"Yep. Can I have my bow and arrows back now?" he asked as he handed Sam the reins and Fido.
"Of course." And Aragorn handed the goods back.
"Can we go, please?" Merry asked. "I still have a feeling that Pippin and I are being hunted for food, if you know what I mean."
Fido knew EXACTLY what they meant, rolled his eyes and growled.
"Watch it or youll be a hot dog." Merry sniggered.
He beared his teeth.
His cousin hesitated. "Uh, I didn't really mean it." Then he stepped behind Borimor where he remained for a mile or so.
"NOW, can we go?" Pippin pleaded. "I want to try to get some sleep and I'm also cold."
Sam placed Fido on the pony's back, where he made himself comfortable and settled down for a nap. (He's a puppy so sue me) "Come on Bill, let's get going." The gardener said tuging on the ponies reins.
Bill didn't budge.
"I know how to make him move." Pippin grined and he slapped Bill's rump.
The pony reared then bolted with both puppy and Sam still attatched.
"PLEASE!!!" he screamed half an hour later. "SOMEONE HELP ME!!"
The reason no one did was because they were pissing themselves laughing at the sight.
"IZ!!!!" Sam finally screamed when he sensed that help was gonna be hard to come by.
"Yeeeesssssss." I drawled.
"HELP!!"
"Did somebody hear something?" I asked the fellowship.
"Nope." Said Aragorn.
"Didn't hear a thing." Legolas shook his head.
"Don't know what your talking about." Borimor muttered.
"Just my imagation playing on me again." Gandalf dimissed.
"I've just smoked so I'm still out of it, man." Merry slurred.
"Must be my stomach." Pippin shrugged.
"It's nothing more than a wind." Gimli proposed.
"DEAR GOD SAVE US!!!!" Sam screamed as Bill thundered past.
Five minutes later . . .
"I think we should help him now." Pippin said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Well, I don't know about you but his screaming is getting on my nerves and I hate to see what Frodo'll do when he's turned back into a human.
"That's true." I said, walked in front of Bill's path and the pony came to a screeching halt. Fido and Sam went sailing over head and Legolas and Aragorn caught boh of them safetly.
"I'm bored!!" Merry complained six minutes later.
"Well, I know where you people can go." I said and dissappeared again..
On Caradhras . . .
"Damn, and I thought we got snow in Mirkwood." Legolas complained as he walked passed the others who were struggling through the snow, he was walking on it.
The other glared.
"I feel like a snowman." Sam shivered.
"Hold on, I hear something . . ." Legolas strained his hearing. "OW MY EARS ARE BURNED!!!" he screamed as foul language stung his sensitive ears.
"IT'S THAT EVIL WIZARD DUDE!!!" Gandalf yelled.
Suddenly a heap of snow fell onto the group.
"And today's forecast is snow followed by a blizzard soon followed by a avalanche that will surly kill everyone but me." Legolas smiled. "God it's great to be an elf."
After the snow had stopped falling on them he was the first to appear.
"GOD! Now THAT is bloody COLD!!"
A few minutes later everyone was saftly out. They waited for orders.
"To Moria!" Aragorn called. Everyone brushed past him.
"Don't feel to bad Mr Aragorn, sir. I get that all the time." Sam said. Aragorn looked at him and without a word walked by.
Will Sam ever get any respect?
Will Merry and Pipping stop acting like children?
Will Fido discover the dog within?
Will Gandalf ever change his cloths
Will Gimli and Legolas ever make it up and be friends?
And where are all the bad guys?
Find out in Chapter 4: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Moria We Go