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Jon had stopped drinking beer, he couldn't trust himself anymore not to do something crazy like make a shipwide announcement telling everyone how much he loved lieutenant Malcolm Reed. Love was like a drug already and he could barely control it, the last thing he needed was to loosen some of that control he'd regret it.
Instead he'd taken up drinking coffee which sharpened his mind and kept him awake on the bridge, the downside was that if he drank too much in one day It made him erratic, the fantasies about Malcolm more real and his behaviour aroused some questions from T'pol.
"Captain may I speak with you." Archer's heart leapt in his chest had she guessed about him and Reed already? He tried to keep his face neutral as he ushered her into his ready room.
"What about T'pol" One thing Archer had leaned was if you thought someone knew something but had no hard evidence they knew you allowed them to say their piece first, because sometimes they knew nothing. He'd learnt that the hard way.
"Captain, I couldn't help but notice you seemed." She paused Archer assumed searching for the right word as Vulcan's didn't get nervous. "Agitated" She finished.
Archer laughed. "You're right T'pol I'm a bit agitated as you put it. Wanna know why?" She didn't reply and Archer continued. "I didn't sleep too good last night and this morning I had three cups of coffee, even though I know more than a cup at a time and I get like this."
T'pol nodded, "If the insomnia continues perhaps you should consider seeing Doctor Phlox for some medication. This has not been the first time I have noticed you to be distracted, I find that you have problems concentrating on specific tasks and I have on several occasions observed you day dreaming."
T'pol turned to leave, the door was open before Archer called her back. "Sub-commander" She turned to face him. "Sit down." He motioned to a chair, as he sat down opposite her. "I'd like to ask your advice on something. See I need a straight answer that doesn't have any feelings attached to it."
"I believe then I may be able to help" To Archer that was as good as a yes.
"Let's say you got yourself into a situation." He paused a few minutes shaping the question in his mind working out the right words to use, so she didn't guess what the situation was or with whom. "And let's say that situation meant that you could compromise everything you'd worked for and everything you'd built for yourself. But you want to be in this situation even though you know that the wider picture looks grim."
He paused again remembering another lesson he'd learnt that when asking for advise and you didn't want the other person to know the true situation you had to throw them off the trail slightly. Not too much to make the advise worthless but enough to stop any suspicions.
"Times change you tried convince yourself it wasn't worth it, the opportunity came for you to put a lot of distance between yourself and the situation you took it up." He said the last bit in such a way he was in no doubt T'pol thought the situation was back on earth. "But it hasn't worked, you don't want to hurt all the people involved they could lose a lot too, they'd be worse off than you." Another decoy T'pol would think there were more people involved rather than Archer and someone else.
"What would you do? Do it anyway and damn the consequences, or not. Either way we all get hurt? The final decoy it seemed as if it was an act he was contemplating, not a relationship.
T'pol seemed to spend a few minutes contemplating the facts as presented before her. "Captain, your duty first and foremost is to Enterprise. Any action that could put it at risk would be inadvisable and I believe this situation would put her and her crew at risk, if your command suffers any more than it has already.
Secondly Captain you have expressed the wish not to hurt those involved in this 'situation' however as you yourself stated that is impossible. I have found that emotional hurt will heal in time however, repercussions last. I believe the question you should ask yourself is which reaction on your part causes the least damage. Emotional scars heal better than a tarnished reputation Captain, though I am not aware of the full extent of your problems, would it be safe to assume that reputations would be at stake?"
Archer nodded, Starfleet would re-think putting him in command of another vessel if his relationship got in the way. It was difficult to see how it wouldn't part of Reed's job was to risk his life for the crew, and Jon wouldn't be able to let Malcolm do that. Malcolm would be known for sleeping to gain his position and people would doubt his skill and that was unfair to Malcolm. "For everyone involved we'd all have reputations to lose."
T'pol was silent for another moment, "Those involved, you have relationships of some sort together?"
"Yes, we're all great friends." He continued the façade of more than two people being involved.
"Consider captain, that many relationships break down no matter how strong, how many friends have you 'lost'? Consider also that if you were not somehow emotionally attached would any of you be willing to take the risk? Would the gains still outweigh the loss if you were all to lose your friendship?"
Archer had to admit she had a point, his track record with relationships weren't so good and from what he knew neither was Malcolm's. But who could say what would happen? Maybe Malcolm was that very special someone.
"If you find the gain outweighs the long term losses captain, through all eventualities then I would personally chose which path would upset as few as possible and act on it."
"Thank you you've being most helpful. I can trust in your discretion I hope"
She turned to leave, "You may."
Archer leaned back on one of the chairs, T'pol was right about everything he'd felt like this before, so in love he'd have jumped out of an airlock for his love. Those relationships ended what if he risked it all for Malcolm and he turned out not to be the one.
Then again he'd never cried or agonised over a relationship before. If it was getting in the way of his career he'd end it no questions asked, why should Malcolm be any different?
Who was he to say that the relationship wouldn't work out? If people saw how good Malcolm was at his job and they knew the facts of the relationship, who knows they might not even discriminate against Malcolm. If he could pull it off and be impartial Starfleet would have no grounds to refuse him command, he'd to just have to go the extra mile to make him the best hurt himself a bit sometimes by risking Malcolm.
Archer didn't leave the ready room till after eighteen hundred hours he was expecting Malcolm at nineteen hundred hours. This was the best time, most people were just starting new shifts and in that case were at their posts and not moving around as much as they would in the middle of a shift.
The rest were relaxing after just finishing a shift or enjoying some much needed recreation. He didn't prepare a meal, as he usually did, he didn't dim the lights or play gentle music. Instead he sat upright in a chair contemplating what he was about to do.
He'd come to a decision at long last, he knew what needed doing. He loved Malcolm to pieces, he could safely admit to himself that he'd never felt like this about any one before. He couldn't change other people and what they would make of their relationship and he couldn't do anything about the backlash that would follow. He might lose everything if it was decided that his starting the relationship was inappropriate, he as the commanding officer should have had more self-control, but he was good at his job and Starfleet was young and needed all the good people it could get.
What he was about to do despite himself was the one thing that would make him happy in the long run. The door chimed and Archer went to open it.
Jon had stopped drinking beer, he couldn't trust himself anymore not to do something crazy like make a shipwide announcement telling everyone how much he loved lieutenant Malcolm Reed. Love was like a drug already and he could barely control it, the last thing he needed was to loosen some of that control he'd regret it.
Instead he'd taken up drinking coffee which sharpened his mind and kept him awake on the bridge, the downside was that if he drank too much in one day It made him erratic, the fantasies about Malcolm more real and his behaviour aroused some questions from T'pol.
"Captain may I speak with you." Archer's heart leapt in his chest had she guessed about him and Reed already? He tried to keep his face neutral as he ushered her into his ready room.
"What about T'pol" One thing Archer had leaned was if you thought someone knew something but had no hard evidence they knew you allowed them to say their piece first, because sometimes they knew nothing. He'd learnt that the hard way.
"Captain, I couldn't help but notice you seemed." She paused Archer assumed searching for the right word as Vulcan's didn't get nervous. "Agitated" She finished.
Archer laughed. "You're right T'pol I'm a bit agitated as you put it. Wanna know why?" She didn't reply and Archer continued. "I didn't sleep too good last night and this morning I had three cups of coffee, even though I know more than a cup at a time and I get like this."
T'pol nodded, "If the insomnia continues perhaps you should consider seeing Doctor Phlox for some medication. This has not been the first time I have noticed you to be distracted, I find that you have problems concentrating on specific tasks and I have on several occasions observed you day dreaming."
T'pol turned to leave, the door was open before Archer called her back. "Sub-commander" She turned to face him. "Sit down." He motioned to a chair, as he sat down opposite her. "I'd like to ask your advice on something. See I need a straight answer that doesn't have any feelings attached to it."
"I believe then I may be able to help" To Archer that was as good as a yes.
"Let's say you got yourself into a situation." He paused a few minutes shaping the question in his mind working out the right words to use, so she didn't guess what the situation was or with whom. "And let's say that situation meant that you could compromise everything you'd worked for and everything you'd built for yourself. But you want to be in this situation even though you know that the wider picture looks grim."
He paused again remembering another lesson he'd learnt that when asking for advise and you didn't want the other person to know the true situation you had to throw them off the trail slightly. Not too much to make the advise worthless but enough to stop any suspicions.
"Times change you tried convince yourself it wasn't worth it, the opportunity came for you to put a lot of distance between yourself and the situation you took it up." He said the last bit in such a way he was in no doubt T'pol thought the situation was back on earth. "But it hasn't worked, you don't want to hurt all the people involved they could lose a lot too, they'd be worse off than you." Another decoy T'pol would think there were more people involved rather than Archer and someone else.
"What would you do? Do it anyway and damn the consequences, or not. Either way we all get hurt? The final decoy it seemed as if it was an act he was contemplating, not a relationship.
T'pol seemed to spend a few minutes contemplating the facts as presented before her. "Captain, your duty first and foremost is to Enterprise. Any action that could put it at risk would be inadvisable and I believe this situation would put her and her crew at risk, if your command suffers any more than it has already.
Secondly Captain you have expressed the wish not to hurt those involved in this 'situation' however as you yourself stated that is impossible. I have found that emotional hurt will heal in time however, repercussions last. I believe the question you should ask yourself is which reaction on your part causes the least damage. Emotional scars heal better than a tarnished reputation Captain, though I am not aware of the full extent of your problems, would it be safe to assume that reputations would be at stake?"
Archer nodded, Starfleet would re-think putting him in command of another vessel if his relationship got in the way. It was difficult to see how it wouldn't part of Reed's job was to risk his life for the crew, and Jon wouldn't be able to let Malcolm do that. Malcolm would be known for sleeping to gain his position and people would doubt his skill and that was unfair to Malcolm. "For everyone involved we'd all have reputations to lose."
T'pol was silent for another moment, "Those involved, you have relationships of some sort together?"
"Yes, we're all great friends." He continued the façade of more than two people being involved.
"Consider captain, that many relationships break down no matter how strong, how many friends have you 'lost'? Consider also that if you were not somehow emotionally attached would any of you be willing to take the risk? Would the gains still outweigh the loss if you were all to lose your friendship?"
Archer had to admit she had a point, his track record with relationships weren't so good and from what he knew neither was Malcolm's. But who could say what would happen? Maybe Malcolm was that very special someone.
"If you find the gain outweighs the long term losses captain, through all eventualities then I would personally chose which path would upset as few as possible and act on it."
"Thank you you've being most helpful. I can trust in your discretion I hope"
She turned to leave, "You may."
Archer leaned back on one of the chairs, T'pol was right about everything he'd felt like this before, so in love he'd have jumped out of an airlock for his love. Those relationships ended what if he risked it all for Malcolm and he turned out not to be the one.
Then again he'd never cried or agonised over a relationship before. If it was getting in the way of his career he'd end it no questions asked, why should Malcolm be any different?
Who was he to say that the relationship wouldn't work out? If people saw how good Malcolm was at his job and they knew the facts of the relationship, who knows they might not even discriminate against Malcolm. If he could pull it off and be impartial Starfleet would have no grounds to refuse him command, he'd to just have to go the extra mile to make him the best hurt himself a bit sometimes by risking Malcolm.
Archer didn't leave the ready room till after eighteen hundred hours he was expecting Malcolm at nineteen hundred hours. This was the best time, most people were just starting new shifts and in that case were at their posts and not moving around as much as they would in the middle of a shift.
The rest were relaxing after just finishing a shift or enjoying some much needed recreation. He didn't prepare a meal, as he usually did, he didn't dim the lights or play gentle music. Instead he sat upright in a chair contemplating what he was about to do.
He'd come to a decision at long last, he knew what needed doing. He loved Malcolm to pieces, he could safely admit to himself that he'd never felt like this about any one before. He couldn't change other people and what they would make of their relationship and he couldn't do anything about the backlash that would follow. He might lose everything if it was decided that his starting the relationship was inappropriate, he as the commanding officer should have had more self-control, but he was good at his job and Starfleet was young and needed all the good people it could get.
What he was about to do despite himself was the one thing that would make him happy in the long run. The door chimed and Archer went to open it.