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Archer examined himself in the mirror of his quarters, his eyes were large a sure sign he was tired and hadn't had a decent night's sleep. The colour seemed to have lightened a shade or two to his eyes and the rims of red with the bloodshot's didn't help.
He tilted his head back and squeezed the little tube of liquid into each eye. That should take away the redness but he still looked like a rabbit staring wide-eyed with fear at the lights of an approaching car.
His face seemed to have sunk somewhat and his sockets were becoming hollow, T'pol would notice soon that he was loosing weight and that his skin seemed to always have a sickly pale tint. "Damn her and her Vulcan intuition" He spoke out loud. His lips were thinner now and they seemed dry he reached for the lip salve on his dresser that should do the trick for a while.
He decided to treat himself to a facial while he was at it try to lift the sickly look from his skin. The team had been gone now for twelve hours, from what they'd seen so far the locals were friendly. The real reason for the visit to meet a trader willing to negotiate for star charts of a nebula Enterprise would be visiting on her next mission from space dock was going well and it seemed reasonably certain that they would receive the charts.
The system so far had so far not being explored by the Vulcan's and Starfleet was keen to start some exploration of 'real' uncharted territories rather than re-tracing the routes of long trodden Vulcan paths.
The facial over he looked at himself in the mirror once again, eyes still wide but people wouldn't think that was too odd. The bloodshot veins and the red rims from lack of sleep had gone so had the puffiness the drops did the trick. His skin looked healthier even if a little pale still. He sat wondering what to do about the dark circles that had formed under his eyes, he took the bag of toiletries from a drawer thankful to God that the days of taboo over men wearing makeup were gone.
Though he and most other people of this time period preferred not to wear any, it made him feel somehow fake and less real right now he wanted to be less real. The circles gone he looked presentable to the bridge he looked like a competent captain who hadn't broken the one great un-written protocol or turned away his greatest love.
He needed some closure to this on T'pol's side, after his shift he called her to his ready room. His heart leapt slightly as he remembered the last time he'd being in here with Malcolm, he avoided sitting in the same chair he had then. "I just wanted to say thank you."
"What for Captain?"
He knew she knew what for, it was just T'pol's way of starting conversations, she was curious about what he'd decided. She wasn't going to admit it and wouldn't brood over it if she didn't get the finer details but Archer needed her to know that he'd be fine now or for her to think so anyway, it'd take some of the heat off him for a while.
"The advice you gave me a couple of weeks ago, it really helped me and I wanted you to know what I've decided. We all have something to lose by doing what were going to, I had the least to lose. Like you said people change friendships move on, when I weighed it up the gain wasn't worth the loss most of the time. Sure it'll hurt a lot of people at home but." He wasn't lying now, he'd come to consider Enterprise to be his home. "They'll get over it, move on to do other things we all had too much to lose. I wanted to thank you for making me realise that."
"I understand it has not being an easy decision for you to make. I have noticed over the last three weeks you have being distracted and distant, you have not introduced humour to the bridge. However you seem to be coming to terms with what had happened, acceptance Captain of ones position is crucial."
"Hmm wise words T'pol. Don't worry about me I've come a long way, I'd thought of backtracking and doing it anyway because I couldn't face what was happening now how I felt. Then I realised I was being selfish nothing particularly awful could happen to me but to the others their lives would never be the same again. It's not worth it."
Eighteen hours into their mission and the team had reported they were heading to sleep for the night. They'd secured the deal the star charts were theirs all they had to do was finalise when the three moons of the day were at the highest and the two moons of the night were at their lowest a native custom, they'd be back in less than twelve hours.
Archer had decided to forget about it all, when Reed came back, they were going to have a talk about all of what'd happened he'd explain to Reed that he still loved him it's just nothing could happen not whilst they were both on the same ship. He'd tell him about the Andrews case he'd been at the final hearing for her.
She was an ensign in one of the new science stations, she'd had the misfortune of falling in love with her commanding officer. They'd both started the relationship and were non too discreet, when Starfleet command found out they monitored how things were coming along. She was posted back to earth, Starfleet were looking for the sacrificial lamb and they found it in them, it needed to set an example even if they could pull it off other wouldn't be able to.
There was and could never be a rule on fraternisation amongst staff however it was well known in senior ranks that you crossed that line at your peril especially if you were an officer. He requested to be posted back to earth and Starfleet gave him a desk job reading about the discoveries that were being made back in space.
She was court-martialled for answering back to her commanding officer and therefor undermining his command, further more she had expressed her feelings to other members of the crew which could be seen as an attempt to rally support for a mutiny. She was found guilty and thrown out in disgrace for the words, "Yeah whatever." The relationship didn't last he longed to be back at the forefront of science and she wanted to forget Starfleet.
No one is willing to employ you after being expelled from Starfleet, it had too much of a reputation to be doing good for the world at large, if you were disrupting the work of this great organisation that would free the shackles of the Vulcan's then you deserved unemployment.
He couldn't see that happen to Malcolm not now, not ever. Malcolm would understand and he'll wait for a time when they could both be together they could get along now just fine as a little more than friends but not quite lovers.
The team were due back in three hours, Reed had made the report himself. The moons would align in half an hour the other two and a half hours involved getting the shuttle ready for take off. Afterwards Jon had spoken to him making sure they were both alone.
"I need to talk to you when you get back ASAP." He tried to keep the conversation professional sounding sometimes communicators picked up conversations from other communicators.
"Oh, wonderful what insults do I have to bear on my back this time?" Reed's voice was dry.
"Where's Trip and Mayweather?"
"Oh don't worry not close enough to hear if the channel isn't completely secure." He had that hint of sarcasm making the words sound as though Jon need not worry about their dirty secrete.
"Good, I want to apologise but I want to do it face to face."
"Say what you have to say now it hurts when I have to look at you."
"No it's too much now."
"Summarise it." He was insistent.
"Fine. I love you and I miss you what I said in the ready room were lies it meant more to me than anything ever has before. I want us to be friends but more than that good friends and when the time comes we can pick up where we left off." Archer stopped there was silence from the other end.
"Malcolm. Malcolm you there?"
"Don't worry captain, you don't need to make the fake apology. This means more to you of course it does you're risking your dream your reputation everything here. More than friends" He laughed horse. "I have to go now see you when I get back, it's my time to do the hurting 'cause I've being thinking long and hard I have a few things to say." The silence filled his ready room as Reed signed off.
Archer lay in bed, he'd just have to live with it deal with it get over it. That was the way he'd always worked before that was how he'd work now. Learning to live with something made it that much easier to deal with dealing meant moving on. This was just going to be a tough challenge.
About an hour later the call came through the speaker he was needed on the bridge. "On my way." He moved groaning off the bed, he must be more tired than he'd thought his whole body ached when he moved.
The stiffness faded by the time he'd walked to the bridge. The look on the crew's face showed something there was fear in Hoshie's eyes and the ensign at the helm seemed to be shaking slightly. "Captain?" T'pol motioned towards the ready room.
Archer examined himself in the mirror of his quarters, his eyes were large a sure sign he was tired and hadn't had a decent night's sleep. The colour seemed to have lightened a shade or two to his eyes and the rims of red with the bloodshot's didn't help.
He tilted his head back and squeezed the little tube of liquid into each eye. That should take away the redness but he still looked like a rabbit staring wide-eyed with fear at the lights of an approaching car.
His face seemed to have sunk somewhat and his sockets were becoming hollow, T'pol would notice soon that he was loosing weight and that his skin seemed to always have a sickly pale tint. "Damn her and her Vulcan intuition" He spoke out loud. His lips were thinner now and they seemed dry he reached for the lip salve on his dresser that should do the trick for a while.
He decided to treat himself to a facial while he was at it try to lift the sickly look from his skin. The team had been gone now for twelve hours, from what they'd seen so far the locals were friendly. The real reason for the visit to meet a trader willing to negotiate for star charts of a nebula Enterprise would be visiting on her next mission from space dock was going well and it seemed reasonably certain that they would receive the charts.
The system so far had so far not being explored by the Vulcan's and Starfleet was keen to start some exploration of 'real' uncharted territories rather than re-tracing the routes of long trodden Vulcan paths.
The facial over he looked at himself in the mirror once again, eyes still wide but people wouldn't think that was too odd. The bloodshot veins and the red rims from lack of sleep had gone so had the puffiness the drops did the trick. His skin looked healthier even if a little pale still. He sat wondering what to do about the dark circles that had formed under his eyes, he took the bag of toiletries from a drawer thankful to God that the days of taboo over men wearing makeup were gone.
Though he and most other people of this time period preferred not to wear any, it made him feel somehow fake and less real right now he wanted to be less real. The circles gone he looked presentable to the bridge he looked like a competent captain who hadn't broken the one great un-written protocol or turned away his greatest love.
He needed some closure to this on T'pol's side, after his shift he called her to his ready room. His heart leapt slightly as he remembered the last time he'd being in here with Malcolm, he avoided sitting in the same chair he had then. "I just wanted to say thank you."
"What for Captain?"
He knew she knew what for, it was just T'pol's way of starting conversations, she was curious about what he'd decided. She wasn't going to admit it and wouldn't brood over it if she didn't get the finer details but Archer needed her to know that he'd be fine now or for her to think so anyway, it'd take some of the heat off him for a while.
"The advice you gave me a couple of weeks ago, it really helped me and I wanted you to know what I've decided. We all have something to lose by doing what were going to, I had the least to lose. Like you said people change friendships move on, when I weighed it up the gain wasn't worth the loss most of the time. Sure it'll hurt a lot of people at home but." He wasn't lying now, he'd come to consider Enterprise to be his home. "They'll get over it, move on to do other things we all had too much to lose. I wanted to thank you for making me realise that."
"I understand it has not being an easy decision for you to make. I have noticed over the last three weeks you have being distracted and distant, you have not introduced humour to the bridge. However you seem to be coming to terms with what had happened, acceptance Captain of ones position is crucial."
"Hmm wise words T'pol. Don't worry about me I've come a long way, I'd thought of backtracking and doing it anyway because I couldn't face what was happening now how I felt. Then I realised I was being selfish nothing particularly awful could happen to me but to the others their lives would never be the same again. It's not worth it."
Eighteen hours into their mission and the team had reported they were heading to sleep for the night. They'd secured the deal the star charts were theirs all they had to do was finalise when the three moons of the day were at the highest and the two moons of the night were at their lowest a native custom, they'd be back in less than twelve hours.
Archer had decided to forget about it all, when Reed came back, they were going to have a talk about all of what'd happened he'd explain to Reed that he still loved him it's just nothing could happen not whilst they were both on the same ship. He'd tell him about the Andrews case he'd been at the final hearing for her.
She was an ensign in one of the new science stations, she'd had the misfortune of falling in love with her commanding officer. They'd both started the relationship and were non too discreet, when Starfleet command found out they monitored how things were coming along. She was posted back to earth, Starfleet were looking for the sacrificial lamb and they found it in them, it needed to set an example even if they could pull it off other wouldn't be able to.
There was and could never be a rule on fraternisation amongst staff however it was well known in senior ranks that you crossed that line at your peril especially if you were an officer. He requested to be posted back to earth and Starfleet gave him a desk job reading about the discoveries that were being made back in space.
She was court-martialled for answering back to her commanding officer and therefor undermining his command, further more she had expressed her feelings to other members of the crew which could be seen as an attempt to rally support for a mutiny. She was found guilty and thrown out in disgrace for the words, "Yeah whatever." The relationship didn't last he longed to be back at the forefront of science and she wanted to forget Starfleet.
No one is willing to employ you after being expelled from Starfleet, it had too much of a reputation to be doing good for the world at large, if you were disrupting the work of this great organisation that would free the shackles of the Vulcan's then you deserved unemployment.
He couldn't see that happen to Malcolm not now, not ever. Malcolm would understand and he'll wait for a time when they could both be together they could get along now just fine as a little more than friends but not quite lovers.
The team were due back in three hours, Reed had made the report himself. The moons would align in half an hour the other two and a half hours involved getting the shuttle ready for take off. Afterwards Jon had spoken to him making sure they were both alone.
"I need to talk to you when you get back ASAP." He tried to keep the conversation professional sounding sometimes communicators picked up conversations from other communicators.
"Oh, wonderful what insults do I have to bear on my back this time?" Reed's voice was dry.
"Where's Trip and Mayweather?"
"Oh don't worry not close enough to hear if the channel isn't completely secure." He had that hint of sarcasm making the words sound as though Jon need not worry about their dirty secrete.
"Good, I want to apologise but I want to do it face to face."
"Say what you have to say now it hurts when I have to look at you."
"No it's too much now."
"Summarise it." He was insistent.
"Fine. I love you and I miss you what I said in the ready room were lies it meant more to me than anything ever has before. I want us to be friends but more than that good friends and when the time comes we can pick up where we left off." Archer stopped there was silence from the other end.
"Malcolm. Malcolm you there?"
"Don't worry captain, you don't need to make the fake apology. This means more to you of course it does you're risking your dream your reputation everything here. More than friends" He laughed horse. "I have to go now see you when I get back, it's my time to do the hurting 'cause I've being thinking long and hard I have a few things to say." The silence filled his ready room as Reed signed off.
Archer lay in bed, he'd just have to live with it deal with it get over it. That was the way he'd always worked before that was how he'd work now. Learning to live with something made it that much easier to deal with dealing meant moving on. This was just going to be a tough challenge.
About an hour later the call came through the speaker he was needed on the bridge. "On my way." He moved groaning off the bed, he must be more tired than he'd thought his whole body ached when he moved.
The stiffness faded by the time he'd walked to the bridge. The look on the crew's face showed something there was fear in Hoshie's eyes and the ensign at the helm seemed to be shaking slightly. "Captain?" T'pol motioned towards the ready room.