Chapter 3: I finally Wrote More
Scene 6
Some song (Flagpole Sitta, Sending a Dream into the Universe, it doesn't
really matter what song) plays. Tidus is shown giving Zell a phone book open to
a caterers. Wakka is watching blitzball on TV. Vince sits in the schoolyard
playing Russian Roulette with his pistol.
The scene changes to show Zell and Quistis and her locker.
ZELL: Did you get the hotdogs?
The scene changes back to Vince. Tidus and Zell approach him.
ZELL: You know, Vince, I don't think chicks go for this whole Russian Roulette
thing.
VINCE: I know. By the way, in the spirit of this pact, I need you to do
something.
ZELL: Sure.
VINCE: All the good things you hear about me, I need you to deny them. Tell
people that I'm a godless son of a bitch! Curse me and say I'm a dirty
rotten bastard! A xenophobic suicidal ASSHOLE!!! AHHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAH!
ZELL: O...k
Vince leaves.
Some girl who was nearby walks up to Tidus and Zell.
GIRL: Was that Paul Vince? Is it true that he's equipped?
ZELL (hesitantly): No! Vince is a dirty rotten bastard!
GIRL: Oooh thanks! Girls love losers!
She leaves
TIDUS: Girls like losers? At least that finally explains why I'm not getting
any dates!
ZELL (to himself): ..no, Tidus, it only makes it more mystifying...
Scene 7
Zell and Tifa are walking down the hall.
TIFA: I'm sure you'll get her back.
ZELL: Really?
TIFA: Yeah, she likes you. Do you like her more than hotdogs?
ZELL: ...um... you can't really ask me that.
TIFA: Well if you want her to whip you just tell her that. That's how I was
duped.
ZELL: By someone telling you they like you more than hotdogs?
TIFA: Yeah.
ZELL: Wow. But I don't want to dupe her.
TIFA: Ok, what you got to do is give her what she's never had.
ZELL: What's that?
TIFA: I'll give you a hint.
Tifa starts rolling around on the floor with loud orgasmic screams.
Cid Highwind runs up, looks at Tifa oddly, and goes to Zell.
CID: You gotta see this!
They run off leaving Tifa writhing on the floor.
Cid leads Zell into the magic room where Tidus is already seated. Wakka is up
with a bunch of black mages, gesturing wildly to make spells happen and failing
with each attempt, occasionally able to somehow conjure up fish.
CID: What did you guys do to him?
The teacher says a few words and class gets out. Wakka runs up to his friends.
WAKKA: Hey guys, come to see me in action, ya?
TIDUS: You looked like you were doing pretty good.
CID: Yeah? I think you look like you need your balls reattached!
WAKKA: Hey keep it down! Some of these black mages are hot!
On the other side of the room, Lulu, Vivi, and Terra are talking.
VIVI: What's he doing joining Black Magic so late?
TERRA: Maybe he's preparing for another year at Balamb Garden?
Terra and Vivi laugh.
LULU: Hey, he looks like an asshole to me. But we don't really know him.
She looks at Wakka, who waves stupidly.
TIDUS: Let's go.
Scene 6
Some song (Flagpole Sitta, Sending a Dream into the Universe, it doesn't
really matter what song) plays. Tidus is shown giving Zell a phone book open to
a caterers. Wakka is watching blitzball on TV. Vince sits in the schoolyard
playing Russian Roulette with his pistol.
The scene changes to show Zell and Quistis and her locker.
ZELL: Did you get the hotdogs?
The scene changes back to Vince. Tidus and Zell approach him.
ZELL: You know, Vince, I don't think chicks go for this whole Russian Roulette
thing.
VINCE: I know. By the way, in the spirit of this pact, I need you to do
something.
ZELL: Sure.
VINCE: All the good things you hear about me, I need you to deny them. Tell
people that I'm a godless son of a bitch! Curse me and say I'm a dirty
rotten bastard! A xenophobic suicidal ASSHOLE!!! AHHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAH!
ZELL: O...k
Vince leaves.
Some girl who was nearby walks up to Tidus and Zell.
GIRL: Was that Paul Vince? Is it true that he's equipped?
ZELL (hesitantly): No! Vince is a dirty rotten bastard!
GIRL: Oooh thanks! Girls love losers!
She leaves
TIDUS: Girls like losers? At least that finally explains why I'm not getting
any dates!
ZELL (to himself): ..no, Tidus, it only makes it more mystifying...
Scene 7
Zell and Tifa are walking down the hall.
TIFA: I'm sure you'll get her back.
ZELL: Really?
TIFA: Yeah, she likes you. Do you like her more than hotdogs?
ZELL: ...um... you can't really ask me that.
TIFA: Well if you want her to whip you just tell her that. That's how I was
duped.
ZELL: By someone telling you they like you more than hotdogs?
TIFA: Yeah.
ZELL: Wow. But I don't want to dupe her.
TIFA: Ok, what you got to do is give her what she's never had.
ZELL: What's that?
TIFA: I'll give you a hint.
Tifa starts rolling around on the floor with loud orgasmic screams.
Cid Highwind runs up, looks at Tifa oddly, and goes to Zell.
CID: You gotta see this!
They run off leaving Tifa writhing on the floor.
Cid leads Zell into the magic room where Tidus is already seated. Wakka is up
with a bunch of black mages, gesturing wildly to make spells happen and failing
with each attempt, occasionally able to somehow conjure up fish.
CID: What did you guys do to him?
The teacher says a few words and class gets out. Wakka runs up to his friends.
WAKKA: Hey guys, come to see me in action, ya?
TIDUS: You looked like you were doing pretty good.
CID: Yeah? I think you look like you need your balls reattached!
WAKKA: Hey keep it down! Some of these black mages are hot!
On the other side of the room, Lulu, Vivi, and Terra are talking.
VIVI: What's he doing joining Black Magic so late?
TERRA: Maybe he's preparing for another year at Balamb Garden?
Terra and Vivi laugh.
LULU: Hey, he looks like an asshole to me. But we don't really know him.
She looks at Wakka, who waves stupidly.
TIDUS: Let's go.