Seven: THE LONG NIGHT
The rest of the evening passed largely without incident. Shortly after Buffy had gone back downstairs, everyone agreed it was time for bed.
Dawn was the first to retire --- realizing from Buffy's interjection that perhaps her sister needed some time alone with their long-lost friend. "Well, I'm going up. I'll just be a couple of minutes in the bathroom and then I'm sure I'll be asleep before my head hits the pillow. Yep. and I'm so tired, I could probably sleep through anything," the younger Summers finished with a gleeful grin. Dawn felt closer to her sister the past few months than ever before and she knew something of the emptiness Buffy felt with Spike away. Seeing them together now, made Dawn so happy.
"Night," she called back as she raced up the stairs leaving other two alone in an awkward moment of silence.
Spike cleared his throat. "Buffy," he began apprehensively as he got up from the couch. "I'm knackered. Would it be alright if we just called it a night?"
Feeling both her relief and fatigue, Buffy sighed. "Sure. I could use some sleep. Didn't get much last night."
His eyes were full of empathy as hers met them. He knew that his unannounced return had raised questions and brought up a lot of unresolved emotion. They'd been up late together the previous night, and Spike was certain Buffy remained awake long after he'd dropped off. Breaking their gaze, Spike took Buffy's hand, much as she had done his earlier that day, and led her upstairs. When they reached her door, he gave her a chaste tender kiss then whispered, "Sleep well, my love."
Buffy gulped and felt light-headed. "Night," she managed to get out before slipping into her room and closing the door.
------- o -------
Sleep well, my love, his hushed words played over in her head as she leaned against the door for support. ...my love. Part of her wanted to throw the door open and drag him into her room and spend the night entwined with him in a sweaty mass of flesh and fury. The other couldn't help but find this softer side of Spike endearing, sweet, and. damned sexy. Gee, maybe that side wants to get sweaty too. Buffy shuddered trying to shake off some of her arousal. ...my love. But still his whisper repeated, making her sure that settling in for the night would be nearly impossible.
Already in pajamas from after her shower, Buffy slipped off her robe and climbed into bed. She pulled a magazine from her nightstand and began to flip idly through the pages. Exhausted from the events of the past 24 hours, it wasn't long before she drifted off.
------- o -------
When her door closed, Spike turned and darted for the master bedroom --- Willow's room, where Buffy had settled him the night before. He had to get away quickly lest he throw open Buffy's door and waiting be damned.
He dropped himself on the bed lifting his hands to rub his forehead. "What the bleeding hell were you thinking?!" Spike chided with a clenched jaw, under his breath. "Sleep well, my love?! My love?!" I can't do this. I can't be so close to her and not have her. This is too hard. The pain in his chest built. I'm not strong enough to stay away from her... I want her to love me, not my words. He took a deep breath and shook his head. Just gotta stop filling 'er 'ead with pretty words... Gotta give her time... Wait 'til she comes to me. I want her to love me. Buffy, love me! He closed his eyes as his voice screamed in his head.
"I want her." He got up and went into the hall.
------- o -------
Her eyes still shut, Buffy heard the click of the doorknob and the soft creak of the hinges as the door to her room opened then closed. She stirred feeling movement and heat beside her running the length of the bed. Rolling over, away from the light of the lamp she must have left on, Buffy forced her eyes open.
Your beautiful eyes... she thought as her gaze met his gentle blue. She felt her heart begin to race as she uttered, "I'm so glad you're here... with me... now. Spike, I love you."
His lips twitched; brow furrowed; eyelids blinked rapidly. He took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears of elation at her words. Alas, this was a challenge he would not conquer. He began to weep. "Oh Buffy," the words caught in his throat. "I've waited so long to hear you say those words." Overtaken by emotion, he leaned into her, crushing his mouth on hers, sending her heart leaping from her chest.
Her tears flowed to blend with his on their cheeks.
Tightly they clung one to the other in a frantic embrace. Their tongues explored the warm moist caverns of each other's mouth in a dizzying series of flutters and stabs. Together each tasted the other with a passion neither had ever known. Arms and legs pulled together as if to melt their bodies as one.
"Closer!" she pleaded, wanting the distance of their time apart to be forever forgotten.
"Yes luv. Yes," Spike gasped.
Buffy needed to feel her skin on his. She hungered for it. Tenacious, she would not be denied. In a staggering series of motion, she pushed him away only long enough to allow herself to rip off the confining garments that dared separate their aching bodies.
The glistening flesh, now freed from the confines of her tank top, made for a sight impossible for her lover to resist. His mouth was upon her once more, as his hands explored the newly bared skin. With one strong arm wrapped behind her back, he ensured she would be unable to leave him again. His other hand kneaded her breast. Inflamed by want of the taste of her breast, he released her mouth. His pace slowed, now, as he cascaded pecks down her neck, over her shoulder, her chest, to the focus of his hunger.
Buffy found herself engulfed by the searing furnace of his mouth. "More," she cried desperately as she explored the sinewy being beside her.
At her invitation, Spike's hand descended over her quivering abdomen to rest between her thighs.
At his touch, her voracity intensified. With lust overtaking her, she rolled him to his back. Hovering above him, her hands sought the source of such heat as she did not remember and had never even imagined. After only moments, the heat and intensity overwhelmed her and Buffy was no longer able to control her need of him. She had to have him... now. "Spike!" she squeaked almost breathlessly. She shuddered.
And he was gone.
Buffy opened her eyes and realized it was only a dream --- a dream so vivid that it left her heart racing, her breathing shallow, and her pajamas dripping from her spent passion.
------- o -------
He stood outside her closed door. Holding his hand to it, he imagined he could sense her through that door. His mind flashed back to a night months ago when, through the door of his crypt, he had done just that. Whenever he remembered that night, he longed to freeze time with the erotic sensation he'd felt standing at that door. But, as had been so often the case, his mind flew ahead to other events. Tightly he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to rid himself of the images of that night that still haunted him.
In the days and weeks since his soul was returned, Spike had had flashes of so many of the things he'd done in his life as a vampire, of the places he'd been... of the people he'd killed. Any pang of guilt he felt from those pictures paled when compared with how he suffered when catching in his mind glimpses of Buffy in turmoil.
She'd run off without seeing him that night. When he found her, afraid and confused by what was happening around her, Buffy looked so fragile. The demons in the woods had twisted time, and in a flurry of fists and feet, Buffy thought she'd killed that girl. The hopeless and helpless look of shock on her face wasn't that of his Slayer but of a lost little child. She needed to atone for what she'd done, but he couldn't let her throw her life away... couldn't bear to lose her again.
She wouldn't hear reason. All he could do was to drive her to release her remorse at what she'd done that night, opening the flood gates of her anguish at having ever been with him. It cut him to the core to hear her words that night: "There is nothing good or clean in you... You can't feel anything real. I could never be your girl." Those words echoed even still and in spite of how things had been between them since he'd come back, Spike couldn't help but wonder if she could ever really accept him, soul or no soul. Even as a living breathing man.
And still he saw her expression when, after she'd unleashed all her power and rage upon his demon face, she saw his broken human one. The shame and horror at her action spoke through that look. But Buffy, I wanted you to put it on me. To take out your aggression on me. To help you. To stop you from hurting. It's alright, luv.
With clenched fists, he growled, "Stop this!"
"Spike."
He opened his eyes, thinking he'd heard her whisper his name. The sound softened him... eased his pain, his tension. He unclenched his fist, took the tips of his fingers to his lips, placed a kiss on them then patted those kisses lightly on her door. Going into the bathroom, he splashed water on his face then stood staring at himself in the mirror. In his eyes, there was a familiar pain that now he could see.
------- o -------
Preoccupied by her dream, Buffy hadn't even noticed the light was already on when she wandered into the bathroom.
"Buffy." Spike uttered softly, startled by her entrance. He sniffed and swept the tears from his face.
"Ack!" She jumped.
"Sorry. I was just goin'." He moved to go around her to the door, trying to hide his face from her view.
"No, no. Spike. It's OK." She shook her head then looked at him. It was clear to her that he'd not been having an easy night. "What's the matter?"
He sighed. "Just part of the burden of my new soul," he replied, knowing full-well that this pain preceded his soul. I'm just so afraid you'll never really love me. "But what about you? You're lookin' a little outta sorts yourself."
Buffy's face, already blushed from her fantasy, darkened another few shades. "I... ah... had a bad dream." Well, actually I had a fantastic dream about the two of us that...
"D'ya want to talk about it?" he inquired with concern.
"Ah... No. It'll be all right. I just need to splash some water on my face." Take a cold shower and burn these pajamas.
"Well, I'll leave you to it, shall I?" he asked somewhat rhetorically.
"Yeah, thanks."
Thank God. Can't be around her right now. Seein' her without touchin' 'er is just too bloody hard. "Good night, then." Spike exited the bathroom.
"Spike," Buffy called to him. What did you do that for? Maybe he didn't hear. Please. Please.
His blond head popped into the doorway, an inquisitive eyebrow raised.
"Good night," she smiled.