Four: FORSAKING ALL OTHERS
Willow was spending the evening with her parents. It had been a long time since she'd seen them (not that they'd noticed she was gone) and an even longer time since she'd worried what her father would think if he found his "only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall". It was ironic to consider that back in high school when Willow was only dabbling with magic, her mother had joined with a group of irate parents to burn her at the stake as a witch. Her parents hadn't even the slightest clue how out of control Willow had become in the past year; how hungry for power; how her innocent high school curiosity of floating pencils and hiding pimples with glamours had escalated to almost literally Earth-shattering levels. Their little girl had almost destroyed the whole world and Ira and Sheila Rosenberg hadn't even realized she wasn't still in school.
Perhaps their oblivion would make the visit easier. Willow wouldn't have to hide her guilt and shame from them because they didn't know what she had done. She could pretend, as they always did, that everything was fine and normal, and with the holidays upon them, that latkes really were better with applesauce than sour cream.
------- o -------
If Willow can face the skeletons in her closet, so can I, Buffy decided metaphorically speaking.
After work and dinner, she asked Spike to take Dawn to a movie or something. Buffy explained that she needed to phone 'someone' and felt more comfortable making the call in the house alone.
Spike suspected he knew whom Buffy intended to call and agreed to do as she asked. Couldn't you wait for me to drive to Los Angeles so I can watch his face while you give the Brooding Poof our happy news? Spike chuckled to himself. Though now human, at least one thing about Spike hadn't changed: he still harboured animosity toward Angel. Likely that would never change, and why should it? Having a soul doesn't mean you stop feeling envy, pride, lust for vengeance, even hate. The notion of seeing Angel hurt the way he'd been hurt because of Angel, gave Spike a real sense of justice. Angel had taken Drusilla from him so many times before. This time he'd get his rocks back because he would be marrying the love not only of his life, but also of Angel's.
Buffy was anxious about this call; more than anyone else, she dreaded telling Angel. But she'd waited long enough, he should hear the news... from her. She knew it would neither be easy for her to say nor for him to hear. This wasn't a simple case of a girl telling her ex- that she'd found someone else. Heck, Buffy had done that before with Angel when she was seeing Riley. She'd even done that with Riley when he found her sleeping with Spike.
(Thinking of Riley, she decided she'd e-mail him her news. Given that he already knew she'd been "seeing" Spike --- and the fact that he'd seen way more of Spike than he'd have liked --- Buffy figured the hard part with her soldier boy had passed. E-mail would have to do the rest since she really had no idea where he was but thought he should know about Spike --- particularly the being human thing, so that if Riley ever came back to Sunnydale he wouldn't try to beat the living daylights out of Spike or worse try to stake him. After all, stakes through the heart aren't only fatal to vampires. Used on a human, it's just a whole lot messier to clean up.)
Telling Angel was so not simple. No. There was more to it: a lot more... history. Not just between her and Angel, but perhaps more significantly between Angel and Spike. Theirs was a long and turbulent relationship. And now Buffy was going to tell the man (all-be-he vampire) who had once pledged his heart (though unbeating) that she was going to marry someone else: a man whom he had grown to despise long before Buffy was even born.
Angel, that was all so long ago... she thought of the night he'd given her the Claddagh ring. Her birthday... seventeen. They made love that night, after fleeing with their lives from Drusilla's party for the Judge. Sweet. Sensual. Her first time. That night marked the beginning of the end for them. Sure, Angel was a vampire and they could never have a "normal" life together, but they were in love, so what did they care? Then the curse was lifted; the gypsy curse that gave Angel a soul; the curse that, when lifted brought back Angelus, who with his cruel words and terrifying actions destroyed some (perhaps not so) little part of Buffy. A part that took Spike to restore: a trust in romantic love.
How ironic that the evil being that before that night --- that wonderful and terrible night when everything went so wrong --- she'd sworn to kill, would become her ally... her confidant... her lover... her friend and now the man she'd marry. Angel's not going to see the humour in that is he? She sighed and shook her head.
Pulling out her address book, Buffy looked up Angel's number. With all the courage she could muster, she dialled. slowly.
"Angel Investigations. We help the helpless," a woman's voice answered.
Buffy was a little surprised. "Cordelia?"
"Speaking."
"It's Buffy. Is Angel around?"
"Sure Buffy," she almost groaned. "He's here. Can I tell him why you're calling?"
"Well, it's kinda personal."
"Yeah, always is with you two," said Cordelia with her signature sarcasm. "Just a minute."
Buffy held her free hand to her forehead as her eyes bugged out. The pressure building made her feel that her head might explode while she waited. Things hadn't been the same between her and Angel in a long time. Their more recent meetings hadn't exactly been what one could call "smooth". They'd grown apart, but Angel was still a very special part of her past and she hoped he could be supportive --- or at least accepting. But this call would not improve their relationship, and though she feared hurting him, Buffy thought Angel should know. It's like a Band-Aid, Buffy. Just pull it off fast. It'll only sting for a minute, she tried to convince herself as she continued to wait.
"Buffy?" Angel's deep voice resonated.
"Hi Angel. How are you?" she inquired lightly.
"Fine. You?" He seemed distant, puzzled.
Vague much? "I'm OK... ah..."
"What is it Buffy?" he asked. "Cordelia said you had something 'personal' to discuss."
Gee... since when did you become 'get-to-the-point-guy'? Buffy wondered. "Well, yeah, I. I mean. You remember when I called you last spring about Spike?" In her desperation to find Spike earlier that year, she'd called Angel on the off-chance he'd heard anything from or about his grand-childe.
"Has he turned up? Is he causing problems again?" Angel sounded annoyed.
Yeah, this is going well, she thought as she rolled her eyes. Why couldn't I have just told Angel the truth in the first place? That sure would have made this a whole lot easier. Well, duh. If I couldn't tell my friends here, how the hell could I tell Angel?! "Well, not exactly. I mean, he did turn up... a while ago actually. And ah..." she stammered, 'as for problems... we are talking about Spike here, so I think that goes without saying."
"Buffy, what is it?!"
I guess if I'm honest, this problem I brought on myself. She swallowed the lump building in her throat. "Well, I probably should've told you before that Spike and I were... sort of seeing each other before he went away." She allowed a pause for any comment Angel might have.
Silence.
"I guess you could say, that's kind of why he went away. because I broke it off and... some other stuff happened." She sighed. "Then he left."
Still nothing from Angel.
"But he came back and... ah... it's really kind of amazing," she remarked. "Um... And he's... He's changed."
Frustrated, Angel finally interjected sharply, "Buffy, I really don't see what this has to do with me."
"Well..." Buffy took a deep breath. "He-asked-me-to-marry-him-and-I-said-yes," she blurted as if it was one long word.
Her words were barely out of her mouth when Angel shot back, "What?! Buffy are you crazy?!?"
Here we go... thought Buffy clasping a hand over her eyes.
"You can't marry Spike! He's a vampire! He must have you in a thrall or something?" Angel ranted. "What are you thinking? Obviously you aren't thinking. Marrying Spike?! What kind of life would that be for you?"
Buffy jumped in, "But Angel, that's just it: Spike isn't a vampire. Not anymore." She waited for all kinds of "how", "why", "who" and "what the-" questions.
But they never came. Unbeknownst to Buffy, Angel knew of the possibility of re-humanization. He'd been there himself, enjoyed that one incredible day with Buffy, making love and eating cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice-cream. But for some fool reason --- he'd tried to convince himself he'd be better able to protect her as a vampire than he could with the reduced strength and abilities of a human man --- Angel had chosen to go to the Powers-that-Be be returned to his souled-demon state.
Baffled by the silence, Buffy spoke. "Angel? Are you still there?"
"Yeah. Sorry Buffy." He paused again. "I don't know what to say. That is pretty amazing: Spike being human." He exhaled quickly, before taking another deep breath. "But Buffy, even so. I honestly can't say that I'm happy for you. Maybe I'm just jealous. But Spike? I mean really Buffy: Spike?!"
"I didn't think you'd be happy," she muttered with disappointment. "But I thought you should know... I hope you... Well, are you alright?"
"Sure," he said in a "really not" kind of way. "I just hope you'll be. Be careful, Buffy." There was a moment of silence before Angel spoke again, "I've gotta go... ah... back to work."
"Yeah, I should get a shower. Bye."
He hung up quickly, leaving Buffy with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew things with Angel were long over, but it didn't stop her from feeling sadness and regret. Taking a deep breath, she headed upstairs to shower and clear her head.
------- o -------
Spike and Dawn agreed to just take a walk. Neither had any interest in seeing a movie and they figured they could do a little patrolling for Buffy to free up some time for her to spend with them once they got back. Stakes in hand, they headed for the cemetery to catch any rising fledglings. Not exactly sporting, but if dusting some newbies meant more time with Buffy, they were both content to stake anything that might pop up.
All was quiet as they moved through the headstones. Approaching the crypt that had been Spike's home, they could see a faint glow inside.
Turning to Dawn, Spike instructed, "Right then, Nibblet. Stick close. We'll 'ave a look. No heroics, now. We're just looking."
"Fine," replied Dawn, only half meaning it.
They'd only taken a few steps when suddenly the door flew open and in the moonlight they could see a familiar dark figure standing in the entrance.
"Well, well... What 'ave we 'ere. My poor Spyke. Heard you'd got yourself human again. Little fairies told me." The woman's long pale fingers danced as she spoke. "Terrible shame that: undoing all my lovely work. Now come 'ere, pet. I'll make it all better again."
"Dru..." Spike began with a stern and cautionary tone, stake at the ready. "I warn you: I'll kill you if you come any closer."
Fretfully, Dawn stood right beside him. Normally, a close encounter with a vamp wouldn't have brought on such fear, but Dawn knew Drusilla was a "nut-sack", capable of just about anything.
"Yes, I knew you'd come back 'ere. Back to 'er. The Slayer," Drusilla hissed. "Isn't enough that she's got you fallin' ove' yourself for 'er. She's got you playin' nanny and doin' 'er dirty work too, now 'as she?" She circled the pair, arms floating madly on air. "When'll you eva learn. Giv'er up. Come on, my Spyke," she cooed seductively, "I want us to be family again."
"Dru, you know that didn't work the last time..." Spike reminded.
"Course not... because of the Slayer." She looked as though she was about to continue when suddenly she dropped to the ground and started to shriek. "Oh No! No!"
"What is it, pet? What do you see?" Spike asked her, as he always had when they were together and she'd get her visions.
She lashed out and shot him a wicked glance, "You know. You've given your 'eart to 'er..." Then Drusilla returned to shrieking.
"Yes Dru, it's true. I love the Slayer and she loves me. I suggest that unless you want to be dust in the wind, you'd best be on your way back to wherever you've come from. Come on, Bit. Let's get home," Spike ordered, pushing Dawn in front of him as they left Drusilla.
Her voice full of worry, Dawn asked, "Shouldn't we go back and dust her first?"
"Dawn. Let's just go. Now!" Spike was forceful.
"They want it back!" Drusilla called after the pair. As she looked up to watch them go, the vamp sneered, "This isn't over. First my Angelus, now my Spyke. I'll have my revenge, Slayer. They'll take 'im from you, just as you've taken my boys from me."