WARNING: SPOILERS GALORE
I have a problem. And that problem is that I must twist and mutilate the endings of every RPG that I feel it can be done to, adding in super- crappy jokes that a retarded six year-old could probably get and still find not funny. Maverick and I thought this up over the last summer. Speaking of summer, the reason I haven't written anything lately was because I have no access to a computer in those months. Stilleas is back! Oh yeah!
CHAPTER 1: GRANDIA
SETTING: Justin, Feena, Rapp, and Liete have just defeated Gaia. After the fight, Justin destroys the crystal. The entire screen goes white. In the next scene, the camera is panning a beautiful grassy area covered with characters and creatures met previously in the game.
*Mullen and Leen see each other in the grass*
Mullen: Leen!
Leen: Mullen!
*Yeah, it's THAT corny. They fly into each other's arms. After a few minutes of hugging, kissing, and making love in general (Baal! Ha! Get it? Huh? Funny? You all suck.), they stare into each other's eyes*
Mullen: Leen, we've worked together for a long time, now.
Leen: Yeah.
Mullen: .and I was wondering if.
Leen: .Yes.?
Mullen: .well.this is so hard to say.
Leen: I'm listening.
*Mullen tears off his cloaks and garments and such, revealing a pink, frilly dress with tons of sparkles*
Mullen: Does this look right on me? I mean, I know it's not really my color, but.
Leen: *Screams* You.PERVERT!!! *Slaps Mullen in the face, leaving a huge red welt. She sprouts wings and uses her power to knock Mullen out. She removes the pink, frilly dress* That's MY dress!!! * Underneath are purple panties with red and white flowers on them* THOSE are.MINE!!! Nasty, you can keep them! *Leen storms off, leaving Mullen on the ground in her underwear*
*The screen pans around the field. Gadwin is seen next to Sue, and is trying to seduce her. Guido is seen selling high-quality Cambodian babies to Milda and Rapp. Our field of sight zooms out to reveals Justin talking to Feena*
Justin: *He and Feena are looking amazed at the sight of the now tree-ified Gaia* .Is that.Gaia?
Feena: No, that's Gaia!
*The screen zooms so that you can see to Justin's right. A giant, hulking beast is staring hungrily at them*
Gaia-X: *In an evil-beast-Gaia-X-monster voice* BRRR!!!
Feena: ...No, I'm just kidding!
*The screen pans directly back to where it was. Gaia-X is completely disregarded*
Justin: *Staring at the tree-Gaia again* Wow.
*Black screen. Credits for, like, an hour. Ending part 2!*
Sue: *Bursts out of Justin's house (like she has one.yeah, right)* Today's the day! I can't wait to tell Justin the good news! *She arrives at the port to see 7.38 children running wildly off of the boat. Yes. One of them is just a foot, an arm, and a head. It has leopard skin and no specific gender. I will call it #3*
#3: You.Sue? Me.eat.brain.yes?
Justin: *Comes off of the boat* Oh, #3, ya' little flesh-eating human- devourer, you!
#3: MUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Justin: Ahahahahaha! All right, now, #3, remember what I said about giving people third-degree burns while we're here.
Sue: Sure is an evil one, isn't it?
*Now, Feena comes down*
Sue: Well, now that you're all here, I have something to show you. Come on, guys! .And #3.
*They all run to Sue's -er, Justin's house. Lilly is standing outside with a happy look in her eyes*
Lilly: Justin, who's your.girl.friend? *She looks at the 7.38 children* GEEZ, how many times DID you.er.do it?
Feena: 7.38 times! We've been lucky so far!
Lilly: Dear lord, WHAT is THAT?!? *She sees #3*
Justin: It's a murderous baby-troll! (By the way, that's Feena and we're married.)
Lilly: JUSTIN! *A frying pan materializes in her hand with which she whacks him in the head. It fades into nothing*
Justin: OWWW!!! *He materializes a larger frying pan and hits her back*
Lilly: OWWW!!!
Sue: This is just like old times.only without Feena, the kids, #3, and Justin's frying pan.
Feena: Speaking of different, you said you had something to show us?
Lilly: Oh, right! Look, Justin, I found your dad! *She holds up a fat, grunting midget with an eye patch*
Justin: FATHER!!!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
Sue: Isn't he cute? He's like a baby!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
*Gadwin creeps up behind Sue*
Sue: Gadwin! How'd you get here?
Gadwin: I jumped. I'm a good jumper. I find it entertaining.
Sue: There's something I've needed to ask you. Have you ever noticed how each time we come by a new town or village, there's an enormous problem that only we can solve that almost always requires excruciating dungeon exploration and a boss fight? It's almost like they're.toying with us.
Gadwin: I have thought this too. That is why I have come. You must accompany me on a long journey to kill everyone in the world for using us for their pleasure. Then we shall be man and wife and repopulate the world. What do you say?
Sue: Eh, I don't have anything better to do. Why not?
Gadwin: Great! But, first.look at that!!!
*The group turns around to see #3 eating Justin's dad's arm. Feena kicks #3*
Feena: Down, #3, down!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
*The group laughs in a happy and corny manner like at the end of so many Scooby-Doo cartoons and the screen goes black. The credits roll.again.Suddenly, Gaia-X pops up on the black screen.*
Gaia-X: BRRR!!!
*Well, I hope you enjoyed my display of pure evil. Keep checking for CHAPTER 2: FINAL FANTASY X!*
I have a problem. And that problem is that I must twist and mutilate the endings of every RPG that I feel it can be done to, adding in super- crappy jokes that a retarded six year-old could probably get and still find not funny. Maverick and I thought this up over the last summer. Speaking of summer, the reason I haven't written anything lately was because I have no access to a computer in those months. Stilleas is back! Oh yeah!
CHAPTER 1: GRANDIA
SETTING: Justin, Feena, Rapp, and Liete have just defeated Gaia. After the fight, Justin destroys the crystal. The entire screen goes white. In the next scene, the camera is panning a beautiful grassy area covered with characters and creatures met previously in the game.
*Mullen and Leen see each other in the grass*
Mullen: Leen!
Leen: Mullen!
*Yeah, it's THAT corny. They fly into each other's arms. After a few minutes of hugging, kissing, and making love in general (Baal! Ha! Get it? Huh? Funny? You all suck.), they stare into each other's eyes*
Mullen: Leen, we've worked together for a long time, now.
Leen: Yeah.
Mullen: .and I was wondering if.
Leen: .Yes.?
Mullen: .well.this is so hard to say.
Leen: I'm listening.
*Mullen tears off his cloaks and garments and such, revealing a pink, frilly dress with tons of sparkles*
Mullen: Does this look right on me? I mean, I know it's not really my color, but.
Leen: *Screams* You.PERVERT!!! *Slaps Mullen in the face, leaving a huge red welt. She sprouts wings and uses her power to knock Mullen out. She removes the pink, frilly dress* That's MY dress!!! * Underneath are purple panties with red and white flowers on them* THOSE are.MINE!!! Nasty, you can keep them! *Leen storms off, leaving Mullen on the ground in her underwear*
*The screen pans around the field. Gadwin is seen next to Sue, and is trying to seduce her. Guido is seen selling high-quality Cambodian babies to Milda and Rapp. Our field of sight zooms out to reveals Justin talking to Feena*
Justin: *He and Feena are looking amazed at the sight of the now tree-ified Gaia* .Is that.Gaia?
Feena: No, that's Gaia!
*The screen zooms so that you can see to Justin's right. A giant, hulking beast is staring hungrily at them*
Gaia-X: *In an evil-beast-Gaia-X-monster voice* BRRR!!!
Feena: ...No, I'm just kidding!
*The screen pans directly back to where it was. Gaia-X is completely disregarded*
Justin: *Staring at the tree-Gaia again* Wow.
*Black screen. Credits for, like, an hour. Ending part 2!*
Sue: *Bursts out of Justin's house (like she has one.yeah, right)* Today's the day! I can't wait to tell Justin the good news! *She arrives at the port to see 7.38 children running wildly off of the boat. Yes. One of them is just a foot, an arm, and a head. It has leopard skin and no specific gender. I will call it #3*
#3: You.Sue? Me.eat.brain.yes?
Justin: *Comes off of the boat* Oh, #3, ya' little flesh-eating human- devourer, you!
#3: MUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Justin: Ahahahahaha! All right, now, #3, remember what I said about giving people third-degree burns while we're here.
Sue: Sure is an evil one, isn't it?
*Now, Feena comes down*
Sue: Well, now that you're all here, I have something to show you. Come on, guys! .And #3.
*They all run to Sue's -er, Justin's house. Lilly is standing outside with a happy look in her eyes*
Lilly: Justin, who's your.girl.friend? *She looks at the 7.38 children* GEEZ, how many times DID you.er.do it?
Feena: 7.38 times! We've been lucky so far!
Lilly: Dear lord, WHAT is THAT?!? *She sees #3*
Justin: It's a murderous baby-troll! (By the way, that's Feena and we're married.)
Lilly: JUSTIN! *A frying pan materializes in her hand with which she whacks him in the head. It fades into nothing*
Justin: OWWW!!! *He materializes a larger frying pan and hits her back*
Lilly: OWWW!!!
Sue: This is just like old times.only without Feena, the kids, #3, and Justin's frying pan.
Feena: Speaking of different, you said you had something to show us?
Lilly: Oh, right! Look, Justin, I found your dad! *She holds up a fat, grunting midget with an eye patch*
Justin: FATHER!!!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
Sue: Isn't he cute? He's like a baby!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
*Gadwin creeps up behind Sue*
Sue: Gadwin! How'd you get here?
Gadwin: I jumped. I'm a good jumper. I find it entertaining.
Sue: There's something I've needed to ask you. Have you ever noticed how each time we come by a new town or village, there's an enormous problem that only we can solve that almost always requires excruciating dungeon exploration and a boss fight? It's almost like they're.toying with us.
Gadwin: I have thought this too. That is why I have come. You must accompany me on a long journey to kill everyone in the world for using us for their pleasure. Then we shall be man and wife and repopulate the world. What do you say?
Sue: Eh, I don't have anything better to do. Why not?
Gadwin: Great! But, first.look at that!!!
*The group turns around to see #3 eating Justin's dad's arm. Feena kicks #3*
Feena: Down, #3, down!
Dad: Ungghhh!!!
*The group laughs in a happy and corny manner like at the end of so many Scooby-Doo cartoons and the screen goes black. The credits roll.again.Suddenly, Gaia-X pops up on the black screen.*
Gaia-X: BRRR!!!
*Well, I hope you enjoyed my display of pure evil. Keep checking for CHAPTER 2: FINAL FANTASY X!*