Beautiful Alone
by Ekai Ungson
note: you got this far? i'm proud of you. most fans probably wouldn't be able to take chapter one. now, here's chapter two. it gets worse. heh heh. XD
first, for Sakura, in gratitude for... well, a lot of things. ^_^
for the people who got this far. wow. i mean, WOW. are you sure? come on, think twice, it's gonna be baaad
for the people who liked the first installment, for some obscure, obtuse reason. tsk.
legality: CLAMP owns it. i'm just dragging them through my dregs. it's FUN. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ii: aftermath
He had been caught dead in the act with a betrayal, and now he was free.
Yet in this, he felt nothing but an emptiness he couldn't explain to himself. This WAS what he'd wanted. This WAS what he'd desired. He HAD wanted his freedom from Sakura when he found her too stifling, too cage-like, too... in adequate.
It was true. He never expected to be so guilty about it, but it was horribly true. He had felt that Sakura locked him in but lacked for him, and this drove him to seek something else in other women. Seek something he couldn't get from her. His upbringing be damned. His promises be damned. What was it called again? Primal need.
And the law of all basic need. If you cannot attain what you need in one place, find other resource. And he had found, not just one other, but many, many others, all eager to please him in the way that Sakura couldn't, in the way that Sakura wouldn't.
Her refusal to give in to him not only shocked him to the core. It enraged him. He felt hurt that his own fiancee, the woman he was going to marry, the ONLY damned woman he had ever loved in his entire life didn't have enough trust in him, didn't have enough faith in him.
He had affairs, against his better judgment, not only to get what he wanted, but also to hurt her.
And he had succeeded.
In her green eyes he saw that she was beyond hurt. She had been DEVASTATED.
----
A small uproar arose the next day. People turned questioning looks toward both Sakura and Syaoran, apparently not knowing what to make of the fact that they weren't joined at the hip like they usually were. In fact, they barely looked at each other. Something was amiss.
Syaoran too the event in stride, however, he could not help but wonder about his now-ex's well-being. Sakura was so easily hurt, after all, so easily broken, so easily sad.
But he didn't know.
Sakura did not cry.
----
She couldn't wouldn't cry. No. Not because of this. She forced herself to think thoughts along the lines of gruesome, bloody murder. The result was an empty shell of a woman-child. She wasn't mad, couldn't get angry. She wasn't filled with rage, no matter how she tried. She was more... detached. Chores of everyday were done out of habit and not of heart.
Sakura had become something like a dented reflection bouncing off the light of the mirror.
----
He was there.
He was right there, in the hallway, his books in one hand, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. What the hell. He hadn't disturbed her in days, or was it weeks now? for which she was thankful. But what thhe hell was he doing here?
He was waiting for her. She knew because he studied BS Math and he had no business whatsoever in the Archaeology building, where she was. Holy, holy hell.
She ducked back into the classroom as the other students filed out. What was she going to do?
She could walk past him as if he were invisible.
She could walk up to him and greet him-- no, bad idea.
She could stay in the room 'til closing?
She could escape through the classroom's east window...? Yes! Fly ought to---
"Sakura?"
Bullshit!
Trapped like a rat. No escape, she had to face him... it was so like him to go to her.
She turned. "Hai."
----
The building had become dead quiet.
They stood there, not knowing what exactly to do when the other reacted.
She broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?"
----
He stared back at her, unwilling to look away, but at the same time, too guilty to look at her directly.
What WAS he doing here?
"I thought maybe we could talk," he managed.
She stared up at him, and he could feel her gaze penetrating him. He felt her eyes see beyond his skin, to his soul.
"Here?" she asked.
He smiled slightly in relief more than anything else. "Let me take you out for dinner."
----
The restaurant was Martine's, an expensive Italian joint. She didn't know why he chose this place. They'd only been in here once, during their anniversary.
He didn't bring her to the swings of Tomoeda Park, where they usually talked.
Nor to the cafe beside her dormitory where they usually spent time.
And it suddenly dawned on her that he had wanted to take her to grounds with as little memories-- history-- as possible.
They were led to a corner away from the other patrons, out of everybody else's earshot, and spent a few moments in uneasy silence until the waiter thankfully came to take their order.
Sakura chided herself. This was Syaoran. This was a man she had known for years and years so much that she knew him inside out. What was she so afraid of?
And she looked up at him and immediately shot down that first notion.
She did not know this Syaoran.
This Syaoran was a stranger.
----
"You wanted to talk," she prompted.
He looked up and met her questioning eyes. So much he saw in those eyes. Things that terrified him.
He cleared his throat.
She blinked once, twice.
And then, ---
"You know, this is really awkward," Sakura stated.
He laughed, thankfully, nervously. "Thank you."
Silence.
"You wanted to talk," she repeated.
...
"I was hoping we could be friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Yes, be afraid, be VERY afraid. ^_^ Ekai's being evil....
by Ekai Ungson
note: you got this far? i'm proud of you. most fans probably wouldn't be able to take chapter one. now, here's chapter two. it gets worse. heh heh. XD
first, for Sakura, in gratitude for... well, a lot of things. ^_^
for the people who got this far. wow. i mean, WOW. are you sure? come on, think twice, it's gonna be baaad
for the people who liked the first installment, for some obscure, obtuse reason. tsk.
legality: CLAMP owns it. i'm just dragging them through my dregs. it's FUN. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ii: aftermath
He had been caught dead in the act with a betrayal, and now he was free.
Yet in this, he felt nothing but an emptiness he couldn't explain to himself. This WAS what he'd wanted. This WAS what he'd desired. He HAD wanted his freedom from Sakura when he found her too stifling, too cage-like, too... in adequate.
It was true. He never expected to be so guilty about it, but it was horribly true. He had felt that Sakura locked him in but lacked for him, and this drove him to seek something else in other women. Seek something he couldn't get from her. His upbringing be damned. His promises be damned. What was it called again? Primal need.
And the law of all basic need. If you cannot attain what you need in one place, find other resource. And he had found, not just one other, but many, many others, all eager to please him in the way that Sakura couldn't, in the way that Sakura wouldn't.
Her refusal to give in to him not only shocked him to the core. It enraged him. He felt hurt that his own fiancee, the woman he was going to marry, the ONLY damned woman he had ever loved in his entire life didn't have enough trust in him, didn't have enough faith in him.
He had affairs, against his better judgment, not only to get what he wanted, but also to hurt her.
And he had succeeded.
In her green eyes he saw that she was beyond hurt. She had been DEVASTATED.
----
A small uproar arose the next day. People turned questioning looks toward both Sakura and Syaoran, apparently not knowing what to make of the fact that they weren't joined at the hip like they usually were. In fact, they barely looked at each other. Something was amiss.
Syaoran too the event in stride, however, he could not help but wonder about his now-ex's well-being. Sakura was so easily hurt, after all, so easily broken, so easily sad.
But he didn't know.
Sakura did not cry.
----
She couldn't wouldn't cry. No. Not because of this. She forced herself to think thoughts along the lines of gruesome, bloody murder. The result was an empty shell of a woman-child. She wasn't mad, couldn't get angry. She wasn't filled with rage, no matter how she tried. She was more... detached. Chores of everyday were done out of habit and not of heart.
Sakura had become something like a dented reflection bouncing off the light of the mirror.
----
He was there.
He was right there, in the hallway, his books in one hand, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. What the hell. He hadn't disturbed her in days, or was it weeks now? for which she was thankful. But what thhe hell was he doing here?
He was waiting for her. She knew because he studied BS Math and he had no business whatsoever in the Archaeology building, where she was. Holy, holy hell.
She ducked back into the classroom as the other students filed out. What was she going to do?
She could walk past him as if he were invisible.
She could walk up to him and greet him-- no, bad idea.
She could stay in the room 'til closing?
She could escape through the classroom's east window...? Yes! Fly ought to---
"Sakura?"
Bullshit!
Trapped like a rat. No escape, she had to face him... it was so like him to go to her.
She turned. "Hai."
----
The building had become dead quiet.
They stood there, not knowing what exactly to do when the other reacted.
She broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?"
----
He stared back at her, unwilling to look away, but at the same time, too guilty to look at her directly.
What WAS he doing here?
"I thought maybe we could talk," he managed.
She stared up at him, and he could feel her gaze penetrating him. He felt her eyes see beyond his skin, to his soul.
"Here?" she asked.
He smiled slightly in relief more than anything else. "Let me take you out for dinner."
----
The restaurant was Martine's, an expensive Italian joint. She didn't know why he chose this place. They'd only been in here once, during their anniversary.
He didn't bring her to the swings of Tomoeda Park, where they usually talked.
Nor to the cafe beside her dormitory where they usually spent time.
And it suddenly dawned on her that he had wanted to take her to grounds with as little memories-- history-- as possible.
They were led to a corner away from the other patrons, out of everybody else's earshot, and spent a few moments in uneasy silence until the waiter thankfully came to take their order.
Sakura chided herself. This was Syaoran. This was a man she had known for years and years so much that she knew him inside out. What was she so afraid of?
And she looked up at him and immediately shot down that first notion.
She did not know this Syaoran.
This Syaoran was a stranger.
----
"You wanted to talk," she prompted.
He looked up and met her questioning eyes. So much he saw in those eyes. Things that terrified him.
He cleared his throat.
She blinked once, twice.
And then, ---
"You know, this is really awkward," Sakura stated.
He laughed, thankfully, nervously. "Thank you."
Silence.
"You wanted to talk," she repeated.
...
"I was hoping we could be friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Yes, be afraid, be VERY afraid. ^_^ Ekai's being evil....