Beautiful Alone
by Ekai Ungson
note: up for more torture, i do see! how very lovely. again, i'm warning you. a lot of fans will not like how i'm writing this thing. so if you think you can't handle this chapter, by all means hit the back button. clear? now, no flames. i did warn you all.
(raises glass) and this is foooooor:
Chiqui, my editor in Malate. without her i would have no life. hwee.
Sakura-san, for the usual lots of things. hwee.
the Malate Literary Folio staff!!
and ze fans who can still read this. hwee?
ze legality: yes, it's CLAMP, yes, it's CLAMP. we're all unworthy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iii: Mirror, Mirror
Of course they could be friends.
They'd known each other for too long to NOT be friends.
Of course.
Yes, she was okay. No-- no need to apologize for anything at all.
No need to explain. She needed no explanations.
She was fine. Really.
----
"So... I'll see you in school?"
They were in front of her dormitory building.
Sakura nodded. "Of course."
"Oyasumi nasai," said Syaoran.
"Oyasumi," she echoed. "Please take care."
"Thank you."
With that, he walked off into the ebony night.
She stared at his retreating back, unblinking, and then realized, quite suddenly, that he was walking out of her life, literally.
A tear fell from one emerald eye.
And then there was naught more.
----
She stared into the mirror, looking into the green eyes of a distorted image of herself.
Nothing was wrong with her physically, but she was shattered inside, shattered into little pieces of weightless crystal floating in the darkness of her torn soul. Torn from her breath and from her body.
Because now she had really and truly lost half of who she was, half of her identity. She had lost the one man sdhe had ever loved with her heart and spirit, so much that it was as if they were connected with pacts of blood, so much that she felt her blood flowing from her out of a wound that never never healed.
She existed because Syaoran was beside her.
She lived because Syaoran was there for her.
Therefore she could live no longer.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
She couldn't, WOULDN'T just be friends with him. She wasn't capable of that much courage. She never was. She was strong because Syaoran was strong for her. And Syaoran was gone.
/You said we'd be together forever./
It simply wasn't possible. She LOVED Syaoran. Loved him not with her head, noit with her heart or her soul. She loved him with her entirety. To see him with another would be torture. To hear him talk about another would be her death. To be JUST his friend would kill her in an infinitesimal moment. To see him hold another girl, kiss another girl, and have nothing to say, because she didn't have a right anymore to say anything...
She couldn't bear that. Not now, not ever at all.
----
He splashed cold water on his face and then straightened to meet eyes with the mirror. That was when the full realization of what he'd just done came down on him with full force.
He had just asked Sakura to be just friends.
Just friends.
Like the way she was with Tomoyo. Like the way he behaved with Yamazaki.
Rubbish, utter madness, absolute insanity, bullshit. He simply couldn't see himself jostling around with Sakura. They were too... profound.
It was as if their "friendship" decidedly desecrated the love they had once.
The love he still had for her.
But he had broken Sakura far beyond repair. And no matter what he did no force on earth could make her take him back, he had seen it in her eyes, a plea that said "please let me be, Syaoran. Let me be fine. Let me alone."
The closest he could get to her was this way.
He didn't have a choice.
For this was his own doing.
----
"Ohayou, Syaoran-kun," she greeted when she saw him at the quad. The smile on her face had no trace of bitterness, nor sorrow.
He couldn't stand to look at her, not when she was this way. He wanted her to kick him, slap him, hit him, attack him. He'd give anything for her to take out her Cards and curse him to the moon. Absolutely anything at all. Just not this way, just not so radiant, as if nothing had happened. Please tell me you still feel for me, even if it is only all anger. I'll take it from you without qualm. Please.
"Ohayou," he replied.
"Are you all right?" she asked. "You don't look so good."
"I'm fine."
----
At least there was less uneasiness now, she mused. At least she could act a little normally. At least.
"Syaoran!!"
Her head shot up, involuntarily. A blond haired, blue eyed beauty had settled herself at Syaoran's table, where she herself used to sit.
It hit her with a pang, but she stifled the sudden, sullen reaction.
There was once an intelligent man who said that true love was unconditional.
She'd like to kill that son of a bitch.
----
"Sakura, this is Nainiji Hanano," he said.
Ah, so THIS is Hanano. She smiled. "Hello."
Hanano smiled back, guileless, guiltless, unknowing.
"You don't look Japanese," Sakura observed.
Hanano laughed. "Oh, I was born and raised here all my life! But my mother is Irish."
"I see," Sakura replied, as if that answered everything.
Syaoran sighed under his breath. This was weird. It was beyond awkward, it was flat-out disconcerting. He was introducing his new girlfriend to his ex-girlfriend.
The ex-girlfriend he still loved with all his being.
Bullshit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next time: the final chapter. the final culmination, where all issues will be settled, and all questions will be answered.
by Ekai Ungson
note: up for more torture, i do see! how very lovely. again, i'm warning you. a lot of fans will not like how i'm writing this thing. so if you think you can't handle this chapter, by all means hit the back button. clear? now, no flames. i did warn you all.
(raises glass) and this is foooooor:
Chiqui, my editor in Malate. without her i would have no life. hwee.
Sakura-san, for the usual lots of things. hwee.
the Malate Literary Folio staff!!
and ze fans who can still read this. hwee?
ze legality: yes, it's CLAMP, yes, it's CLAMP. we're all unworthy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iii: Mirror, Mirror
Of course they could be friends.
They'd known each other for too long to NOT be friends.
Of course.
Yes, she was okay. No-- no need to apologize for anything at all.
No need to explain. She needed no explanations.
She was fine. Really.
----
"So... I'll see you in school?"
They were in front of her dormitory building.
Sakura nodded. "Of course."
"Oyasumi nasai," said Syaoran.
"Oyasumi," she echoed. "Please take care."
"Thank you."
With that, he walked off into the ebony night.
She stared at his retreating back, unblinking, and then realized, quite suddenly, that he was walking out of her life, literally.
A tear fell from one emerald eye.
And then there was naught more.
----
She stared into the mirror, looking into the green eyes of a distorted image of herself.
Nothing was wrong with her physically, but she was shattered inside, shattered into little pieces of weightless crystal floating in the darkness of her torn soul. Torn from her breath and from her body.
Because now she had really and truly lost half of who she was, half of her identity. She had lost the one man sdhe had ever loved with her heart and spirit, so much that it was as if they were connected with pacts of blood, so much that she felt her blood flowing from her out of a wound that never never healed.
She existed because Syaoran was beside her.
She lived because Syaoran was there for her.
Therefore she could live no longer.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
She couldn't, WOULDN'T just be friends with him. She wasn't capable of that much courage. She never was. She was strong because Syaoran was strong for her. And Syaoran was gone.
/You said we'd be together forever./
It simply wasn't possible. She LOVED Syaoran. Loved him not with her head, noit with her heart or her soul. She loved him with her entirety. To see him with another would be torture. To hear him talk about another would be her death. To be JUST his friend would kill her in an infinitesimal moment. To see him hold another girl, kiss another girl, and have nothing to say, because she didn't have a right anymore to say anything...
She couldn't bear that. Not now, not ever at all.
----
He splashed cold water on his face and then straightened to meet eyes with the mirror. That was when the full realization of what he'd just done came down on him with full force.
He had just asked Sakura to be just friends.
Just friends.
Like the way she was with Tomoyo. Like the way he behaved with Yamazaki.
Rubbish, utter madness, absolute insanity, bullshit. He simply couldn't see himself jostling around with Sakura. They were too... profound.
It was as if their "friendship" decidedly desecrated the love they had once.
The love he still had for her.
But he had broken Sakura far beyond repair. And no matter what he did no force on earth could make her take him back, he had seen it in her eyes, a plea that said "please let me be, Syaoran. Let me be fine. Let me alone."
The closest he could get to her was this way.
He didn't have a choice.
For this was his own doing.
----
"Ohayou, Syaoran-kun," she greeted when she saw him at the quad. The smile on her face had no trace of bitterness, nor sorrow.
He couldn't stand to look at her, not when she was this way. He wanted her to kick him, slap him, hit him, attack him. He'd give anything for her to take out her Cards and curse him to the moon. Absolutely anything at all. Just not this way, just not so radiant, as if nothing had happened. Please tell me you still feel for me, even if it is only all anger. I'll take it from you without qualm. Please.
"Ohayou," he replied.
"Are you all right?" she asked. "You don't look so good."
"I'm fine."
----
At least there was less uneasiness now, she mused. At least she could act a little normally. At least.
"Syaoran!!"
Her head shot up, involuntarily. A blond haired, blue eyed beauty had settled herself at Syaoran's table, where she herself used to sit.
It hit her with a pang, but she stifled the sudden, sullen reaction.
There was once an intelligent man who said that true love was unconditional.
She'd like to kill that son of a bitch.
----
"Sakura, this is Nainiji Hanano," he said.
Ah, so THIS is Hanano. She smiled. "Hello."
Hanano smiled back, guileless, guiltless, unknowing.
"You don't look Japanese," Sakura observed.
Hanano laughed. "Oh, I was born and raised here all my life! But my mother is Irish."
"I see," Sakura replied, as if that answered everything.
Syaoran sighed under his breath. This was weird. It was beyond awkward, it was flat-out disconcerting. He was introducing his new girlfriend to his ex-girlfriend.
The ex-girlfriend he still loved with all his being.
Bullshit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next time: the final chapter. the final culmination, where all issues will be settled, and all questions will be answered.