=*=*=*=*=*=*=
"BLITZBALLERS"
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft
=*=*=*=*=*=*=
~Ch. 9: L'OPERATION DU REQUIN INFER
{Seymour talks to Botta and Keepa in his luxury seat}
Seymour: So you "blizted" in high school?
Botta: We sure did.
Seymour: You probably had many beautiful teenage girls hanging off of you.
(Botta and Keepa look at each other with a "we did?" look)
Botta: Sure we did.
Seymour: You also probably considered yourself "the man" with your blitzball uniform and letterman's jacket.
(Botta and Keepa don't know what's a letterman's jacket)
Botta: We did, sure.
Seymour: (strokes his chin) And you still play blitzball, even now. (smashes his fist onto table) I DETEST BLITZBALL!!!!!! (stops yelling) Excuse me for that outburst. How rude of me. (chuckle)
Keepa: That's cool, ya?
Seymour: Yes, "cool". Now in your letter you told me that you wanted to overthrow your blitzball team. You, too, grow tired of this idiotic pasttime?
Botta: What? Hate blitzball?! NEVER! I just hate my captain. He always --
Seymour: (holds up his hand) You drive a hard bargain. I didn't expect two musclehead jocks to give up their livelihood so easily. Surely there must be something you want more than anything else? In exchange for your assistance, I will help you to attain it.
Botta: I want Lulu.
Keepa: BOTTA!!!!! You can't!
Seymour: (clasps hands together)(dreamily) The thing you want more than anything is love? (squeal) Surely, I was expecting a blitzball player to ask for something trivial, like money . . . or, um, a steak.
Keepa: (raises one finger) Actually, I was gonna ask for that.
Seymour: But you -- you want nothing more than a female companion. Love is beautiful, isn't it?
Botta: Lulu's hot!
Keepa: Can I still have a steak?
Seymour: A great, handsome, ancient play-actor named Ewan McGregor once said, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn . . . is to love, and be loved in return." (hugs Botta with tears streaming down his face) What is keeping you from getting your Lulu?
Botta: CAPTAIN WAKKA. (shaking with rage)
Seymour: We are in the same boat, I think! For you see, I desire Lady Summoner Yuna, but according to my consultants she has developed somewhat of a crush on a new blitzballer. I think his name's Craig.
Botta: Woah, you like Yuna? (calculating) You know . . . Captain Wakka is her guardian.
Seymour: To get to Yuna, I must kill Craig AND Wakka. She will be defenseless!
Keepa: But Lulu is Yuna's guardian too.
Botta: You idiot.
Seymour: One thing at a time. First, I destroy blitz! Second, I pursue love! Are you truly willing to desert blitzball for Lulu and . . . (with disgust) a steak?
Botta: YES, LORD SEYMOUR.
Keepa: (whines) Botta!!!
Botta: (to Keepa) Shut up, moron. He said we couldn't play blitzball, he didn't say one word about water polo.
Keepa: But --
Botta: (pointing to Keepa) He's undecided.
Seymour: Well, think about it.
{Keepa and Botta have a private discussion}
Keepa: It's not right.
Botta: What are you talking about? Everything's going our way, buddy!
Keepa: You can't date Lulu! Chappu was going to marry her.
Botta: You're forgetting that Chappu's dead.
Keepa: That is SO wrong! And what about blitz?! Remember when blitzball used to be fun!?
Botta: It's never fun when you're always on the bench.
Keepa: Maybe if you stopped trying to kill Cap'n Wakka, he would put you in the game.
Botta: I never thought of THAT before.
Keepa: (smile)
Botta: I never thought of THAT because it's a RETARDED IDEA.
Keepa: Oh, jeez . . . .
{Back to Seymour}
Seymour: (to Keepa) Have you decided yet? My deceased father, (pretends to cry) Lord Jyskal (stops crying), used to say, "Never ride the fence on an issue. You might get a picket up your . . . posterior."
Keepa: What?
Seymour: My deceased mother (sob) used to say, "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of crisis, choose neutrality."
Keepa: Um, pardon?
Seymour: (shakes Keepa) ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT YOU WISHY-WASHY FOOL!?!?!?
Keepa: Y-y-y-yesss M-M-Maester Sey-m-mourrr-ahhh. (still being shaken)
Seymour: Hurray! (stops shaking Keepa and raises his arm gracefully like a ballerina) Let me tell you about my plan. I have dubbed it "L'Operation du Requin Infer".
Botta: Is that in Al Bhed?
Seymour: (sigh) No, you idiot. It's French.
(Blank stares from Botta and Keepa)
Seymour: It's a romance language.
(More blank stares)
Seymour: An ancient language from 1,000 years ago!! (groan) Fine, never mind. Anyway, the plan is simple -- we allow the happy little Spira citizens to view their blitzball tournament. After the final match is played -- BAM!!!!! We release water-based sinspawn into the sphere pool!!! ALL THE BLITZBALL PLAYERS WILL BE EATEN ALIVE!!!
Keepa: Excuse me, but maesters aren't supposed to manipulate sinspawn.
Seymour: Who said I'M handling the sinspawn? That's YOUR job!
Botta: Kewl.
Seymour: Don't arouse suspicion from your coach. Everything must appear as normal!
(Seymour gives some last minute instructions and Botta and Keepa walk off to carry out his plan)
Keepa: I can't believe a maester would act like that . . . .
Botta: Man, that Jyskal Jr. is some fruitcake, but he sure gets good ideas, eh?
=*=
"BLITZBALLERS"
-Fanfiction by RAVEgirl [RAVEgirl_669@hotmail.com]
-Final Fantasy X, blitzball, and all characters are (c) Squaresoft
=*=*=*=*=*=*=
~Ch. 9: L'OPERATION DU REQUIN INFER
{Seymour talks to Botta and Keepa in his luxury seat}
Seymour: So you "blizted" in high school?
Botta: We sure did.
Seymour: You probably had many beautiful teenage girls hanging off of you.
(Botta and Keepa look at each other with a "we did?" look)
Botta: Sure we did.
Seymour: You also probably considered yourself "the man" with your blitzball uniform and letterman's jacket.
(Botta and Keepa don't know what's a letterman's jacket)
Botta: We did, sure.
Seymour: (strokes his chin) And you still play blitzball, even now. (smashes his fist onto table) I DETEST BLITZBALL!!!!!! (stops yelling) Excuse me for that outburst. How rude of me. (chuckle)
Keepa: That's cool, ya?
Seymour: Yes, "cool". Now in your letter you told me that you wanted to overthrow your blitzball team. You, too, grow tired of this idiotic pasttime?
Botta: What? Hate blitzball?! NEVER! I just hate my captain. He always --
Seymour: (holds up his hand) You drive a hard bargain. I didn't expect two musclehead jocks to give up their livelihood so easily. Surely there must be something you want more than anything else? In exchange for your assistance, I will help you to attain it.
Botta: I want Lulu.
Keepa: BOTTA!!!!! You can't!
Seymour: (clasps hands together)(dreamily) The thing you want more than anything is love? (squeal) Surely, I was expecting a blitzball player to ask for something trivial, like money . . . or, um, a steak.
Keepa: (raises one finger) Actually, I was gonna ask for that.
Seymour: But you -- you want nothing more than a female companion. Love is beautiful, isn't it?
Botta: Lulu's hot!
Keepa: Can I still have a steak?
Seymour: A great, handsome, ancient play-actor named Ewan McGregor once said, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn . . . is to love, and be loved in return." (hugs Botta with tears streaming down his face) What is keeping you from getting your Lulu?
Botta: CAPTAIN WAKKA. (shaking with rage)
Seymour: We are in the same boat, I think! For you see, I desire Lady Summoner Yuna, but according to my consultants she has developed somewhat of a crush on a new blitzballer. I think his name's Craig.
Botta: Woah, you like Yuna? (calculating) You know . . . Captain Wakka is her guardian.
Seymour: To get to Yuna, I must kill Craig AND Wakka. She will be defenseless!
Keepa: But Lulu is Yuna's guardian too.
Botta: You idiot.
Seymour: One thing at a time. First, I destroy blitz! Second, I pursue love! Are you truly willing to desert blitzball for Lulu and . . . (with disgust) a steak?
Botta: YES, LORD SEYMOUR.
Keepa: (whines) Botta!!!
Botta: (to Keepa) Shut up, moron. He said we couldn't play blitzball, he didn't say one word about water polo.
Keepa: But --
Botta: (pointing to Keepa) He's undecided.
Seymour: Well, think about it.
{Keepa and Botta have a private discussion}
Keepa: It's not right.
Botta: What are you talking about? Everything's going our way, buddy!
Keepa: You can't date Lulu! Chappu was going to marry her.
Botta: You're forgetting that Chappu's dead.
Keepa: That is SO wrong! And what about blitz?! Remember when blitzball used to be fun!?
Botta: It's never fun when you're always on the bench.
Keepa: Maybe if you stopped trying to kill Cap'n Wakka, he would put you in the game.
Botta: I never thought of THAT before.
Keepa: (smile)
Botta: I never thought of THAT because it's a RETARDED IDEA.
Keepa: Oh, jeez . . . .
{Back to Seymour}
Seymour: (to Keepa) Have you decided yet? My deceased father, (pretends to cry) Lord Jyskal (stops crying), used to say, "Never ride the fence on an issue. You might get a picket up your . . . posterior."
Keepa: What?
Seymour: My deceased mother (sob) used to say, "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of crisis, choose neutrality."
Keepa: Um, pardon?
Seymour: (shakes Keepa) ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT YOU WISHY-WASHY FOOL!?!?!?
Keepa: Y-y-y-yesss M-M-Maester Sey-m-mourrr-ahhh. (still being shaken)
Seymour: Hurray! (stops shaking Keepa and raises his arm gracefully like a ballerina) Let me tell you about my plan. I have dubbed it "L'Operation du Requin Infer".
Botta: Is that in Al Bhed?
Seymour: (sigh) No, you idiot. It's French.
(Blank stares from Botta and Keepa)
Seymour: It's a romance language.
(More blank stares)
Seymour: An ancient language from 1,000 years ago!! (groan) Fine, never mind. Anyway, the plan is simple -- we allow the happy little Spira citizens to view their blitzball tournament. After the final match is played -- BAM!!!!! We release water-based sinspawn into the sphere pool!!! ALL THE BLITZBALL PLAYERS WILL BE EATEN ALIVE!!!
Keepa: Excuse me, but maesters aren't supposed to manipulate sinspawn.
Seymour: Who said I'M handling the sinspawn? That's YOUR job!
Botta: Kewl.
Seymour: Don't arouse suspicion from your coach. Everything must appear as normal!
(Seymour gives some last minute instructions and Botta and Keepa walk off to carry out his plan)
Keepa: I can't believe a maester would act like that . . . .
Botta: Man, that Jyskal Jr. is some fruitcake, but he sure gets good ideas, eh?
=*=