Disclaimer:
Everything not Allosia of Gabriel belongs to JKR.
Whew good to get these last few chapters out of my system — it is not fun having these two being temperamental in your head, at least, not like this:
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Allosia —
I am so very angry. At this moment, all my strength is going into not writing those five words over and over until they cover this page, cover these walls, cover my hands. I look at your injuries and I see a stranger, one I too want to harm because she took my wife from me. That I know you know this, that I saw it in your eyes just before I left your bedside, makes it hard to live with myself, but then, it always is. You know that much, I hope.
I wonder, more often then I'd care to admit, if our being together has any wisdom to it. You were of the world before you came here, before we met again, and now you are no longer. That you are miserable is clear, even as you sigh against me, even as you smile at our son. That I can do nothing to change this, but offer you your freedom, is dizzying. I would give it gladly, if it did not also mean removing myself from your life. At least for right now, there is no middle ground, if we wish to remain a family.
I am sorry that if you are to understand this that you must come to understand this, this way. I can only pray you know I will do everything in my power to change the way the world is now, for us, and for Gabriel. I am glad of him, although he is something that not only were we not ready for, but I think perhaps I will never be ready for. Sometimes, I am ashamed, and then one of you will just so much as glance at me. It is enough to silence my racing mind, which should be something of a miracle for anyone.
I do not know how to explain what has happened tonight to him. I do not know how to explain the world to him, or how and why we and he fit into it in the way that we do. What will we tell him about our work, our lives, his heritage? We make too many secrets, Allosia. How do I tell my son, I could not bear to give him my family name?
A stronger man than I would go to you and beg your forgiveness now. But I am self-indulgent and must beg my own before I can bring myself to face you. I have to believe that we will find a way to forgive each other. Without that belief, I don't know that I could do another thing but sit at this desk, quill in hand until I simply stopped.
Your servant,
Your captor,
Severus Snape.