All things not Allosia, Gabriel, or the gang of Slytherin idiots introduced
in this chapter belong to JKR. Plus, without JKR I wouldn't even be able
to make these wonderful people up.
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Snape threw himself into the guest chair in his wife's small office and sighed loudly.
Allosia, for her part, glanced up from her papers, somewhat bemused. "Bad day?"
"Bad day?!" he echoes standing and beginning to pace rapidly back and forth. "One of my Chasers is pregnant!"
Allosia rolled her eyes in sympathy. "Petri?"
"None other, but that doesn't even begin to sum up the absurd grotesquerie of the situation."
"She doesn't know who the father is?" Allosia asked, playing along.
"Oh she knows. She knows it's either Julien Byrsta or Howard Vyveratz." Snape was so disgusted he was almost spitting.
Allosia winced. "Do they even know about each other?"
"Well, I should hope so, considering the conception apparently occurred as the result of a menage-a-trois they had."
Allosia dropped her head onto her desk trying not to laugh. "Oh they didn't."
"Oh they did, and Miss Petri was kind-hearted enough to tell me far, far more about it than I ever possibly needed to know."
"Such as that it happened at all?" she asked with a smirk.
"So good of you to understand me," he said sarcastically, and threw himself into the chair again. He rested his elbows on her desk and let his head fall forward into his hands.
"There's more isn't there?"
"The boys had a fist fight about it this morning in the Lair."
"The Lair?"
"Slytherin Common Room. "
"Ah," she said, by way of forcing herself not to giggle at Slytherin pretentiousness rearing its head yet again. "So are they each hoping to be the father or not hoping to be the father?"
"Hoping to be the father, presumably so that everyone who is aware of this little escapade will have something to talk about other than what those two boys got up to with each other."
Allosia put a hand over her mouth. "Oh dear."
"OH DEAR?! Oh Dear?! Allosia, I'm about to loose one of my star Quidditch players, I'm in the unfortunate position of trying to figure out what to do that is both right by the standards of this institution and beneficial to my own House, and Julien Byrsta, one of the finest students I've ever taught here, is fighting to have his future destroyed by some adolescent attempt at decadence!"
Allosia considered the whole ghastly situation and realized her husband probably didn't want actual, useful advice at this juncture. "Does Dumbeldore know?"
"I certainly haven't told him, nor do I intend to until I can find a way to solve this unholy MESS! Although of course I'm sure he knows by now. Dammit!" he exclaimed getting up and pacing again. "In all my years of teaching I have never had to deal with such nonsense. These sorts of scandals are far more Gryffindor's style. Or with those wretched Hufflepuffs that getting themselves engaged at thirteen."
"Hufflepuffs? Menage-a-trois?" Allosia asked, trying to be funny.
"Student pregnancies," he responded bitingly.
"I know. I'm sorry, I'm nearly as shocked as you."
"Oh why, why is everyone so resoundingly, uncontrollably ignorant, incompetent and in the way of the so very few people that have the miraculous ability to function in society without mucking it up for everyone else?"
"Does she even want to have the baby?"
"Well, it is the latest fashion accessory around here."
Allosia just stared at him, open-mouthed. "Surely, you jest."
"I have no idea. It's rather besides the point when I've got students brawling about it though, don't you think?"
She sighed.
"I'm going to have to spend a ridiculous amount of time with them in the Lair later sorting this nonsense out."
"I understand," Allosia said with sympathy, shaking her head.
"Are you willing to talk to Petri?"
"I'm not a Slytherin," she said defensively, wanting little to do with this mess beyond being a patient ear for Snape.
"But you are a woman, you're not head of another House and you are my wife, and I really know way too much about that girl's relationship with gods, country and genitalia already."
"I don't really know her Severus."
"Please," he looked at her with a look that was both pleading and stern.
"If you feel that it would help," she said with not much conviction.
"Tell her how much labor hurts. Tell her how much we fight, tell her –"
"I'm not convincing her to have an abortion. If she wants to, that's fine, but I'm not making it my decision."
"Just make sure she makes a decision. If she decides to leave Hogwarts that's one thing, but I do not want to be in the position of having to order her removal and those two boys with her. She needs to figure out what she is doing so everyone else can make their attendant decisions and above all it must be done quickly and quietly!"
Allosia sighed. "Did you still want to go to lunch?"
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Snape threw himself into the guest chair in his wife's small office and sighed loudly.
Allosia, for her part, glanced up from her papers, somewhat bemused. "Bad day?"
"Bad day?!" he echoes standing and beginning to pace rapidly back and forth. "One of my Chasers is pregnant!"
Allosia rolled her eyes in sympathy. "Petri?"
"None other, but that doesn't even begin to sum up the absurd grotesquerie of the situation."
"She doesn't know who the father is?" Allosia asked, playing along.
"Oh she knows. She knows it's either Julien Byrsta or Howard Vyveratz." Snape was so disgusted he was almost spitting.
Allosia winced. "Do they even know about each other?"
"Well, I should hope so, considering the conception apparently occurred as the result of a menage-a-trois they had."
Allosia dropped her head onto her desk trying not to laugh. "Oh they didn't."
"Oh they did, and Miss Petri was kind-hearted enough to tell me far, far more about it than I ever possibly needed to know."
"Such as that it happened at all?" she asked with a smirk.
"So good of you to understand me," he said sarcastically, and threw himself into the chair again. He rested his elbows on her desk and let his head fall forward into his hands.
"There's more isn't there?"
"The boys had a fist fight about it this morning in the Lair."
"The Lair?"
"Slytherin Common Room. "
"Ah," she said, by way of forcing herself not to giggle at Slytherin pretentiousness rearing its head yet again. "So are they each hoping to be the father or not hoping to be the father?"
"Hoping to be the father, presumably so that everyone who is aware of this little escapade will have something to talk about other than what those two boys got up to with each other."
Allosia put a hand over her mouth. "Oh dear."
"OH DEAR?! Oh Dear?! Allosia, I'm about to loose one of my star Quidditch players, I'm in the unfortunate position of trying to figure out what to do that is both right by the standards of this institution and beneficial to my own House, and Julien Byrsta, one of the finest students I've ever taught here, is fighting to have his future destroyed by some adolescent attempt at decadence!"
Allosia considered the whole ghastly situation and realized her husband probably didn't want actual, useful advice at this juncture. "Does Dumbeldore know?"
"I certainly haven't told him, nor do I intend to until I can find a way to solve this unholy MESS! Although of course I'm sure he knows by now. Dammit!" he exclaimed getting up and pacing again. "In all my years of teaching I have never had to deal with such nonsense. These sorts of scandals are far more Gryffindor's style. Or with those wretched Hufflepuffs that getting themselves engaged at thirteen."
"Hufflepuffs? Menage-a-trois?" Allosia asked, trying to be funny.
"Student pregnancies," he responded bitingly.
"I know. I'm sorry, I'm nearly as shocked as you."
"Oh why, why is everyone so resoundingly, uncontrollably ignorant, incompetent and in the way of the so very few people that have the miraculous ability to function in society without mucking it up for everyone else?"
"Does she even want to have the baby?"
"Well, it is the latest fashion accessory around here."
Allosia just stared at him, open-mouthed. "Surely, you jest."
"I have no idea. It's rather besides the point when I've got students brawling about it though, don't you think?"
She sighed.
"I'm going to have to spend a ridiculous amount of time with them in the Lair later sorting this nonsense out."
"I understand," Allosia said with sympathy, shaking her head.
"Are you willing to talk to Petri?"
"I'm not a Slytherin," she said defensively, wanting little to do with this mess beyond being a patient ear for Snape.
"But you are a woman, you're not head of another House and you are my wife, and I really know way too much about that girl's relationship with gods, country and genitalia already."
"I don't really know her Severus."
"Please," he looked at her with a look that was both pleading and stern.
"If you feel that it would help," she said with not much conviction.
"Tell her how much labor hurts. Tell her how much we fight, tell her –"
"I'm not convincing her to have an abortion. If she wants to, that's fine, but I'm not making it my decision."
"Just make sure she makes a decision. If she decides to leave Hogwarts that's one thing, but I do not want to be in the position of having to order her removal and those two boys with her. She needs to figure out what she is doing so everyone else can make their attendant decisions and above all it must be done quickly and quietly!"
Allosia sighed. "Did you still want to go to lunch?"