DISCLAIMER: All the characters are owned by J. K. Rowling. But is there any chance that she'll give me Severus Snape for my coming birthday?
EVALUATION ch.5
Professor Severus Snape lay in his bed. His quarters was in a bit of disarray, with the events of the past three days distracting him from even fixing his room. His signature black cloak (he has several of them, mind) was haphazardly draped over his chair; shoes thrown off to the far side of the room (nearly missing the fireplace and from doom); and goodness knows what lurked under his /bed/. Socks? No. Books? No. Quills? No. Honeydukes? Cockroach clusters? Sneako-scope? Parchment? No, no, no, no.
What lived under his bed were dozens of bottles of muggle Grease-All. And an extra jar of a soothing ointment his Slytherin prefect and dueling apprentice prepared him. Well, you never know when the pain will bite all over again, Severus thought, wincing as his mind registered the word /bite/.
He was glad though, that Remus J. Lupin decided to set aside what had happened, because he was formulating a plan that will let him go off the sixth evaluation criteria:
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours.
Against the sixth evaluation criteria; Professor Severus Snape felt that he was facing a great problem indeed, beacuse it means, frankly, that he was supposed to make himself available for students who wish to have an inquiry about their standing in his class, and how to improve their grades at that.
Everyone who had Severus Snape fpr a professor may bloody well predict what he will /advise/ them if ever they ask how they can improve their grades in his class:
a) Detention,
b) nothing, or
c) 'Sod off and don't ever bother me again'.
Snape himself knew that that was they wy his students thought of him. In fact, he even reinforced it. That way, they
a) stay behaved,
b) study in his subject harder, and
c) they won't bloody dare ask why he was sorely lacking in the affairs of the heart (the answer is damn well obvious anyway).
Now the problem is, Snape hazily thought as he turned on his white linen sheets, how to get them to be willing to have a consultation session with him.
***
"Lupin," Severus called out as he saw Remus Lupin walk past down the corridors, presumably to the Defense Against the Dark Arts wing.
Without hesitation Lupin abandoned his path and went over to Snape, who was casually leaning against a large window in the corridor, looking for all the world like the Dark Lord, menacing and overbearing. Lupin, however, was already used to his ways ever since their schooldays.
He lugged along his grindylow tank. "Mm. What is it?" Lupin asked, poker-faced. Expect the unexpected if ever the anti-social professor calls your attention.
Everyone knew that, of course.
"Can I talk to you for a moment? I believe your students won't miss you if you're late for only ten minutes."
***
"Er, no. No, Severus, I refuse! That's cheating!" Lupin exclaimed.
"I never asked you for a favor. And you owe me a lot for the wolfsbane, Lupin." Severus said coolly. "You /will/ do it."
Lupin shook his head vehemently. "Oh no, no, no, Severus. That's cheating, and if I concede to that, I'll demand that the results will be transferred to /my/ performance evaluation!"
Snape tapped his fingers on a nearby desk, a sign that he was growing impatient.
He tapped.
And tapped.
Tapped some more...
/Tap/
/Tap/
/Tap/
"Okay, okay, okay already!" Lupin wailed, hands over his ears. "Just for a day's session, alright?"
Snape smiled contentedly. Ah, it /is/ indeed easy getting my way with Lupin, he thought. Always the friendly one.
"Good. Come down to the dungeons early on the morrow." Snape drawled. "And bring extra clothes."
***
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger stared at the announcement posted to the large door that led to the Potions classroom.
It read like this:
Due to some adjustments with the school policy, I am obliged to offer you, my students, consultation sessions regarding your academic problems in my class. Anyone with doubt with their standing in my classes or otherwise are very much welcome in visiting my office to inquire about their grades and also to solicit my advice in how to improve their class standing. Consultation hours are to take place the whole day tomorrow starting from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Please schedule your desired time to visit my office on the parchment posted below.
Professor Severus Snape
Potions Department
"Er..." Ron looked at Hermione and Snape. "I reckon nobody will visit Snape /alone/ in his office and risk getting...well..." he frowned. "Just /what/ is happening with Snape?"
"I bloody well don't know," Harry said, eyes still on the odd announcement. "But I have a bad feeling about this..."
"Oh, you always do Harry," Hermione interjected, hands on her hips. "/I'm/ going to schedule my time for tomorrow. At least I know," she said as she groped her pockets for her quill. "And for a change, it would be nice to talk to Snape alone and try to find out what's bugging him."
Ron's face lit up. "Hey, not a bad idea, Hermione!"
Hermione's eyebrow lifted. "I thought that was a bit obvious already," she sniffed. She had just finished signing her name and desired time on the parchment.
Harry reluctantly drew out his quill as well. "Ah, I'll go too. I guess there's nothing to lose but, well, getting shouted at by Snape I guess."
His two friends laughed nervously. "Add to that detention," Ron added. "But I'm used to it I guess."
Harry playfully punched Ron on the side. "Chuck it, you."
"While we're at it, Harry," Hermione said abruptly, "why not tell Sirius about this?"
***
The next morning, Remus Lupin was not surprised to see Snape waiting for him with a goblet of glutinous potion in his hand.
He greeted his colleague a pleasant morning and laid his extra set of clothes on a nearby chair. "You /really/ are set on doing this?" he asked, a last-ditch effort on wishing that Snape had come to his senses and changed his mind.
Futile though.
"Here, drink this," Snape handed out to him the Polyjuice Potion. "You figure out what to tell those dunderheads. It's not in my blood to provide endearing words that they /so/ love, Lupin," Snape sneered as he watched the hapless co-teacher accept the potion and drink it.
Lupin almost gagged with the taste. "Ugh. When can I stop drinking your horrendous potions?"
"The day you resign from Hogwarts the second time around, Lupin."
Lupin snorted. "Not bloody likely."
"And until then, you will serve me."
"Pardon?"
***
The consultation sessions went off without a hitch. Well, almost. Lupin as Snape did his very best to practically /destroy/ his colleague's reputation. He gave praises, loads of Honeydukes chocolates, he gave Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff houses one hundred points each, while he deducted another hundred points from Slytherin ('For trying to bribe me,' reasoned Lupin), and furthermore, gave Neville Longbottom an encouraging hug. The poor boy promptly fainted.
Of course, Severus never knew about it until later. One might think that he had already anticipated Lupin in his skin's actions, but given Snape's tendency to be quite arrogant enough to believe that Lupin will actually bend to his will...well...
Professor Severus Snape would just have to learn the hard way, of course. After all, he is still /only/ human.
***
"LUPIN! DAMN YOU!"
Severus stormed into the staffroom, practically bursting with rage. Professors Flitwick and Sprout cringed at the sound of the heavy oak wood door being banged closed.
Snape eventually spotted Lupin by his desk, munching a Honeydukes chocolate bar. He was grinning as usual.
"Why, what happened to our 'good-natured' Professor Severus Snape of yesterday?" asked Lupin coyly. "I cannot believe the Severus who is standing right now in front of me is the same one who handled the consultation yesterday."
Snape seethed in anger, but still had enough grasp on his wits not to go off jabbing about 'what went really wrong' in his ploy the day before. "Lupin...care to see me in my office?" he snarled.
Lupin mocked a quite believable expression of regret. "Oh, I'm so sorry, but...I believe I have my own consultations to handle. In fact, I think they're all lining up in front of my office now," he said, pointing to a nearby clock.
Without another word, Lupin wordlessly marched off to his office, leaving Severus struggling with his bottled-up anger about to burst out.
Damn, bloody, bloody, bloody hell...Severus started to walk blindly towards his desk when he felt a hand pat his shoulder. Snape whirled around, about to lunge on who dared touch him. It was Dumbledore, who had a little chat with Professor Minerva McGonagall.
Snape immediately straightened up. "Headmaster."
"You are doing quite well with the students," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "I heard Longbottom's accounts how you gave him comfort, even getting out of your way to hug him."
Professor Severus Snape, as proud and cruel as he /usually/ was, felt like dying inside.
***
"There he is," Harry whispered at Ron and Hermione, the three of them all huddled under Harry's invisible cloak. They were inspecting Snape's private quarters adjacent to the dungeons, hoping to get a clue on what really went on regarding their Potions Master.
They were taking a peek inside Snape's cupboards when they noticed a goblet perched on the center table. Hermione alerted the two boys and the three neared the table to take a look.
"Oh my," Hermione gasped, "there's no mistaking it. This is Polyjuice Potion!"
"What?!" Harry cried. Then he noticed strands of black hair scattered on the table's surface surrounding the goblet. Harry inspected it. "Oh no...this is Snape's hair, surely..."
Ron snorted. "Notice how greasy it is,"
"Do you know what this means?" Hermione asked faintly, but didn't wait for the others to answer. "The Professor Snape we've been seeing this week is a fraud, Harry. An impostor."
"We better tell Sirius, Harry, before the impostor gets you!"
***
The evening Snape decided to cross out the sixth criteria:
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours
despite the fact that it had done him great embarrassment. He loathed to think what his students think of him, and he found out that he actually, for once, feared meeting them on Monday next week.
-----
A/N There! I hope that made up for the noticeable lack of humor on the last chapter. Our dear Severus Snape doesn't have a clue what's in store for him the next chapter...come to think of it, neither do you! ^_^ I'm greatly enjoying this, now.
Actually, I was planning on making Snape himself conduct the consultation and show how awkward it could be, until I thought that it would be so incredibly OoC, but, I'll try to build him up eventually to make him do so. This story will end in the next two chapters, though, in the seventh evaluation criteria and the Epilogue. If i receive enough requests to write the Snape Consultations, rest assured that I will do so.
Thank you for those who reviewed! You guys were the ones who kept me going, really!
R/R please. Thankies!
EVALUATION ch.5
Professor Severus Snape lay in his bed. His quarters was in a bit of disarray, with the events of the past three days distracting him from even fixing his room. His signature black cloak (he has several of them, mind) was haphazardly draped over his chair; shoes thrown off to the far side of the room (nearly missing the fireplace and from doom); and goodness knows what lurked under his /bed/. Socks? No. Books? No. Quills? No. Honeydukes? Cockroach clusters? Sneako-scope? Parchment? No, no, no, no.
What lived under his bed were dozens of bottles of muggle Grease-All. And an extra jar of a soothing ointment his Slytherin prefect and dueling apprentice prepared him. Well, you never know when the pain will bite all over again, Severus thought, wincing as his mind registered the word /bite/.
He was glad though, that Remus J. Lupin decided to set aside what had happened, because he was formulating a plan that will let him go off the sixth evaluation criteria:
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours.
Against the sixth evaluation criteria; Professor Severus Snape felt that he was facing a great problem indeed, beacuse it means, frankly, that he was supposed to make himself available for students who wish to have an inquiry about their standing in his class, and how to improve their grades at that.
Everyone who had Severus Snape fpr a professor may bloody well predict what he will /advise/ them if ever they ask how they can improve their grades in his class:
a) Detention,
b) nothing, or
c) 'Sod off and don't ever bother me again'.
Snape himself knew that that was they wy his students thought of him. In fact, he even reinforced it. That way, they
a) stay behaved,
b) study in his subject harder, and
c) they won't bloody dare ask why he was sorely lacking in the affairs of the heart (the answer is damn well obvious anyway).
Now the problem is, Snape hazily thought as he turned on his white linen sheets, how to get them to be willing to have a consultation session with him.
***
"Lupin," Severus called out as he saw Remus Lupin walk past down the corridors, presumably to the Defense Against the Dark Arts wing.
Without hesitation Lupin abandoned his path and went over to Snape, who was casually leaning against a large window in the corridor, looking for all the world like the Dark Lord, menacing and overbearing. Lupin, however, was already used to his ways ever since their schooldays.
He lugged along his grindylow tank. "Mm. What is it?" Lupin asked, poker-faced. Expect the unexpected if ever the anti-social professor calls your attention.
Everyone knew that, of course.
"Can I talk to you for a moment? I believe your students won't miss you if you're late for only ten minutes."
***
"Er, no. No, Severus, I refuse! That's cheating!" Lupin exclaimed.
"I never asked you for a favor. And you owe me a lot for the wolfsbane, Lupin." Severus said coolly. "You /will/ do it."
Lupin shook his head vehemently. "Oh no, no, no, Severus. That's cheating, and if I concede to that, I'll demand that the results will be transferred to /my/ performance evaluation!"
Snape tapped his fingers on a nearby desk, a sign that he was growing impatient.
He tapped.
And tapped.
Tapped some more...
/Tap/
/Tap/
/Tap/
"Okay, okay, okay already!" Lupin wailed, hands over his ears. "Just for a day's session, alright?"
Snape smiled contentedly. Ah, it /is/ indeed easy getting my way with Lupin, he thought. Always the friendly one.
"Good. Come down to the dungeons early on the morrow." Snape drawled. "And bring extra clothes."
***
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger stared at the announcement posted to the large door that led to the Potions classroom.
It read like this:
Due to some adjustments with the school policy, I am obliged to offer you, my students, consultation sessions regarding your academic problems in my class. Anyone with doubt with their standing in my classes or otherwise are very much welcome in visiting my office to inquire about their grades and also to solicit my advice in how to improve their class standing. Consultation hours are to take place the whole day tomorrow starting from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Please schedule your desired time to visit my office on the parchment posted below.
Professor Severus Snape
Potions Department
"Er..." Ron looked at Hermione and Snape. "I reckon nobody will visit Snape /alone/ in his office and risk getting...well..." he frowned. "Just /what/ is happening with Snape?"
"I bloody well don't know," Harry said, eyes still on the odd announcement. "But I have a bad feeling about this..."
"Oh, you always do Harry," Hermione interjected, hands on her hips. "/I'm/ going to schedule my time for tomorrow. At least I know," she said as she groped her pockets for her quill. "And for a change, it would be nice to talk to Snape alone and try to find out what's bugging him."
Ron's face lit up. "Hey, not a bad idea, Hermione!"
Hermione's eyebrow lifted. "I thought that was a bit obvious already," she sniffed. She had just finished signing her name and desired time on the parchment.
Harry reluctantly drew out his quill as well. "Ah, I'll go too. I guess there's nothing to lose but, well, getting shouted at by Snape I guess."
His two friends laughed nervously. "Add to that detention," Ron added. "But I'm used to it I guess."
Harry playfully punched Ron on the side. "Chuck it, you."
"While we're at it, Harry," Hermione said abruptly, "why not tell Sirius about this?"
***
The next morning, Remus Lupin was not surprised to see Snape waiting for him with a goblet of glutinous potion in his hand.
He greeted his colleague a pleasant morning and laid his extra set of clothes on a nearby chair. "You /really/ are set on doing this?" he asked, a last-ditch effort on wishing that Snape had come to his senses and changed his mind.
Futile though.
"Here, drink this," Snape handed out to him the Polyjuice Potion. "You figure out what to tell those dunderheads. It's not in my blood to provide endearing words that they /so/ love, Lupin," Snape sneered as he watched the hapless co-teacher accept the potion and drink it.
Lupin almost gagged with the taste. "Ugh. When can I stop drinking your horrendous potions?"
"The day you resign from Hogwarts the second time around, Lupin."
Lupin snorted. "Not bloody likely."
"And until then, you will serve me."
"Pardon?"
***
The consultation sessions went off without a hitch. Well, almost. Lupin as Snape did his very best to practically /destroy/ his colleague's reputation. He gave praises, loads of Honeydukes chocolates, he gave Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff houses one hundred points each, while he deducted another hundred points from Slytherin ('For trying to bribe me,' reasoned Lupin), and furthermore, gave Neville Longbottom an encouraging hug. The poor boy promptly fainted.
Of course, Severus never knew about it until later. One might think that he had already anticipated Lupin in his skin's actions, but given Snape's tendency to be quite arrogant enough to believe that Lupin will actually bend to his will...well...
Professor Severus Snape would just have to learn the hard way, of course. After all, he is still /only/ human.
***
"LUPIN! DAMN YOU!"
Severus stormed into the staffroom, practically bursting with rage. Professors Flitwick and Sprout cringed at the sound of the heavy oak wood door being banged closed.
Snape eventually spotted Lupin by his desk, munching a Honeydukes chocolate bar. He was grinning as usual.
"Why, what happened to our 'good-natured' Professor Severus Snape of yesterday?" asked Lupin coyly. "I cannot believe the Severus who is standing right now in front of me is the same one who handled the consultation yesterday."
Snape seethed in anger, but still had enough grasp on his wits not to go off jabbing about 'what went really wrong' in his ploy the day before. "Lupin...care to see me in my office?" he snarled.
Lupin mocked a quite believable expression of regret. "Oh, I'm so sorry, but...I believe I have my own consultations to handle. In fact, I think they're all lining up in front of my office now," he said, pointing to a nearby clock.
Without another word, Lupin wordlessly marched off to his office, leaving Severus struggling with his bottled-up anger about to burst out.
Damn, bloody, bloody, bloody hell...Severus started to walk blindly towards his desk when he felt a hand pat his shoulder. Snape whirled around, about to lunge on who dared touch him. It was Dumbledore, who had a little chat with Professor Minerva McGonagall.
Snape immediately straightened up. "Headmaster."
"You are doing quite well with the students," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "I heard Longbottom's accounts how you gave him comfort, even getting out of your way to hug him."
Professor Severus Snape, as proud and cruel as he /usually/ was, felt like dying inside.
***
"There he is," Harry whispered at Ron and Hermione, the three of them all huddled under Harry's invisible cloak. They were inspecting Snape's private quarters adjacent to the dungeons, hoping to get a clue on what really went on regarding their Potions Master.
They were taking a peek inside Snape's cupboards when they noticed a goblet perched on the center table. Hermione alerted the two boys and the three neared the table to take a look.
"Oh my," Hermione gasped, "there's no mistaking it. This is Polyjuice Potion!"
"What?!" Harry cried. Then he noticed strands of black hair scattered on the table's surface surrounding the goblet. Harry inspected it. "Oh no...this is Snape's hair, surely..."
Ron snorted. "Notice how greasy it is,"
"Do you know what this means?" Hermione asked faintly, but didn't wait for the others to answer. "The Professor Snape we've been seeing this week is a fraud, Harry. An impostor."
"We better tell Sirius, Harry, before the impostor gets you!"
***
The evening Snape decided to cross out the sixth criteria:
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours
despite the fact that it had done him great embarrassment. He loathed to think what his students think of him, and he found out that he actually, for once, feared meeting them on Monday next week.
-----
A/N There! I hope that made up for the noticeable lack of humor on the last chapter. Our dear Severus Snape doesn't have a clue what's in store for him the next chapter...come to think of it, neither do you! ^_^ I'm greatly enjoying this, now.
Actually, I was planning on making Snape himself conduct the consultation and show how awkward it could be, until I thought that it would be so incredibly OoC, but, I'll try to build him up eventually to make him do so. This story will end in the next two chapters, though, in the seventh evaluation criteria and the Epilogue. If i receive enough requests to write the Snape Consultations, rest assured that I will do so.
Thank you for those who reviewed! You guys were the ones who kept me going, really!
R/R please. Thankies!