Disclaimer:
It's JKR's world, I just play in it.
Greetings from Pittsburgh – now I'm the one at a conference, AND no local Internet access, but I dialed in LD just to give you all the next installment. Well, and because there's nothing else to do anywhere near this damn Holiday Inn.
*sigh*
-------------
Allosia reached for her wand and switched the shower temperature to ice cold. It was a habit from when she had long hair; someone had told her it was better for it. But right now it helped to focus and invigorate her, and that was much needed.
After shutting the water off and perfunctorily drying herself, she slipped on Severus' robe and belted it, before going to check on Gabriel. He and Hermione were sitting cross-legged on his narrow bed drawing pictures.
"Hey," she said, leaning in the doorway.
"Hi Mommy!" Gabriel said and went back to his coloring.
"How are you holding up?" Hermione asked, turning to face her.
"I'll be alright."
"So not very well then?"
"Miss Granger, do you always have to be right?" Allosia said wearily and with as much humour as she could muster.
"What happened with Draco?"
Allosia sighed, shook her head, felt like she needed to say something and didn't know what. "Have you ever interviewed someone under veritaserum?"
"No."
"They can be very very blunt, and if they are trying to fight it, the conversations can get way off track. I take advantage of that, to get what I need, but it's not always pleasant."
"What did Draco say to you?"
"Just things, about Severus." She trailed off, shaking her head again.
"Surely, he was just trying to upset you?"
"He was, but he wasn't lying."
"What did he say?"
Allosia wasn't willing to try to address it around Gabriel, and instead just looked at Hermione, pleadingly, willing the girl, and she was a girl still, that was so clear, to guess.
Hermione stood then, and reached out for both of Allosia's hands. "He's obviously so in love with you. Albus writes about you two all the time. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you, well, anything Draco would know about, if he didn't have to."
Allosia smiled weakly. "What's made you Severus' defender so suddenly?"
She cast a glance at Gabriel and shrugged. "Smart unlovable people, ya know?"
Allosia's heart went out to her former student then. "You're not unlovable. You're not even as unlovable as Severus," she said with a slight chuckle.
Hermione shrugged. "But I never have and never will be the most important thing to anyone."
"Durefhan?"
"The work, the work. We are solace, not passion. I'd hate him for it, if he weren't so comfortable."
"Would you really want to be the most important thing in the world to anyone?"
"Isn't that what everyone wants?"
"It's a very claustrophobic life, Hermione. I would trade it for nothing, but it has cost me so much. Sometimes I feel I hardly know myself without him, and when I do, I'm trying to seduce the truth out of the likes of Draco."
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for anything you had no hand in, even as a figure of speech. It's a terrible habit."
Hermione nodded.
"Why don't you and Stahl go get some rest or whatever it is you two do; we'll see you in the morning."
She nodded again, and then turned to say goodnight to Gabriel, before retrieving Durefhan and leaving to Allosia's small thank you.
"Are you alright?" Adrimori asked, looking up for his book.
"No."
"You want to talk about it?"
"Gabriel," she said, rubbing her face.
"It's been a long day, I'm sure we can get him to play quietly or in fact sleep."
"I try not to cast spells on him when I don't have to."
"This is all pretty serious, Sia."
Allosia nodded. "Can you deal with it, I don't have the energy to keep an even face around him right now."
Adrimori nodded, and slid off the bed silently as Allosia went to sit by Severus. She smiled at him then, peaceful, here, hers.
"How do you do this?" she whispered. "How do you survive this? Because I'm not sure I know how." She laid a hand against his chest then and focused her energy and warmth towards him. "If only I, or anyone, could give you enough to change all this." She stood up abruptly then, turning away before tears began to fall to see Adrimori watching her from the doorway.
"What happened?" he asked.
"It seems Draco wants to be a spy too, and not out of altruism."
He nodded for her to continue.
"I asked him what he had to offer us. The conversation got off track. It happens, it's the best way to cause someone to loose track of their control. He told me he could tell me things about Severus. He alluded to pleasures, I stupidly asked what he meant."
"What did he mean?"
Allosia tried to mimic Draco's voice then. "I've lost count of how many women I've watched Severus fuck."
"Oh, Sia."
She held up a hand. "I know. I mean, I knew. From the beginning. Before we first slept together, he asked me if I was sure. We'd been dancing around each other for weeks, of course I was sure. But then he explained. That he would never be able to be faithful to me, the way he would want, not with his role, with the Death Eaters. No one would benefit from his refusing Voldemort's gifts."
Adrimori searched for something to say.
"I'm only upset, because it's taken me this long to realize I can't handle it."
Adrimori went to her then and put his arms around her as she dissolved in tears. He whispered her name over and over again, until she calmed. He pushed her away from him then, and looked at her hard in the eye.
"I have known Severus his whole life," he said, "and while we have never spent as much time together as we probably should have, I can tell you he has always hated to be touched, hated to have his world violated, by friends, formality or even pleasure. That he is physically comfortable with you to any degree amazes me, that that passion so obviously runs so deep, gratifies me. I have little doubt that he takes no pleasure in whatever contact he may have with others, physiology aside. I hope that is not too blunt and terrible a thing to say to you."
"No, no it's fine. Thank you," she said, and hugged him again.
They both turned then, at a soft noise from the bed.
"What's wrong?" Snape asked, voice thick with pain and sleep.
Allosia smiled, and made a sound that under other circumstances would have been a laugh, before she went to him and brushed his hair back from his face. "Nothing," she said, "it's all going to be okay. You need to sleep as much as you can though, alright?"
He nodded. "Water," he said, then squinted his eyes. "Bath, actually, would help."
Allosia looked to Adrimori, he nodded.
"Alright," she said, "you're still weak. You're going to have trouble walking, probably for a while, so let me help you, okay?"
He nodded.
"I'm going to go, if you need anything, at any hour, please come get me. We'll regroup in the morning," Adrimori said then, as Allosia helped Snape into a sitting position.
She nodded. "Thank you."
"None needed. You'll both be okay," he said gently, laying on a hand on Allosia's shoulder before departing.
It's JKR's world, I just play in it.
Greetings from Pittsburgh – now I'm the one at a conference, AND no local Internet access, but I dialed in LD just to give you all the next installment. Well, and because there's nothing else to do anywhere near this damn Holiday Inn.
*sigh*
-------------
Allosia reached for her wand and switched the shower temperature to ice cold. It was a habit from when she had long hair; someone had told her it was better for it. But right now it helped to focus and invigorate her, and that was much needed.
After shutting the water off and perfunctorily drying herself, she slipped on Severus' robe and belted it, before going to check on Gabriel. He and Hermione were sitting cross-legged on his narrow bed drawing pictures.
"Hey," she said, leaning in the doorway.
"Hi Mommy!" Gabriel said and went back to his coloring.
"How are you holding up?" Hermione asked, turning to face her.
"I'll be alright."
"So not very well then?"
"Miss Granger, do you always have to be right?" Allosia said wearily and with as much humour as she could muster.
"What happened with Draco?"
Allosia sighed, shook her head, felt like she needed to say something and didn't know what. "Have you ever interviewed someone under veritaserum?"
"No."
"They can be very very blunt, and if they are trying to fight it, the conversations can get way off track. I take advantage of that, to get what I need, but it's not always pleasant."
"What did Draco say to you?"
"Just things, about Severus." She trailed off, shaking her head again.
"Surely, he was just trying to upset you?"
"He was, but he wasn't lying."
"What did he say?"
Allosia wasn't willing to try to address it around Gabriel, and instead just looked at Hermione, pleadingly, willing the girl, and she was a girl still, that was so clear, to guess.
Hermione stood then, and reached out for both of Allosia's hands. "He's obviously so in love with you. Albus writes about you two all the time. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you, well, anything Draco would know about, if he didn't have to."
Allosia smiled weakly. "What's made you Severus' defender so suddenly?"
She cast a glance at Gabriel and shrugged. "Smart unlovable people, ya know?"
Allosia's heart went out to her former student then. "You're not unlovable. You're not even as unlovable as Severus," she said with a slight chuckle.
Hermione shrugged. "But I never have and never will be the most important thing to anyone."
"Durefhan?"
"The work, the work. We are solace, not passion. I'd hate him for it, if he weren't so comfortable."
"Would you really want to be the most important thing in the world to anyone?"
"Isn't that what everyone wants?"
"It's a very claustrophobic life, Hermione. I would trade it for nothing, but it has cost me so much. Sometimes I feel I hardly know myself without him, and when I do, I'm trying to seduce the truth out of the likes of Draco."
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for anything you had no hand in, even as a figure of speech. It's a terrible habit."
Hermione nodded.
"Why don't you and Stahl go get some rest or whatever it is you two do; we'll see you in the morning."
She nodded again, and then turned to say goodnight to Gabriel, before retrieving Durefhan and leaving to Allosia's small thank you.
"Are you alright?" Adrimori asked, looking up for his book.
"No."
"You want to talk about it?"
"Gabriel," she said, rubbing her face.
"It's been a long day, I'm sure we can get him to play quietly or in fact sleep."
"I try not to cast spells on him when I don't have to."
"This is all pretty serious, Sia."
Allosia nodded. "Can you deal with it, I don't have the energy to keep an even face around him right now."
Adrimori nodded, and slid off the bed silently as Allosia went to sit by Severus. She smiled at him then, peaceful, here, hers.
"How do you do this?" she whispered. "How do you survive this? Because I'm not sure I know how." She laid a hand against his chest then and focused her energy and warmth towards him. "If only I, or anyone, could give you enough to change all this." She stood up abruptly then, turning away before tears began to fall to see Adrimori watching her from the doorway.
"What happened?" he asked.
"It seems Draco wants to be a spy too, and not out of altruism."
He nodded for her to continue.
"I asked him what he had to offer us. The conversation got off track. It happens, it's the best way to cause someone to loose track of their control. He told me he could tell me things about Severus. He alluded to pleasures, I stupidly asked what he meant."
"What did he mean?"
Allosia tried to mimic Draco's voice then. "I've lost count of how many women I've watched Severus fuck."
"Oh, Sia."
She held up a hand. "I know. I mean, I knew. From the beginning. Before we first slept together, he asked me if I was sure. We'd been dancing around each other for weeks, of course I was sure. But then he explained. That he would never be able to be faithful to me, the way he would want, not with his role, with the Death Eaters. No one would benefit from his refusing Voldemort's gifts."
Adrimori searched for something to say.
"I'm only upset, because it's taken me this long to realize I can't handle it."
Adrimori went to her then and put his arms around her as she dissolved in tears. He whispered her name over and over again, until she calmed. He pushed her away from him then, and looked at her hard in the eye.
"I have known Severus his whole life," he said, "and while we have never spent as much time together as we probably should have, I can tell you he has always hated to be touched, hated to have his world violated, by friends, formality or even pleasure. That he is physically comfortable with you to any degree amazes me, that that passion so obviously runs so deep, gratifies me. I have little doubt that he takes no pleasure in whatever contact he may have with others, physiology aside. I hope that is not too blunt and terrible a thing to say to you."
"No, no it's fine. Thank you," she said, and hugged him again.
They both turned then, at a soft noise from the bed.
"What's wrong?" Snape asked, voice thick with pain and sleep.
Allosia smiled, and made a sound that under other circumstances would have been a laugh, before she went to him and brushed his hair back from his face. "Nothing," she said, "it's all going to be okay. You need to sleep as much as you can though, alright?"
He nodded. "Water," he said, then squinted his eyes. "Bath, actually, would help."
Allosia looked to Adrimori, he nodded.
"Alright," she said, "you're still weak. You're going to have trouble walking, probably for a while, so let me help you, okay?"
He nodded.
"I'm going to go, if you need anything, at any hour, please come get me. We'll regroup in the morning," Adrimori said then, as Allosia helped Snape into a sitting position.
She nodded. "Thank you."
"None needed. You'll both be okay," he said gently, laying on a hand on Allosia's shoulder before departing.