'Two Sides'
Crais was in a good mood. A really good mood. It was a strange experience. He wasn't sure he could ever remember feeling like this before. The food cubes he'd had for breakfast had actually tasted good. Far more disturbing than that, this morning Crichton had told a joke and Crais had smiled. That had certainly never happened before. Something must be wrong with him.
It was funny really, Jool thought. Surely, becoming involved with the other 'outsider' on Moya should make her less a part of the crew, not more. But, for some reason she couldn't quite understand, Crichton seemed to like both of them more now. He called them 'cute'. This made Crais angry. That made Crichton laugh. Then Aeryn had to step in. That made her angry, but the fights never seemed to last long. All in all, a lot seemed to have changed for the better.
Crichton was loving every minute of it. Since he had been the cupid who had got them together in the first place, he was naturally interested to see what would happen. Crais, he knew, was trying as hard as possible to prevent Crichton knowing anything. Somehow he was still under the illusion that his private life could be kept private. He didn't seem to have realised that, on Moya, everyone knew everything sooner or later.
If only that was all still true.
Crais couldn't believe that it was all over. It had barely begun. Just when he'd got used to having her there she was taken away. No, she hadn't been taken away, she'd chosen to leave. A chance to get back the life she'd always wanted. Why would she have stayed? What did he have to offer that compared? A life filled with uncertainty, on the run, not even sure what the next arn would bring. Who would choose that?
He should have seen it as soon as they arrived. The way everyone on that planet looked at her, like she was someone special. He hadn't seen it, he'd been blind. He'd known that Interions were prised intellectuals, but he'd had no idea the offer was coming until it was made. They, the 'Klivocians', wanted her to stay. To be the head of their university medical department no less. And she'd accepted of course. She would have everything she'd left behind - a comfortable home, a secure life. Everything he couldn't offer her.
They'd moved on since then. They'd visited several planets, travelled thousands of metras. He should have just forgotten her and moved on. But, for some reason, he couldn't.
***
Jool was sitting in the window seat of her home, looking out at the view. Mountains and shining sunlight. She had everything she'd ever wanted and more. A chance to really use her knowledge, and to be respected as an authority instead of dismissed as an innocent. She was good at her job and the people here had been nothing but welcoming. But something was still missing.
The truth was, she was unhappy. Not the unhappiness she'd felt when she first woke up on Moya. That had been general, this was specific. The kind of unhappiness that comes when you know exactly what is wrong, but can't do anything about it. What was wrong was the events that had led her here. When she'd received the offer, she'd intended to turn it down. But then she'd told Crais about it.
"They want me to stay - permanently."
"They what?" Crais said.
"They want me to be head of the medical department."
"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity," he said.
Jool felt as if he'd winded her. She'd thought he would ask her to stay. It sounded like he didn't even care if she went. It sounded like he even wanted her to. She'd been planning to stay with him, but if he didn't even care.... It was a wonderful opportunity. So, she'd take it.
Jool could still hear him saying those words. All the time they'd spent together must have been a lie. He'd didn't even care enough to want her to stay with him. So she should forget him and move on. So why couldn't she?
***
Crais remembered the day she'd told him.
"They want me to be the head of their medical department," she said.
Crais felt as if the floor had disappeared and he was falling. She sounded as if she wanted to take it. Of course she did. This was her dream, to get off the ship and return to the life she'd known before. A part of him, one that he'd never thought existed before, wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to stay. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't admit feeling like that.
"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity," he said, feeling dead inside.
And she'd gone.
And he missed her.
And he was miserable without her.
***
Jool had come to a decision. She couldn't stay here. Probably she was being stupid. Probably, when she found Moya, he'd just laugh. But she had to know. So she had to swallow her pride, and her fear, and go back. She'd resigned her post and made arrangements to find transport. She wasn't sure quite how she was going to find them, but she'd manage it somehow. The few things she was taking with her were packed and she was leaving tomorrow.
She had just settled down with an infopad when someone knocked on the door. She went to answer it. She opened the door.
And that was the last thing she knew.
***
"Crais," Aeryn said, walking into Talyn's command.
"Yes, Officer Sun, what is it?" he was standing looking out of the viewscreen like he'd been for most of the last arn.
"I have come to give you an order."
"An order Officer Sun?" Crais said, feeling like that should bother him.
"Yes," she said, "an order."
"And what is this 'order' precisely?"
"To return to the planet where we left Jool."
Crais was taken aback.
"Why would I wish to do that?"
"Don't you think we've seen how you've been acting since she left."
"How is that?"
"Frelling miserable. You never talk, you never come over to Moya. You can't honestly think we wouldn't notice."
"I wasn't aware that you had any interest in my behaviour."
"Don't try to change the subject. All I can see is, you don't seem to be able to function without her. So either forget it, or go back and stay with her."
"I never thought you would say something like that."
"A lot's changed in my life since my Peacekeeper days. I've come to realise that sometimes you have to give in to sentiment."
"However that may be, she made it quite clear that she preferred to leave. I see no point in further action."
"Did you even ask her to stay?"
"Why would that be necessary? She must...she must have known that I wanted her to," Crais finished quietly.
"She probably did," Aeryn said, "but that doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't need to hear it."
With that she walked out.
Crais' head was full of jumbled thoughts. He would have expected those words from Crichton, but from Officer Sun.... Perhaps she was right. His behaviour had been erratic, illogical. For his own safety, and that of his ship, he should try to remove the cause of this. It was the only sensible course of action.
***
When Jool woke up, she was strapped into a chair. Her wrists, waist and ankles were immobile.
"Good morning," said a voice, "I trust you had a pleasant sleep."
She recognised the man as the head of the government.
"What the hezmana have you done to me?!"
"It's quite simple really." He approached her side. "You attempted to leave the planet, did you not?"
"Yes."
"I prevented you from doing so."
"I'm a prisoner here?"
"No, not a prisoner, a guest. A...permanent...guest."
"Why did you go to the trouble of asking me to stay?"
"If you were willing to stay my job would be much easier. Unfortunately, now you desire to leave, I'm afraid more...drastic...measures had to be taken."
"You can't force me to stay like this. I'm no use to you locked up."
"Actually...that is not exactly true."
He paused, Jool waited with mounting apprehension.
"It is true you are no use as a professor in your current situation, but if you insist on fighting us there are...other measures...than can be taken."
Fear built every second.
"I am reliably informed," he said, "that there is substantial profit to be made trading Interion body parts."
Jool's scream melted the walls.
***
Crais couldn't keep still. The journey was a long one. He'd already done every conceivable maintenance check and systems overhaul. It was ridiculous that this should affect him in this way. He had faced countless battles and challenges, he had been tortured to within an dench of his life in the Aurora chair, and yet the prospect of having to admit emotional weakness terrified him more than anything he had faced in his life. That, of all his training, was the hardest to let go of. It had been drummed into him every day of his life since he was conscripted. More than once he'd considered turning Talyn around and heading back. Unfortunately, that was no longer an option. Officer Sun had finally informed him that, if he did not return with Jool, then he could not return at all. Strangely, all the crew seemed to agree. The question was, what would happen if she wouldn't come back with him? He was surprised to find that he wanted to return to Moya when this was over. The others seemed to think she would come willingly, Crais was far less optimistic.
When he finally arrived at the planet, he found the authorities rather less than co-operative. He began to feel suspicious.
"Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis, professor of medicine at your national academy."
"My records do not contain anyone by that name."
"I find it extremely hard to believe that the only Interion on this planet is not listed."
"We have many different species on this planet, including a number of Interions."
That surprised Crais, he didn't recall ever seeing any non-Klivocians when he was on the surface.
***
Jool was thrown into the room.
"I suggest you think about your choice. It isn't hard to decide."
Free of her chains, Jool looked around. The room was poorly lit, but she could make out a series of what looked like cryogenic pods all around the walls. She moved to the nearest one and, trembling, wiped away the condensation from the screen. In it was an Interion. She wiped the others. Another Interion, one Halation and several others she didn't recognise. All strapped in, all missing body parts.
And all conscious.
Jool's scream echoed round the room.
***
Crais had finally ended up at the academy. Now he knew something was wrong. Jool was in trouble, without a doubt and that meant he had to find her.
"It is not possible that you do not know a Joolushko Hovalis! She works for you and if you do not tell me where she is I will personally break every body part I can get my hands on!"
He had the man by his neck. He'd thought once that this side of himself was under control. He didn't want to kill again, unless it was in self-defence. Nevertheless, at this moment he would be willing to kill everyone in sight if it meant he would find Jool.
"She's...at...the...medical...centre," the man gasped.
"And where is that?"
"The...basement."
"Thank you," Crais said, and left, leaving the man coughing and clutching his throat.
They didn't seem to have prepared for a break out. He saw no guards at all on his way down. That could, of course, mean he was walking (or rather running) straight into a trap, but it made no difference to Crais. His mission was the same, no matter what the situation.
He found himself running through corridors until he came to a locked door. It all seemed too easy. He grabbed his pulse pistol and aimed it at the lock. It broke easily and he opened the door.
Jool wasn't there. Before he could react, he was jumped from both sides. He fought as hard as he could, but there were too many of them and he was overpowered.
Someone stepped calmly out of the shadows.
"We do not usually keep Sebaceans," the man said, "they are of limited use and profit is minimal."
He came closer and studied Crais's face for a moment.
"But every little bit helps," he said.
One of his captors knocked him out.
When he awoke he was in another room, strapped to a chair. No one else was there - except Jool.
She was strapped into an identical chair opposite him.
"Bialar, are you awake? What are you doing here?" Jool asked, very confused.
"I came to rescue you," Crais said, feeling rather silly. "It did not go quite as I intended."
"Yes, but...why did you come back here?" Jool asked, conscious that she was holding her breath.
Maybe it was being strapped down so he couldn't escape, maybe it was facing having his body parts cut off and sold, maybe it was nothing, but that question suddenly seemed much easier to answer.
"To find you," he said. "And...to ask you to come back with me."
She couldn't resist one more prod.
"Why would you want me to be with you?" she asked, not sure of the answer she would get.
"Because I love you," Crais said, without even stopping to think. Only after the words had left his mouth did he realise what he'd just said. In all the time they'd spent together, he'd never once said those words. And now he'd said them without a moment's hesitation. Nothing he'd ever done had surprised him quite as much.
Jool shared this reaction. Her mouth had fallen open at Crais's words and she still hadn't gathered herself enough to close it.
Suddenly, she began to laugh.
Being laughed at was not an experience Crais enjoyed, especially not after what he'd just said.
"What, may I ask, is so amusing?" he said tensely, feeling humiliated.
Jool was laughing too much to answer straight away.
"It's just, we had all that time on Moya and Talyn," she said, when she'd gathered herself. "There must have been a thousand times you could have said that. And you wait until we're tied up, about to have our organs harvested! Was it really that difficult to say?"
Crais had to admit she was right. The situation was ridiculous.
"I came to rescue you and I will," he said, trying to be serious.
"You know, that would mean more if you weren't tied up too."
"There must be some way out."
Crais found himself looking at his bonds. They looked suspiciously like...metal.
"Jool," he said. "Scream."
"What?"
"Scream. My bonds are made of metal. They should melt."
"I can't scream just like that."
"You're imprisoned. Your only hope of rescue is tied up opposite you. You are about to have your internal organs cut up and sold on the black market. Surely, that is enough to scare you."
"To scare me, yes, but not to make me scream."
Crais sighed.
"Jool," he said. "As it happens, there is a rather large frinaar spider right next to your left ear."
Jool's scream was of pure terror.
Crais' bonds melted enough for him to break them. He hurriedly tried to undo hers.
"Now we have to get back to Talyn."
Jool hesitated.
"In case we don't," she said, "I...love you too."
Years of training at hiding his feelings didn't stop the smile spreading over Crais' face.
***
A lifetime later, Jool was on Talyn's bridge, a smile a metra wide on her face. They would be back to Moya soon. For some reason she couldn't quite fathom, being there didn't seem as bad as it had before. If it was the hell she had imagined it to be when she first arrived, then there were definite perks involved in being a bad girl.
She heard the doors open behind her and a few microts later felt Crais' hands on her shoulders.
"We should reach the meeting co-ordinates in just over two arns," he said.
She didn't turn around. A wicked glint appeared, unseen, in her eyes.
"What shall we do until then?" she asked innocently.
Crais was in a good mood. A really good mood. It was a strange experience. He wasn't sure he could ever remember feeling like this before. The food cubes he'd had for breakfast had actually tasted good. Far more disturbing than that, this morning Crichton had told a joke and Crais had smiled. That had certainly never happened before. Something must be wrong with him.
It was funny really, Jool thought. Surely, becoming involved with the other 'outsider' on Moya should make her less a part of the crew, not more. But, for some reason she couldn't quite understand, Crichton seemed to like both of them more now. He called them 'cute'. This made Crais angry. That made Crichton laugh. Then Aeryn had to step in. That made her angry, but the fights never seemed to last long. All in all, a lot seemed to have changed for the better.
Crichton was loving every minute of it. Since he had been the cupid who had got them together in the first place, he was naturally interested to see what would happen. Crais, he knew, was trying as hard as possible to prevent Crichton knowing anything. Somehow he was still under the illusion that his private life could be kept private. He didn't seem to have realised that, on Moya, everyone knew everything sooner or later.
If only that was all still true.
Crais couldn't believe that it was all over. It had barely begun. Just when he'd got used to having her there she was taken away. No, she hadn't been taken away, she'd chosen to leave. A chance to get back the life she'd always wanted. Why would she have stayed? What did he have to offer that compared? A life filled with uncertainty, on the run, not even sure what the next arn would bring. Who would choose that?
He should have seen it as soon as they arrived. The way everyone on that planet looked at her, like she was someone special. He hadn't seen it, he'd been blind. He'd known that Interions were prised intellectuals, but he'd had no idea the offer was coming until it was made. They, the 'Klivocians', wanted her to stay. To be the head of their university medical department no less. And she'd accepted of course. She would have everything she'd left behind - a comfortable home, a secure life. Everything he couldn't offer her.
They'd moved on since then. They'd visited several planets, travelled thousands of metras. He should have just forgotten her and moved on. But, for some reason, he couldn't.
***
Jool was sitting in the window seat of her home, looking out at the view. Mountains and shining sunlight. She had everything she'd ever wanted and more. A chance to really use her knowledge, and to be respected as an authority instead of dismissed as an innocent. She was good at her job and the people here had been nothing but welcoming. But something was still missing.
The truth was, she was unhappy. Not the unhappiness she'd felt when she first woke up on Moya. That had been general, this was specific. The kind of unhappiness that comes when you know exactly what is wrong, but can't do anything about it. What was wrong was the events that had led her here. When she'd received the offer, she'd intended to turn it down. But then she'd told Crais about it.
"They want me to stay - permanently."
"They what?" Crais said.
"They want me to be head of the medical department."
"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity," he said.
Jool felt as if he'd winded her. She'd thought he would ask her to stay. It sounded like he didn't even care if she went. It sounded like he even wanted her to. She'd been planning to stay with him, but if he didn't even care.... It was a wonderful opportunity. So, she'd take it.
Jool could still hear him saying those words. All the time they'd spent together must have been a lie. He'd didn't even care enough to want her to stay with him. So she should forget him and move on. So why couldn't she?
***
Crais remembered the day she'd told him.
"They want me to be the head of their medical department," she said.
Crais felt as if the floor had disappeared and he was falling. She sounded as if she wanted to take it. Of course she did. This was her dream, to get off the ship and return to the life she'd known before. A part of him, one that he'd never thought existed before, wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to stay. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't admit feeling like that.
"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity," he said, feeling dead inside.
And she'd gone.
And he missed her.
And he was miserable without her.
***
Jool had come to a decision. She couldn't stay here. Probably she was being stupid. Probably, when she found Moya, he'd just laugh. But she had to know. So she had to swallow her pride, and her fear, and go back. She'd resigned her post and made arrangements to find transport. She wasn't sure quite how she was going to find them, but she'd manage it somehow. The few things she was taking with her were packed and she was leaving tomorrow.
She had just settled down with an infopad when someone knocked on the door. She went to answer it. She opened the door.
And that was the last thing she knew.
***
"Crais," Aeryn said, walking into Talyn's command.
"Yes, Officer Sun, what is it?" he was standing looking out of the viewscreen like he'd been for most of the last arn.
"I have come to give you an order."
"An order Officer Sun?" Crais said, feeling like that should bother him.
"Yes," she said, "an order."
"And what is this 'order' precisely?"
"To return to the planet where we left Jool."
Crais was taken aback.
"Why would I wish to do that?"
"Don't you think we've seen how you've been acting since she left."
"How is that?"
"Frelling miserable. You never talk, you never come over to Moya. You can't honestly think we wouldn't notice."
"I wasn't aware that you had any interest in my behaviour."
"Don't try to change the subject. All I can see is, you don't seem to be able to function without her. So either forget it, or go back and stay with her."
"I never thought you would say something like that."
"A lot's changed in my life since my Peacekeeper days. I've come to realise that sometimes you have to give in to sentiment."
"However that may be, she made it quite clear that she preferred to leave. I see no point in further action."
"Did you even ask her to stay?"
"Why would that be necessary? She must...she must have known that I wanted her to," Crais finished quietly.
"She probably did," Aeryn said, "but that doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't need to hear it."
With that she walked out.
Crais' head was full of jumbled thoughts. He would have expected those words from Crichton, but from Officer Sun.... Perhaps she was right. His behaviour had been erratic, illogical. For his own safety, and that of his ship, he should try to remove the cause of this. It was the only sensible course of action.
***
When Jool woke up, she was strapped into a chair. Her wrists, waist and ankles were immobile.
"Good morning," said a voice, "I trust you had a pleasant sleep."
She recognised the man as the head of the government.
"What the hezmana have you done to me?!"
"It's quite simple really." He approached her side. "You attempted to leave the planet, did you not?"
"Yes."
"I prevented you from doing so."
"I'm a prisoner here?"
"No, not a prisoner, a guest. A...permanent...guest."
"Why did you go to the trouble of asking me to stay?"
"If you were willing to stay my job would be much easier. Unfortunately, now you desire to leave, I'm afraid more...drastic...measures had to be taken."
"You can't force me to stay like this. I'm no use to you locked up."
"Actually...that is not exactly true."
He paused, Jool waited with mounting apprehension.
"It is true you are no use as a professor in your current situation, but if you insist on fighting us there are...other measures...than can be taken."
Fear built every second.
"I am reliably informed," he said, "that there is substantial profit to be made trading Interion body parts."
Jool's scream melted the walls.
***
Crais couldn't keep still. The journey was a long one. He'd already done every conceivable maintenance check and systems overhaul. It was ridiculous that this should affect him in this way. He had faced countless battles and challenges, he had been tortured to within an dench of his life in the Aurora chair, and yet the prospect of having to admit emotional weakness terrified him more than anything he had faced in his life. That, of all his training, was the hardest to let go of. It had been drummed into him every day of his life since he was conscripted. More than once he'd considered turning Talyn around and heading back. Unfortunately, that was no longer an option. Officer Sun had finally informed him that, if he did not return with Jool, then he could not return at all. Strangely, all the crew seemed to agree. The question was, what would happen if she wouldn't come back with him? He was surprised to find that he wanted to return to Moya when this was over. The others seemed to think she would come willingly, Crais was far less optimistic.
When he finally arrived at the planet, he found the authorities rather less than co-operative. He began to feel suspicious.
"Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis, professor of medicine at your national academy."
"My records do not contain anyone by that name."
"I find it extremely hard to believe that the only Interion on this planet is not listed."
"We have many different species on this planet, including a number of Interions."
That surprised Crais, he didn't recall ever seeing any non-Klivocians when he was on the surface.
***
Jool was thrown into the room.
"I suggest you think about your choice. It isn't hard to decide."
Free of her chains, Jool looked around. The room was poorly lit, but she could make out a series of what looked like cryogenic pods all around the walls. She moved to the nearest one and, trembling, wiped away the condensation from the screen. In it was an Interion. She wiped the others. Another Interion, one Halation and several others she didn't recognise. All strapped in, all missing body parts.
And all conscious.
Jool's scream echoed round the room.
***
Crais had finally ended up at the academy. Now he knew something was wrong. Jool was in trouble, without a doubt and that meant he had to find her.
"It is not possible that you do not know a Joolushko Hovalis! She works for you and if you do not tell me where she is I will personally break every body part I can get my hands on!"
He had the man by his neck. He'd thought once that this side of himself was under control. He didn't want to kill again, unless it was in self-defence. Nevertheless, at this moment he would be willing to kill everyone in sight if it meant he would find Jool.
"She's...at...the...medical...centre," the man gasped.
"And where is that?"
"The...basement."
"Thank you," Crais said, and left, leaving the man coughing and clutching his throat.
They didn't seem to have prepared for a break out. He saw no guards at all on his way down. That could, of course, mean he was walking (or rather running) straight into a trap, but it made no difference to Crais. His mission was the same, no matter what the situation.
He found himself running through corridors until he came to a locked door. It all seemed too easy. He grabbed his pulse pistol and aimed it at the lock. It broke easily and he opened the door.
Jool wasn't there. Before he could react, he was jumped from both sides. He fought as hard as he could, but there were too many of them and he was overpowered.
Someone stepped calmly out of the shadows.
"We do not usually keep Sebaceans," the man said, "they are of limited use and profit is minimal."
He came closer and studied Crais's face for a moment.
"But every little bit helps," he said.
One of his captors knocked him out.
When he awoke he was in another room, strapped to a chair. No one else was there - except Jool.
She was strapped into an identical chair opposite him.
"Bialar, are you awake? What are you doing here?" Jool asked, very confused.
"I came to rescue you," Crais said, feeling rather silly. "It did not go quite as I intended."
"Yes, but...why did you come back here?" Jool asked, conscious that she was holding her breath.
Maybe it was being strapped down so he couldn't escape, maybe it was facing having his body parts cut off and sold, maybe it was nothing, but that question suddenly seemed much easier to answer.
"To find you," he said. "And...to ask you to come back with me."
She couldn't resist one more prod.
"Why would you want me to be with you?" she asked, not sure of the answer she would get.
"Because I love you," Crais said, without even stopping to think. Only after the words had left his mouth did he realise what he'd just said. In all the time they'd spent together, he'd never once said those words. And now he'd said them without a moment's hesitation. Nothing he'd ever done had surprised him quite as much.
Jool shared this reaction. Her mouth had fallen open at Crais's words and she still hadn't gathered herself enough to close it.
Suddenly, she began to laugh.
Being laughed at was not an experience Crais enjoyed, especially not after what he'd just said.
"What, may I ask, is so amusing?" he said tensely, feeling humiliated.
Jool was laughing too much to answer straight away.
"It's just, we had all that time on Moya and Talyn," she said, when she'd gathered herself. "There must have been a thousand times you could have said that. And you wait until we're tied up, about to have our organs harvested! Was it really that difficult to say?"
Crais had to admit she was right. The situation was ridiculous.
"I came to rescue you and I will," he said, trying to be serious.
"You know, that would mean more if you weren't tied up too."
"There must be some way out."
Crais found himself looking at his bonds. They looked suspiciously like...metal.
"Jool," he said. "Scream."
"What?"
"Scream. My bonds are made of metal. They should melt."
"I can't scream just like that."
"You're imprisoned. Your only hope of rescue is tied up opposite you. You are about to have your internal organs cut up and sold on the black market. Surely, that is enough to scare you."
"To scare me, yes, but not to make me scream."
Crais sighed.
"Jool," he said. "As it happens, there is a rather large frinaar spider right next to your left ear."
Jool's scream was of pure terror.
Crais' bonds melted enough for him to break them. He hurriedly tried to undo hers.
"Now we have to get back to Talyn."
Jool hesitated.
"In case we don't," she said, "I...love you too."
Years of training at hiding his feelings didn't stop the smile spreading over Crais' face.
***
A lifetime later, Jool was on Talyn's bridge, a smile a metra wide on her face. They would be back to Moya soon. For some reason she couldn't quite fathom, being there didn't seem as bad as it had before. If it was the hell she had imagined it to be when she first arrived, then there were definite perks involved in being a bad girl.
She heard the doors open behind her and a few microts later felt Crais' hands on her shoulders.
"We should reach the meeting co-ordinates in just over two arns," he said.
She didn't turn around. A wicked glint appeared, unseen, in her eyes.
"What shall we do until then?" she asked innocently.